Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Announcing Baby’s Arrival

32 replies

CoffeeMonkey · 17/05/2021 16:56

How does everyone feel about when/ how they announce baby’s arrival to close family & friends, & how the news is then shared on from there?

I’m booked for a planned section but only immediate family & a few close friends know the date as my husband & I didn’t want a whole fuss, people txting before hand or possibly even talking about it on social media; we’ve always been pretty private this way & thankfully family & friends have been ok to keep this to themselves.

Once baby is born my husband will quickly txt my Mum to say baby & I are fine & it’s a boy/girl, & also his cousin who is like his sister (his parents have unfortunately passed away); we’re fine for this news to be shared with immediate family only ie my siblings, & husbands other cousins, but have asked for a few hours before we send any more info/ photos etc through & the news is shared with anyone else.

Covid restrictions where we live are still fairly strict which means my husband will likely only get a few hours to stay with baby & I in hospital & we really just want this time together as a new family of three & then we can decide how we want to share the news from there.

Are we being unreasonable or controlling about this? I know my Mum in particular will struggle with this as she will be dying to be straight on the phone to my aunties, her friends etc to share the news, & the excitement is lovely of course but she is very much an open book this way whereas my husband & I are more private & would prefer to let people know when we are ready.

Any thoughts or experience much appreciated!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

LookingForAChange21 · 17/05/2021 16:58

My DH and I are also very private and my rule is - respect my privacy and be kept in the loop, or don't and be told nothing

I've stuck to it religious since my DC was a newborn and I'm glad I did because I genuinely feel like they (DC) has had their privacy which was very important to us.

FeistySheep · 17/05/2021 17:01

I think it's definitely fine to ask your mum to keep it to herself for a day (ish). She will be able to talk to your siblings about it if she feels the need for excited conversations! Ditto with other relatives I presume.

It's not a lot to ask for her to respect your wishes for a short time. It's your baby, not hers, and not up to her to tell everyone if you want to do it yourselves.

I'd probably phrase it something like, 'Mum, this is what we want to do. Is this going to be okay for you? If you aren't okay with keeping quiet for a few hours, we can just wait and not tell anyone at all (including you) until we're ready to share it with the world.' That might induce her to see sense! Also then you are not 'controlling' her at all, if that's a concern to you. You are only controlling yourselves.

Moonshine11 · 17/05/2021 17:01

Your baby your choice op!
We also kept it between close family for afew hours then let the word spread, as you say grandmas etc are very excited to tell family!

Turn your phone off whilst your in hospital if my advise!

FeistySheep · 17/05/2021 17:01

Ah cross-post with LookingForAChange, who said the same thing as me but much better!

AliasGrape · 17/05/2021 17:09

I made the mistake of making a WhatsApp group the day before my planned induction - I’m not great with WhatsApp and didn’t realise it would notify people they’d been put in a group until a message was actually sent. It did and we got lots of excited chatter on there which is lovely in a way, but turned a bit stressful when things started going a bit awry and 3 days later I ended up with an emergency section and was really quite poorly. It was lovely that people were excited for us but feeling like we needed to keep up with people asking ‘any news?’ every half hour did add to the stress. I definitely wouldn’t do that again.

As it turned out I ended up with a section, then in recovery for a while with no reception even if it would have occurred to me to be contacting people, and quite a few medical things needed doing. So it wasn’t till we got back to the ward that we contacted anyone - DH called his parents and I called my siblings but I asked nobody to put anything on social media or tell anyone else till I’d had a chance to. The WhatsApp group got updated the next morning.

Nat4392 · 17/05/2021 17:27

My mum will be absolutely dying to tell the world once baby arrives. She can tell people when baby is born but I’ve told her not to tell people in in labour as I cba with people messaging me. I’ve already decided I don’t want any visitors the first couple of days once I’m home and the idea of telling people “no” really doesn’t phase me. Both our parents will be exceptions to this, particularly my mum who is one of my birth partners anyway. Those first few days are so precious and I don’t want the faff of visitors.

Chelyanne · 17/05/2021 17:27

Not unreasonable, you share it in your own time and others should respect your wishes.

With this one I may go elcs. If I do I will only be telling my parents the date and expecting them to keep quiet about it, they will be looking after our 5 other children. Other than that I want the privacy to enjoy this little one just the 2 of us for a at least a few hours, it's not been easy getting to this point which family/friends don't know details of so I've been a bit more hush hush in general. I can not stand people asking "any sign/progress", I will be ignoring people if they do this I worry enough as it is without being pestered.

Amichelle84 · 17/05/2021 17:30

Your baby your choice. Your mum will can talk to the other people you tell until you want to tell extended family etc.

I had a planned c section last year, a few days before partner and I put numbers in different groups. 1st group close family (but was happy for my mum to tell aunties etc but told not to post anything on social), then a bit later close friends and we just circulated a group message to each group.

We then told other people when we got home as baby was in for 5 days.

Amichelle84 · 17/05/2021 17:31

We also didn't tell anyone the section date which was good.

SillyBry · 17/05/2021 19:29

I think you just need to be really clear that you do not want other people to know until you say so... because she won’t mean any harm, but will probably be so excited she just wants to tell people!
Personally, I had zero interaction with my phone during labour. I had to ask my husband to cancel lunch plans for me as the idea of texting was too beyond me 🤣 so people texting me in labour wouldn’t have bothered me in the slightest as I didn’t see it!!
I kept my phone on silent for the first week as I found it quite overwhelming so that way, I chose when to look rather than feeling dictated to 😊

sarah13xx · 17/05/2021 22:00

@LookingForAChange21

My DH and I are also very private and my rule is - respect my privacy and be kept in the loop, or don't and be told nothing

I've stuck to it religious since my DC was a newborn and I'm glad I did because I genuinely feel like they (DC) has had their privacy which was very important to us.

This is totally me 😂 unfortunately my mother in law does not grasp the concept of privacy. She has told random passers by in the street details of my scan and how I needed to go back for another one so she is very firmly out of the loop.

@CoffeeMonkey I’m not even planning to tell her it’s a section let alone when it is! Just going to kid on we’re not sure of anything other than the due date. Then I want to wait as long as I can in hospital (before my other half is kicked out) before we even tell her. Considered phoning with the news and no picture so she isn’t able to share it on all her group chats before we’ve told people close to us. She’s in a distant family group chat with people who live at the other side of the country and my partner hasn’t seen in 17 years. I just keep imagining them hearing the news before my closest friends or my aunt/uncle 😩 After it when she asks for details of why I had a section I will just say ‘oh lots of reasons’ because I’m not having an account of all my personal medical info being shared with all the distant family either 🙄

Fluffyslippers123 · 17/05/2021 22:14

When I was having my son, I had very specific ideas on who, when and how I wanted people to be told - very similar to your plans. Honestly, once he arrived, I couldn't give a monkeys who knew :D My mum was tasked with telling my siblings and her husband, and before I'd even been moved out of the delivery room it was just all so insignificant and I just told her to tell whoever she thought she should. It also meant that she was dealing with all of the excited messages back, and not me, which was great because I think if my phone had been going off continuously I'd have flipped.

But it was lovely for everyone to just know in the end, and it happened how it did and my best laid plans wouldn't have made the moment any more special.

Sideofnoreturn · 17/05/2021 22:20

I think you’re waaaayyy overthinking this. Tell who you want when you want but don’t then try abs control what they do with the info. You really won’t care when the baby is here.

Bumzoo · 17/05/2021 22:44

I think UABU.

Just tell the people you want and they can pass it on. It's not a big deal to most people at all.

SillyBry · 17/05/2021 23:02

@Fluffyslippers123 I think this is 100% true. At the end of the day, you are preoccupied with the euphoric high of having had a baby and all that stuff fades into insignificance.
At the end of the day, the one and only reason people want to share the news is because they are so excited and happy for you. It comes from a good place 😊

PFin · 18/05/2021 00:11

If I had my way I wouldnt even tell anyone I was in labour and wouldnt tell anyone baby was born until I wanted people to know. Unfortunatly I have a little boy already and MIL lives 5 mins away so she will be taking him whenever it happens. Tbh between her and my own mum I know nothing will be kept a secret, even if they are asked to. From previous experience tho honestly OP this will fade in significance, you literally wont care if your mum tells you aunt or whoever you wont even be on your phone. Just tell your mum your grand and forget about the rest. Send a picture when you's are both ready. Tho i have to say it was nice our little boy being our own wee secret for that short period of time.

PFin · 18/05/2021 00:12

Unfortunatly I will have to let MIL know, not that I have a little boy 😂

dottiedaisee · 18/05/2021 00:23

Oh just stop worrying...I can honestly say that I cannot remember how my children’s births were announced to my friends. My middle child was unwell after a E CS and my friend came to see me with Lavender and strawberries...pumped up my pillow and was absolutely lovely !! She was actually a better visitor than my husband who had to go home with a headache !!

Peachesarepeach · 18/05/2021 00:33

Up to you but it seems easier to get family to spread the word so you're just focused on your new family, otherwise I found relatives kept texting asking for updates and it was annoying.

andivfmakes3 · 18/05/2021 08:19

@Sideofnoreturn

I think you’re waaaayyy overthinking this. Tell who you want when you want but don’t then try abs control what they do with the info. You really won’t care when the baby is here.

Agree with this - I think you're being a bit OTT. I don't see why it matters if your mum tells your aunts etc

Namechangeme1 · 18/05/2021 08:37

I think you are being a hit OTT. I understand wanting privacy as I'm the same but who tells who is just a bit childish

DollyParton2 · 18/05/2021 08:57

Honestly, I really think your overthinking it and I get it it’s your baby- but also overestimating the importance and excitement felt by others (your mum aside) about another baby being born. It’s not a Royal baby! It’s a lovely thing and people will be happy for you- but the impact on their own lives from this event is minimal. To me a baby being born is such a lovely thing for you as parents- and you’ll likely be so chuffed you want to show him/ her off to the world and probably look back at your post and realise you were overthinking it, placing a bit too much importance on it in terms of others reactions to it and being a bit OTT.

namechangemarch21 · 18/05/2021 09:14

I think once you tell your parents, you have to accept they will want to tel their siblings etc. Would you really want to contact your aunts and uncles yourself? And your mothers friends? Or is it that you want other people to know first? I think saying 'baby is here, we've a few people we want to tell, can you hold off ringing people til tonight' is reasonable, but 'baby is here, please don't tell anyone till we've decided what we want to do at the weekend' isn't because your mother presumably will have people asking her in the meantime and will have to lie.

For us, there was a v short list of people we wanted to tell ourselves - sent them WhatsApp messages/rang them shortly after. I still remember a gorgeous phonecall from my friend at 7am after she'd just had her baby. But the others, you just won't have the time/energy: lock down your facebook so nobody can tag you if that's a risk. After a couple of days we put up a facebook post, because we have lots of friends in different countries and it was easier. Fewer and fewer people we know are active facebook users these days so not sure what we'll do now.

But again, think about what will upset you and what is reasonable.

MumOfBoys16 · 19/05/2021 06:48

I found it easier to tell parents and let them spread the news. You'll get congratulations texts but you don't need to reply to them. For us, we didn't tell anyone until about 3-4 hours after birth, we didn't even think about it as were do focused on the baby ourselves.
Just take it as it comes

MaMaD1990 · 19/05/2021 06:53

We were the same and wanted to keep things quite private so not much fussing around would happen. When DD was born my partner called grandparents and told our closest friends - we were so exhausted we didn't really care at that point who else knew! We are still amazed that it took us a couple of weeks to get back to all the messages from people though, your phones will be buzzing non-stop when everyone finds out so be prepared!

Flip

1 2