Funny birth stories!

[Ava50x]

Do you have any funny birth/pregnancy stories to share?

I had this when I was giving birth to DS2. It was extremely quick birth and really easy too! From first contraction to baby born was just 2 hours. I went in after about 45 minutes of contractions, which were long and strong and close together right away so I knew this was it.

The midwife who checked me was a lovely midwive with a strong foreign accent. I wish I could spell the way she spoke because it was so funny! Anyway so she told me, "you're talkin, you're laughin, you're not in labour, I don't think so..." but after checking me, she took her hand out and said, " I don't believe it but you're 6cm! And here you are, talkin and laughin..."

Anyway I was admitted to the birth centre and less than an hour later my baby was born. I was checked, given a couple of stitches, showered, breastfed and tucked up in bed with my baby.

About an hour after the birth, this same midwife who had checked me came into the room to check the oxygen thingies on the wall, and she did a double take- her face was an absolute picture! "I don't believe it! You've had the baby? And here I didn't think you were in labour! You were talkin, you were laughin..." It was just so funny.

I appreciate that reading it seems quite dull and not funny! I've read several midwife books and each of them has funny stories to tell. So if the midwives are writing them, they must have happened to some women...

Would love to hear your stories!!

I don't have a funny story but read that whole thing in an Irish accent (my absolute favourite). We lived in Dublin when I had my first and the midwife who ran the antenatal classes was absolutely lovely but mad as a box of frogs.

I also absolutely loved the public health nurse. Loved the people in Dublin, so many strangers were just so friendly!

I tore when my son flew out (not the funny part!)

They asked whether a junior (male) obstetrician could sew me up. Didn’t have an issue so agreed.

Set the scene - I’d had an epidural and was in control of nothing.

Legs go in stirrups, young man between my legs. So what did MY BODY decide to do?

FART on his face 🤣 he jumped but remained oh so professional. I was mortified.

It gets worse

I was like a school girl trying to stifle my fits of laughter. Crying with (mostly silent) laughter. Properly laughing from my belly.

Farted in his face AGAIN. Wasn’t quiet. Both the obstetrician and my partner jumped. Even more mortified.

When he finished he thanked me for allowing him to do the stitches .... whilst looking at the floor and bright red 🤣🤣🤣🤣 and made a swift exit!

Midwife came in after and said ‘I hear you’ve been putting our junior through his paces’ .... to which I replied automatically ‘I think I blew his mind’ and we all lost it 🤣🤣🤣

I really hope he’s finished his rotation and has moved on before this baby arrives 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I was being stitched up by a surgeon and they’d given me gas and air to use during the local anaesthetic injections. I was exhausted, I’d been up for days, and the g&a had obviously made me a bit loopy. The surgeon had a scrub cap on with what I thought were bulls’ heads, like a Taurus star sign sort of symbol.
I stared at it for a while, then asked him if he was a Taurus. He looked at me like I was bonkers, and then I realised my mistake, they were actually drawings of uteruses like you might find in a text book, so front view, with Fallopian tubes and ovaries on each side etc.
I realise, explaining this now, that they don’t look anything alike. I was clearly delirious and he had no idea what the hell I was wittering on about.

I puked on my son as soon as I saw him....

(Epidural, emergency section, not control over any part of anything that was going on)

Gonna enjoy telling that story in future, he's only 2 atm

@Keyboard91 OMG, laughed out loud reading that one!! Too good for words!

Was in getting spinal before my section and the lovely nurse was holding my hand. She had recognised my husband as a teacher in her children's school.

Now DH had been drafted at the last minute into playing the lead in the school musical due to the leads illness.

So....this lovely theatre nurse turns round to the team and says- this baby's daddy was in the school musical last month with my two boys. Queue absolute silence as everyone thinks I've been knocked up by a 16 year old while at least twice his age!

He was brought in a few mins later, all 6ft+, huge beard, obviously older man and the consultant starts laughing and explain what they had thought. Doesn't sound funny now but we got a great laugh out of it and we had a lovely atmosphere in the room after that!

As the midwife bent down to examine me while in labour with DC2, my waters went with a gush. Poor woman got a faceful

In labour with DC3, having a planned home birth 20-odd years ago. It was around 7am and I heard the newspaper being pushed through the letterbox, followed by the milk being delivered. I was high as a kite on gas and air and got an uncontrollable fit of the giggles because here I was delivering a baby, while other people were delivering things to the house. I thought it was the funniest thing ever, but I must've been fairly incoherent thanks to the gas and air because I just couldn't get either DH or the two midwives to understand what I was finding so funny. I loved that gas and air

The gas and air made me a bit loopy and toddler-like. I remember asking for an epidural but literally seconds before the head came out so of course the midwives cheerily told me it was too late for that. I remember howling "but I said pleeeeaaase!" As if saying please was going to have made the slightest difference!

Baby was in distress, midwife asked DH to press "the big orange emergency button behind you" and he replies "I'm colourblind, which one is the big orange one?"
Midwife looked at me, looked back at DH and said "the big one that says emergency on it."
It was several inches in diameter and the only button on the wall, definitely the only thing with EMERGENCY written on it.
Baby was fine and midwife and I laughed about it afterwards.

My poor DM has ended up clearing up my waters twice after they dramatically broke at home (very soap opera like, waters break, pushing starts and baby born very shortly afterwards!)

When my waters broke with DD it was all over the carpet and DM was doing something else and then turned around and the older DC had taken their socks off and were 'paddling' in it and having a wonderful time! They will probably be horrified when they are older and realise what it was

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/263007-funniest-bit-of-childbirth

OP, I had the same thing! Turned up at triage as my waters had broken when I woke up and I'd started having contractions half an hour later.

"Oh, you're 3cm, you'll be ages yet, why don't you walk around? Do you love close by?" "I AM NOT GOING HOME. GET ME TO THE BIRTH CENTRE. I AM HAVING A BABY ." "I know, I know, but you're still in early labour." "I WANT TO SIT IN A WHEELCHAIR. I AM HAVING A BABY." "Ok, ok, we have a spare one here. You sit down." "I NEED TO BE IN THE BIRTH CENTRE. I AM HAVING A BABY." "Alright, alright, I'm ring down and see if they have anywhere they can put you for the time being." "THANK YOU."

I am wheeled downstairs and popped into a postnatal room to get me out of the triage midwife's hair. The one who wheeled me is still in the room when I say "I AM GOING TO PUSH NOW." "What?!" "GET ME ONTO THAT BED OR I WILL HAVE THE BABY ON THE FLOOR. I AM GOING TO PUSH NOW." Panic ensued, the delivery midwife ran in from next door where she'd only just caught that baby, gas and air appeared, I was manhandled onto the bed, at some point I stripped my dress off and told them they could just cut my knickers off but was persuaded that maybe just pulling them down was better, six pushes later, out comes baby.

Half an hour later, down comes triage midwife to "see if you've progressed at all" and her jaw hits the floor to see me holding a baby! "You've had the baby! And you're smiling!" Correct, now that I wasn't dilating from 3cm to 10cm over the course of 90 minutes, I was no longer snarling like a feral cat! And, by the way, I said I was HAVING A BABY and I was right!

Should add, it was my second baby and while I wasn't conscious of feeling particularly far along or things moving particularly quickly, clearly some deep part of me remembered and was insisting to my conscious mind that we needed to get things moving NOW.

I also told my husband that morning that actually he couldn't empty the bins because I'd ordered a taxi and we were going to the hospital NOW and he was (internally) really narked off because he thought it was way too early and we'd end up sat around in triage all day. Also (internally) that I was making a massive embarrassing unnecessary fuss in triage.

Thankfully he just said soothing things and only told me afterwards, when he admitted I was right about everything. I'm pregnant with #3 now and if I say go, he will leap into action without question and be the one badgering the triage midwives!

DD1 could be seen as funny or horrific (not at the time, it was terrifying!)

I was having a normalish labour. Regular, but not painful contractions. Was left by the midwife to get some rest. I was 8cm I think then, but not in pain or showing outward signs of labour.

Five minutes later, I felt... Something. Told DH to get help as the baby was coming. Luckily he believed me, pressed the button and ran into the corridor to shout for help. Turned round... And DD1 was on the bed. All in the space of 30seconds.

DD2 was born at home. Planned. Midwives didn't leave me for a second. She took slightly more effort...two pushes.

Maybe you had to be there, but I was asked by the doctor, very seriously, if I had a “foul smelling discharge”. I paused for a moment,, looked him in the eye and said “ well it’s not fucking Chanel down there”. To which the midwife snorted, and I caught her eye, and then the three of us collapsed in a proper fit of laughter. As in shoulders shaking stuff. 😂

I didn’t actually have a foul smelling discharge but honestly I was so ill I was out of patience and it wasn’t smelling good...😂

@Keyboard91 so funny 🤣🤣🤣

Oh and another one, I spent a month in hospital so have a few.

Anywy, the consultant came in to internally examine me, and in my defence, I was in a very bad way, and not tolerant, also on my way to an emergency c section, unknown to all of us..

The consultant said he was going to examine me, and I looked up and there was six or seven students lined up at the end of my bed, they had streamed in as the consultant was talking to me, and with the two midwifes, I had a lot of people in the room. Standing At the end of my bed,,,

I did the whole pull my knees up, and drop them, and I then looked at rhe students and shouted loudly that they were a “bunch of fucking perverts” and asked if they didn’t have something better to do and to get out my fucking room and not to stand their getting their jollies.

The consultant sent them out and was deeply apologetic, said he should have asked my permission, but that moment when I opened my legs snd looked up and shouted they were a bunch of fucking perverts, honestly they all looked like they just wanted to die, you’ve never seen so many people cringe so hard,,😂

@Keyboard91@PerspicaciousGreen I am laughing my head off at these!! 😂😂

Apparently I was talking to one of those yellow sharps boxes on the wall... singing the Pokémon theme tune...only thought it was picachu didn't I
As I was getting ready to go to theatre and the anaesthetist was asking all the usual questions
"So are you allergic to anything"?
... and my reply was "yes fucking penises now get out of my kitchen"
... honestly when I was feeling like a normal..ish person the next day I felt bloody awful! It was a long 2 days I can't remember much but I get reminded a lot!

Second section, went like a dream, loved it.

Friday evening, tucked in private room with baby, catheter out, showered and fed, feeling great. Suddenly developed a pain in my shoulder. Was in agony. Midwife came in, I was crying, having previously been floating on air. She said to me what do you think it is? I said it's like either I've been shot or I'm having an eptopic pregnancy, but I think I need a doctorwe were still laughing the next day.

(It was wind!! In my shoulder!!!).

I was taken into hospital by an ambulance, blues and twos the works, almost giving birth, the paramedic was at the action end, telling me if I gave birth in the ambulance that was fine, my husband giving me gas and air, a car pulled out in front of the ambulance, the driver slammed his brakes on, my husband nearly shoved the gas and air through my face, and the poor paramedics head ended halfway up my fanny. I think he must have met my dd before me

She was born on the trolly going into the hospital by the way

Apologies if this is long
With my first ds, I had a very long few days labour and was exhausted when it came time to push, they told me to stop pushing etc but I didn't have any control over myself and my poor son flew out and slapped on the bed like a wet fish, the midwife goes "oh well", then I needed a few stitches afterwards were waiting on the doctor to come in and stitch me up, one of the ladies that was cleaning up round the wards etc, stood at the end of the bed ,big light on my bits and legs in stirrups, and she goes "I can have a go and try stitch her up " luckily the others said they would wait for the doctor.

My second labour with my DD, apologies if this sounds TMI but it was so surreal ,after labour itself but I can laugh about it now. After DD was born my placenta was stuck, tried everything to get it out standing up, pulling and tugging ,was nearly over an hour and doctor came and was like "it's fine just pull it out" midwife was says "we have been trying for over an hour now, we think we need a different approach", doc was like let me have a go, so he pulled and I swear I would of rather had gone through labour again than him doing that, it still wouldn't budge, so decided I needed to go to theater. Surgeon came explained I couldn't be put under as I'd ate within the time frame, so had to have an epidural and be awake. Fair enough what else can happen. Was took down to theater where they did my epidural, was butt naked with just gown on, hunched over ,why the needle was to be put in my back, next minute felt the needle about to go in, then the doctor shouts "owe, my eye, it's gone in my eye", the nurse helping comes over and says " are you ok, do you need an eye bath".
Got the epidural , transferred to the beds whilst we waited on the doctor sat there again with light on my bits and legs in stirrups whilst the young lasses were chatting about clubbing and all sorts. Doctor comes in and it was the same doctor that had 'had a go before" he comes over gives a massive tug it comes out easily " he then says to me, "see it only needed a tug and it was out."
If I could feel my legs ,I would of accidently slipped of the stirrups and a swift kick to the nuts would of made up for that comment. Wonder if he actually new I was awake or he forgot. The other doctor kept coming over to me asking if I wanted anything to help me go to sleep or relax, I declined , I didn't trust any of them at that time after what had happened. Couldn't make it up.

Oh I’ve got one,my sons were born in Italy.One of my friends had sent me a Union Jack thong.I asked my husband to bring me in some clean knickers,he brought the thong.

I had said thong on when my Consultant and an array of Students arrived.He wanted to examine my stomach,the look on everyone’s faces when they saw the Union Jack was priceless.I was so embarrassed,but still laugh about it and it was years ago.

These are hilarious

These are hilarious... just the thing a month before baby is due! 🤪