Are you supposed to just let babies cry?

[swiftt]

Weird question but I’m a first-time mum, due in June. I was talking to a friend today about how I’d bought a stretchy sling to use in the house so I can get things done with baby on me. I’ve heard lots about some babies not wanting to be put down etc, so I want to be prepared. She told me I’d be making a rod for my own back by doing that, and I shouldn’t bother getting a sling and just put the baby down and let them cry. If I pick them up when they cry, I’d be mollycoddling them apparently. My mum had similar comments, so maybe it’s a generational thing. I just have no idea. Should you leave your baby to cry, or pick them up?

I am 57 and a foster parent to babies, I never leave them to cry. If they cry it is because they are trying to tell me something and they need physical closeness and reassurance so I will often pop them in the sling and go about the day. I didn't leave my birth children to cry either, they have both grown into secure happy people.

Just a heads up, OP, when you rightly do things your way with your own baby, some people see this as a front on their way.

Some (my own dm included), fail to recognise that advice changes. They did their best. Now we know better. So we do better.

I still back carry my youngest who is 17 months. He is the most independent little chap going. Both my children were in slings, the youngest from 7 days old. They were both in their own rooms (sleeping happily) beforw they turned a year. They both run into school/nursery. Babywearing will not make them into cling-ons - I think babywearing helps them become more independent, because they establish a concrete sense of safety and love from which to explore and investigate the world.

Having said all that, I highly recommend having more than one Moses basket/bassinet so that you can pop them down quickly when you need the loo etc.

There are some people who can just put their babies down and they won't cry. They are, to quote Blackadder "Lucky lucky b@*!%@=ds" and are rare as hens teeth!

You can't over-cuddle a baby, and there's no need to worry about affecting their development by picking them up too much. For the baby, more cuddles is always better!

However, sometimes for mum there can be too much cuddling, especially when you're cuddling them all freaking day and they're still crying (e.g. because they're ill). So you also won't cause them harm if sometimes you can't bear to pick them up immediately and need to go and scream into a pillow for a few minutes. I wouldn't leave them crying "on principle" (because they "have to learn" sort of thing) but there have been many times when I just couldn't go straight to them because I needed to sort my own oxygen mask first.

Oh, and #1 hated all slings at a times. #2 bloody loved them and at 15 months still rides in a mei tai to church every Sunday (thanks to DH's superior musculature!)

Nope, I have never left my dc to cry. I wouldn’t leave my 10 year old to cry if he was upset or needed me so why would on earth would I leave a young baby.

I never intentionally leave my baby to cry, you’re right, that’s super mean and a sling is great, however when he cries when I put him in the pram to go a walk there’s not much I can do apart from rush out the house as quickly as possible though, so there is an odd circumstance where I do let him cry for a minute. I can’t hold him putting my shoes on!
It’s still early days to know if i have a clingy baby or not but I’ve been doing other things to try and build his confidence as he’s getting older such as letting other people hold him and popping him in a safe chair or cot (while awake) while I nip out the room to make food/put a load of laundry on so he’s used to amusing himself for a minute

I used our sling a lot indoors the first few months. Baby held and rocked to sleep.

He’s now 1. He falls asleep by himself fine at bedtime. And happily occupies himself playing several times a day. He’s never left to cry.

I never let my babies cry. It upset me too.

That phrase does my head in.

You can't mollycoddle a very young baby they are a tiny poop machine who can't manipulate you yet. Just do what feels right for you and ignore outdated dinosaur advice.

There's enough time when they are older to teach sleep training/discipline/whatever, in the fourth trimester and subsequent early months just enjoy spending time with your baby.

I think you're right that it's an old fashioned viewpoint.

How could it be damaging to give them what they want - close contact and comfort from their primary caregiver - nothing could be healthier than that! Children left to cry alone are much more likely to develop emotional problems around abandonment.

DS was a baby who wanted to be held and I used a soft along a lot to get things done, DN similar age was left to cry, DS is now a secure confident toddler, DN is clingy and wants to hold onto his mum all the time....

Don't worry people always have 'advice' (often criticism) but every baby is different and you will have your instincts. I got some stick for breastfeeding my DD to sleep and then I'd worry about the making a rod for my own back thing but it's what felt right for me. Many evenings of googling how to break the habit etc because people had made me worried and she's stopped naturally by herself this month (16 months old).

There's a book or an expert on Google for everything but trust yourself and what feels right for you and your baby and things tend to work themselves out

I couldn't do that with DS. I did get advice about it from older relatives which to be honest got my back up a lot of times and made me second guess myself. But times and situations are different now and all babies are different.. it's your baby and you who know the best for yourselves.. I would suggest hear what they say and if you think there is any merit in their advice, make an informed decision.. there may be hidden gems amongst the unwanted pearls of 'advice'.. otherwise do what is best for you guys, which you know best..

Mums/dads/babies are all so different. I never let my daughter cry but after a couple of months of her not napping i realised that she liked her space and a little moan (not a cry!) to get to sleep. She now falls asleep blowing me kisses and smiling :)

All babies are different. All mums are different, you will find the way you want to do things.

No. It's very cruel. You need to respond to your baby and it's needs.
Please please don't leave your baby to cry. I don't understand anyone who does this.

Its....grrrrrr...

Top tip I’d give any new mum: ignore anyone who tells you that you’re “making a rod for your own back”. Similarly, that “forming bad habits” is complete tosh. Babies develop and change constantly, no point guessing what might become a problem in the future.

I have to ask my 3 year old for a cuddle 😢

Hold them tight and cherish every second 💗

Ah the age old 'rod for your own back'. Best bit of advice I was given by someone - listen, nod, do it your way anyway!

Baby has spent 9 months being close to you, closer than she'll ever be again, it's only natural that entering the world will upset the apple cart a bit. Give her all the cuddles she wants while she adjusts to her new life in the world - and ignore people's opinions on spoiling her.

Have a look at the 4th trimester too.