17 and miscarried

[JadeLee17]

I am 17 and had a surprise pregnancy, I wasn't sure about it as my body felt weird, like I knew something was wrong, turned out I had a chemical pregnancy, where my body rejects the fertile egg, but my boyfriend who's 20 was really excited and was disappointed when he found out I'd lost it, he now wants to try for a baby, I'm 17 and in sixth form, I would like to go to university and be successful, but I have several health conditions that could prevent me in the future, I feel lile this is my chance now, I live with my boyfriend, and we are in a good place, have any of you completed sixth form pregnant with an infant? Or gone to university with a baby at home? I honestly am conflicted, I have a stable job as a carer, and a good income and therefore financially we are able, I have cared for my nephew like he was my own to be honest, and I've never loved a moment so much, he lifts my mood and would love to have my own, but I am contemplating whether it's possible to complete education? Thank you any advice would be appreciated x

Jadelee are you saying you want to continue your career as a carer, go to university to study AND have a baby all at the same time, all at the tender age of 17?
Really? I'm sure it's possible, but oh my, the stress! What if you had an important exam to study for and a screaming colicky baby that was awake all night? Parenthood is not a walk in the park.

There are a few red flags I'm afraid. I have to agree with the past posters. Not a red flag questioning the appropriateness of your relationship. The flag is more that it doesn't appear that Jim really is thinking about your future just now? If he loves and cares for you as much as you think, he would appreciate it that you are still young, with lots of opportunities and life experiences just waiting for you round the corner.

If he persists in trying to persuade you to get pregnant so young, you need to ask him outright what his motivation is? Why does he want you have a baby NOW rather than in a year or four years? WHY are you rushing? If he truly has your best interests at heart, he would give you time to pursue your dreams further.

If you genuinely have health concerns that might effect future fertility no one here can advise you, apart from your own gp or obgyn consultant. If that worries you, especially as you have just miscarried, please give your body a rest just now contact the specialists for specific advice.

Furthermore, you have had some really good advice on this thread so far. I don't think anyone has encouraged you that this is a good plan

I'm sorry, I know I quoted that all advice is appreciated, however, a 20 year old wanting a baby wiyj a 17 year old is NOT a red flag,
Yes, it absolutely is. Neither of you is mature enough for a baby, that is made even clearer by your responses.
Not sure why you posted really, you've made up your mind because, like every other 17 year old, you know way more than any experienced and worldly adult out there
It is far far better for any future baby you have for you to wait until you've finished school, met a more mature, steady guy, travelled or at least LIVED. And surely, it is the baby you should be considering, not your immature 'wants' ?

No one can tell you if you are right or wrong but give you advice that you've asked for.
I have 2 siblings with big age gaps between us and so very close with both, even got up to do night feeds etc with the youngest sibling and got mistaken for his mum a fair few times.

I think you perhaps need to speak to a professional and deal with the grief you are going through as this will have been a very traumatic experience.

I'd also recommend thinking about this from a logical standpoint. Yes, you have helped in getting up with a newborn and perhaps your husband has also. However, have you ever had to financially provide for the child?
The costs now of having a newborn baby are higher than ever and being only 17, you wont be on the highest salary available. You would need to seriously look at what maternity and paternity pay you'd be entitled to, how long you intended to take off work (bearing in mind you need time off by law to recover).
When you then factor in your current outgoings, adding the baby expenses on top of this will really add up, not just the things you need to buy for arrival but also the monthly expenditures.

As an example, to take 6months off of work and to cover my bills and mortgage, I had to save thousands beforehand.

Once you've done that, there is the mental side of things to consider as well. I understand in what you're saying that your nephew is your world as I feel the same way with my brothers.
But when its your own child, its completely different. You carry the baby for 9months, put your body through extreme physical and mental stresses, you will worry you wont be a good enough parent, you will sob over the fact you've eaten something you shouldn;t have or had too much caffeine one day. You will feel resentful when you're far along and are so big and tired that you cant move and your hormones have you questioning everything. To carry on studying would be very challenging just giving the sheer mental and physical exhaustion you'd be in.
Then you'll have everything else to contend with planning for the future, the sleepless nights of keeping your baby safe and well.

All I would say is really think about it. You seem to have a lot of plans but when you have a baby, things don't go according to plan. They come above everything else and until you have your own baby that you are fully responsible for 24/7, I think people will always underestimate how hard it is to balance. I know I did x

It's almost my mum's story really. She got pregnant at 15 and had a termination but then married my Dad instead of going to uni and then had me very young. It all kinda worked out in the end but we all grew up with very little money and in a pretty unhappy household. My Dad definitely wasn't ready to have kids and he didn't cope very well and was absent a lot of the time. She didn't work until we were all in school and had very little independence and her career suffered a lot.

I wish I could I say that I had a happy childhood but I really didn't and having two very young parents contributed to that.

It's your decision but university is tough enough without raising a child at the same time. You have plenty of time. I'm so sorry for your loss but don't let grief and your boyfriend talk you into a rebound reaction when you have other plans.

I teach a lot of people returning to education after a career break or change, and honestly, it's tough. Even people with PhDs struggle hugely doing A levels years later. Returning to education after a break and babies may be such a struggle, you will give up - many do.

I'm not sure whether many posters have addressed your concerns about whether or not you will be able to have children later, so I will here. First, your peak fertility is likely to be in your twenties, with more pregnancy complications/losses in your teens, so you have probably got improved chances in some respects. Second, talk to your doctor, raise concerns, get tests done. You may have to push them. I was told when I was 17 that I would probably have low fertility, but they wouldn't test until I was trying for a baby...! Several years later, they told me they wouldn't test until after I had been trying unsuccessfully for 2 years (i.e. they had no interest in clearing up the original problem). After nearly two years, and a lot of stress, I got pregnant naturally (issues therefore never resolved). I then became pregnant with #2 on first attempt trying. Do no idea is the problem is even still there. Things change.

PS you don't seem to understand what a red flag is. It means a warning. Not illegal. A 20 year old wanting a baby with a 17 year old is red flag because you are not educationally nor financially independent, so you would become dependent on him once you had the baby.

At 17, it’s not sensible to plan to have a child any time soon. Finish your education, get established in a career and financially. Have some fun.