How involved was your partner in pregnancy - a bit worried about mine!

[poodlepip]

Hi everyone

I am finding my other half is not that interested in our pregnancy, planning and preparing. I'm only 14 weeks. I will say it was a planned pregnancy he was on board!

Is this normal, wondering if it comes later ofor men? Or do I resign myself that it might not come at all and I need to take on the emotional load myself. I am worried about how this sets out childcare as well. I do have friends to talk to and MN And Facebook which is helpful.

I feel like I am nagging when I talk about anything baby related and he never raises the topic or organises things and when he does talk about it I get signals he's not really interested

Examples

• the night before out dating scan he said "what time is that thing tomorrow?" And it upset me as he hadn't really acknowledged it but knew how much I cared about it.
• yesterday I mentioned that someone had recommended NCT classes and he said "that sounds awful, I don't want to have to talk to other people"
• I asked if he might like to read a book to prepare and he said not really.
• he plays a lot of video games! Not sure if related but I don't know if he will stop when baby comes!!

Thanks guys interested to know how your partners were

X

My husband appeared uninterested at the start of my 1st pregnancy - it hurt at the time but he later told me it was because it had taken many years of fertility treatment to fall pregnant with our daughter and he didn't want to show me he was excited as if I lost the pregnancy he didn't want to 'burden' me with his disappointment when I had been through enough. He did come with me to NCT and he admits he did learn a lot but he hated the social side of it.

After my DD was born we went on to lose 4 baby's during early pregnancy so when I finally fell pregnant again neither of us really spoke about it until I got past 12 weeks and the NIPT had come back as low risk. He admits that he wanted to support me but not get either of our hopes up.

I'm now 38 weeks and he is very excited and involved now - I have had extra private scans as he hasn't been able to come to any of my NHS ones.

@osbertthesyrianhamster yes I think we will get married, but to be honest it has been slightly deprioritised due to the combination of covid, my health and my previous failed marriage (which as I am a higher earner than my ex and my current partner, meant I was financially worse off in the divorce). Parental responsibility still applies whether married at time of birth or not. The surname issue is less of a worry for me, but something to figure out as I have been through the faff and disappointment of changing mine back and wouldnt want that for my child. Saying that I really dislike my surname 😆

What I really want to see is commitment and know first hand this does not automatically come with marriage but is the most important with having a child , so I find it hard to talk about to my partner now but perhaps need to explain that to him.

I think the video games has been a way of coping with lockdown so I need to find a way of tactfully bringing it up with him!