Could I have given her listeria?

[RunnerBeanz]

New to mumsnet and have no kids so apologies if this is the wrong place to post but, I had a pregnant friend over to my garden for lunch today, and I served her halloumi and avocado on toast.

She is adamant that I have given her listeria, because the avocado had black/ brown spots and lines in it (she found out because my husband came out to join us and cut his avocado outside, and it was also like this). We've always still eaten our avocadoes like this and just cut off anything really brown - we just assumed they were 'over-ripe' / 'bruised', equivalent to bananas, as we thought they still tasted okay. But apparently this is a sign of rot/ mould and means that the avocado is much more likely to be infected by listeria?

She'd already eaten her lunch but immediately drove off home and has sent me a number of angry messages since, that I've found really upsetting. She's since been crying to one of our other friends. Obviously I didn't intend to cause her any harm and would feel terrible if I really have increased hers and baby's risk.

Is she being hormonal or is there actually a risk here? I've googled and not really found anything (apart from listeria sometimes being present on the skin - but I washed it first!) so I'm turning to those of you who are also pregnant to help me out!

She sounds really rude to be honest and I would be upset if a friend did this. She is being ridiculous and should speak to her midwife about anxiety.

I agree with other posters that she needs to speak to her midwife. Anxiety isn't uncommon but this level of anxiety isn't healthy and from my experience doesn't go away easily, health anxiety can be incredibly debilitating. I do wonder if it may carry through into when she's had the baby, and put her at greater risk of developing post natal depression. It must be thoroughly exhausting for her and everyone around her.

Her midwife or her GP should be able to help signpost her to support or she may be able to refer herself into pregnancy talking therapy support.

I had my first child 6 years ago and I experiences anxiety from multiple losses and a complicated pregnancy. My issue were largely ridiculed by the medical professionals I spoke to and this put me off speaking help until I met a fantastic health visitor. Attitudes and care has moved on and while some medical professionals may be less supportive, the vast majority will recognise the importance of her acknowledging an issue and seeking help. I haven't experienced anxiety in this pregnancy but I have been proactively offered support and understanding by my midwife which while I didn't need, the approach helped no end. In the long run while it may be hard for her to ask for help, it will be beneficial.
You're a good friend.

That would have been my first question tbh- if she's (still- I mean the kneejerk reaction was bad enough but the majority would have cooled down by now surely) so worried about it has she spoken to her midwife and made any enquiries about getting tested?
If not then she's not that worried. If she has then her midwife will surely have either humoured her and clocked that she needs some more support, or gently told her to stop being ridiculous.

The NHS guidance is that you can't get tested without symptoms, and as I said above, some are keen not to escalate things to their midwife for fear of what appears on their maternity record. I don't know, I just think it's not necessarily true that her only option should be to go to her midwife.

OMG..... As someone who was super anxious in pregnancy & wouldn't take any basic medications, or banned foods, I can let you know that I regularly chopped brown bits of avocados & have 2 healthy thriving children.

Your friend sounds anxious, was a it struggle for her to get pregnant? I do recall throwing a pizza in the bin as I could swear I could taste cleaning spray on it after DH had cleaned the chopping board so I do kind of get the madness. She is being out of order and very rude though. She will reflect one day like this 🤦🏼‍♀️ no doubt .

She sounds bonkers. Hope she isn’t eating Mc flurries or mr whippy ice creams as far more (extremely slim!) chance of catching listeria there!

The best thing for her to do would be to speak to her midwife. I am certain that even if she just asks for advice about catching listeria from avocados and describes what happened, the midwife would start asking questions about her anxiety. But the ideal scenario would be for her to say she's been excessively anxious about food and to ask for a referral.

An alternative is that there are often options for self-referring to therapy locally. Waiting lists can be long, but such services can usually be found via Google.

A third option would be to see if Mind (the charity) can be of any help.

Unfortunately, though, she's unlikely to take any such suggestions well. It sounds like she's unwell enough that she might feel you are trying to jeopardise her "completely reasonable" precautions. Things are likely to escalate after she has the baby, when there is even more to be anxious about. The kindest thing to do will be to keep touching base with her and being there to support her when it all collapses. Perhaps you could express concern privately to her husband? But only if you think he'd react well.

Oh, also, don't tie yourself up in knots arguing specifics of avocado poisoning with her. If it weren't the avocado it would be something else. She's clearly mentally unwell but you're still allowed to draw boundaries that involve her not pestering you to your grave about something totally reasonable you kindly served her for lunch one time.

I would remind her it's her responsibility to check what she eats. I ate a hot dog by mistake not thinking when I was pregnant and they can carry listeria, I didn't blame the person who served it to me obviously. It was my fault. She clearly has severe health anxiety. I wouldn't waste another thought on this specific incident,

If she's got real concerns about an infectious disease then surely she should be making some attempt to get medical help for it even if there isn't anything that can be done- she'd surely have at least asked the question? She's hanging onto the bacterial infection side of things so would she keep that secret out of embarrassment/fear when the only solution to an infectious disease is diagnosis and treatment by a medical professional?
I may sound hard-hearted but if she hasn't taken those steps I stand by the fact I don't think she's really worried about actual listeria. Although we don't know, maybe she has. And hopefully that has already flagged up to whoever she contacted that her anxiety is a concern.

Good idea about taking to the husband @PerspicaciousGreen. I bet he is just as worried about her as the OP.

@8dpwoah I have to say, I thought the same!