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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Anyone else angry that COVID maternity restrictions still in place?

51 replies

Peaplant20 · 11/04/2021 08:28

I feel so let down that pubs and restaurants are starting to open next week yet in some trusts you still can’t even have your partner with you at the scans (I actually can, but it’s not fair for other women), some appointments are over the phone and therefore you don’t get the urine and blood pressure checks, and dads still not allowed in the hospital for the full labour/ to stay over night. I feel really helpless like I’m just sitting around hoping it will change. What can we do about it? I was thinking about writing to my MP has anyone done this and has a good template they could share? I’ve also been signing petitions but it’s seems futile x

OP posts:
THATbasicSNOWFLAKE · 11/04/2021 08:33

Tbh i prefer it, used to be a nightmare waiting in our antenatal clinic as it was full of partners / kids / grandparents

I do think birth partner should be allowed for scans, appointments discussing birth and all parts of the actual birth but honestly i hope some rules about not bringing half your extended family are kept

ChelseaCat · 11/04/2021 08:36

Have a look at Pregnant Then Screwed, they’ve done tons of work on women’s rights during the pandemic.

Mummyof2Terrors · 11/04/2021 08:37

@THATbasicSNOWFLAKE

Tbh i prefer it, used to be a nightmare waiting in our antenatal clinic as it was full of partners / kids / grandparents

I do think birth partner should be allowed for scans, appointments discussing birth and all parts of the actual birth but honestly i hope some rules about not bringing half your extended family are kept

I'm with you. I don't want maternity wards full of families until 10pm at night and partners on wards walking round in their pants and playing YouTube videos in the small hours of the night.

And yes, I experienced both during my two nights on antenatal in December 2019.

Mummyof2Terrors · 11/04/2021 08:41

(due again late June and praying they don't let the mass of visitors in again).

Original poster
Peaplant20 · 11/04/2021 08:42

Interesting points of view thank you! As a first time mum the thought of not having my husband with me throughout the whole birth and overnight makes me really sad x

OP posts:
Original poster
Peaplant20 · 11/04/2021 08:44

(Can totally see your points about extended family but was mainly thinking about birth partners) x

OP posts:
OkyDoke · 11/04/2021 08:44

At my hospital, husbands weren't allowed to stay overnight before covid! Noisy enough with just mums and babies tbh

mrsed1987 · 11/04/2021 08:45

My local hospital has just announced they are allowing partners at scans as long as a negative test before hand.. I know quite a few in the neighbouring authorities have announce the same so I think things are changing now

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 11/04/2021 08:45

I didn't realise this was still in place. I had a baby 9 weeks ago and my partner was allowed to attend all the scans (I had a few) and appointments, he oy came to the first 2 scans though. Really no need for him to be there for the all.
He was allowed to stay for the full labour, but I was taken up to a ward a couple of hours after and he went home. I actually don't think men should be allowed to stay on wards (are they allowed to do that?), and I really don't think extended family should be allowed to visit unless there is a private room for them to go to.
That's my third baby, but the first time I've been on a ward, and I would have been so uncomfortable with people having half their family in to visit while I was sitting in the next bed half naked, hardly able to move, tits out most of the time and hobbling to the toilet with huge maternity pads every hour. I'm not even a very shy person, but would have been very uncomfortable with that.

TreeDice · 11/04/2021 08:46

@Peaplant20 sorry you're finding this tough OP.

Having a partner overnight on the ward is particularly contentious on here as a heads up! While it may be nice for you, the other vulnerable women around you may not want to be getting undressed/having intimate checks/learning how to breastfeed with an unknown male 2 ft away separated by just a curtain. Many hospitals don't actually allow partners to stay overnight even in normal times.

From my PoV, I can also see new mothers wanting an extra support where they can get it.

Tough one! Hope things start opening up for you now cases and hospitalizations are dropping.

Good luck!

WalkingMeAway · 11/04/2021 08:47

I agree women should be able to have 1 support person with them for scans, important appointments and during all aspects of birth - pre & post.

But 100% agree my maternity journey this time (third) has been so much easier without packed waiting rooms etc. Unless you have additional needs you really don't need someone with you for the majority of the MW appointments.

Looneytune253 · 11/04/2021 08:49

My DH wasn't allowed to stay over night anyway (pre covid). He was allowed when I was in active labour but not the night before.

SexTrainGlue · 11/04/2021 08:49

I think there are gong to be restrictions in healthcare settings for some time to come.

It's not like choosing to go to the pub, it's something that is important to attend. Even when heavily pregnant (or labouring) and including those with co-morbidities

TheDamnFoolThatShotHim · 11/04/2021 08:51

My trust have just changed the rules as of today, but it seems as though it's still a bit of a postcode lottery. Hopefully your trust will catch up soon OP.

For me, I'm thankful they have finally relaxed things. I went through a miscarriage alone in November and it was the most traumatic thing I've experienced.
I'm now pregnant again and relived to know that even if this one goes wrong too, at least I won't have to do it alone.

Starlight39 · 11/04/2021 08:52

I totally agree OP. I couldn’t have my partner in the induction ward with me even though I was very much in labour. They broke my waters which I was mopping up / dealing with by myself and I was having really strong contractions. He eventually got in and I got to the delivery room 40 minutes before the birth, I was glad he made it but I really needed him sooner for support. By the time he arrived I was pretty out if it as it all happened so fast. I also had a 9week scan alone after 3 miscarriages - it was all ok but I would have hated to go through finding out about another mmc alone.

My SIL is a nurse who has worked on cOvid ICU so has seen the very worst of cOvid and she is horrified at how mothers in particular (but also other people in hospital for non cOvid issues) have been treated.

THATbasicSNOWFLAKE · 11/04/2021 08:54

@Mummyof2Terrors, i am due first week in July! Fingers crossed for speedy discharge from delivery ward

Mummyof2Terrors · 11/04/2021 08:56

[quote THATbasicSNOWFLAKE]@Mummyof2Terrors, i am due first week in July! Fingers crossed for speedy discharge from delivery ward[/quote]
It was that bad I'm tempted to have it put on my notes that I'm not prepared to stay for any other reason than my baby being ill. No benefits to staying in hospital with zero care and a lack of ability to sleep.

Original poster
Peaplant20 · 11/04/2021 09:00

Thanks for all the opinions everyone. I did wonder whether partners were usually allowed overnight or not but couldn’t work it out and assumed they would be there to help look after baby. I didn’t know (FTM) that everyone was so close together so I can see the point of view of not wanting strangers there when you’re breastfeeding/ half naked/ waddling to the loo etc. Lots of you have said you don’t need partners at midwife appointments which I do agree it’s not a need and I personally would be OK on my own but my husband for example absolutely wants to be involved in everything and it would make me sad for him if he couldn’t be (as I said luckily he’s been allowed for all of mine apart from one on the phone).

OP posts:
Yummymummy2020 · 11/04/2021 09:02

I definitely think that there should be a partner for the birth and scans but not so much on the communal ward all the time. When I got back from my baby after a forceps delivery last time I was in a very bad way and it was really awful being only separated by a curtain from the other two sides partners who were really loud and inconsiderate, often forgot the bay they were meant to be in and constantly flung open my curtain thinking it was their own and this happened when my wound was being checked at one stage and I was really upset because the ward was so busy at the time and I was embarrassed. My own husband did come in but not for long and certainly didn’t intrude on others or be loud. I remember a nurse being in with me changing my cathater and one coming in to my cubicle to ask her to refill tissues as well on the wall. It was just awful. I wished more than anything the staff would throw them out to be honest and if I could afford or be guaranteed a private room this time I would give my left arm. I know not everyone is like that and I was unlucky where my bed was but it really stayed with me that feeling of people walking in when I was in bits and couldn’t move half naked!!

LifeIsBusy · 11/04/2021 09:05

Personally I'm thankful that family can't visit post birth. I literally had visitors for 6hours straight and all I wanted to do was sleep given that I'd been awake for 2 days.

As far as I can tell my partner is still allowed to visit post birth all be it for a reduced time which is fine with us and is allowed there during labour.

Whilst covid has taken a lot from people the reduced visitors post birth and after you get home will be an absolute god send and something I totally welcome after being massively overwhelmed by family that suddenly needed to visit all day every day.

BlondePotter · 11/04/2021 09:07

I would recommend looking at Pregnant then Screwed on Instagram, templates for MPs on there.
I definitely wish I was brave enough for a home birth so my husband could be there all the time. Also hoping to be able to go home asap but you never know what'll happen with the birth do you.

HumunaHey · 11/04/2021 09:08

I'm annoyed too. I complained to PALs about this at the end of March. I made points about easy restrictions that could be put in place that would allow one partner to attend the 12 and 20 week scans. There reply was basically "sorry but that's the way it is". They've now recently changed it so partners can attend 20 week scans at my Trust but not the 12 week. It's very frustrating as it completely ignores RCOG guidance put in place last year.

I agree that visitors are not necessary but I really think women should be allowed a chosen partner at scans and throughout birth. It's most frustrating because there will soon be less restrictions for leisure activities. Very annoying.

Snally82 · 11/04/2021 09:15

It’s the lack of consistency that’s crazy. I’ve had zero changes, F2F appointments with all the usual checks, my partner came to an emergency appointment, he’ll be allowed throughout the whole birth and usual visiting hours if I stay in.

Bellaphant · 11/04/2021 09:38

My partner got told he could come to midwife appts at their discretion, but he got turned away at the last one. I also went in for a second scan at 20 weeks as they saw something they were worried about - something they'd need to check my husband for - and he got turned away at the door and got told if it was bad news they'd go and find him outside....but he'd come to the normal 20 week one 36 hours before (that's what felt crazy to me).

Fispi · 11/04/2021 09:39

I think the variation nationally is really unfair. DH wasnt able to come to my 12 week scan but I got free pictures and we both understood why (I'm a midwife, I want my colleagues and other women to be safe). He was allowed into the 20 week scan which was really nice. I hope partners are allowed into all scans nationally as soon as it's safe. Some scan areas are just so small I understand its not practical but for women with high risk pregnancies that support is so important. I dont think AN appointments matter so much or maternity assessment etc. Labour obviously they should be there. I really dont like partners staying overnight on PN from a safeguarding perspective. Partners aren't screened, even if they have cases pending against them they generally have the same rights as everyone else. When I was working on PN I found it very hard to accept that some men were allowed on the ward let alone to stay overnight, particularly knowing the vulnerability of some of the women there. I think it's fine in side rooms, but I dont like men staying in the bays where there is no privacy or security for other women. I hope visiting hours are longer soon though.