Anyone else angry that COVID maternity restrictions still in place?

[Peaplant20]

I feel so let down that pubs and restaurants are starting to open next week yet in some trusts you still can’t even have your partner with you at the scans (I actually can, but it’s not fair for other women), some appointments are over the phone and therefore you don’t get the urine and blood pressure checks, and dads still not allowed in the hospital for the full labour/ to stay over night. I feel really helpless like I’m just sitting around hoping it will change. What can we do about it? I was thinking about writing to my MP has anyone done this and has a good template they could share? I’ve also been signing petitions but it’s seems futile x

It wasn't done thing to have partners stay overnight 17 & 15 years ago , don't think my hospital allows now even pre covid as they don't have space
My dh their for birth and 30 min so so after until taken to the ward
Fine if have private wards but in large wards im not sure its a good idea
I guess hospitals will have to remain stricter than elsewhere as an outbreak in a hospital often full of very sick people isn't the same as a pub

Agree with you OP. And the different rules for different trusts is just the worst. I.e. I have been so lucky that my partner has been able to come to 12w, 16w (second attempt at dating scan) and 20w. However homebirth services in my trust are still on hold. I've read loads of positive homebirth stories which have happened in lockdown so I don't understand why my trust is still witholding them.

I had my son in September last year, we were in hospital for a week due to birth complications. My DP was only allowed to visit for 30 mins a day that had to be booked in, even though I was in a private room so he wouldn’t even of been in contact with anyone else. If I had been discharged quickly after my labour we could of went to the pub or restaurants together but he couldn’t spend much time with his son the first week of his life. It’s beyond ridiculous! Most of the rules are bonkers!!

@Peaplant20
I understand people wanting partners at scans that's tough but I agree hanging round waiting rooms for hours is no good. You can submit bloods and urine to the midwife at your GP surgery tho that's always an option.

As for partners staying over I had a
Bad experience with my first in a bay of 4 and it was horrendous - noisy, ques for the bathrooms and then left all dirty by the men it's not appropriate and not necessary - people have managed for years without this

When I had my second I asked for a side room to avoid this but I didn't feel it necessary my partner stayed over it's usually only one night anyway

Our nhs trust are reconsidering this because there's been loads of complaints about noise and mess.

I hope that once the restrictions are lifted there’s a serious review for visiting restrictions in the maternity ward.

Hospitals which don’t have the facilities (private rooms, single sex toilets etc) should never have been accepting of male partners staying over in the first place.

And my partner never came to midwife appointments at the GP
I'm a grown woman not a child - but saw plenty hanging round although god knows why?
Scans yes
Anything else just a bit daft

And especially during a pandemic

@TerribleCustomerCervix I agree

The only way anyone should be staying over is in a private room with an en-suite not in bays with shared facilities but very few maternity units unless they are brand new have this but I'm still not getting why this is even a thing.

When I was in hospital with my first. Visitors were only permitted between 9am and 9pm. If you gave birth in the middle of the night they could stay for an hour or so afterwards.

Only 2 people were permitted at the bedside, so the wards were never that crowded.

I have no idea how different it will be in hospital this time. We have been really lucky. Because of where we live, my husband has been allowed to all of my scans this time, along with my fetal medicine appointments so far. I am very grateful. Having previously had a missed miscarriage I can't even imagine how awful that must be to face it alone.

Hospitals aren't pubs and need to be kept as safe as possible. I've had a baby and lost a parent to cancer during the pandemic. We weren't able to visit my dad until the very end. A friend's dad was in hospital with cancer and caught covid while there, he never had any symptoms but the family weren't even allowed in at end of life because he was covid positive, they also weren't allowed an open coffin. Another friend's father was admitted after a heart attack, caught covid and died from it. These are the things that are at stake in hospitals.

It does suck that the restrictions are in place, but they are there for a reason.

Ours allows one support person in for the scan: but they wait outside while the midwife talks to you first. It's always been this way, and it's so the midwife can screen sensitive issues first. They get called through just before the scan begins.

It’s really interesting getting all these points of view, as a FTM I have no experience from before pandemic and now getting those points of view I think I am in agreement about having visitors overnight in terms of safeguarding the women as that’s so important. However I still think it is time for many of the other restrictions that are in place to end now - I don’t think women should be having appointments over the phone it’s not good enough in my opinion. I have heard of so many women have asymptomatic urine infections picked up at those appointments. A PP stated you can drop off these at the GP but that’s not a service my trust have put in place. Maybe if I rang and asked them I could but it’s not standard and I’d feel awkward requesting it with no symptoms. I also think dads should be able to come to appointments - I can see many of you don’t see why it’s necessary and that’s fine for you but many mums and dads would like this and it was offered before, I think at some point that choice needs to be offered again. My husband is extremely involved - he’s always dreamed of being a dad and I think that dads shouldn’t be sidelined as it’s their babies too! But if you personally don’t want them to attend they don’t have to go of course - everyone is different because we have all had different experiences. Lastly, and I think the biggest, is that the dads should be there for the whole birth - many dads have missed the birth because they weren’t allowed in until 4cm dilated and that’s so sad. And many mums (not all, again, we are all different) would like the support for the whole birth. I’m not talking about having grandma, grandpa, aunties and uncles in as I think that is an unnecessary number of people in these circumstances, I’m just talking about having the dad there. Also good point from a PP about it being worse having an outbreak in a hospital than in a pub. In my opinion these things are so important and I do feel they should be back up and running now. Going to look at pregnant then screwed and write to my MP thanks for the suggestion ladies x

You can shop around for your labour / consultant. So if there’s a local one that allows partners to attend you can ask for that one instead. I know a lot of people have been doing that during Lockdown (eg choosing hospitals rather than midwife led units in some places; or MLU over hospitals in otherz) which means some places have had staff reassigned to take reduced demand into consideration.

I do completely agree about check ups happening in person OP, blood pressure checks, using etc are important and shouldn't be skipped.

I think your argument would be better if said why can we go into non essential shops but still have same maternity restrictions... As restaurant and bars are only open outside so great ventilation where as hospitals are inside stuffy places perfect for covid transfer

I am expecting our first too. I can totally see why there is a need to limit visitors from safeguarding, privacy and that women need rest. However, I must admit I'm very nervous about the thought my husband might not be able to visit afterwards. I have a physical disability and I know it may be difficult to manage with a new baby, it makes me quite anxious to think I may be left alone. I don't want to be a burden on the staff!

I am 28 weeks pregnant. Partners have been allowed at scans / appointments etc throughout (mine hasn't because he had to look after DS5) The only rule is that it's the same person throughout the appointments / at the birth / visiting afterwards. This seems sensible.

It does have the advantage of actually being able to get a chair to sit down on in the waiting room. One of the rules is the birth partners have to stand behind the chair of the pregnant woman. Too many times I went to the hospital with my first and there were so many people in the waiting room that getting a seat was impossible (and no one offered to move!) not a massive problem for some but I had SPD and really needed to sit!

Partners are allowed at the birth, they are required to take a test. If they turn out to be positive, they can stay for the birth but have to leave and not come back. Otherwise they are allowed on the ward from 9am - 9pm. Thankfully they are not allowed to stay (I don't agree that men should be on the ward overnight after women have given birth but I do agree that women need better supporting during the night to feel confident / supported enough on their own)

Also no other visitors on the wards, just the birthing partner. Midwifes have reported breastfeeding rates have increased since this rule came in and they are now running trials, so this is interesting. I remember when I was in hospital with DS one woman had 13 people at her bedside at one point (even though the rule was 2). We closed the curtain and this horrible man purposely came over and looked around my curtain when I was breastfeeding. So I am very comforted by the birth partner only rule on the wards between 9am - 9pm.

I've been extremely lucky that in my hospital, partners have been allowed at 12 & 20 week appointments. 2 birth partners are allowed- one throughout, and one from when you're 4cm dilated.
The good change they have done is that only partners are allowed on postnatal ward, and only for several hours a day- not overnight.
I've had all 3 DC in birth centre, with first 2 I stayed there overnight and with 3rd I was moved to PN ward as they were shortstaffed. DH was exhausted and went home to sleep (I was fine with it). I was in for a huge shock there. On birth centre, it had been quiet and peaceful, own en-suite bathroom and lots of privacy. PN ward was noisy, chaotic, shared bathrooms with everyone's partners, and just horrible. My baby slept the entire night, but I couldn't sleep a wink from all the noise. I do hope that partners are kept out of PN wards overnight for the time being.
I would imagine though, that women after C sections might need a partner overnight- but otherwise as so many PP have said, highly unnecessary.

Gosh I hope they do keep the rule of just one birth partner on PN ward and not staying overnight (unless with C section like Pp says) as it sounds like it’s much nicer this way with all your experiences! The picture many of you have painted of sharing the loos etc (I never knew it was like this you don’t really see that side of things on TV) is not nice and very interested to hear about the trials re: breastfeeding.

I had a emergency c-section with my first after a long labour. It was traumatic. DH wasn’t allowed to stay and I still think that was right. It was more important to get good rest and he set me up with everything close by - including the baby . My care from the midwives and nurses on the ward throughout the night was good. I don’t see how you can have one rule for c-sections with partners staying and one rule for everyone else (I say this as someone who is having another c-section!) Obviously it won’t happen overnight but I really think care for women on postnatal wards needs to be improved so we don’t have to rely on fathers staying overnight to provide in what should be a female only ward

@MindyStClaire

Hospitals aren't pubs and need to be kept as safe as possible. I've had a baby and lost a parent to cancer during the pandemic. We weren't able to visit my dad until the very end. A friend's dad was in hospital with cancer and caught covid while there, he never had any symptoms but the family weren't even allowed in at end of life because he was covid positive, they also weren't allowed an open coffin. Another friend's father was admitted after a heart attack, caught covid and died from it. These are the things that are at stake in hospitals.

It does suck that the restrictions are in place, but they are there for a reason.

I’m so sorry about the loss of your parent

I agree that restrictions are there for a reason, however I think the RCOG have issued guidelines and it is these which should be implemented, rather than simply asking that there be no restrictions without regard for covid.

Someone I know went for a growth scan at 34 weeks, on her own, and was given the news, on her own, that there was no heartbeat. There’s a lot at stake for women in having the restrictions lifted too. No easy answers I guess.

I am so disappointed that my partner can currently only visit for 1 hour post birth. I think the variation between trusts is really unfair. I had an emergency caesarean with my first and if my partner hadn't stayed overnight, I don't know what I'd have done. I came out of theatre at 8PM, with a catheter still in, unable to walk or pick up my baby. Midwives were so busy that he would have been left screaming if DH isn't there. I can sympathise with some women who don't like partners there, but then maybe we should campaign for better postnatal care? I understand the nhs is stretched but if my partner wasn't there I would've had to discharge myself there and then. A lady in the bed next to me rang her bell and no one came for 30 minutes, she had to ask DH to pass her the baby as she was alone. I'm really worried I'll end up with another section.

I think if you want your partner with you, the best thing to do is stay at home as long as you can. I laboured at home in March as long as I could and my husband waited in the car park for about 30 minutes while I was examined for dilation. He then was able to come in and be with me until a few hours after the baby was born and we were both settled and ready to rest.

It took me about 14 hours to get to 5cm, when I went into hospital, then another 4 hours to get to the pushing stage. This was my second baby as well. Honestly, it's a pretty boring and frustrating process until the end bit. Being at home means you can be as comfortable as possible and your husband can help more without fussing and getting in your face. I watched a lot of netflix.

I have really mixed feelings. Hated my husband not being able to come to my scans though I had an additional 36 and 37 week scan due to some concerns and he could come by then. Did like the postnatal ward being calmer at night and to be honest my husband didn't stay overnight when I had my first anyway so that wasn't a concern for my second, it was more that he could only come on for 2 hours the next day nearly 24 hours after he had left us. My frustration is that every hospital has different rules which seems incredibly unfair especially for those having inductions who may have to be on their own in some places but have their partner the whole time in other places.

Our antenatal and postnatal wards had long daytime visiting hours pre-covid (I think it was meant to be 10am-8pm) which were fine by me- I'd have hated having loads of people milling about all night, it's hard enough to sleep on those wards as it is although antenatal much better as obviously no babies crying at that point!
I do think the disparity between scan rules across trusts is appalling though. If it's possible to have partners at 12 and 20 week scans in one place I find it very hard to believe that it isn't possible in others. I never had an exciting midwife appointment and think it was quite good they were one to one, I did take DP to one between 20-30 weeks so he could hear the heartbeat (it's all g time after the 20 week scan til the baby arrives especially for the chaps) but also to show him that he was only really missing out on a tape measure and a pot of urine 😂

My OH was able to come for the 12 and 20 week scans and would have been allowed to foetal medicine scans if they had been required. I'm having a section next Tuesday and as it stands he can come as it's scheduled but will have to leave when I go to the ward afterwards and then after that he will be allowed to visit for an hour each day until we are home. This is his first baby and he's already upset at having to leave us to go home. No overnight stays were allowed in our trust anyway so that's no different. So I'll be wanting home as soon as I'm out of the bed as I'll need the support and he will be missing us 😔