What's the hardest part of the first days with a new baby?

[charcb]

Hi ladies. Someone I know was telling me how hard things were at the start for her - you're tired from labour, so is your partner, and you have to care for a little one you don't know. She told me not to expect I'd be looking at a placid baby asleep most of the time and that she literally felt like a walking feeding mechanism 😄. It made me a bit scared as I thought it was rough but because they sleep so much that we'd have a bit of a chance to catch up on sleep and recover. what was your experience like?

They vary but both of mine would not be put down without screaming for the first two months or so. We spent a lot of time tag teaming so we could both eat and wash.

It is just lack of sleep in the early days, especially if you laboured through the night and missed out on a night’s sleep anyway. Like I did. Twice

Best advice would be the old ‘sleep when they sleep’ and get caught up.

I suffered far less with sleep deprivation second time around, even though I had a bouncy 18 month old to look after as well, because I was far stricter with myself on getting in those daytime naps. Do it!

For me it was lack of sleep. I was sleeping with one eye open all the time or would decide that cleaning my house or catching up with laundry was more important than catching some zzzzzz's. In the end me and DH had to do shifts so that each of us could get a few hours kip, my DH did the night shifts and I did the days, it really worked for us. X

The hardest part is that they sleep in the day and pull you into a false sense of security, then scream all evening and wake every couple of hours in the night and won't be put down again. Honestly those evenings of screaming were the worst.

The hormones a few days in can be a bitch!

Lack of sleep, hormones, bleeding and pain from the birth, trying to get feeding established. Mine did both sleep quite a lot for the first three days or so but don't get lulled into a false sense of security!

It totally depends. You don't know what's going to happen until it does and then you just have to go with it.

With my first, I had a long labour so missed 2 nights of sleep by the time she was born. I had an episiotomy and forceps, so was very bruised and sore. I was so tired but DD only slept for any length of time when held, she preferred it if you were walking around but would sometimes sleep if we were sat on the sofa. The first few days were really tough. We had loads of visitors, and pressure from the in-laws to go visit them at their house when I literally couldn't sit down without strategic cushions and DD had tongue tie, so breastfeeding was difficult and painful until she had it cut.

DD 2 was a lockdown baby, so very few visitors. I only had a small tear, which healed quickly, no tongue tie so easy to breastfeed, used to sleep a five/six hour chunk at night in her next to me or for 3 hour chunks in the sling in the day. She was a dream. Now she's 9 months and crawling and into everything. I miss those newborn snuggles

I found more the fact that you're recovering from birth, your life has changed beyond recognition, and you have to constantly be on alert for the needs of this little baby that doesn't come with a manual. That said, although it was bloody hard at the time, I look back on it fondly. Nothing quite like sleepy cuddles with your newborn. Being prepared with the 'boring' day to day stuff would be my advice. Have ready meals/quick to cook food ready to go, even arrange a few weeks' work of delivery slots if you're feeling really organised.

@MyGrassIsBrowner

For me it was lack of sleep. I was sleeping with one eye open all the time or would decide that cleaning my house or catching up with laundry was more important than catching some zzzzzz's. In the end me and DH had to do shifts so that each of us could get a few hours kip, my DH did the night shifts and I did the days, it really worked for us. X

I agree with this. We were fortunately that our DD naturally fell into a 2 hour feed cycle, but she was bottle fed. This meant that by DH and I taking turns, we each dealt with her every 4 hours. Therefore, we were able to have some good long naps and although we were still tired we weren't completely exhausted.

I was lucky that mine would sleep for a few hours in a basket between feeds right from the start. The hardest thing for me, especially the first time, was the constant fear and worry that I was doing something wrong, that the baby was ill. I had no friends with babies and very little support.

Sadly the sleepless nights for us started a few months later.

Horrendous but that was the hospital's fault, we didn't leave until he was 6 days old ( I spent 8 days there in total so was exhausted from the lack of sleep on top off the sepsis, high blood pressure and iron deficiency), it was wonderful once I got home actually got some rest and was in control of making sure I got my medicines on time.
My honest advice is if you feel you aren't getting the rest you need in hospital and baby is healthy then get yourself out of there ASAP, I told them I was leaving that day as soon as babies IV antibiotics were stopped.

The hormones and the pain from birth. Luckily this doesn't last too long.

If your baby is ill or you have problems with breastfeeding the worry about that.

I found the sleep fine, but yes you do have to tag in and out and get blocks of a couple of hours. Don't be expecting to sleep for an entire 6-8 hours in one go!

Just to give another perspective- with both of mine we were mostly looking at a sleeping baby for about 4 weeks, it was quite relaxing. Lucky, but some people are!

I do recommend to make sure you are doing shifts at night so both gets 4-5h unbroken sleep every night, plus lots of shorter sleeps.

Just the lack of sleep. People always say sleep when baby sleeps which is easier said than done, especially when you have other children. All the usual stuff plus the extra washing needs to be done but other than that it's just lovely having newborn snuggles.

@noblegreenk that sort of routine works if you're formula feeding like we did. I had to stop breast feeding after the first week as lack of sleep and hurrendous pains after birth were just making me miserable. Our DD started sleeping for longer when I put her onto formula it was bliss!

Dh do night feeds lol. That bugger was dead to the world no matter how loud the babies scramed and we had twins last time so it was in stereo.

*screamed

You can still tag a bit when breastfeeding. When it was DH's turn he brought DS to me to feed and took him away again. I dozed throughout.

If breastfeeding learning to feed lying down is an essential survival skill! Ask your midwife to show you.

For me it was my body. I had horrendous tearing which was stitched up in theatre. That was bad, I was soooo sore and felt like I’d been repeatedly punched between the legs by something inhumane! I had to sit down very very carefully and try not to laugh or sneeze as I could feel the stitches stretching. Plus I had a giant haematoma on my hand due to a botched cannula which continually throbbed. I felt like I’d been in some terrible accident but I wasn’t allowed any time off to rest or recuperate!

The actual baby part was fine

if you have a tear or c section, you may have temporary mobility issues. leaking urine.

For me, the partner that turned into an utter man child. The baby was easy in comparison.

For us it was the nights. We had quite an easy baby overall. During the day she would sleep a lot but for some reason at night needed a lot more rocking and feeding in order to get to sleep. Maybe it wasn't the case, it just felt that way because times moves more slowly at 2am when you're knackered.

Establishing breastfeeding can be really hard especially cluster feeding - the worst thing is not knowing what is "normal" or not so I would advise doing some reading on what to expect

For me it was the recovery from birth that made it hard, not the baby per se.

Every bit of me leaked in some way, I had stitches, bled heavily, huge sore leaky boobs, pgp and agony in my hips, raw nipples, bad after pains when feeding.... Every bit of me hurt and needed ointments, tablets or dressings or pads!!! Going to the loo, walking around and washing all needed strategies and planning and assistance. I had the blues on day 3-5 like clockwork and found the crying quite scary.

The baby bit wasn't too tricky, mine fed well, were sleepy and fine as long as held by someone. None of mine cried much in the early days at all.

I think the best tips are to keep it in perspective, to know it's a relatively short phase, to rest at every opportunity and to take all the painkillers you need!

For me, I found the hardest thing was feeling as though I had to sit at home looking at my new baby, when all I wanted to do was go out for a walk, but felt like it wasn’t the done thing. I started to feel very claustrophobic and felt a million times better when I did go out. Baby no 2, I was out the next day. I felt like I could (just about) cope with everything else that was thrown at me then.

Getting breastfeeding going after refusal to latch on after first day home. It was definitely the most stressful thing for me. Took nine weeks to sort due to tongue tie but so worth the fight. The hormone crash on day three didn't make things any easier. A stressful few days.