What's the hardest part of the first days with a new baby?

[charcb]

Hi ladies. Someone I know was telling me how hard things were at the start for her - you're tired from labour, so is your partner, and you have to care for a little one you don't know. She told me not to expect I'd be looking at a placid baby asleep most of the time and that she literally felt like a walking feeding mechanism 😄. It made me a bit scared as I thought it was rough but because they sleep so much that we'd have a bit of a chance to catch up on sleep and recover. what was your experience like?

We really struggled with the not knowing what to do, compare it to starting a new job. Even with help and training it still takes weeks to find your feet (well it did for us anyway!). I feel if I had another new baby handed to me now I’d find my rhythm a lot quicker.
The sleep was the second worst part, definitely get your partner to wake up with you for the first few days (especially if he’s on paternity leave!
Oh and the constant visitor requests/texts are draining, people mean well and it’s lovely but you’re so bloody tired and hormonal it’s a lot to deal with. We did grandparents and aunties/uncles only for the first 2 weeks and grouped them together as much as possible (and booted them out after an hour 😁)

For me the hormones were the hardest bit... I felt like I was feeling 100 people's emotions at the same time. It was a brutal mix at first.

As far as tiredness goes, remember your partner hasn't just gone through either labour or surgery. He may be tired but he doesn't need to recover in the same way you do. That means that doing 50/50 can wait until you've had a few days to recover.

Oh and sleep in shifts if you can .

Wanted to chime in with something positive.
For me actually the first few days were fine- with all 3. I felt awful throughout pregnancy, and as soon as baby was born I felt so much better that it didn't matter at all getting up in the nights.
I'm lucky that my babies were pretty well behaved, breastfeeding was easy, they settled quite quickly, didn't scream much. I found it didn't take long for my body to adjust to getting less sleep. With my second, he had sepsis at a week old and was back in hospital for a week. I found that exceptionally hard as it was so exhausting.
You won't know how you'll feel and cope until baby is here but it helps to have realistic expectations. Newborns don't sleep through the night so you won't get big chunks of sleep. Their stomachs are tiny and can only hold a small amount of sleep so they have a need to eat in the night.
Hopefully yours won't be much of a screamer!
Good luck.

@standingonaseesaw

For me, I found the hardest thing was feeling as though I had to sit at home looking at my new baby, when all I wanted to do was go out for a walk, but felt like it wasn’t the done thing. I started to feel very claustrophobic and felt a million times better when I did go out. Baby no 2, I was out the next day. I felt like I could (just about) cope with everything else that was thrown at me then.

I was the opposite.

Both times I told myself to rest and recuperate and both times I was out pushing the pram, cooking and cleaning within 48 hours. I know I was just delighted to not be pregnant any more but I'm pissed off with myself in hindsight.

Sleep was the hardest for me. They do sleep a lot but you never know how long for. "Sleep when the baby sleeps" becomes a form of torture because the second you drop off, the baby wakes up and needs fed, cuddled, changed. I realy struggled to bond with my son for the first couple of weeks because of that.

The worrying about them. It's like your heart is now external to your body when it used to be safely tucked away inside you! I've never spent so much time watching a little chest go up and down to check he was still breathing...

I'm a midwife so I knew all the theory about labour/breastfeeding/caring for a newborn. It is totally different when it's your own child !

I had awful flashbacks for months about the birth, even though it was (on paper) pretty straightforward. I did end up with an epis which was bloody awful to sit on. My sister laughed at how I was sitting on pillows/cushions and I could have slapped her! I was teary for weeks and felt so claustrophobic. I would drag myself out of the house every single day the first few months, even though DD hated her car seat and pram.

I have never known exhaustion like it. DD would only sleep when held or lying next to me. DH was tbh shit with a newborn and only managed 5 minutes holding her at a time unless she was zonked. I ended up with PND and PPA due to lack of sleep.

Breastfeeding was the only thing which went well and I found straightforward. The knowledge about cluster feeding and feeding patterns definitely helped, as was knowing the support services available.

I am still traumatized by how I felt in the early months and only have the one DD!

Lack of sleep, DD1 barely slept for longer than 2 hours at a time, so beyond exhausting as never got a good stretch of quality sleep, she was very colicky and I found it hard to nap.
But her younger siblings were easier 😊
However its still its lack of sleep and around day 3 when milk comes in sooo hormonal couldn't stop crying for a few days especially bad if you arent getting sleep.
Rope in as much help and support as you can.

Lack of sleep and particularly there being no night and day for a good 6 weeks. The pain, the bleeding and the first poo (yours, not the baby's). The hormones. The boredom. Just how relentless be that early cycle of eat, poo, sleep, scream is.

It's lovely at the same time though.

The hormones, the tiredness, learning to breastfeed and helping my toddler adapt to a new arrival. They were the hardest things for me.

Honestly those evenings of screaming were the worst

My first born done this every evening for months. It was literally like clockwork and was hell on earth.
If I’m honest I dreaded my second arrival, but we’ve had non of the horrors of the first time round.

I didn’t find it hard really, I had a lovely quick and straightforward labour and a very good baby who breastfed easily and slept a lot. I just think it’s good to hear that sometimes it’s not so bad.

For me the first 24/48 hours was awful but I think thats down to me having a picture in my head of a cosy little baby sleeping and eating. In reality my daughter cried ALL the time and struggled to settle. Things did get better once she was familiar with her surroundings.

I'm having a section on 21st for my 2nd and now I have realistic thoughts on how the first 24/48hours will go 🤣 only other challenges will be trying to make sure my 9 year old doesn't feel left out.

It's such a great time but hard at the same time. X

Lack of sleep due to round the clock feeding. The baby knew what she was doing though - she was getting my milk to come in after a traumatic birth and then building my supply. Co-sleeping got me some sleep. It gets easier though! I'm going to be much more chilled about it this time as I know I will sleep again and also that you do function quite well on very little sleep when you have no choice.

It's all according on the baby's personality and how your feeling. I always found I had a mass of adrenaline the first few days then gradually got more tired hoping for the same this time.
My eldest screamed all night and that was hard to deal with. Luckily dh is fab and we would split the nights.
Seconds baby slept amazing actually the first 4 days we had to wake him up for every feed however this made me anxious and want to check on him all the time. After he would wake for feeds and was a easy baby and would fall asleep on his own in the Moses. I felt fine.
Third baby didn't scream at night but for the first week wanted to held all night wide awake and slept all day 😂. So was more tiring but that was only for a week. The after pains got worse with her and I was in more pain after my second I was walking miles a week after.
Each baby and birth is so different. I always love the after birth part as every time I look at them I just get this rush of happiness and happy feelings .hoping the same this time

In the first few days the hardest bit was the heat (August born!) and feeding. She was very sleepy and needed striping down to her nappy to get her to feed.
Otherwise the first 2 weeks were pretty easy. Week 3 she started with silent reflux and feeding refusal and I started with pnd. We had a break in restrictions at 4 weeks and my in laws were able to visit for 4 days I expressed so my partner and them could take her in the morning so I could get an extra couple of hours sleep.
Week 5-16ish she would only nap in my arms, after then she would also sleep in the pram if I did long walks. We have had food allergy issues so we have had that battle and sleep hasn't been easy. The longest continuous sleep I have had in 8 months is 4h but most nights it's 2-3h chunks on bad nights 45-90 minutes.

Mine didn't scream at night, they just fed a lot which obviously leads to lack of sleep for you which feels harder when you're sore from labour and delivery. I did all the nights and my husband would get up and leave us to sleep in the morning whilst he took care of the toddler and the house for the first ten days. I'd get up but I stayed in PJs for that first week and I'd also go to bed when my toddler did at 7ish and feed there and snooze.

If it's your first then personally I found that easier. Nothing to get up for and we would be awake a lot in the night but then sleep late in the morning when baby seemed to be settled. Watched lots of series and just chilled out. It was lovely!

If you want to recreate it just get an item, a wheat bag or something and one of you stay away holding it/cleaning it/feeding it continuously for about 8-12 weeks. Then you might be able to put it down whilst you take a peaceful pee for 1 minute before it makes a noise again.

To be honest I found those first few days very hard. I was recovering from a c-section, so was in some pain and struggled to sit up by myself etc. I was also tired beyond belief from a long labour and three nights in the postnatal ward where I couldn’t sleep at all.

I then got home and had quite bad PP insomnia, so struggled to drop off and then had hallucinations that my baby was screaming (while he slept quietly) or climbing out of his cot (at 4 days old...).

So it was a very difficult and exhausting time! But, it really wasn’t very long before things got easier. You just have to get through the fog of those first few days and by a couple of weeks in things are evening out a lot.

Things that really helped me:

• having lots of food prepared in the freezer so neither of us had to worry about cooking

• taking the time to nap where you can. I couldn’t nap when in charge of the napping baby - my brain wouldn’t switch off. So having family members take him out for long walks in the pram while I slept was hugely helpful in allowing me to rest.

• taking it in turns with my husband to sleep in the spare room now and then so we could get uninterrupted rests between feeds without the noisy baby sleep sounds waking us

• having a supportive partner. For the first couple or weeks while I established feeding my husband and MIL basically did all nappy changes, all housework, all laundry etc. I basically had to feed, rest and recover from the surgery and that was that.

It feels like such a bewildering shock to the system at first and you won’t believe how tired you can be, but somehow you keep managing to dig deeper and find the reserves you need. And within a couple of weeks, things should start feeling easier and more manageable.

Pain, lack of sleep, bleeding, hormones

I couldn’t switch off with DD. She was relatively easy etc but I was just wired.

Well you will have been through a physical trauma, however smoothly the birth has gone, and after any other physical trauma of that magnitude you would rest, but you can't because you have to figure out how to look after a newborn baby who doesn't sleep. There is also the pain, establishing breast feeding, Hormone rollercoaster and emotional bombshell of now loving someone more than you ever thought possible and all that comes with that.

Establishing and pain from breastfeeding with a baby with weight loss.

The first poo after birth (take a magazine, some deep breaths and all the time you need!)

Hormones for me - juggling some sensitive in-laws' feelings vs my tiger-mother instincts. Lesson learnt, no visitors on days 3-5 after birth when your hormones peak.

Agree with others, its the lack of sleep mostly - if you're breastfeeding then there's no option to take turns, it's just all on you all night. Then in the day when you want to catch up its the CONSTANT requests for visits. Hormones too - I didn't like anyone touching Dd1 for about 2 weeks, especially my exFIL as he smoked, which caused a lot of tension. And people have far too many opinions that they feel the need to share.

Despite all this the newborn stage is absolutely magical. Just look after yourself - be prepared in advance with lots of snacks and easy meals, plan to mostly stay in bed for the first few days until you know where you are, and limit visitors especially on days 3-5 when your milks coming in and hormones are going crazy. Also, subsequent babies get MUCH easier. I was out and about within 24hrs with dd2 and dd3 and have had much more confidence to say no visitors / no you can't hold her / no we won't be doing it that way and don't need any advice thanks etc etc so this time round its just been all the magic with none of the stress

Mine would only sleep on a person for the first few days so DH and I took shifts. She just would not be put down, at all. At the time it seemed like forever but in reality it was only three or four days.