12 weeks - Chinese gender predictor blues

[Camzarella]

Hi ladies. I'm 12 weeks + 6 after TTC for nearly 5 months and over the moon. However I had a really awful experience at my first scan. The sonographer was really awful to me and didn't talk me through the process. I've actually written a complaint and the hospital called to apologise, which was great however I'm still quite traumatised.

To add, I told my friends and family about our news and an over excited friend asked me my due date etc. Today to do a baby gender prediction. I didn't want to know the sex but then got tempted and have checked many predictors, all say boy. It sounds awful but I'm absolutely gutted. I really find boy children to be quite difficult and annoying as well as to have boring clothes. I absolutely hate myself for even writing this and hope I haven't offended anyone. Im generally incredibly depressed and feeling suicidal. It's embarrassing.

Has anyone else used those predictors?

Hope youre okay, this is my first pregnancy too and it is scary... mine says girl but i really want a boy

I haven't used them no, but little boy babies are wonderful. I have b/g twins and absolutely adore both of them, and yes, boy twin is harder work, but he is so much more cuddly and loving than his sister who is far more independent. I'm currently pregnant with another boy and wouldn't change it for the world - I'm so happy I'm going to have a little mummy's boy for a bit longer!

I looked what mine should have been, it was right for one and wrong for the other. It has a 50/50 chance, after all.
No matter how you feel about boys, there is a saying that you won't mind when it's your own. It's very true!

I think you need to get some counselling actually, I’m not saying that to be mean, but you sound really anxious.

@Camzarella Please please phone your midwife today and tell them you are feeling suicidal. Their phone number should be on the front of your notes.

You are feeling this way now, and have fixated your negative feelings on one thing (e.g. might be a boy). There's no reason to think you will still feel this way when the baby comes, but you need to urgently seek treatment for your depression.

For what it's worth, there is no way to predict sex at 12 weeks. Even scans before about 16-18 weeks cannot predict sex.

Sorry about your rubbish scan.

The Chinese gender thing said boy for me too but we found out this week we are having a girl.

But in the gentlest way possible, if you're feeling suicidal over the sex of your baby do you think you might be suffering from antenatal depression or something similar? Take a few weeks to get used to the idea but if you are still feeling depressed make an appointment with your GP. I slightly understand, I always imagined myself with a little boy, we had picked out a boys name etc so when the sonographer said girl I was quite shocked! But I'm over that initial feeling now and super excited to have a daughter.

Also buy whatever clothes you want- there are some lovely unisex clothes out there in all kinds of colours. I bought lots before we found out the gender and have loads of stuff I'd be happy for either to wear. It doesnt just have to be blue dungarees with diggers on just like I dont have to buy frilly pink dresses!

Hope you feel better soon OP.

@Camzarella and @Amba96

Maybe you two can just swap babies then?

I've just looked mine up. 3DC, all wrong!

if this is real...(Boring clothes?) please get help for these worrying thoughts. Not just for you but for the kid, whatever it has between its legs.

Chinese gender predictors are of course total horseshit, as is any other form of magic.

What was so ‘traumatising’ about the scan by the way? I know some of them can be a bit abrupt and not as informative and they forget that it’s a new and nerve wracking experience for new parents but it must have been quite extreme for it to be traumatising.

What are Chinese gender predictions?

@Camzarella I’m regards to feeling suicidal that’s definitely something to discuss with your midwife and she can refer you to the right place where you can hopefully access support x

What a shock. Always little boys people are disappointed about. Babies aren't dolls to play dress up. You need to speak to a professional asap.

Just checked mines and it says girl which I have suspected tbh

I've one of each, I have daily world wars with my teenage daughter, whilst my son is the sweetest, kindest little thing. I adore both equally btw!

Mine says boy, we find out for real on Sunday. I’d be overjoyed to have a boy. I never get why there’s so much disappointment over boys on Mumsnet. ‘Boring clothes’ is a pretty stupid reason, and ALL children are annoying and difficult.

Thanks all for your supportive messages and concern. I've booked a therapy session with my therapist as I have been told I may have antenatal depression.

@SmidgenofaPigeon

I really feel awful about my words regarding gender. Of course I just want a happy healthy child regardless of their sex.

@SmidgenofaPigeon the night before I didn't sleep and was incredibly anxious. I told my sonographer I was worried and she was extremely unwelcoming, barely spoke to me and didn't explain whether they'd done the screening for any syndromes. It was really uncomfortable and rushed. The hospital divulged that other complaints had been raised.

If you’re over the moon to be pregnant then surely either sex is fine?! I find these posts slightly goady and cruel towards others who are desperate to be pregnant but for whatever reason can’t be. Maybe I’m wrong and u are genuine in which case speak to your midwife

Why TTC if you only want one sex of child?

@MrsSiriusBlack1 @BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz apologies if I've offended or coming across as a rotten person. I've not had anyone to talk to and understand my feelings are extremely irrational. Apologies if this is the wrong forum. I remember being in the TTC group and should be more sensitive x

I hate these threads.
The same stuff gets repeated with 'don't worry boys are so much cuddlier / mummys boys than my daughter'
It's that tosh that carries on gender crap. Kids are different always

Glad you are looking at therapy for this. If you've been trying for 5 months, did you feel this way for those 5 months - that you you didn't want to make a boy?

I'm really sorry that you feel so depressed, but also very very sorry for your child if it is a boy you are having. Boys are wonderful and really if boring clothes is an issue to you then I'd really worry about your motive in having a baby - just to dress up as an accessory? Maybe something to explore in therapy.

Please make sure that you get all the help that you need now, so that if you give birth to a boy, he gets nothing but love from you.

@BrilloSolar

Glad you are looking at therapy for this. If you've been trying for 5 months, did you feel this way for those 5 months - that you you didn't want to make a boy?

I'm really sorry that you feel so depressed, but also very very sorry for your child if it is a boy you are having. Boys are wonderful and really if boring clothes is an issue to you then I'd really worry about your motive in having a baby - just to dress up as an accessory? Maybe something to explore in therapy.

Please make sure that you get all the help that you need now, so that if you give birth to a boy, he gets nothing but love from you.

To be honest, I think if I had given birth to a boy without knowing the gender I wouldn't have cares, it's the knowing in advance that's off footed me. As I say, I didn't want to know the sex so that it would be a welcome surprise at birth but my friend kept going on about the predictors and how they've been right for multiple babies that she knows.

The gender predictors do not confirm what sex your child is! If you are that concerned, maybe ask to find out at your 20 week scan to put your mind at rest? Gender predictors are a bit of fun.. there is no way it can correctly predict what sex your child is, I wouldn't fixate on it.
Hope you feel less anxious and worried after speaking to your therapist x

Bit disappointing to see other users focusing on the gender comments. OP has shared that she is very depressed and suicidal. She doesn't need posters on mumsnet making her feel more awful about it than she already is.

Depression can cause intrusive difficult thoughts which aren't necessarily what that person would rationally feel when they are well.

@Camzarella Well done for booking a therapy session. Antenatal depression is not an easy thing to speak up about, so you're being brave to seek treatment.

Hopefully by the time the sex can actually be determined via ultrasound (in around two months time), you will no longer be feeling so anxious about this.