12 weeks - Chinese gender predictor blues

[Camzarella]

Hi ladies. I'm 12 weeks + 6 after TTC for nearly 5 months and over the moon. However I had a really awful experience at my first scan. The sonographer was really awful to me and didn't talk me through the process. I've actually written a complaint and the hospital called to apologise, which was great however I'm still quite traumatised.

To add, I told my friends and family about our news and an over excited friend asked me my due date etc. Today to do a baby gender prediction. I didn't want to know the sex but then got tempted and have checked many predictors, all say boy. It sounds awful but I'm absolutely gutted. I really find boy children to be quite difficult and annoying as well as to have boring clothes. I absolutely hate myself for even writing this and hope I haven't offended anyone. Im generally incredibly depressed and feeling suicidal. It's embarrassing.

Has anyone else used those predictors?

@Mummyof2Terrors

What a shock. Always little boys people are disappointed about. Babies aren't dolls to play dress up. You need to speak to a professional asap.

I was desperate for a boy and found out at an early gender scan that I am indeed having a boy - I don't get the dislike for boys either haha the whole cute, pink, frilly thing doesn't do it for me and I'm a very girly female! 😂

@rosemary35

Bit disappointing to see other users focusing on the gender comments. OP has shared that she is very depressed and suicidal. She doesn't need posters on mumsnet making her feel more awful about it than she already is.

Depression can cause intrusive difficult thoughts which aren't necessarily what that person would rationally feel when they are well.

@Camzarella Well done for booking a therapy session. Antenatal depression is not an easy thing to speak up about, so you're being brave to seek treatment.

Hopefully by the time the sex can actually be determined via ultrasound (in around two months time), you will no longer be feeling so anxious about this.

Thank you so much, that's really very kind. I honestly feel like I don't even know who I am at the moment. Again, I didn't want to offend anyone and appreciate that my post may have come across extremely insensitive and superficial. I guess I feel incredibly desperate at the moment and wanted to see if anyone else had experienced the same x

Please ignore your fool of a friend - gender predictors are nonsense. she should be quite ashamed of herself for babbling about this.

Please get help for your mental state.

Glad you’re seeking help, I’m sure you’ll rationalise at some point there is an almost 50:50 chance when you got pregnant.

As an aside you can dress them how you want, I’ve had a few older ladies asking whether mines a boy ‘because you can’t tell with what I’ve got him in’ GOOD I say.

That is part of the reason I don't like the idea of finding out the sex before birth. When it is your actual child it is different than your ore conceived ideas of one. And honestly, every child is so different! I love my boy and girl equally. And they both annoy me equally, though for different reasons 😂

You poor soul.
You have antenatal depression. I had this with DD2 and it spiraled into a suicidal post-natal depression. I really hope you have access to very good help and that your GP is actively holding your hand and monitoring you alongside the midwives. Please, please, please make sure you sap them dry for help! That's what they're there for. Do you have a consultant on board, OP?

Forget about boy or girl! It's a moot point. You'll have one or the other, that's a given! But what your little son or daughter needs (and YOU most of all) is for mum to be feeling good about herself and safe in the world. So please, get all the help you can. DO NOT BE EMBARRASSED (I am shouting because I was embarrassed, which led to me spiraling out of control). There is nothing to be embarrassed about.

@TheVanguardSix

Thank you very much for your kind and reassuring words. I have an amazing therapist who I've seen on an on off basis for the last few years so I'm actually looking forward to speaking to her tonight. I haven't spoken to my GP yet but I will get in touch and let my midwife team know too.

Agreed, I'll be blessed to have my own little person and think both boys and girls are beautiful. I feel terrible for even feeling like I expressed earlier as I lost my dear brother who was the best boy/man you could ever meet.

It's so helpful to know you went through it and came out the other side xxx

as I lost my dear brother who was the best boy/man you could ever meet.

I’m very sorry to hear this. Maybe this could be somewhere to start with a therapist as this may be why you are concerned about having a boy.

Our boy has always been much easier than the girls. If he doesn't want to do something he'll moan but do it anyway, the girls will dig their heels in and kick up a stink.
We are expecting our 5th girl and only have 1 boy.

We both wanted a girl and were a bit disappointed to find out boy. It's hard to get your head round a tiny penis growing inside you. From then until mid third trimester I was resolved.

And then one day when I couldn't wait to be done with pregnancy, I couldn't wait to meet my son.

At his birth, I loved him instantly and then even more so after the first few weeks.

Now I couldn't imagine any other baby but him.

OP, first confirm actual sex because those indicators are all over the place and then take some time. Once your baby arrives, I'm sure you will love him or her fiercely.

This is normal.

I'm glad you're seeking help, OP, and pregnancy is hard enough without mean HCPs making you feel even more fragile (I also had a similar experience with a midwife in my first pregnancy).

I wouldn't put much stock in gender predictors, they're only right about half the time!! And with my two pregnancies, they were exactly that - correct for one, wrong for the other. But, that aside, regardless of sex, your baby will be your beautiful baby and will be snuggly and playful and an utter joy.

Best of luck with your pregnancy and with your counselling - it isn't an easy time and not enough people talk about how hard pregnancy and everything that comes with it actually is. Xx

I haven't used them but there's no way they can be right for everyone. In defence of boys though - I have one and boys honestly are the best! The love he has for me melts my heart (he wants to marry me bless him!) and he's such a character with a great sense of humour and very sweet and kind. As for clothes - I'm not massively bothered about them for kids but he looks adorable in anything he wears because he is adorable!

Depressing as usual and I'm sure a visit to the infertility boards will give some perspective

For what it's worth I have boy /girl twins and I'm much more enjoying buying boys clothes than girls with all the cute dungarees and outfits with dinosaur spikes

I always imagined only having girls and did indeed use the Chinese gender chart for older DD and it worked but I have to say when my son came along I realised what people meant about the mother/son bond thing

@Worriesome

What are Chinese gender predictions?

Basically you put in your DOB and the date of conception and this Chinese birth calendar twaddle tells you the gender of your baby. I did my DOB and date of conception and the results were a boy then using the same info just now 18 months down the line it predicted a girl.

I really find boy children quite difficult and annoying as well as to have boring clothes

I dont even know where to begin with this, you sound unbelievably immature. I have a boy and a girl and they have both had annoying phases tbh, not really sex-related. Did you get pregnant just so you could pick fancy clothes for an imagined girl? Did anyone tell you that you have a 50% chance of having a little boy?
Not sure the Chinese gender prediction charts are especially scientific either.

Also suicidal is a concerning reaction to thinking you might have a boy. You should get some professional help well before your child arrives.

Basically you put in your DOB and the date of conception and this Chinese birth calendar twaddle tells you the gender of your baby.

That's the biggest load of nonsense I have ever heard. Sex is determined by whether an X-coded sperm fertilises an X-coded egg or a Y-coded sperm fertilises an X-coded egg. An XX combination will lead to a girl, an XY combination will lead to a boy.

It has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with anyone's date of birth or conception date. Men's sperm will not know their partner's date of birth or on which day it will fertilise an egg.

Any correct predictions are purely coincidental (there's a 50% chance of getting it right, after all) and should be viewed only as a bit of fun.

As so many others have said, Chinese gender predictions are a load of hogwash. There is a 50/50 chance of either, so if you want to find out, wait til the 20 week scan which is way more accurate, otherwise just wait for the surprise at birth- and i'm sure you'll love your baby either way.
Glad you are seeing a therapist for your mental health.
Regarding wanting a girl, I can totally relate. I have 3 lovely DS but really, really wanted a girl. Now I am saying this with full honesty- I absolutely adore my boys, I wouldn't change them for anything in the world. They are my most precious possessions and they are so full of life and full of character and charm. But yes I definitely would have wanted a girl and that doesn't make me a bad person- and doesn't make you one either for having a preference, either way. I am pregnant with DC4 and found out its another boy yesterday. I was definitely more than a twinge disappointed but after a good cry i've discovered i'm so looking forward to meeting this boy, who I love so much already.
So don't worry, whichever it is, you'll find yourself overwhelmed with love for him/her!
And if you don't (within a few weeks- not days!)- that could be a sign of postnatal depression so you'll know to go for help!
Best of luck OP.

If Chinese gender charts were 100% accurate then there would be much more of a gender imbalance in China since under the one child policy male children were favoured above girls 🤷‍♀️