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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Expecting number 2...not sure what to do

29 replies

Abnabsva · 29/03/2021 12:25

Hi guys,

This post may trigger some people, so please, if you disagree with the things mentioned please don't be nasty.

Just found out we're pregnant with number 2 (4 weeks). We already have a lb who will be 2 years and 2 months at the time of expected babies due date...

We're not sure if we should keep the baby, so can people who have kids of similar age gaps (2 years) let me know their experiences?

Financially we're OK, we rent a house and my partner works.

Everyone is worried we won't cope, especially as we live 3 hours away from family and I'd be alone with a 2 year old and a newborn.

So yeah..advice?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Teakind · 29/03/2021 12:48

I have 23 months between my first two and am pregnant with my third and will have a 24 month age gap this time. I really love them being close in age as they are in to similar things which makes days out easier. They are also very close.

Obviously I can’t compare it to a bigger gap but it’s been fine. My youngest was 10 months when lockdown started so it’s just been me looking after both of them all day, everyday and although it’s tiring it’s also wonderful.

Chelyanne · 29/03/2021 12:59

If you want the baby you will make it work.

I'm pregnant with our 6th (due Aug), husband is military so I live day to day life like a single parent. Not once has anyone said they think I wouldn't cope, tbh I think people who say such things are dicks. Our current kids are now 15, 10, 8 & 6 (twins). Family do not live far away but his are rubbish and I rarely ask mine for help anyway.

FeistySheep · 29/03/2021 13:09

Loads and loads of people manage a two year age gap, isn't it pretty common? It's great for the kids being so close in age for sure.

Is there any reason that you in particular won't manage? Mental health or physical health or other similar? If not, have faith! Lots of people do it; it will be hard, but you can do it too!

Having family local is a definite benefit, but again lots of people manage without this. If you want the baby, keep it. You'll find ways to cope with anything thrown at you :)

adviceneeded3 · 29/03/2021 13:12

I have 18 months between my two. Baby number 2 was a surprise and although now I wouldn't be without him we did have these same thoughts when I first got pregnant. Everybody just constantly told us how hard it would be and how I wouldn't cope having 2 under two at home while my hubby worked.
However I can now happily say it's been great, I honestly don't know why people try to put people off by telling them it's so hard with such a little age gap. Obviously there are times that are harder than others like when they fight ect but generally having such a short age gap is brilliant as they are both in to the same things and like the same toys ect. Good luck x

8dpwoah · 29/03/2021 13:17

I mean this kindly but I'm not sure what your concern is- a two year age gap is quite normal, you've got housing and work, if I'm reading it right you don't work so no future childcare worries/adapting to being SAHM. Usually when people ask this question there is a big question mark or dilemma but are you saying your unsure because other people are hinting that you might not manage with two children to care for? I hope that doesn't sound unkind I'm just trying to work out what YOUR worry is as opposed to the opinions of others.

ivfbeenbusy · 29/03/2021 13:17

A 2 year age gap isn't unusual and if you can afford it and are in a stable relationship it ultimately boils down to whether you want the baby or not?

yikesanotherbooboo · 29/03/2021 13:18

Is there something we don't know? 2 years is typical gap between DC and it's only been the very recent few years that partners have been able to take time off for the birth of a baby. Generations of women have coped fine . Why are your family treating you as if you are incapable?
18 months between my first two , it was tiring but that comes with having a new baby. It will be fine .

NeverMetANiceOne · 29/03/2021 13:23

2 years is really normal for an age gap, there is just less between my two.
Who is telling you that you won't cope? If I were you I'd be examining that relationship rather than whether to go ahead with the pregnancy.

I live 5 hours from nearest family, (they never really visited much before covid) my DH works away a lot, we have no support (not even a friendly local babysitting teenager) and we have been fine.
If you are the kind of person who just gets on with this you'll be fine.

Original poster

Abnabsva · 29/03/2021 13:24

Thank you guys for your comments. I guess it boils down to everyone else doubting us. I'm feeling a little peer pressured, and just wanted affirmations that it is possible. They keep saying things like 'we'll support you whatever you choose' and then they say it's best if we don't have the baby. :(

I know that 2 year age gap is normal, and many people do it. I'm just having alot of doubt thrown at me, and it's making me doubt myself

OP posts:

Chocolatetrifle · 29/03/2021 13:25

Same age gap here as you would have with yours, 2 years 2 months. My second was 13 weeks when lockdown started. I got them both in the same routine, we would all get up at the same time, eat at the same time, nap together when possible to get a break, similar bed times, baby fell into the routine easily, I would just add extra naps when he needed them but that would give me 121 time with DS1.

Now at 3.5 and 15 months they both like similar toys, I'm hoping the sleepless nights or the nights of getting up will be over sooner with them both being young rather than having an older child and a newborn. Its hard work don't get me wrong but when I look at them together, even if they have had a little fight, I'm glad they are close in age and hope they will be close friends as well as brothers.

RosieRedPetal · 29/03/2021 13:26

Exact same age gap, exact same extended family circumstances here but both pregnancies were planned. I mc between the 2 actually so there could have been a closer age gap. I fought H over this because of my age at the time (mid 30s). He wanted to have a 3/4 year age gap. I won him over and he has said ever since that I was right tI nag him for the closer age gap!

My dc are 14 and 16 now, they have grown up together being good pals and sharing some friends. For me, it's the ideal age gap.

When they were babies they took an afternoon nap at the same time for a while. It was exhausting, of course but I can't say the work or tiredness doubled - it was just concentrated into a few less years, I suppose.

nimbuscloud · 29/03/2021 13:27

Who is suggesting that you terminate? Are there particular concerns that people have ?

Chocolatetrifle · 29/03/2021 13:28

You can do it! I had a family member voice to me asking whether we would cope, no reason not to, we are not young or irresponsible. We cope by getting through each day trying to keep our children happy just like everyone else does. Listen to your heart, not anyone else.

Original poster

Abnabsva · 29/03/2021 13:31

A few people are, especially my partners parents saying things like it's not just my choice but my partners and I need to not be selfish and think of everyone. When it's me who has to go through with it and live with the guilt.

They are worried I won't cope with 2, I find it stressful with 1, but that's kids for you

OP posts:

Chocolatetrifle · 29/03/2021 13:33

Is your partner on only child OP? Just thinking they may just be projecting their experience onto you.

Original poster

Abnabsva · 29/03/2021 13:35

No, my partner has 2 siblings and they each have 5 years between them

OP posts:

nimbuscloud · 29/03/2021 13:39

What does your partner think ?

FeistySheep · 29/03/2021 13:39

It's all very well for them to say 'it's his choice too', but actually his choice was when you slept together without sufficient contraception. Now his choice is over. It's your choice. Ignore his family, ignore everyone else. You are capable!

Chocolatetrifle · 29/03/2021 13:40

5 years between them both, so yes, perhaps your partner's parents are projecting their experiences on to you. As people have said loads of people have a 2 year age gap, it's not unusual at all.

Lnix · 29/03/2021 13:40

Don't doubt yourself! You can do this! 2 years is a very common age gap. It's normal to be apprehensive because babies are hard. And toddlers are hard. But they grow up, and they'll grow up together! I have a 5 year age gap between my two (we wanted less) but I don't think it is much easier to be honest...babies are always hard...we had been there done that and have had the shock of our lives going back to nappies and changing bags and folding buggies and sleepless nights!! But wouldn't change it now. I don't think you'd regret having the baby but I do think you might regret not. You can totally do this! X

Willow4987 · 29/03/2021 13:43

I’ve got an 18 month age gap and to be honest it’s actually been great! I won’t lie, potty trainings a toddler with a crawling baby as well wasn’t the best week of my life but in all other aspects it’s been no harder than the toddler on his own. They’re now playing together and it’s great that they have each other especially when they’ve been isolated from friends/family this year

Pinkywoo · 29/03/2021 13:52

Are you quite young OP? Just wondering if that's why people are questioning you being able to cope, in your situation I'd be pretty offended at the suggestion I should terminate for the sake of my partner! If you want this baby then don't let anyone bully or guilt trip you into not keeping it, it's your choice, not your in-laws.

Bezzi · 29/03/2021 13:57

Don't doubt yourself because other people are judging you.
My kids have a 2yr gap. It was tough at first but absolutely manageable. The age gap is the absolute best now. They are best friends and I wouldn't have it any other way. Don't be pressured into anything by other people's opinions.

Original poster

Abnabsva · 29/03/2021 14:08

I'm 24 that's the thing, they honestly thing I'm so fragile

OP posts:

PerspicaciousGreen · 29/03/2021 15:29

We've got two with a slightly smaller age gap and it's been wonderful. No family support here either. Adding a second baby has been so much easier than trying to figure everything out with the first. We already had a routine so life just trundled along and we worked things out with her as we went along. I think small age gaps can be much easier to manage once you get past the newborn hurdle - they both nap in the afternoon, they'll both be into the same outings, etc. Go for it!

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