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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Pregnant after previous abortion...help

26 replies

Shootingstar878 · 23/03/2021 12:10

I'm currently 5 weeks with a planned pregnancy. I fell pregnant last year accidentally and i knew at the time that having the baby wasn't the right thing to do for various reasons.

I went to see my GP who VERY reluctantly gave me a number for BPAS and as she reached it to me she said "you're lucky I'm even giving you this - many wouldn't". So anyway i went ahead the following week to have a medical abortion. I asked the doctor if my GP would know I'd gone ahead with it (i didn't want her to after my bad experience with her) and she said no, and that it was fine for me to tell the GP in future that I had an early miscarriage.

So now I'm currently expecting this is all hanging over my head like a black cloud. I had a chat with a different GP in my surgery this morning and i told her I'd had a miscarriage (obviously my unwanted pregnancy was in my notes). I feel horrendous about it all, it was an extremely difficult thing to go through and I just can't face admitting up to it. My issue is that I will obviously be asked about this by a midwife and my problem with lying is that I'm rhesus negative and I'm wondering if telling the midwife that it was a miscarriage (i can't face the truth) is going to affect anything It is my understanding that the anti d is given to all pregnant women now regardless of previous pregnancies? Help :(

OP posts:
physicskate · 23/03/2021 12:19

What a judgemental cow?!? I feel like that comment is pretty unethical! Surely anyone can access their services, regardless of whether or not you've been to see a gp first!! I'm outraged on your behalf because you did nothing wrong.

The midwife won't give two shits if you had an abortion and will give you zero judgment. I'd always be honest with the midwife, and even mention that the gp was a twat about things.

Never judge someone till you've walked a mile, and all that!!

India999 · 23/03/2021 12:22

Sorry this happened to you. Your body your choice! Disgusting attitude from the GP.

The midwife shouldn't care. Best of luck and congratulations!

physicskate · 23/03/2021 12:24

I'd be submitting a complain the the surgery manager. So unprofessional.

steppemum · 23/03/2021 12:25

I would trust your midwife.
She needs to know your pregnancy history, especially as you are rhesus negative.
There are 101 reasons why you might have had an abortion, she should just take it in her stride, and focus on this pregnancy

Trumplosttheelection · 23/03/2021 12:25

Congratulations on your baby. Tell your midwife the truth, they will understand.

imsoinmyhead · 23/03/2021 12:32

You need to make a complaint against this extremely unprofessional GP. Her flippant comment has sent you into this spiral of feeling like you have to lie about things! Absolutely shocking.

You do not have to justify your reasons to anyone!

MariaFidelis · 23/03/2021 14:51

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Cap89 · 23/03/2021 15:04

I agree you should put in a complaint to the practice about that gp. It is not a gp’s place to judge. As a pp said, be honest with your midwife as she needs a clear understanding of your medical history, plus you’ll ultimately be much less stressed if you’ve been open about it. She will not judge, she will have seen this countless times and her job is to take care of you and your baby in this pregnancy. Congratulations Smile and hope you have a happy and healthy 9 months

stopchewingeverything · 23/03/2021 15:05

@MariaFidelis I have reported your horrible and unnecessary post. I am sorry you have had issues conceiving but that does not give you the right to judge others like that.

OP, your GP was deeply unprofessional and if I were you I would consider a complaint. Early misc or termination shouldn't have an impact on Anti-D administration, you would be offered it routinely anyway. As a midwife I always hope that women are able to discuss things with me openly and I would urge you to be honest. You can request that things aren't written in your handheld notes if you wish....I have done that for several women in the past. I hope you have a more positive experience with your midwife than you had with your GP.

MariaFidelis · 23/03/2021 15:10

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GeorgiePorge · 23/03/2021 15:13

well done stopchewing you beat me to it on reporting. Completely disgusting an unnecessary comment.

OP - like PP had said I would consider putting in a complaint about your GP - they are a medical professional and should have advised you on medical options without judgement.

Like you I am currently pregnant with a planned pregnancy but had a previous medical abortion at 5 weeks. I have mentioned that to my midwife on my booking appointment, but there was no further comment. You should not be shamed into not disclosing your full medical history because of the unacceptable judgement of others.

jessstan2 · 23/03/2021 15:17

Maria, some people have difficulty conceiving and others don't. You cannot judge someone else's circumstances. Indeed there are people trying to conceive who have had an abortion in the past, they wouldn't tell people about that. One day you may have someone close to you who is in dire straits about a pregnancy and terminates; they will need your support, not criticism.

Peace to you.

MariaFidelis · 23/03/2021 15:17

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stopchewingeverything · 23/03/2021 15:18

Once again @MariaFidelis I have reported your post. You need to find a more appropriate audience for your upsetting posts. Having worked in women's health for years, I have seen that women rarely make decisions for termination lightly and should they come to that difficult decision, they should be able to do so without the judgement of GPs or random people on the internet.

Cap89 · 23/03/2021 15:19

@MariaFidelis this is not the place for this conversation. I also reported your previous post along with this one. The op does not need your bile on top of her existing anxiety over this. It is cruel.

OP if you have seen these posts please ignore them. They are not the reflection of how the majority of people feel and you should not give them a second thought.

MariaFidelis · 23/03/2021 15:19

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Ineedaneasteregg · 23/03/2021 15:20

Abortion is a legal procedure.

OP you should be open with your midwife so they can provide you with the appropriate medical care.

rachelgreensroom · 23/03/2021 15:20

So sorry this happened to you! What a horrible experience at an already difficult time.

I'd hope your midwife will be kinder and more professional and will be best able to advise you if you feel comfortable talking to them.

GeorgiePorge · 23/03/2021 15:21

@mariafidelis

Everything about your comment is wrong, particularly on a factual level. your belief system - is your belief system, and not others, who entitled by law to have control over their own bodies and reproductive rights.

No 'collection of cells' has a right to be born. Neither has any child that has been born ever exercised freedom of choice in its own birth and right to existence.

I genuinely cannot believe that in todays society people are still spouting this utter shite and feel that it is acceptable to foist their beliefs on other people.

If you don't believe in a woman's right to termination - then don't have one.. that is as far as it goes. You have no right to impose your belief on anyone else... to impose in someone seeking support, and in such an inflammatory way is just morally repugnant.

ChristinaYang10 · 23/03/2021 15:28

What a horrible attitude from the GP, like providing access to abortion is something that is hers to police and decide upon.

OP, I would be honest with your midwife, don’t let the awful GP put you off medical professionals. The midwife will have seen this before, and will also have had patients that then went on to have abortions for any number of reasons.

Anyone else reading this, you don’t need to go through a GP if you don’t want to, I called BPAS using the number on their website.

2bazookas · 23/03/2021 15:43

@Ineedaneasteregg

Abortion is a legal procedure.

OP you should be open with your midwife so they can provide you with the appropriate medical care.

Abortion is legal ,but the UK Abortion Act allows doctors with a conscientious/moral objection to abortion, the right not to take any part in arranging one. That fact is stated on the BPAS website (OP got her procedure via BPAS).

It sounds as if OP's GP is in that group for either ethical or religious reasons.

TheDaydreamBelievers · 23/03/2021 16:03

The GP can decline to refer without being a judgemental and unprofessional idiot. They should have declined whilst remaining professional eg "unfortunately I'm not able to process that referral but if you approach my colleagues or contact BPAS directly they should be able to help you". OP could absolutely complain.

More importantly, dont lie to the midwife . They should be totally accepting and non judgemental about it

FTEngineerM · 23/03/2021 16:07

Why does the GP act like they own the rights to your vag? You can go direct to these services completely bypassing the GP.

As PP have said you just tell your midwife everything so that they can offer correct care to keep you and your baby safe. I haven’t come across a judgemental one yet, I hope you don’t either.

thelegohooverer · 23/03/2021 16:08

Don’t lie OP. It only creates further problems. If your GP cannot treat you professionally, deal directly with that issue. Never allow other people to compromise your integrity.

I know that sounds a bit more aspirational than practical but it’s a lesson I’ve learned the hard way. Own your truth.

Congratulations btw.

swiftt · 23/03/2021 16:18

Oh you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. The GP who has made you feel that way, on the other hand...

Be honest with your midwife, she absolutely will not judge you.