Is hypnobirthing going to make me too confident?

[dellarossa]

Hi all! First time mum here, 30 weeks!

I’ve started thinking ahead to the birth and so far have read the Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill and starting the Positive Birth Company online hypnobirthing course, both recommended by friends.

Both talk a lot about the importance of staying calm and relaxed, making your environment a nice comfortable place (low lighting, essential oils, pillows from home), breathing and relaxation to stimulate oxytocin which they say is the key to a straightforward birth. I’ve also watched some positive birth videos which make it all seem very calm and doable. I’m feeling more confident and starting to almost look forward to birth as a result!

However, my fear is - is it making me too confident to the point of having unrealistic expectations? The hypnobirthing course especially makes a point of saying birth ‘shouldn’t be really painful if you’re relaxed enough’ - it should feel physically tough like a work out and there will of course be some pain as your contractions occur and your vagina stretches... but it heavily suggests it’s all very manageable etc. I’d love to believe this but it doesn’t seem likely!

Does hypnobirthing gloss over it all too much? Did anyone have a good hybnobirthing experience? Or was anyone blindsided by what it actually turned out to be like?

I never did hypnobirthing but I agree that if all is straightforward, labour is manageable pain. I imagine it’s like being an ultra runner or something hardcore! My worst pain was DC3 being back to back, which felt like my back was going to break, but I think that was very much down to his positioning.

I listened to the hypnobirthing track I had a lot and my first birth was a really positive experience, straightforward and I just used the pool.

I can't tell you it didn't hurt though. It did, but it was manageable when I had TENS and the water, plus I just kind of went into my head and into this altered state and just did it. I felt absolutely amazing afterwards and would do it again any time.

You will get people saying that it was a load of old shite and they still had a very difficult birth/an EMCS etc though. I'd try and be flexible and accepting - prep yourself for it to go well but also for it being largely out of your hands. Staying at home and relaxed as long as you can manage is also a good call. By the time I got to hospital I was already more than 7cm dilated and I think that made a big difference. Good luck!

I can't tell you it didn't hurt though. It did, but it was manageable when I had TENS and the water, plus I just kind of went into my head and into this altered state and just did it. I felt absolutely amazing afterwards and would do it again any time. Me too @ScarfaceCwaw. It’s an amazing experience.

It shouldn’t be really painful if you’re relaxed enough?! What on earth lots of women feel like they 'failed' in childbirth and this lie is very unhelpful! It will be painful and things don't always go to plan. That's just chance, and not a reflection of whether the person was relaxed enough. If you end up with EMCS, it's not because you didn't do the candles and aromatherapy properly.

Hypnobirthing worked great for me, the breathing exercises etc really gave me something to focus on. Definitely take the pain bit with a pinch of salt. It is painful. None of the techniques that I was taught stopped it being painful. I do think it does kind of paint a rosy picture of birth for first time mums. However I would 100% recommend the positive birth company. I felt more informed about what happens during labour, learned about benefits of delayed cord clamping, skin to skin etc. I also believe that there is no reason why you can't have a calm relaxed environment, use the essential oils etc and breathing techniques as well as pain relief if you need to. I think if you go into it thinking there will be no pain, you will get upset if you need pain relief. I think it's important to have a balanced view. I ultimately ended up with an emergency c-section after a 40 hour long labour. I still class my experience as a positive one and am aiming for a vbac this time. Good luck!

I powerlift so push my body to lift heavy things it really doesn't want to despite the pain it causes.

I still think labor stings like a bitch!!!

You will get lots of different views on this! I personally did not find hypnobirthing that compatible with a birth with interventions - I also didn’t find the pain manageable - and in some cases what I had been taught on the course I attended conflicted with what I was instructed to do by the midwifes.

But anything that helps with how you feel during pregnancy and on your approach to birth is great. My one piece of advice would be to keep an open mind as to what may happen once you go into labour. I put pressure on myself about having a “natural” birth as I had been very influenced by the course I attended and material I had read on hypnobirthing, and in my case this was not helpful.

On the other hand I have friends who swear by it, and have done for multiple births!

Good luck to you whatever you decide.

It’s great that’s you’re so confident!! Keep going with that and be determined that your birth is going to be wonderful and if it isn’t then so be it, but know you went in being strong and confident. I did hypnobirthing for both my babies and it didn’t help in all honesty as I couldn’t focus my thoughts past the pain but that’s because my first was a 27 hour labour and my second was 16 hours back to back so very intense but I lived!m to tell the tale and my second I laboured for 13.5 hours at home with no pain management because I was so focused, I lost it when I had to go to hospital (planned home birth cancelled due to Covid..pfft!). You’re gonna smash this!!

Do you know what I found weirdly helpful in labour, was what I've learned from yoga stretches: that when you first go into a stretch it hurts, but if you can just stay where you are and breathe and let the feelings be, your body opens up and you can go deeper, whereas if you think "aaargh, pain!" and tense and fight it, you can't even hold it much less go deeper. I found labour like that. If you can let the contraction be what it is and breathe through it and know it will end it is ok. The good thing about each contraction is it doesn't last long and you can get into a headspace where you sort of welcome them because you feel like each one is doing what it needs to do and bringing your baby out.

Crowning also hurts like a mofo but it's a short pain and by then you're so close to the end it doesn't matter.

I'm about to get slammed for this as I know not everyone experiences it that way, but there's my tuppence. It worked for me when attached to a drip of a shitload of syntocin too, so there you are.

It will largely come down to your body, your baby’s baby and position. Being relaxed or not will help but ultimately won’t make any difference.

I probably hypnobirthed myself into a state of complacency to be honest - then he was back to back and 11lbs - I’m only 5 foot!

I think if it had been straight forward it would have been so manageable especially as I was very calm and relaxed in the lead up which I put down to hypnobirthing

I wish I'd not bought into the whole "it shouldn't hurt thing". I've had two great births, straightforward, empowering, very positive experiences. But they did hurt and the first time that was such a shock and I felt like a bit of a wimp and like I wasn't doing it right because I'd read all the hypnobirthing stuff. A positive attitude towards birth is brilliant, but realistically it is painful. Or was for me anyway. It's a manageable pain and the altered state thing is definitely true but it is NOT easy.

I did no prep for my birth at all as DD came 2 weeks early and I’d only finished work a couple of days before. I was calm and relaxed as it came out of nowhere and I had no time to panic. It was very straightforward and the best experience I could have hoped for. My best friend who was dead lifting until late on, did loads of courses in prep etc. had a really rough time with hers and has to throw her birth plan out of the window. Learn the techniques but don’t bank on things going to plan.

I think hypnobirthing is excellent and breathing and massage definitely help with relaxing you and helping you to cope with the pain. Being positive helps, However I would also advise that you educate yourself on the things that can sometimes go wrong and be realistic, so that your informed enough to make a decision. Also then share these decisions with your partner. I wrote a birth plan for this exact reason. For example you could completely rule out all pain relief but then find you need it, which is absolutely fine. If you have looked at your options before hand it makes sure that you pick the best option for you, while you've got a clear head and aren't in a rush to choose. Then if that situation comes up, it is a lot calmer and less traumatic.
I was the complete opposite and was absolutely terrified and thought I had a rubbish pain threshold and planned for pretty much every pain relief possible but I found that I coped out extremely well as I usually have shocking period pain and so labour pain wasn't too much different. I am glad that I had those options available though if I needed them.

When I say I did no prep that’s actually a lie, I’d done NCT so knew what was coming and had learned some breathing techniques, one of which I used throughout.

This is what scares me! I'm worried the more I embrace it the more rubbish it'll feel if it doesn't go to plan. But then if I don't embrace that mindset am I setting myself up to fail...

Trying instead to think of it as some helpful breathing and relaxation techniques to use alongside whatever else is required. Plus the knowledge about what what body is actually doing has been useful.

Do you read the positive birth stories on the positive birth company FB page? I find even the ones that don't go to plan are still perceived as positive as they felt calm and in control of their options and could advocate for themselves. That's got to be worthwhile I think

I did the PBC online course and to be honest was quite skeptical about the approach to managing the pain. So it wasn't too much of a surprise or disappointment when I needed pain relief.

The thing I wish I'd been a bit more prepared for was breastfeeding. Both the hypnobirthing and Nct course I did suggested it was so instinctive. Baby would know exactly what to do, would crawl to my breast and latch on. Turns out she didn't have a clue, and I wished I'd been much more prepared than that as BF ultimately didn't work out for us.

I did Positive Birth Company and think it made a real difference. When you watch 'One born every minute' there is lots of screaming 'I can't do it' and I just assumed that was how I would be. Hypnobirthing made me understand how mind and body work together. Negative thoughts, clenching your body, laying on a bed, screaming etc all works against getting baby out. I found the science element of Positive Birth Company really useful. Understanding what my body was doing at each stage and how my positioning and mental attitude could influence a positive birth experience really helped. It still hurt like shit but it was manageable and I didn't scream (lots of 'mooing'). I talked to baby like it was a team effort- 'I'm pushing, you move down, let's do this together.' Tbh what ever helps you is worth it, but be prepared that it might not all go to plan.

Hypnobirthing really worked for me and I would recommend it to anyone but it’s not about not feeling any pain! For me it was all about relaxing pre-birth, learning the breathing techniques and giving me a confidence boost that whatever happened in labour I’d be able to cope with it. I couldn’t get on with the visualisation side of it but the breathing and relaxation tracks were the most helpful.

I had a flexible birth plan and was open to drugs and interventions if necessary, luckily for me I had 2 lovely water births (one of which was an induction) without the need for further intervention. It was definitely painful but more of an “intense” feeling rather than if you’d hurt yourself iyswim. I’m not going to lie the actual crowning bit hurt a lot but I was able to cope with it as I knew it was close to the end. Like a PP I closed my eyes and went into my own world for most of it, the breathing techniques do really help and I loved my TENS and the water, I definitely couldn’t have coped without them.

I am usually a bit of a wimp btw.

This all assumes you have a straightforward labour, obviously complications mean it may not be any use. Good luck!

Some hypnobirthing is good. Some is terrible. A straightforward delivery is not ensured by breathing and relaxation. A baby in a good position, an even dilation and good care maybe!

I read the wrong books ie shouldn't hurt, malpositioning is caused by negative thoughts, your body will know what to do etc.

When it hurt and I needed umpteen interventions, I thought I had failed. The pain wasn't failure, it was my body communicating something was wrong. But I ignored it, I assumed I was doing it wrong, I tried harder. I ended up hemorrhaging and had a baby with a birth injury.

Hypnobirthing done right is a wonderful thing. It has nothing to do with the myriad chance events which decide the progress of labour and birth. It is a tool in an arsenal, not a magic bullet.

I loved it when pregnant with my first. However when things didn’t go to plan and the birth was traumatic I think it set me up for a huge fall as I wasn’t expecting to feel like that or for things to go so not to plan. If I would have done hypnobirthing with second and had that birth I would have thought it was great :) I guess it depends on the experience and how ‘lucky’ you are with the birth. X

I disagree that it means the pain shouldn't be that painful, at least in my experience. I've never known pain like it, but the hypnobirthing kept me calm and focussed, and overall it was a good experience, but it did hurt.

I had an amazing experience with my second and third. I don’t think you will be too confident, it just gives you the tools and mindset to stay calm and as relaxed as possible. I think even if things don’t go as planned it would be beneficial in helping you keep the right mindset. I found it hugely helpful to the point where I’m going to train to teach it in the future.

I did hypnobirthing for all three of my births. I liked doing it because it made me feel like I was prepared. It definitely helps keep you relaxed, particularly in early labour, and gives you a toolbox of techniques to use to work through contractions. I would say however that it really doesn't guarantee a pain free or perfect birth. Ultimately the birth will be dependent on several things and these are not all necessarily within your control. As women we are encouraged to make a birth 'plan' and I actually think that this is sometimes a bit misleading as it gives us a sense that we have some control over the process, when in actual fact we really just have to go with the flow according to the situation. My advise would be to not think of the birth in terms of right or wrong. It's great to have an idea as to what you would like if all goes well, but you have to accept that things may be different from how you plan them, and that if they do then that's fine too.

It works for some people.

As always, it depends on your unique circumstances.

My baby went into distress very early on needing an emcs. No amount of positive thinking would have changed that.

The thing is don’t be so confident it’s going to leave you traumatised if it doesn’t go to plan.

If it goes well, don’t tell people who had a difficult birth that yours was a doddle because you had positive thoughts, and maybe they should try it next time.