Is hypnobirthing going to make me too confident?

[dellarossa]

Hi all! First time mum here, 30 weeks!

I’ve started thinking ahead to the birth and so far have read the Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill and starting the Positive Birth Company online hypnobirthing course, both recommended by friends.

Both talk a lot about the importance of staying calm and relaxed, making your environment a nice comfortable place (low lighting, essential oils, pillows from home), breathing and relaxation to stimulate oxytocin which they say is the key to a straightforward birth. I’ve also watched some positive birth videos which make it all seem very calm and doable. I’m feeling more confident and starting to almost look forward to birth as a result!

However, my fear is - is it making me too confident to the point of having unrealistic expectations? The hypnobirthing course especially makes a point of saying birth ‘shouldn’t be really painful if you’re relaxed enough’ - it should feel physically tough like a work out and there will of course be some pain as your contractions occur and your vagina stretches... but it heavily suggests it’s all very manageable etc. I’d love to believe this but it doesn’t seem likely!

Does hypnobirthing gloss over it all too much? Did anyone have a good hybnobirthing experience? Or was anyone blindsided by what it actually turned out to be like?

Hi, great question!
It can be very hard to get your ideal birth plan to happen in reality, so you should be prepared for things not to go exactly to plan. But hypnobirthing is AMAZING.

Speaking as a mum who has had two inductions, I didn't get the "luxury" of a dimly lit room and scented pillows from home. It was impossible to control the hospital environment- my natural birthing unit was choc full so I had to labour in a regular labour room, both times.

The second time, however, I decided I needed help to calm myself during the induction (I found the sound of other women screaming in pain very frightening the first time). So, I did my own version of hypnobirthing. I say "my own version " as I was told it is incompatible with induction, and also because my partner thought it was nonsense so I simply told him I didn't want him with me until I was about to give birth (he arrived when I was 7.5cm dilated at which point I'd only had 2 paracetamol).

I did find the pushing stage very painful but I used gas and air, and hey, it was ok.

Mastering your fear is important. It is crucial that you do not panic if you feel pain and start to doubt the hypnobirthing. There WILL likely be pain but the hypnobirthing really really helps. Good luck xx

Before I gave birth I was very naive and thought how hard can it be? I’m very fit, it will be fine. I can tell you, both my labours went on for over 48 hours, it is called labour for a reason! I think it’s good to go in with an open mind and remember any coping techniques. Good luck!

Hi OP, IMHO it matters what kind of hypnobirthing you do! :)

I did Maggie Howell's audio MP3 recordings and book, at home in bed. I found her pretty measured (e.g. she also has a hypnobirth recording for a c-section) and LOVED how relaxed it made me. Gave birth to my first in a pool with gas and air, chanting "I'm getting closer and closer to meeting my baby!" manically through every contraction...

I have a good friend who did a more intensive "natural birth" focused course, and she spent her whole labour screaming for a doctor because "it hurt which meant something was going terribly wrong"... She'd taken the message of birth not being painful on so deeply that she thought the baby must be breech or something to explain why it was hurting so much... Her and baby were both fine but she was really anxious and shaken - so it sort of did the opposite of what it was meant to do for her.

So I think hypnobirth is great and really recommend it, but I'd personally start with having a look at Maggie Howell's stuff - check you really trust the teachers of any intensive course before you hand over your cash!

Going into it feeling confident and calm but open to whatever unfolds is the BEST mindset - good luck!

My takeaway was that hypnobirthing techniques are useful whatever way you actually end up giving birth. So definitely useful to help you stay calm, relaxed, and in control. They will not stop you experiencing pain/discomfort, and you are not doing it "wrong" if you do have those feelings, it just helps you compartmentalise that feeling somewhat and relax.
I used hypnobirthing techniques for birth (FTM), and I ended up with a delayed second stage, back to back baby, and a forceps delivery in theatre. Although I wasn't scared or out of control through any of this, some of the positive birth stuff made me feel like I'd failed because my body hadn't been able to do this wonderful, natural thing and I'd needed help. I ended up obsessing (hours a day of googling every day for months and conversations even I was bored of after 6 months) over what I had possibly done wrong to end up in that situation. I'd done everything "right", spent the last month of pregnancy avoiding the sofa for optimal baby position, and made sure I stayed in upright positions all the way through labour doing all of the hypnobirthing breathing etc. So my one bit of advice is to take some of the positive birth stuff with a pinch of salt and recognise that birth is unpredictable and we can't guess in advance how it will happen in the end, and there's nothing you can do to change that.

Natural labor pain for me is manageable I would never be one of those screamy sorts, they drive you insane if you have to stay on a ward.
Our son was a real pain though and I got very fed up of contractions. I was contracting for a couple of weeks, examined at 39+6 and was 1cm dilated. Went about life as normal and went to hospital at 40+4, only 5cm and contracting constantly. They refused to break waters because I had polyhydramnios and left me to endure labor for over 24 hours more on a ward with a woman snoring like a bloody fog horn all night. No pain relief used at all in all that time but used G&A once they broke my waters because I was too damn exhausted to deal with the full extent of the pain anymore. Only 2hr 19mins after waters gone with 15 mins pushing (he was 10lb 12oz and shoulders took a bit of effort). But I had to be on monitors which is like being chained to the bed due to meconium in waters.
My 3rd was much better as I didn't need the monitors on and could potter about the room, that is really helpful for pain management. 1st was an induction so again monitors and that hormone drip is awful!!

I think it’s a really helpful question. In my first Labour, I was really into hypnobirthing, fully paid up belief that your mental approach made a huge difference. And I do believe that is true. However I think the whole chat gave me a fear of interventions and being in hospital (I attempted a home birth but had to go in). Everything was smooth whilst I was at home for 36hrs but became much more difficult in the hospital environment, so I am unsure which caused which, iyswim. They made me be on my back and that was to be avoided where at all possible. Anyway had an epidural and it was fine in the end.

Second labour was successfully at home, and lived up to all my hypnobirthing expectations! I can honestly say that i experienced it as ‘surges’ and ‘powerful feelings’, more than pain. And that it was almost out of body like in that I just watched my body run the show. Totally what I expected in first labour but so different. Again chicken and egg - was that to do with my mindset, I was more relaxed and knew what to expect- or would that have been an easier labour in hospital too?

Wishing you well - even my first labour which was harder was one of the most incredible experiences of my life and I hope that for you too.

I did PBC and it was amazing. My birth wasn’t straight forward but it was such a. Positive experience I recommend it to anyone and everyone. I don’t think you can be too confident, trust in the course and the rest follows (in my experience)

I did hypnobirthing and I had 3 amazing, short and fairly pain free labours. But I can't say whether these things are related.

I don't know the stats, but there is a percentage of women who will have quick and relatively pain-free labours. You may be one of them!

I wasn't afraid of labour and really looked forward to it each time - does that make a difference, who knows? My last baby birthed herself in the space of 2 contractions - I didn't push at all. But what made that happen? No idea.

I've often thought that there should be more (much, much more) research put into the factors that influence labour and birth. Why is labour horrifically painful for some women and not for others? Why is it so fast for some women and so slow for others? There must be so much more we can learn about it.

I did natal hypnotherapy and found it incredibly helpful.

Of course it hurts but if you breathe into it and stay calm it will hurt a whole lot less. If you panic and start screaming your entire body will go into fight or flight mode, everything will tense up and the labour will go on longer with more pain.

I actually think it’s insane that woman are told that screaming at the top of your lungs is a good / normal thing to do. So many clinical interventions could be avoided if the NHS focused on ante-natal birth techniques instead of what drugs you can take.

1st birth was calm and fast

2 and 3 had unplanned complications...you just never know.

Oh and to add I didn’t get the birthing centre/ water birth I wanted due to medical reasons so it was in a shit hospital room on a bed. It still worked!

I did the BPC course and it really helped me understanding more about my body and when labouring at home- especially the Freya app. Despite going into a very nice birthing room with pool I feel my comfort and calm went out the window.

In terms of pain (was my first) I was expecting pain but what I felt wasn’t pain in the sense of hurting yourself but more exhaustion. I would say I’m physically fit and enjoyed exercise pre birth but nothing could prepare me how knackering it was as opposed to painful. I did have to have an episiotomy.

It looks like from the responses that everyone's experience is different so I think it's good you're positive but wary.
I did hypnobirthing while pregnant but in the end things went wrong and I needed lots of intervention. I think hypnobirthing made me push back too much on what the doctors were telling me we needed to do so I ended up in labour for four days, absolutely shattered and in so much pain. It all ended up being so traumatic and really affected my mental health.
So my advice is great to be positive and hope for the best but be prepared that if intervention is needed, it's best to follow the medical advice and protect yourself with more pain relief because the lasting trauma of pain can be very real.

The list of possible complications is very long and very scary, but hypnobirthing won't help if your baby has umbilical cord around the neck. Or of umbilical is compressed. Or if you are overdue and placenta is becoming inefficient. Or, Or, Or.

As long as you read about C sections, that you understand that there is no 'failed' labour or birth - if you end up having intervention, ventouse, drugs, or c sections, it WILL NOT be a failure.

I had a severe and unusual complication during birth of DS1, where my body went into shock. High temperature, some of my vital organs were not working properly, my heart was all over the place, my oxygen levels were very low, I was passing out/delirium/felt like I was drowning, my heart went into bradicardia. I didn't even know that existed. Massage oil and a soft pillow wouldn't have prevented that.

@skeggycaggy

I never did hypnobirthing but I agree that if all is straightforward, labour is manageable pain. I imagine it’s like being an ultra runner or something hardcore! My worst pain was DC3 being back to back, which felt like my back was going to break, but I think that was very much down to his positioning.

An ultra runner who’s having a really big poo maybe 😂

I did a natal hypnotherapy course which helped through two births, one with every intervention under the sun and one natural. It helped me a lot, both thinking positively about birth before it happened and techniques to use during birth. I agree that it is important to be realistic about what could go wrong, but don't focus on that.

My experience is that it can be very helpful and some people find it extremely helpful. It can help you to cope with the pain but it will have no impact, in my opinion, on how painful something is - but you may feel better able to cope with that pain, which in itself is a win.

What I would be careful about is linking cause and effect with birth. It’s easy to think that if you do x, then y will follow: quite a few hypnobirthing practitioners seem to convey the message, overtly or implicitly, that if you do hypnobirthing “properly” you will have an easy birth, and if your birth doesn’t fit that narrative then it’s somehow your fault for not being relaxed enough or trying hard enough. This is total bollocks.

It’s true that you can do certain things to increase the odds of an easier birth. But if it all goes the opposite way from what you’d hoped for, please do not think this is in any way your fault or that you’ve failed. It’s giving birth, not an exam.

In my experience it hurts like running a marathon hurts rather than like breaking a leg hurts.

Running a marathon DOES hurt but it’s not the same panic or terror inducing agony as a broken bone.
In Labour I did have a couple of moments of panic/terror but both times I managed to wrestle it back under control with my breathing exercises and most of the experience was the marathon running kind of pain.

I found it helpful after my baby was born just to celebrate that I brought her into the world. She was perfect, and we both survived.

The birth wasn’t what I wanted at all. I was in active labour for about 90 minutes before needing to push. I never felt as though I was having contractions, there was never a gap or a break. I was hooked up to a machine and was having 7 in 10 minutes, apparently. The small silver lining was that the crowning part didn’t hurt at all in comparison, even though I tore badly!

I would love to have felt like I was empowered and in control during the labour but it just felt like something awful was happening to me. I don’t think my experience was exactly standard, but not too far out of the norm either. It would have been great if it could have been different, but it honestly stopped mattering the moment my daughter was born. I’m incredibly proud of my body, it did an amazing thing.

If I hadn't done hypnobirthing I would have talked myself into a state of abject terror around induction, tears, episiotomies, assisted births (they were my personal greatest fears), and when some of them happened during the birth of my first my personal narrative would probably have been that it was traumatic.
As it was hypnobirthing kept me calm and confident, able to deal positively with changes to my birth plan, and able to frame my first birth in a positive way in my own memory.
I can't see any benefit to holding onto fear before you give birth, and anything you can do to be less afraid and more confident has got to be great. You also have to be realistic as in talk to your birth partner about different types of birth and what your preferences would be in those scenarios eg if baby goes to special care, should he go with baby or stay with you, that type of thing.

Hi OP,
I think you've had a good range of responses here. I did the PBC in my last pregnancy and found it helpful in managing my worries and building my techniques to feel like I was "doing something" when in labour. BUT I was also glad that I had thought about a list of "what if's" of complications as ultimately despite my waters breaking naturally and all things seeming to go my way in the beginning, many days of labour, full failed induction (all without pain relief, having pushed for intermittent monitoring etc. to stay mobile) still resulted in an EMCS.

What I did find hard was that in none of my "prepared" scenarios had I thought about an EMCS, whereby it was 'an emergency': i.e.: the medical team were on high alert, baby was born in distress, no skin to skin was allowed as they were rushed to NICU, and my partner accompanied baby, so I was alone. I hadn't accounted for not being able to picture my little one, or hold her for hours. I wish some of the things that I had read had explained how hard it can be in the early hours. As its not always joyful (She's an active loving one year old now and I'm due another soon so it's not all doom and gloom, but I did blame myself afterwards and wonder "what happened" that it went that way, when in hindsight, these things do just happen - i.e. babies and bodies can be unpredictable).

I was glad that the resources gave me the skills/courage to ask for my needs to be met: so I felt strong enough to ask to be brought to NICU (took over 12 hours for a wheelchair to arrive), to ask for my meds, to ask for syringes so I could harvest collestrum for baby, and to insist that she was given these.

But I do echo the caution about linking cause and effect, as a wise poster put it above. You can feel in control and positive, and unfortunately, have to respond to unpredictable difficult circumstances. What I wish they had said was that sometimes when scary crap things happen, its ok to be upset and scared! Once I shared that and told the midwives around me, I found I got a lot more support, and I needed it!

Hope all goes well for you xx

I did a version of hypnobirthing (not in UK) where it was very much part of a toolkit of things that could help and I found that thinking very helpful.They also had recordings for if you needed induction or a c-section, so there wasn't a sense you 'failed' if that happened, but there was also an attitude of you may be pushed into interventions you don't need so do focus on what your body is capable of. I also read Ina Garden and some other books and I think that attitude of 'all birth can be painfree if you get into the right mindset' has the potential to be really damaging.

What I'd really recommend is: stay feeling confident, but also think through what you would have as a preference in all worst-case scenarios.

I had a list of: if possible, a natural water birth with gas and air and a water birth. Waterbirth wasn't allowed because I was group b strep positive, I had to be induced and it all went a bit wrong and I experienced the pain as one long contraction before they realised I was hyperstimulated and the baby was in distress. The hupnobirthing tape and tens machine really helped me get through that: It wasn't pain free but it helped me feel in control of the pain. However after 24 hours of that, when they decided I needed to go on the drip, I also knew that if I ended up with the drip I would consider an epidural and I got one and I didn't feel at all like I failed. I'd thought through all my potential scenarios in advance, and so even though with many of them I got my third (fourth, fifth...!) choice, I didn't feel panicked about making a decision.

The other thing I'd recommend is do as much exercise as you healthily can, depending on how fit you are normally. I sank into the sofa for the third trimester but the three friends I had who had the easiest, textbook, fast deliveries were the fittest and sportiest - women who were doing half-marathons/swimming an hour a day/cycling 20k roundtrips to work before they conceived and kept active in pregnancy.

@Worknoplay it’s not unusual for a baby to have the cord found their neck, even two or three times. About a third of babies do. They don’t breath into their lungs until they’re out so it doesn’t really matter....

It worked for me, the confidence can't do harm I don't think. All three of my labours were very very quick so very intense. The first I was shocked at the strain at one point, but it went fine. My second was a dream, I gave birth in a pool, one of the best experiences of my life. I wanted to repeat the experience with my third, but with covid the birthing pools were closed. Hypnobirthing focuses the mind, and you need that when in labour. I hope you have a wonderful experience when the time comes!

@Shufflebudge yes it matter IF the cord is compressed. It matters a huge deal. It is extremely dangerous. www.boltburdonkemp.co.uk/our-insights/umbilical-cord-compression-signs-risks-experience-representing-children-suffering-undiagnosed-cord-compression/