Breastfeeding & anxiety

[NRC96]

Hi guys so I have an embarrassing issue and have no one to talk to about it. I'm currently 9 weeks pregnant and I'm already extremely anxious about breastfeeding.

I have had grade 3 ptosis (nipples pointing to the floor and sagging) since being a teenager, I've never had "normal" breasts. This is something that has affected my body confidence all my life and I have never got my breasts out infront of anyone.. including my partner of 3 years. I ALWAYS wear a bra.

Now I am 9 weeks pregnant and having serious anxiety about breastfeeding.. I would like to try it and its already caused issues between my partner and I as he thinks I should breast feed and I told him I'm not sure.
My issue is I can't stand the idea of getting my breasts out infront of anyone.. including midwives etc. It already has caused nightmares and anxiety for me since I found out I was pregnant so I'm not sure I'm even going to be able to breast feed.

Is there anyone who has breast fed with grade 3 ptosis that has any advice on how to not feel so self conscious? Or is there a way I can try breastfeeding alone without the need to midwives etc being there or 'helping' as if I try it I would rather be on my own so no one sees me i just feel so down about it atm.

Hi, I can't offer specific advice but didn't want to read and run. I am sorry this is causing you such anxiety. I can say that once baby was born I just fed him and didn't think twice about who could see my boobs, despite being quite private and not particularly body confident. The babys head covers your nipple so mainly the only bit anyone would see is the top of the boob (which tends to look quite full once milk has come in).
I had midwives helping at first and I actually asked them to leave me be as I found it quite stressful. I just topped up with formula in the hospital until he got the hang of things. I know its not always that easy though.
You could always cover with a muslin if that helps. You could also mention this to your midwife. They have seen and heard pretty much everything and might be able to reassure you or put something in your notes to explain so others are aware. They tend to be v kind and non-judgmental. I think you have options but your midwife can't help if they aren't aware. Id hate for you to miss out on something you really wanted to do because of this but equally if you really don't want to, thats OK too. Best of luck xx

I work in a children's centre where we offer breastfeeding support. I have seen breasts and nipples of every size and shape, everyone is different. Most people don't even have a matching pair.

Until you work in a job like mine, or as a medical professional, the vast majority of breast that you will have seen belong to women who are happy to show their breasts in magazines, papers, films etc... They are not a representative sample of breasts. Women spend most of their time with their breasts hoiked up in a bra, and then covered in a top so it's impossible to see what they actually look like.

In the later stages of your pregnancy you might find it useful to go along to a breastfeeding group (they should be open by then) so you can get some hints and tips, as well as see others feeding.

On a practical note, the trick we used regularly for downward pointing nipples is to roll up a muslin or two and tuck them under the breast, this lifts it up a bit making it easier to position the baby.

Congratulations on your pregnancy

I have very uneven boobs - it's really noticeable with several cup sizes different and so I had the same concerns about BF. However, I was so sure it was what I wanted, I made a point of telling all of the midwives that I came in to contact with (without explaining anything) and so when I had my boy, they just helped me get on with it. No one ever said anything even if they noticed (they have way more important things to deal with than my wonky tits ). My only concern was making sure my boy was fed and no matter how weird they look to me - that's exactly what they did until he was a strapping 13 month old who decided that food was much nicer.
Yes I spent silly amounts of money on capes/scarves/tops etc before he arrived and I was soooo nervous the first mum and baby groups, then I realised that I wasn't giving a moments thought to what the other BF mums boobs were like so why would they worry about mine? Also, when your LO cries for milk, you just want to settle them, your 'audience' doesn't really cross your mind
Congrats OP

Hi op, sorry to hear you're feeling like this. Honestly after birth, I really didn't care who saw what. I won't usually let my husband see me naked as I hate my stomach so much, but in the first week after birth, I really didn't care and walked around topless as I was trying so hard to breastfeed.
I don't think midwives are actually meant to touch your breasts to help you breastfeed anymore, at least that was my hospital policy. But I did have several midwives ask if I minded and helped me hand express so I could syringe and cup feed. I had several midwives comment on the shape and size of my breasts and said that was part of the reason we were having trouble breastfeeding, but it was more factual than them being mean. They really have seen all breasts before and they will be supportive you are giving it a go.
Once we had established breastfeeding, I had a cover for feeding out and about as I felt more comfortable that way. I'm the same regarding always wearing a bra and even sleep in one!
Don't put any pressure on yourself, if people ask if you are planning to breastfeed say you haven't decided or you'll give it a try. I didn't think I would breastfeed as I'm so self conscious and hate my nipples being touched. When it came to it after birth, I found the midwives so supportive. Although we had so many issues establishing breastfeeding, I was able to exclusively feed because of the help I was given.
Good luck!

Oh my goodness I've just had a bit of an epiphany as I didn't know what grade 3 ptosis was so I also googled it and I didn't know there was a word for downward pointing nipples - I also have this! I am currently breastfeeding my 9 month old as I type this. I would say my breasts weren't always like this they have definitely changed since being pregnant and breastfeeding. I had several issues when I started breastfeeding due to tongue tie . I always had problems when I was being told how to get a good latch and the phrase "nose to nipple" was so unbelievably unhelpful and now I understand why! Looking back OP i never twigged it wasn't necessarily normal to have to hold my breast up for baby to feed and I still do it now ( due to lack of opportunity to go to breastfeeding groups) . The best position in the world is side lying so comfy and lovely. I hope you are able to over come your anxieties as honestly it is so worth it and you will feel so proud. Once you get through the first few weeks it's so easy and your baby will reap the benefits. Good luck also at the beginning it really helped my baby to due the laid back position to latch properly .

Bless, mine are definitely like that. I’ve always had sagging really as they are large & now after a lot of weight gain & soon to be 3 kids my nipples definitely face the floor!
I’m due in 5 days & I’ll be breastfeeding, it can be awkward with bigger sagging breasts as the nipples are lower but try not to be embarrassed as it’s perfectly normal. We can’t all have lovely pert breasts unfortunately!
Give it a try & if you really aren’t comfortable then that’s your choice, I also had flat nipples (3 years of breastfeeding mean I don’t anymore) & couldn’t stand them being touched but I really didn’t mind when BF.

Hi guys thanks for replying with such honesty about your personal experiences!
I almost certainly would not be able to have someone touch my breast, just the thought of someone seeing them makes me feel sick. My own mother has been shunted out of my room ever since I've been aware of my breasts.
I'm really not sure I'm going to be able to have anyone see them and its causing lots of issues in my relationship already as he has accepted I don't get them out for him but can't understand why I wouldn't feed my baby naturally.. and I understand as I also feel terrible for feeling so self conscious that I couldn't feed my own baby but that isn't the issue, my issue is the other people potentially involved in seeing them. I had my booking appointment last week and didn't mention it as my partner was there but even the midwife was almost insistent I have to breast feed "for atleast 2 weeks"

I know all these people have seen so many different types of breasts and nipples but its so much different to me personally not ever having anyone see them, literally any other part of my body no issue I've had internal scans and whatnot already, I don't have anxieties about birth but its the whole idea of people seeing my breasts that is keeping me up at night, but I also don't want to miss out on that bond from breast feeding or upset my partner by not even trying.
I'm just not sure no matter what anyone says I will be able to get over the anxieties over it.
Does anyone know if I can ask to be left alone whilst I try and if I have issues and feel comfortable I will ask or just decide its not for me and bottle feed? Like I will be doing a hell of a lot of research and finding out how to breastfeed and different positions etc before hand anyway so I feel if I can do it I should be able to get the hang of it on my own and if not then I can atleast say I tried?

As my brother in law said to me when I was embarrassed to breastfeed in front of him (and others) in a room: 'we've all been to Benidorm.' From then on, I was never embarrassed to feed my baby. I realised I'd made it bro a way bigger deal than it actually was - no one else gave two shits.

I hope that is if some consolation. I'm sorry you feel so negative about your body.

Not t sure, but is there a way for you to try to improve your body confidence? I feel like you shouldn't have to live like this.

@physicskate

As my brother in law said to me when I was embarrassed to breastfeed in front of him (and others) in a room: 'we've all been to Benidorm.' From then on, I was never embarrassed to feed my baby. I realised I'd made it bro a way bigger deal than it actually was - no one else gave two shits.

I hope that is if some consolation. I'm sorry you feel so negative about your body.

Not t sure, but is there a way for you to try to improve your body confidence? I feel like you shouldn't have to live like this.

I feel like the only way is to have a breast lift, which is what I was losing weight for.. however my body had different plans and got pregnant after being told I would be able to get pregnant naturally

I wonder if this could actually be an opportunity to see your breasts in a new light, not as something to make you embarrassed or anxious but as fantastic nutrition providers?

@Munkeenut

I wonder if this could actually be an opportunity to see your breasts in a new light, not as something to make you embarrassed or anxious but as fantastic nutrition providers?

Maybe... if I can do it alone... but not if others have to see them unfortunately

It will be absolutely fine for you to say that you'd like to try alone and then invite the midwives in if you need help and if you feel comfortable. I found my NCT class brilliant as they showed us the holds using a doll (and of course we were fully clothed).
If BF'ing isn't for you - do not feel guilty. It's your body and no midwife/partner should make you feel bad.
From another view, my partner was very supportive of me BF'ing but he did comment that it made him a little sad that he didn't get to 'bond' with our boy by feeding him, we tried expressing for but LB didn't take to bottles, they had lots of skin to skin time and OH bathed our little one - there are lots of ways to build that bond that aren't BF'ing if you choose not to or can't when it comes to it

@MissSmith80

It will be absolutely fine for you to say that you'd like to try alone and then invite the midwives in if you need help and if you feel comfortable. I found my NCT class brilliant as they showed us the holds using a doll (and of course we were fully clothed). If BF'ing isn't for you - do not feel guilty. It's your body and no midwife/partner should make you feel bad. From another view, my partner was very supportive of me BF'ing but he did comment that it made him a little sad that he didn't get to 'bond' with our boy by feeding him, we tried expressing for but LB didn't take to bottles, they had lots of skin to skin time and OH bathed our little one - there are lots of ways to build that bond that aren't BF'ing if you choose not to or can't when it comes to it

This definatly makes me feels better as I would be ok with trying it alone if I could be left to get on with it, I know its not always easy especially with it being my first but I'm sure people can manage without the need of assistance. My partner doesn't seem bothered about bonding through feeding he just seems to believe woman should breastfeed and thats that which I wasn't aware of before getting pregnant of course🤦‍♀️

If you do decide to try breastfeeding and need some support there are several helplines, that way no-one would be able to see you.

National Breastfeeding Helpline: 0300 100 0212

Association of Breastfeeding Mothers: 0300 330 5453

La Leche League: 0345 120 2918

National Childbirth Trust (NCT): 0300 330 0700

OP, you are only in the early stages. Talk to your midwife as soon as you can and they can put in your notes that you want to try breastfeeding but extreme anxiety means that you do not wish any midwives to be present when you do so.

When I was breastfeeding I wore a stretchy vest and bra under a loose fitting top. So when the baby wanted feeding I just reached under the top, pulled out a boob and got the baby latched on under the loose top. I remember going on holiday with my husbands family. SIL was very squeamish about breastfeeding and remarked how she was suprised she never noticed any boob for the whole holiday.

You can get a nursing cover (as long as you introduce it early enough, babies are creatures of habit and at some point you can’t change things any more without protests.
I had a lot of people trying to help with the latch as I was in hospital for a while, lots of poking about. Didn’t help as much as watching videos of good latches.
You could also express and bottlefeed breastmilk when other people are around (or always, some people do that).
You have options. Don’t worry.

Firstly, I just googled grade 3 ptosis, and have seen loads of similar breasts at baby groups, so it's not actually a big deal and nobody will notice or care.

But I have also experienced bad anxiety, so I know that me telling you that probably isn't the slightest bit helpful right now, because your feelings about your breasts are the issue, and that's not something that's easy to change or be reassured about.

So I would mention this to your midwife, and find out about breastfeeding support in your area. Ask around if you have any friends locally who have breastfed. There will be breastfeeding counsellors and possibly lactation consultants who you can talk to. I'd get some names and numbers and recommendations if you want to do something now, and then give them a call towards the end of your second trimester and explain your situation. They will help you to work out a plan for immediately after the birth and how to start breastfeeding and how to get help if you have trouble. If they don't take your concerns seriously, then they aren't the right people to support you.

OP breast ptosis is a term made up by plastic surgeons to help describe and justify different breast surgeries. There is nothing medically wrong with sagging breasts. They are not defective, they just don’t fit the culturally accepted definition of beautiful’ Even though you really don’t like how yours look, if you decide to breastfeed your baby will think they are the best thing in the world. Your baby will love you and your body in a way you can’t imagine until it happens.

My boobs were never particularly perky either. I’m not a big fan of how they look. I have been breastfeeding my son for 18months now. He gets the most massive grin on his face if he when my boobs because for him boobs=milk and cuddles with mum and love. He doesn’t know anything about ptosis.

Seeing medical videos about breastfeeding (featuring real mums and their boobs) is also reassuring because these videos are not American Pie 3 and there are a wider variety of normal breasts shown. Also the midwives might even ask to examine your breasts at some point - I’m not in the UK but this was part of one of my pregnancy appointments. You might not want to wear a bra during labour or you might not be able to at all if you are in theatre in a surgical gown. The midwives or drs will not bat an eyelid at seeing your boobs - they see a much wider variety of breast shapes than most people do. I found this reassuring too. No one will see your boobs and show any kind of disgust or surprise. They really won’t.

As your pregnancy goes along your breasts will look different anyway - probably bigger and a bit more ´lifted’ from a combination of growth and standing differently to accommodate your bump and then your bump itself may push them up towards the end. The areolas will get bigger and darker too. So you may like they way they look in pregnancy! Or not. That’s fine too. If I were you I’d put off any decision for a few months. Give yourself a break from thinking about it. Revisit it again in the 3rd trimester - see how you feel then.

@OpposableThumbs2

If you do decide to try breastfeeding and need some support there are several helplines, that way no-one would be able to see you.

National Breastfeeding Helpline: 0300 100 0212

Association of Breastfeeding Mothers: 0300 330 5453

La Leche League: 0345 120 2918

National Childbirth Trust (NCT): 0300 330 0700

Thankyou so much for those xx

Didnt know what ptosis was either and ive googled and mine are probably off the scale.. breastfeeding can be discreet you dont have to get your whole boob out to feed. I always worse a vest top under a jumper and you couldnt see my breast. I was/ still am concious of my boobs but your anxieties seem to disappear when your baby needs feeding as your priority is feeding your baby. Its society thats made us self concious, SM and men sexualising breasts into objects meant to look a certain way. At the end of the day their function is to provide nutrition, regardless of appearance. Enjoy it, its amazing

@DaisyWaldron

Firstly, I just googled grade 3 ptosis, and have seen loads of similar breasts at baby groups, so it's not actually a big deal and nobody will notice or care.

But I have also experienced bad anxiety, so I know that me telling you that probably isn't the slightest bit helpful right now, because your feelings about your breasts are the issue, and that's not something that's easy to change or be reassured about.

So I would mention this to your midwife, and find out about breastfeeding support in your area. Ask around if you have any friends locally who have breastfed. There will be breastfeeding counsellors and possibly lactation consultants who you can talk to. I'd get some names and numbers and recommendations if you want to do something now, and then give them a call towards the end of your second trimester and explain your situation. They will help you to work out a plan for immediately after the birth and how to start breastfeeding and how to get help if you have trouble. If they don't take your concerns seriously, then they aren't the right people to support you.

I'll definatly mention it to my midwife when I see her alone as its not something me and my partner can talk about at the minute without it ending up in some form of an argument or tears. I'll be putting it in my birth plan and I'll try and make sure anyone who deals with me knows my feelings towards it, I honestly just wish the anxiety about it would just go away for a while but its been ever since my partner mentioned about breastfeeding and its something he seems to bring up quite often when we talk about having a baby and what we need. I think if he made an effort to atleast respect or understand how I feel about id feel better but even after a chat about it last night he just laughed at me because he doesn't understand. I'm just going to try and enjoy the fact I'm going to be having a baby and avoid conversations with people around me about breastfeeding for the time being as once its mentioned its there in the back of my mind all day

I always breastfeed in one of these. www.seraphine.com/en-gb/winter-grey-nursing-shawl/?gclid=Cj0KCQjwrsGCBhD1ARIsALILBYrayq_To7ZSXpMQn_LSASX3ZrlAmZwT4M1fpkyeaGQvKUNcD4dYivEaAm32EALw_wcB
You can have LOs head completely concealed if necessary so no one can see your nipple.

Putting it in your birth plan sounds like a great idea. To be honest when I gave birth the midwifes just left me to get on with it on my own anyway.

@addictedtotheflats

Didnt know what ptosis was either and ive googled and mine are probably off the scale.. breastfeeding can be discreet you dont have to get your whole boob out to feed. I always worse a vest top under a jumper and you couldnt see my breast. I was/ still am concious of my boobs but your anxieties seem to disappear when your baby needs feeding as your priority is feeding your baby. Its society thats made us self concious, SM and men sexualising breasts into objects meant to look a certain way. At the end of the day their function is to provide nutrition, regardless of appearance. Enjoy it, its amazing

Its more the issue of whilst I'm still at the hospital after giving birth, I know I can cover up when out and about or at family members Houses but I've been doing a lot of reading into it and at the hospital and having midwives or others there is whats getting to me, even if one of them sat there topless with a matching body to mine I still would not be able to get them out and I certainly wouldn't be wanting anyone touching or helping with anything in that area. Surely they have to accept my choices and leave me be as its my body and my baby and just trust if I'm struggling and feel comfortable to I can just ask for help

@Weepingwillow22

I always breastfeed in one of these. www.seraphine.com/en-gb/winter-grey-nursing-shawl/?gclid=Cj0KCQjwrsGCBhD1ARIsALILBYrayq_To7ZSXpMQn_LSASX3ZrlAmZwT4M1fpkyeaGQvKUNcD4dYivEaAm32EALw_wcB You can have LOs head completely concealed if necessary so no one can see your nipple.

Putting it in your birth plan sounds like a great idea. To be honest when I gave birth the midwifes just left me to get on with it on my own anyway.

Thanks for the link! Can I ask is this in the UK? I've read many peoples stories about it and most of them involve some form or health professional "needing" to see baby feed etc