Breastfeeding & anxiety

[NRC96]

Hi guys so I have an embarrassing issue and have no one to talk to about it. I'm currently 9 weeks pregnant and I'm already extremely anxious about breastfeeding.

I have had grade 3 ptosis (nipples pointing to the floor and sagging) since being a teenager, I've never had "normal" breasts. This is something that has affected my body confidence all my life and I have never got my breasts out infront of anyone.. including my partner of 3 years. I ALWAYS wear a bra.

Now I am 9 weeks pregnant and having serious anxiety about breastfeeding.. I would like to try it and its already caused issues between my partner and I as he thinks I should breast feed and I told him I'm not sure.
My issue is I can't stand the idea of getting my breasts out infront of anyone.. including midwives etc. It already has caused nightmares and anxiety for me since I found out I was pregnant so I'm not sure I'm even going to be able to breast feed.

Is there anyone who has breast fed with grade 3 ptosis that has any advice on how to not feel so self conscious? Or is there a way I can try breastfeeding alone without the need to midwives etc being there or 'helping' as if I try it I would rather be on my own so no one sees me i just feel so down about it atm.

Bloody hell i didn’t even know that had a name, my nips are exactly like that I just googled an image.

FWIW I just stopped breastfeeding at 7.5m for other reasons. There was no problems with shape/direction of nipple.

Rugby ball hold when DC was tiny was great, that maybe why.

@FTEngineerM

Bloody hell i didn’t even know that had a name, my nips are exactly like that I just googled an image.

FWIW I just stopped breastfeeding at 7.5m for other reasons. There was no problems with shape/direction of nipple.

Rugby ball hold when DC was tiny was great, that maybe why.

I only know it has a name as since being a teenager I have googled it probably 3 million times and every other persons breasts I have seen have been the "standard, what you see in pictures" kind of breasts so I always thought there was something wrong with me. I know its normal for them to be different shapes and sizes but I just personally hate how mine look and always have done. I'm glad you managed to breastfeed, can I ask did you have 'help' in the hospital after you gave birth?

Me too I think my boobs are rank, I just didn’t realise it had a name 🤭 solidarity on that one!

Yes, the student midwife put my nip in DCs mouth as soon as we got back into ward from theatre (forceps). Then DC had both boobs and fell asleep. He was pretty drowsy for most of the rest of the day but I fed him again 6 hours later on my own.

Next morning I asked midwife to check latch and she said that’ll kill it looks like a lipstick, I was cradling him across my stomach at first. She showed me rugby ball hold and it was much more comfortable for me and DC he fed for longer and I carried on with that until he had better head control.

This will sound weird but if we have similar boobs you may understand what I mean: I hated the feeling of him just suckling on my boob unless I was holding it and lifting the tissue inside my boob. The skin is quite saggy on my boob so I can feel the tissue under the skin and if I held that whilst he was feeding it was far more comfortable.

There’s loads of good info given from breastfeeding advice websites by PPs: I’m sure you’ll be fine but if not they’ll really try and get to the bottom of any problem with you.

I didn’t have a problem feeding outside discretely, most thought we were cuddling.

@FTEngineerM

Me too I think my boobs are rank, I just didn’t realise it had a name 🤭 solidarity on that one!

Yes, the student midwife put my nip in DCs mouth as soon as we got back into ward from theatre (forceps). Then DC had both boobs and fell asleep. He was pretty drowsy for most of the rest of the day but I fed him again 6 hours later on my own.

Next morning I asked midwife to check latch and she said that’ll kill it looks like a lipstick, I was cradling him across my stomach at first. She showed me rugby ball hold and it was much more comfortable for me and DC he fed for longer and I carried on with that until he had better head control.

This will sound weird but if we have similar boobs you may understand what I mean: I hated the feeling of him just suckling on my boob unless I was holding it and lifting the tissue inside my boob. The skin is quite saggy on my boob so I can feel the tissue under the skin and if I held that whilst he was feeding it was far more comfortable.

There’s loads of good info given from breastfeeding advice websites by PPs: I’m sure you’ll be fine but if not they’ll really try and get to the bottom of any problem with you.

I didn’t have a problem feeding outside discretely, most thought we were cuddling.

I feel pretty confident that they will accept my wishes now that I've spoke to multiple people about it. I don't know about you but when I don't have a bra on they feel so uncomfortable and heavy and I don't like the feeling of them resting on my belly when upright so I've just always kept a bra on even when alone to avoid the feeling. I'm going to watch as many videos as I can of breastfeeding and try and find out as much as I can about it so that I should have some idea of what I'm doing when it comes to it so that I can avoid needing help but still enjoy the experience of bonding that way, I'm not sure what I will say to my partner at the hospital as I won't want him watching either until I've got to grips with it, which I imagine will be hard for him but he can't just expect me to whip em out once I've had a baby after him not seeing them for the 3 years we have been together

OP, your post is really sad, because you are feeling huge anxiety and unhappiness over something which you simply don’t need to worry about. I know it’s hard but I really urge you to reach out to someone about your feelings around your breasts and how much stress they cause you - midwife, GP, or even read online first about techniques you could try privately (CBT exercises or similar) to change your thoughts around them. The solution is not to keep your breasts secret for ever and nor does it have to be something as drastic as surgery. For as long as you try to keep your breasts hidden, the worry about having to show them will remain and steal your happiness. It’s that worry that you really need to work on, because it is controlling and hurting you needlessly. Your life will change if you can get past it and see it for what it is - something irrational that has got out of control, but truly has nothing to do with your breasts. You have normal breasts - literally millions of women in the world have breasts like yours.

Your partner is being unkind though. If he brings it up again tell him that he is upsetting you and making you anxious about something which is meant to be joyful, and that you will deal with the issue in your own time and your own way, and are not talking about it anymore. And please do speak to your midwife - I am sure they will be helpful.

Oh bless you. I have flat, inverted nipples and I was so scared about BF. I will say that after giving birth I wasn’t worried about healthcare professionals seeing them at all. It changed my outlook completely. They’ve seen it all and really couldn’t care less.

With BF I did it at home until I was confident and then only out and about with my DP for a little while and then I worked out a way that was comfy and discreet I was happy to feed anywhere, including in front of family and friends and I am happy to say I never flashed any of them! If you are around people who BF you will notice huge variation in how discreet people are happy to be. It is possible to do it and not show anything to anyone.

@Crossornot

OP, your post is really sad, because you are feeling huge anxiety and unhappiness over something which you simply don’t need to worry about. I know it’s hard but I really urge you to reach out to someone about your feelings around your breasts and how much stress they cause you - midwife, GP, or even read online first about techniques you could try privately (CBT exercises or similar) to change your thoughts around them. The solution is not to keep your breasts secret for ever and nor does it have to be something as drastic as surgery. For as long as you try to keep your breasts hidden, the worry about having to show them will remain and steal your happiness. It’s that worry that you really need to work on, because it is controlling and hurting you needlessly. Your life will change if you can get past it and see it for what it is - something irrational that has got out of control, but truly has nothing to do with your breasts. You have normal breasts - literally millions of women in the world have breasts like yours.

Your partner is being unkind though. If he brings it up again tell him that he is upsetting you and making you anxious about something which is meant to be joyful, and that you will deal with the issue in your own time and your own way, and are not talking about it anymore. And please do speak to your midwife - I am sure they will be helpful.

I feel like the only way I will ever feel comfortable with them is if I have uplift surgery. I was losing weight to have the surgery but I was already doubting even having the surgery as I knew it meant someone would see them🤦‍♀️ the only way I stopped the anxiety around having surgery was by realising they would see them but they would also 'fix' them so it wasn't too scary because they may see them but then they will be changed which they would also see so that felt better to me. Like I've watched naked attraction with my partner and there have been multiple women on there with a similar shape to mine and everytime my partner comments on them something not very nice which puts me off even more.. I know its not really his fault cause he doesn't even know what mine look like to know he's hurting me. I've told him we are not to speak of the breastfeeding subject for a while now as it just causes too much grief between us, I do wish he would realise that it is obviously a massive issue for me and atleast try and be a bit more understanding about it but I do also get he has wanted a baby for so long (he's 37 with no children and I'm 24) and only wants the best for them.

@Rootsmanouvre

Oh bless you. I have flat, inverted nipples and I was so scared about BF. I will say that after giving birth I wasn’t worried about healthcare professionals seeing them at all. It changed my outlook completely. They’ve seen it all and really couldn’t care less.

With BF I did it at home until I was confident and then only out and about with my DP for a little while and then I worked out a way that was comfy and discreet I was happy to feed anywhere, including in front of family and friends and I am happy to say I never flashed any of them! If you are around people who BF you will notice huge variation in how discreet people are happy to be. It is possible to do it and not show anything to anyone.

I'm hoping I feel the same way at the time but given I'm only 9 weeks and already having such bad anxiety over it I doubt I will😔

All I will say to you is that it's your choice. Not your husbands. He has literally no say in the matter. If you decide (and you may change your mind several times!) that you do want to that's fine and if you don't then that's fine too.

You will not miss out on any bond if you choose not to. Bottle fed babies are still fed in arms, still cuddled, still gaze sleepily into your eyes as they tuck in. They still smell you, and you them. The only difference is what's in their mouth. If you want them to have breast milk you can always express and put it in a bottle (though to do this full time is very time consuming, draining and difficult for some women).

I've done both, btw so not anti breastfeeding at all. But I am anti a pregnant woman being made to feel that she has to do something with her body that she's not comfortable with.

Also, buckle up. You're about to have every parenting decision you make judged by someone, somewhere. Time to get some confidence in yourself, own your decisions and don't bother trying to justify them to anyone. As long as you're happy with what you're doing (within the bounds of safety etc) then crack on and don't worry about what other people think.

I also have big saggy boobs. I didn't know it had a real name. When I was a teenager I was so self conscious about the sagging I would wear 2 bras.

I can see 2 issues here. First of all if YOU would like to breastfeed speak to your midwife. There will be ways they can help you out while still maintaining the modesty you require. For example they can show you holds etc while you're still dressed and then pop out while you give it a go.

Second of all your partner does not have the sole decision on how your baby is fed. Sure discuss the options together but ultimately breastfeeding would be your responsibility and is therefore your decision to make.

For what it's worth I struggled with breastfeeding and DS ended up exclusively formula fed from 1 or 2 weeks in and he's just grand.

@springtimesunshine

All I will say to you is that it's your choice. Not your husbands. He has literally no say in the matter. If you decide (and you may change your mind several times!) that you do want to that's fine and if you don't then that's fine too.

You will not miss out on any bond if you choose not to. Bottle fed babies are still fed in arms, still cuddled, still gaze sleepily into your eyes as they tuck in. They still smell you, and you them. The only difference is what's in their mouth. If you want them to have breast milk you can always express and put it in a bottle (though to do this full time is very time consuming, draining and difficult for some women).

I've done both, btw so not anti breastfeeding at all. But I am anti a pregnant woman being made to feel that she has to do something with her body that she's not comfortable with.

Also, buckle up. You're about to have every parenting decision you make judged by someone, somewhere. Time to get some confidence in yourself, own your decisions and don't bother trying to justify them to anyone. As long as you're happy with what you're doing (within the bounds of safety etc) then crack on and don't worry about what other people think.

Thankyou for this. I have no issue with not breastfeeding as all my nieces and nephews were bottle fed and are all happy and healthy now. Its purely the idea of being told by health professionals they HAVE to see my breasts or see me feed for some reason or another, all will be fine if they accept my wishes and just leave me be

Just had a read through all of your replies, please chat to your midwife when you get a chance.

Labour/birth may mean that you need interventions to keep you both safe. Usually there’s quite a bit of nudity, it’s totally normal and nothing out of the ordinary for them.

I’m usually quite shy but in the moment I didn’t give two hoots.

There definitely a lot of things you should work on with your anxiety before labour and delivery to make sure you’re in the best possible position to make what ever choice you want at the time.

If you don’t want anyone seeing or touching your boobs then they won’t.

I can completely relate because I have a condition called hypoplasia. I had a standard boob job when I was 21 which made them even worse. Never let anyone see them, even my DP. Was even embarrassed infront of the surgeon when I had them done.

I have successfully breastfed 2 babies (still going now with my 20 month old). To be honest, I felt like you, but when my first baby was delivered, the urge to feed and care for her took over and I literally forgot all my insecurities.

@Mylittlesandwich

I also have big saggy boobs. I didn't know it had a real name. When I was a teenager I was so self conscious about the sagging I would wear 2 bras.

I can see 2 issues here. First of all if YOU would like to breastfeed speak to your midwife. There will be ways they can help you out while still maintaining the modesty you require. For example they can show you holds etc while you're still dressed and then pop out while you give it a go.

Second of all your partner does not have the sole decision on how your baby is fed. Sure discuss the options together but ultimately breastfeeding would be your responsibility and is therefore your decision to make.

For what it's worth I struggled with breastfeeding and DS ended up exclusively formula fed from 1 or 2 weeks in and he's just grand.

I would like to try it.. but on my own and I feel like this is not something so silly to ask after reading peoples comments. I don't mind the idea of them helping out with positions etc and then leaving so I can try is also something for me to ask about so thankyou.

@ijokeijoke

I can completely relate because I have a condition called hypoplasia. I had a standard boob job when I was 21 which made them even worse. Never let anyone see them, even my DP. Was even embarrassed infront of the surgeon when I had them done.

I have successfully breastfed 2 babies (still going now with my 20 month old). To be honest, I felt like you, but when my first baby was delivered, the urge to feed and care for her took over and I literally forgot all my insecurities.

As awful as it is I'm glad I'm not the only one who has felt this way about it. I am hoping that the same happens and I forget I even had issues with what they look like at the time and look back at this and wonder what I was so bothered about.

@FTEngineerM

Just had a read through all of your replies, please chat to your midwife when you get a chance.

Labour/birth may mean that you need interventions to keep you both safe. Usually there’s quite a bit of nudity, it’s totally normal and nothing out of the ordinary for them.

I’m usually quite shy but in the moment I didn’t give two hoots.

There definitely a lot of things you should work on with your anxiety before labour and delivery to make sure you’re in the best possible position to make what ever choice you want at the time.

If you don’t want anyone seeing or touching your boobs then they won’t.

Funnily enough I have no anxieties over actually giving birth or anything that may happen during that time.. so long as I can keep my bra on🙃 I will be speaking to my midwife about it ASAP but I just have a feeling she's not going to get it as she seemed very pushy about the need for breastfeeding at my booking appointment

@NRC96 you are not alone at all

OP, you can't go through life feeling this bad about a part of your body. You need to love yourself. Hating a part of yourself is going to hurt you. You don't need a perfect body. I think you need counselling or advice or something to deal with this.

I'd stop calling it ptosis if I were you, it makes it sound like a sickness whereas it sounds like your body is healthy and normal, even if you don't like it.

You do not have to breastfeed. Not if your midwife says so, not if your partner says so. However, you might find as you go through pregnancy your boobs get bigger and the droop effect is reduced. When your milk comes in they go like bowling balls. Would that make it easier?

I have humungous boobs (like L cup), I can understand your hesitance but if you're with other breastfeeding women you literally do not give a toss. I always cupped my boob so the nipple would stay by the baby's mouth. Would you feel more comfortable like that, holding the breast up? It's also worth noting that once a baby is latched on, you can hardly see any breast. Their head covers it.

I really hope that whether you decide to breastfeed or not, you find a way to feel more in harmony with your body. It's exhausting to hate yourself. Your clever, wonderful body has served you well this far and now it's making a baby. It's not all about looks. Your partner making comments about bodies when watching that program also makes him sound less than appealing, tbh.

Best case scenario is that we all get to live to be ancient and then we'll all be shrivelled and droopy!

Re. Comments during Naked Attraction...firstly if my husband makes negative comments about women on TV he gets VERY short shrift from me and I recommend you shut yours down similarly! It is juvenile and misogynist and reflects badly on them, not the women. Secondly, I imagine there are many men on naked attraction who have body parts which you don’t find attractive, and which may even look similar to your partner’s. But does that mean you don’t find them attractive on him? It sounds like a cliche but it is absolutely true. When you realise that other people do not care or even notice how you look - seriously - it is incredibly freeing. Ask yourself what you are scared of happening if a doctor or midwife sees your breasts. Nothing would happen. They wouldn’t even register them.

I say all this not to pressure you into feeling you have to breastfeed or show your breasts - you don’t at all - but because you would feel much happier if you didn’t have the worry of it hanging over you, and the worry is truly completely unnecessary.

You can decline any sort of medication intervention - that includes feeding advice. If you want to breastfeed but don't want them to help (which they usually do be observing) then you can say no thanks.

With my first I had everyone looking, helping, physically touching me to show me (I didn't mind) etc. Second time around I don't think a HCP saw me feed because I knew what I was doing and when help was offered I just said no thank you, I'm ok.

If you do need help with it though, and lots of women do, then it's worth bearing in mind they will need to watch because they'll need to see your latch etc. They truly won't even notice what your breasts look like but I know that doesn't make you feel better.

There is no reason for a HCP to need or insist on watching you feed for any reason unless you want them to.

As for birth you can definitely keep your bra on if you want to - just get a comfy one!