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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Surname issues at birth!

43 replies

Lisakathryn · 06/03/2021 22:36

OK so this is slightly complicated. I left a horrible marriage 4 years ago, but because my ex isn't nice my divorce still isn't finalised. I'm not bothered and I've moved on with my life in this time, met someone else and I'm now expecting a baby.

The only thing this affects is that my legal name is still my married name. My maternity notes are in this name and I wasn't bothered until I was told that the baby is automatically given the mother's surname at birth, so all of their records will be in this name?? I absolutely don't want my child associated with my ex in any way.

I dont think the divorce will be finalised before the baby is born. Is there anyway I can ask the hospital/midwives to give my child my maiden name instead?

OP posts:

Chelyanne · 06/03/2021 22:42

It will be down as baby of "your name" only, so ankle tags etc. Not a big deal really and you can choose the surname when you register the birth so either your maiden name or dads name.

dementedpixie · 06/03/2021 22:43

You can give the baby any surname you want when you register them. And yes, tell the nurses/midwives in the hospital what surname to use. You could always change your name before the divorce is finalised too

MotherOfCrocodiles · 06/03/2021 22:50

Change your name by deed poll

WinterStrawbsAreLikeTurnip · 06/03/2021 22:51

Chnage your name by deed poll and update your medical records if it bothers you that much :)

ArnoldBee · 06/03/2021 22:57

You do realise that in England if you are still married that legally your husband is the father of the child and can be considered as a child of the marriage. You ideally need to sort your divorce.

dementedpixie · 06/03/2021 23:01

Eh? He's not the father of the child even if they are married.

harknesswitch · 06/03/2021 23:04

Change it by deed poll, I did mine via a solicitor and it costs about £125 and is really easy

sproutsnbacon · 06/03/2021 23:04

When my first was born they put baby sprouts on his ankle and wrist tags, red book and hospital notes because he didn’t have a first name and I hadn’t decided if he was going to be sprouts or bacon at that point. If I had decided on his first and surname before he was born the red book would have had his actual name in, the hospital notes they update as soon as your next in hospital, very quickly in our case. So I think it would only be the ankle tags.
Couldn’t you return to using you maiden name before the birth?

SageFuzz · 06/03/2021 23:11

They will label the baby with whatever name is on your notes to keep you as a pair, so change your name with GP before you give birth

ShrewYou · 06/03/2021 23:17

Do you want to change your own name? If so then just do it. You don't need to wait to be divorced.

ShrewYou · 06/03/2021 23:19

https://www.gov.uk/change-name-deed-poll

Legally you don't need to change it by deed poll. Especially if you are reverting to your maiden name.

PerfectPinecone · 06/03/2021 23:37

I was told that I couldn't change my name (on my maternity notes) part way through pregnancy, so had to get my name changed before I registered with the midwife. I assume even if you change your name now through deed poll that It won't make any difference

Gibbsbasement · 07/03/2021 00:01

Could you use your 'maiden' name? Legally it's still yours as it's on your birth certificate, and you don't need deed poll to revert back to it.

Gibbsbasement · 07/03/2021 00:03

Just realised I've repeated advice in an earlier post . Obvs didn't rtfs

tabulahrasa · 07/03/2021 00:14

Mine had to have my surname even though it wasn’t going to be theirs - it’s for security and matching your patient records and stuff...

If you don’t want it to be the surname you’re currently using, you’d be easier to change your surname now.

EggyPegg · 07/03/2021 00:17

@sproutsnbacon

When my first was born they put baby sprouts on his ankle and wrist tags, red book and hospital notes because he didn’t have a first name and I hadn’t decided if he was going to be sprouts or bacon at that point. If I had decided on his first and surname before he was born the red book would have had his actual name in, the hospital notes they update as soon as your next in hospital, very quickly in our case. So I think it would only be the ankle tags. Couldn’t you return to using you maiden name before the birth?

I had an image of bands with lots of pictures of tiny sprouts on. I think I need to go to bed.

My friend wasn't married to her now DH when their DC were born. He's Mr Smith and she was Miss Jones. Both DC had 'Baby Jones' on their bands even though they planned to use Smith. She was told it was a security thing to ensure that mother and baby matched.

Kgrzghtechh · 07/03/2021 00:21

Assuming you're a UK poster, there's no such thing as a legal name. Just change it.

nicciw87 · 07/03/2021 00:21

Have to agree its very annoying I have divorced my ex but have 3 kids with him so kept the marriage surname as advice by solicitor so travel purposes etc. So when I got with my new partner we had a baby and baby was my surname on bracelets ie my surname at the time which we both didn't realise and was a bit of a downer on the birth maybe ask ur midwife she might have a better idea

Bubnomore · 07/03/2021 00:39

Surely you can revert your GP registration and medical notes to your maiden name. They will use whatever surname is on your medical records, and loads of people use maiden name for things even if they are married. Don’t think your GP can insist your records are in your married name, they might just want proof of your maiden name to make the change and surely your birth certificate is a legal record of this.

negomi90 · 07/03/2021 00:39

Until the baby is registered they have to be Baby (mother's name). Its a safety thing.
They don't have an identity they can be matched to, so they are matched to the only certain identity they can be (mother's name). There is no guarantee of paternity or what will happen with partners and if parents are unmarried the father has no rights/paternity until birth certificate. Maternity is the only certain thing at that point.
If you don't want the baby to have the ex's name on birth records, change your name now and get your maternity notes changed.
Also - try and rush the divorce. Legally If you are still married when the baby is born, your legal husband will have paternity assumed (parental responsibility) until you've done the birth certificate which says he isn't the father.

Belle1983 · 07/03/2021 00:58

@Lisakathryn I totally get why the name bothers you.
I'm divorced now, but I kept my married name as I'd had it so long, and all my professional qualifications are in that name.
I married young, so actually felt more attached to that name than my maiden name.

I've never even thought about it till I hit 36 weeks and the baby tag suddenly dawned on me.
I've been told I can't use any other surname but mine for the baby in hospital.
Not ideal, but as soon as the birth is registered the baby will have his rightful surname.

Might sound stupid, but I might just add his surname in a sharpie pen if I want to keep the bands

Reinventinganna · 07/03/2021 02:16

Just start using your maiden name and ask for your name to be changed at doctor/midwife/hospital. That’s what I did.

Original poster

Lisakathryn · 07/03/2021 07:00

Thanks for all the advice, I am in the process of a divorce but like I said, my ex isn't nice and won't sign them.
I'll see if they can switch my name and use my maiden name instead.
Also, the fact that my ex could have parental rights has just really freaked me out. Just having a cry and then I'm going to look into what I can do. That's so draconian.

OP posts:

Coffeecake90 · 07/03/2021 08:52

I don't understand why you feel you have to wait years for the divorce to go through before you can change your name back? Are you outwith the UK or something? Name change to the husband's name is no more than a tradition, not a legal requirement. You are choosing to continue to keep his name.

HoppingPavlova · 07/03/2021 09:00

Why do you need to wait for divorce for a name change? You can do this ASAP via deed poll surely?

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