Surname issues at birth!

[Lisakathryn]

OK so this is slightly complicated. I left a horrible marriage 4 years ago, but because my ex isn't nice my divorce still isn't finalised. I'm not bothered and I've moved on with my life in this time, met someone else and I'm now expecting a baby.

The only thing this affects is that my legal name is still my married name. My maternity notes are in this name and I wasn't bothered until I was told that the baby is automatically given the mother's surname at birth, so all of their records will be in this name?? I absolutely don't want my child associated with my ex in any way.

I dont think the divorce will be finalised before the baby is born. Is there anyway I can ask the hospital/midwives to give my child my maiden name instead?

I was only asking for advice about whether I can ask my midwife to change it.

And I regards to why I've not changed it, it never bothered me until I realised it would affect my baby.

@Lisakathryn

Thanks for all the advice, I am in the process of a divorce but like I said, my ex isn't nice and won't sign them. I'll see if they can switch my name and use my maiden name instead. Also, the fact that my ex could have parental rights has just really freaked me out. Just having a cry and then I'm going to look into what I can do. That's so draconian.

He doesn't have parental rights he would need the papers from the hospital to register the birth and put his name on the birth certificate

Your ex wouldn’t have parental rights...

It’s just that there’s a legal assumption that a husband is the father till registered or proven otherwise.

As far as I know (not an expert though) it’d affect nothing normally - but for example if you died before the baby was registered he could probably if he was that way inclined and realised cause a bit of hassle for your DP... but DNA tests exist, so not anything long lasting.

In hospital etc, they’ll treat your DP as the dad because he is and you’re there going, this is the dad.

And as soon as he’s registered as the dad there’s no issues.

The name thing in hospital is just to match you, as soon as you leave everything goes into the name they’ll be using - all my DCs red book and everything is in their actual surname, it’s just stuff like their ID bracelets from hospital that’s in mine.

@tabulahrasa thanks so much for such a reassuring and non judgemental response. I know this situation is complicated and that's why I needed advice. Thank you 😊😊

I’ve just checked DD ankle tag (found the box by accident in the middle of a big clear out) it says baby of mother Xmas sprouts. She was born last summer
My previous post was what was on DS tags 4 years ago.

Thanks @sproutsnbacon 😊

I still had my ex-married name whilst pregnant with my second and our divorce wasn’t yet finalised. I just changed my name back to my maiden name via deed poll, changed at GP and the midwives changed it no problem.

It was a very simple process.

@WalkingMeAway thats great!! Thanks!! You've made me feel loads better 😊

The only time the baby will be associated with your surname is when they're born they might be referred to as 'baby surname' in some medical notes you'll likely never see again.
When you register the birth, you decide what to call them. You can give them any surname you want. We made up my DD's surname, she doesn't have the same surname as either of her parents.

Your birth certificate shows your “real” name. Use it and good luck.

Giving mums name to baby in hospital is just to identify them as yours while you're in the hospital. You can register their legal name as you choose.

That’s just hospital paperwork, you can register them as you want. Your ex won’t have any parental rights, he isn’t the parent! It’s just a name.

However, why don’t you just start using your maiden name now.

If you aren’t married to your new partner probably best to register the baby under your name or a double barrel of your name and his name.

You can change your name at any time, you don't need to wait until your divorce is finalised. I would change my surname with my GP surgery, and ask for my maternity records to be updated if it isn't done automatically. It should be quite straightforward to do, OP.

I don't think people have been judgemental, I think they just want you to realise that you can change your name at any time as your surname isn't tied to your divorce status.

I'm confused? So who is the father? The ex who you separated from 4 years ago???

@tabulahrasa

Your ex wouldn’t have parental rights...

It’s just that there’s a legal assumption that a husband is the father till registered or proven otherwise.

As far as I know (not an expert though) it’d affect nothing normally - but for example if you died before the baby was registered he could probably if he was that way inclined and realised cause a bit of hassle for your DP... but DNA tests exist, so not anything long lasting.

In hospital etc, they’ll treat your DP as the dad because he is and you’re there going, this is the dad.

And as soon as he’s registered as the dad there’s no issues.

The name thing in hospital is just to match you, as soon as you leave everything goes into the name they’ll be using - all my DCs red book and everything is in their actual surname, it’s just stuff like their ID bracelets from hospital that’s in mine.

I'm not sure its true that the ex has little claim to a child. rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/family-law/parental-responsibility/ This website indicates it's a legal default position. I am not a legal expert but I know Ireland has the same legal assumption and my brother had to sign a declaration in front of witnesses to legally state he was not the father of his exes baby as they were still legally married.

I would be getting actual legal advice before the baby arrives especially if your ex is the type to make thing difficult. Most solicitors do free consultation appointments.

@ivfbeenbusy no. Just still legally married.

@Aimee1987 oh god. Right I'm going to do what I can. This is such a crap situation. Its not so much the name problem, but the legal situation I'm in that's making me panic. Thanks for your advice, I really appreciate it.