How did you get over your miscarriage?

[acupofteamakeseverythingbetter]

Hi ladies,

I recently had a miscarriage on Saturday at 7 weeks. This was my first pregnancy and this baby was planned and very much wanted and we are devastated as I went to a scan on Saturday at 12 for bleeding and was told the bleeding is hormonal and everything is fine and saw the heartbeat... 6 hours later I miscarried at home.

My partner and I are both desperate for the weeks to tick by and for me to get my first period so that after that we can start trying again. The miscarriage hasn’t put us off and we’re so ready to get back to trying again and hopefully everything will be ok with the next pregnancy.

Since it happened my emotions have been all over the place but I just wondered for those who have also had miscarriages, how did you get over it? Or do you never get over it? Did you finally feel content and in a better place mentally once you were pregnant again and past the point of the previous loss?

To everyone who has gone through a miscarriage, multiple miscarriages or is currently going through it right now I’m sending you so much love and a massive virtual hug to you all xx

I had an early mc / chemical pregnancy last cycle at 5 weeks exactly. I was gutted, cried for days. Woke up thinking about what could have been / went to bed longing to be pregnant again. Feeling like this is natural and part of the grief process, just be kind to yourself OP.

We decided to start ttc again straight away, because I couldn't bear to wait (Age is not on my side!). We conceived in the next cycle and I am now 5 weeks pregnant again. I feel a bag of nerves, but hopeful.

Thanks @Toastedsesame by trying straight away do you mean you didn’t wait for a first period before tying again?

The sonographer said to wait for a normal period before trying but I think that’s just to help with dating etc and I have read women falling pregnant after without waiting for the first period to appear.

Firstly I am so sorry for your loss. I had a MMC at 16 weeks with my identical twin daughters last July. I had several scans where they were fine, although I had bleeding for quite a lot of the pregnancy. Routine scan at 16 weeks showed they had both passed away. It's not something you get over, it just becomes part of your life. It's important for me my babies are acknowledged because it happened they existed. I'm currently nearly 14 weeks, the hospital have been amazing and we are getting a scan at 16 weeks to make sure all is still well with this baby. I am anxious but I keep telling myself it's a different pregnancy and just take it a day at a time. It does get easier to handle but right now you just need to give yourself time and do what's best for you.
With regards to trying straightaway I can't offer any advice as I wasn't well and had retained products, was back in hospital 6 weeks later to have MVA so we gave ourselves some time.

@acupofteamakeseverythingbetter You will hear differing opinions on whether or not you should try straight away or wait, but I believe there is no medical reason to wait as long as you had a full mc no retained products. The reason they tell you to wait a cycle is so they can date the new pregnancy accurately.

Mine was only a 5 week mc so I ovulated 2 weeks after and managed to conceive again, but it is not the same for everyone and some people do not ovulate for a cycle or two after mc. I counted the bleeding of my mc as cd1 and tracked from there.

@Crazylemon86 I'm so sorry to hear about your babies, that is heartbreaking. I hope all goes well for you.

So sorry you're going through this.

I agree with the above - I don't think I have got over my mcs (one at 6 and one at 12 weeks where I was really poorly and the process took two weeks). They are loses that stay with me but trying again (and now two weeks from birth) has helped a huge amount.

I have a picture of blossom that reminds me of the baby I lost - I look at it now and smile because it's all been a part of the journey it took to get me where I am now.

Good luck and give yourself time to heal.

@Crazylemon86 I so sorry for your loss, that must have been incredibly heartbreaking and difficult for you. Wishing you the very best of luck with your scan at 16 weeks. Like you say, this is a new pregnancy and the previous loss doesn’t determine the outcome for this one.

I definitely agree with taking it all one day at a time, that’s how I’m coping best by thinking of the short term. If I think long term and about what could have been I feel completely overwhelmed.

Yes, I think the main reason they advise to wait until after your period is so they can accurately date the pregnancy.

I’m hoping that when we fall pregnant again (and get past 7 weeks) I’ll feel more content and happy because right now I just feel so sad and empty

Sorry for your loss, OP. I mc baby #2, found out at 10 weeks. TBH I was emotional for about 48 hours and then felt strangely serene, not happy exactly, but at one with my body, that it had decided it knew what was best. I took comfort in nature, my DH and my son who was 3 at the time. It must be tough as a first pregnancy but all I can say is you have loads of time ahead of you to try again. Youre super fertile right now. Have fun trying!

@LittleBrownBaby thank you. I feel lucky (that’s probably not the right word to use but I can’t find the word I’m looking for!) that the miscarriage was quick and complete as the sac came out at home and it was confirmed at the hospital that no tissue was left behind so I didn’t need to have any medical management but I agree that this will stay with me forever and unfortunately it’s a part of my journey now.

I’m glad that now you’re a few weeks away from giving birth that has now helped you 🥰

My partner and family have all been incredibly supportive, I’m having good moments and moments of sadness but I know this will pass and that time will help heal.

@33goingon64 thank you, and I’m so sorry for your loss. In a strange way I have a new appreciation for my body in the fact that it seemed to deal with the miscarriage quickly and efficiently which is so bizarre to say because it was the last thing I wanted to happen and I’m terrified of it happening again but obviously something wasn’t right.

However, as you say I’m even more fertile now so I’m hoping it will happen again pretty soon for us 🤞🏻

Sorry for your loss, I don't ever think there's a way to get over a miscarriage, make sure you allow time to grieve for your baby. I had one last summer and talking about it really helped, I didn't brush it under the carpet or think of it has a taboo subject that shouldn't be spoke about, as it's not. Once you speak about it you will be shocked how many people you know has went through one aswell! I stopped trying for 2 months after just to allow myself time to grieve and come to terms with it, I got pregnant again the 1st month of trying and the anxiety has been something else, although I'm 20 weeks now and everything's looking good! Just be kind to yourself at the moment xx

@kerbearr thank you and I’m sorry for your loss. I definitely agree with talking about it. When I bottle it up all of my emotions come pouring out suddenly but talking really has been helping me. I’m glad you were able to get pregnant again so quickly x

Sorry for your loss. I miscarried last year at 7ish weeks. I struggled with getting over the experience as much as the MC itself (a&e at the start of the pandemic, not very caring staff, not being expected for my follow up appointment and having to justify myself through an intercom as the doors were locked, having the midwife call a week later about my booking appointment, despite the fact they said they'd let them know, not being able to see friends/family).

We were probably ready quite quickly to try again and in a way (it took about a week for me to stop spotting and my period was back quickly), it solidified how much we wanted it, however we decided to wait until lockdown was eased (well, we waited until November... clearly not quite long enough!!)

I think it makes those first few weeks more challenging/scary the next time and it wasn't until my 12 week scan that I felt I could relax even a little.

I still feel a little sad about it, but have decided it wasn't to be. We fondly talk about the first pancake that didn't work out (sounds weird typing it like that!!)

Good luck in the future.

I’m so sorry @acupofteamakeseverythingbetter For your loss. It’s truly awful and nothing quite prepared you for it.

Unfortunately I have had 4 miscarriages in the last 12 months. The first was the most devastating for me because i just hadn’t expected it.

After that whenever I got pregnant I automatically feared the worst. Wouldn’t allow myself to get excited etc.

The second miscarriage was difficult and I questioned why. By the third I just shut off my emotions. Seeing the positive tests now meant nothing and I fully expected to miscarry. Then when it happened again I almost felt nothing. That sounds awful and very cold but I had to almost separate myself from it.
By the fourth it had just become routine. Get a positive test, pretty much ignore it until I miscarry.

I honestly thought I would never have a healthy pregnancy.

Amazingly I’m now 11 weeks pregnant and so far several scans have shown all is well.

I know I’m not over the losses, I’m not sure I ever will be, the last year has drained me emotionally, and I certainly don’t feel content in this pregnancy. I spend most days filled with fear that history will repeat itself, or the next scan will reveal bad news. I still check the toilet paper every time I wipe, and I over analyse every single thing.

For me personally the losses I experienced have totally dampened my pregnancy journey. I can’t allow myself to be excited or talk about the baby as if it will actually be here one day.

I truly truly hope you have a perfectly healthy pregnancy in the future ☺️

@Andthenanothercupoftea I’m sorry for your loss and that you were treated so poorly immediately after, that must have been difficult. Luckily the nurse in triage and the sonographer were both lovely and caring but the first lady that I saw who said everything was fine at the scan didn’t have a very good bedside manner at all! I can’t imagine how difficult going through that must have been especially at the start of the pandemic when everything was so uncertain and scary.

I agree that the first few weeks will be an incredibly anxious time for us, especially around the 7 week mark but we can only try and trust that everything will be ok next time 🤞🏻 Xx

How heartbreaking, I'm sorry for your loss. Many many women lose babies, usually their first - me included.
You will go on to have your babies, and in time you will not feel so sad about your first because you will have your children.
I always thank my stars, for if I hadn't lost my first pregnancy, I would have never had my much adored 2nd child, my son.
I know it won't help now, but you will hold your baby soon. Sending hugs to you 🤗

@Moominmiss thank you for sharing your experience, I’m so sorry that you have gone through so many losses, life really isn’t fair sometimes.

I think you needed to shut your emotions off to try and protect yourself from all the pain that you were expecting with each pregnancy but I’m so happy to hear that you’re now 11 weeks 🥰 wishing you all the very best with this pregnancy x

@thebestnamehere thank you, those words are so comforting ❤️ The thought that hopefully one day soon I’ll be holding my baby in my arms.

I’m sorry you’ve gone through a miscarriage, since it has happened to me I know of so many women who’s first pregnancy has ended in a miscarriage but have gone on to have children after so that does give me hope

I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this :( I can’t imagine the rollercoaster of emotions after you had reassurance from the scan a few hours earlier as well...I had miscarriage last December at 10 weeks. I went for a scan due to light bleeding, they told me the baby had stopped developing at 8 weeks..i then had to wait another 5 days to miscarry naturally which was the worst as I felt I couldn’t move on. I found it almost unbearable that the baby was still there. After I miscarried at home I felt weirdly ecstatic...it was tremendous relief I think but should have been a red flag as the day after I crashed big time and felt the lowest I’ve probably ever felt. I even felt like I didn’t want to be around my daughter which is Insane, all I wanted to do was be myself. I felt so low I was seriously worried it would take months to be ok again....but after a few weeks I slowly started to feel a little better.

I don’t think you get over it but you learn to manage it..Everyone is different so this might not be something you’d want to do but I bought a little keepsake I keep in a drawer. I felt I wanted something I suppose as you don’t get to see the baby it made me process it or something.

I also started trying right away but no luck yet. I certainly think being pregnant will help in terms of having something to focus on for me.

Best of luck xx

So sorry for your loss. I remember how painful (emotionally and physically) my mc was and it was honestly the saddest time of my life.

I found it helpful that we were able to bury the baby (when I passed it it was still in the sac, we kept it in the fridge for a few days) I found it fascinating to look at it and talk to it and say I was sorry. Sounds morbid but it helped. We went to the garden centre and picked out a pot and a plant and buried it in the garden. Now the plant is flowering which is lovely!

I found it really helpful to talk to my mum (who had several miscarriages), some friends and my husband. I also read stories online of others. I also went into ‘fix it mode’ and tried to find things to improve my chances next time eg. Myo inositol, low dose aspirin, progesterone and methylfolate instead of folic acid. It made me feel more in control.

I found that once the bleeding stopped I felt much more like myself and was able to move on.

I’ll never forget it and still feel upset at times, it actually happened to me the same week as miscarriage awareness week and I actually found that really helpful. I watched a documentary on channel 5 about miscarriage too and it really helped me feel less alone.

Cry and grieve as much as you need to xxx

I’m so sorry for your loss @acupofteamakeseverythingbetter

I had a mmc in July just got. Was a very much planned and wanted pregnancy.

I don’t think you get over it, however once the hormones have left your body I think it’s easier to process.

I did fall pregnant again before my next period. We were desperate to try again & conceived 3 weeks after the surgery for the mmc.

I don’t recommend it though. The first 20-24 weeks were hard mentally. It wasn’t until after the 20 week scan, & being able to feel her love regularly I felt “safe”

It won’t always be as painful or as hard, but you won’t forget that baby. You’ll remember the due date and will remember that baby. And that’s a good thing.

Look after yourselves. ❤️

It's so new and raw for you right now, and honestly my heart aches for you because that feeling is just one of the hardest.

This thread is so interesting to read actually as I still think about my miscarriage often and always wonder if that's normal. It happened January 2020 and I now have a beautiful 3 month old but still I think about the miscarriage a lot. Not always with sadness but it is always there.

I found I became a bit obsessed with trying again and luckily it happened very quickly, I'll keep everything crossed that it's the same for you.

@Alice4563 those 5 days must have been so hard for you and I completely understand when you say you felt relived when you finally miscarried naturally, because you could finally start to grieve and move forward.

The evening I miscarried I was in so much shock but the day after I also crashed, my emotions were so low and my body physically went into some sort of shock, shaking uncontrollably, low blood pressure, high heart rate etc

I did see the baby in the sac so that helped me to actually process that it was gone although it was heartbreaking to see at the time.

I hope you fall pregnant soon and that you have a successful pregnancy. I feel so empty and unfulfilled and like you I think trying again will give me something to focus on xx

@Cafeaulait27 sorry for your loss and keeping the baby doesn’t sound morbid at all. I totally understand as the sac came out when I miscarried and I put it in a bag to take to the hospital and when the moment came to giving it to the nurse I felt like I was just giving my baby to a complete stranger. That’s so lovely that you were able to bury with a plant, that’s such a lovely thing to do. Xx

@Sansa87 I agree that the hormones probably aren’t helping with my emotions. Each day that goes by feels a little better but all of a sudden I get a wave of sadness too.

Do you not recommend falling pregnant so quickly after because you felt like you needed more time to get over your loss? Xx

@NavyNails2 it’s so interesting to read the experiences of other women. I think I’ll always think about this loss but like you, I hope that it’s not always with sadness. I’m so pleased to hear that you became pregnant again so quickly I really hope that will be the same for me too 🥰 xx