How did you get over your miscarriage?

[acupofteamakeseverythingbetter]

Hi ladies,

I recently had a miscarriage on Saturday at 7 weeks. This was my first pregnancy and this baby was planned and very much wanted and we are devastated as I went to a scan on Saturday at 12 for bleeding and was told the bleeding is hormonal and everything is fine and saw the heartbeat... 6 hours later I miscarried at home.

My partner and I are both desperate for the weeks to tick by and for me to get my first period so that after that we can start trying again. The miscarriage hasn’t put us off and we’re so ready to get back to trying again and hopefully everything will be ok with the next pregnancy.

Since it happened my emotions have been all over the place but I just wondered for those who have also had miscarriages, how did you get over it? Or do you never get over it? Did you finally feel content and in a better place mentally once you were pregnant again and past the point of the previous loss?

To everyone who has gone through a miscarriage, multiple miscarriages or is currently going through it right now I’m sending you so much love and a massive virtual hug to you all xx

Sorry for your loss OP.
I had at least 5 miscarriages and probably more chemical pregnancies that I never tested so don’t count.
Eventually I had DS who is now 16.
The first one was difficult because my DM was terminally ill so I never felt it was right to grieve or make a big deal. However I did eventually tell her and she told me off for keeping it from her, she was still my mum and felt that I was still entitled to her mothering.
So I suppose I always lump the first one in with the grief I went through losing my mum.
On mother’s day I used to plant a new plant in my garden to represent my mum and all the children who never made it.
My son also represents all his brothers and sisters who never made it because without their loss he would never have been conceived. We would not have considered another child after having the first two so he owes his existence to them all.
My first would have been 25 this month. The next would have been 22. I sometimes look at friends children who are the same age and do wonder what they would have been like.
I don’t get sad though. Life is a difficult journey and not all of us make it past go. I just feel privileged to be one of them and that I managed to bring at least one of them into the world.

Oh love I’m sorry. Sorry for losing the baby and sort for your hurting.

I lost one at around 7 weeks. Coped by crying on my DP and my mum. Drank too much. Got really fucking angry and had some CBT.
I bought a small feather shaped pendant from Pandora which I wear alongside the pendant with my living children’s names on. I bought the baby a bauble, as I lost her just before Christmas. I gave her a name, despite not knowing what sex she was.

Really sorry for your loss. It's so hard when you get so excited about the future, and it all comes crashing down in an instant.

I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy at 10 weeks. I had started spotting at 8 weeks, and the EPU scan showed foetus hadn't developed beyond 5. There was uncertainty about dates, so I was invited back 2 weeks later. I miscarried the morning of the repeat scan. After having tried for 2 years by that point it was absolutely crushing.

In my heart I knew it was over from the initial scan. I cried for days. I think by the time the miscarriage started I'd already mostly accepted it. I was still sad for months after, but I was more worried that I was never going to conceive.

When I finally fell pregnant for the second time (11 months later) it was different. I couldn't let myself get excited, and I definitely didn't let anyone beyond my husband know I was pregnant. On the other hand I was nowhere near as anxious. Second BFP is now an 18 month monster toddler, and we're starting TTC number 2.

I think now I have my DD, I'm no longer sad about the MC. I wonder what might have been at times. But if I didn't have the MC, I would never have had DD, and I could never wish her away. Even at her most annoying. Unfortunately, I don't think the fear of having another MC will ever go away.

Good luck to you @acupofteamakeseverythingbetter. I hope you get your BFP soon.

@Angrymum22 thank you for sharing your journey. I can’t imagine the grief you must have felt going through a miscarriage whilst your mum was terminally ill too, that’s must have been heartbreaking. My mum has told me this too about loosing a baby then going on to have babies that would not have been here if the one before that had been successful. It helps me to try and process it all a little better.

@MonkeyPuddle that’s a lovely idea, I think I might buy a little something to remember this loss. I’m sorry for your loss too x

@Dyra thank you, we’ve been through a tough time recently having moved our wedding due to COVID and were so desperate to finally start trying for a baby and were so lucky to fall the 2nd cycle of trying. Baby would have been due two days before my partners birthday and we were so exciting to finally have something to look forward to. Since close family members have found out that we have had a miscarriage a few people have commented on the fact that we haven’t had much luck recently and that just highlight how rubbish everything has been lately for us.

I’m sorry for your loss and the first miscarriage must have been devastating after trying for such a long time.

Good luck to you too for baby #2 xx

@acupofteamakeseverythingbetter I wouldn’t say It was because I needed to get over the loss. That loss is still with me now, what I wil say is, for me, it ruined the magic of pregnancy. Obviously there’s the dating issue, even though I knew the day I ovulated, doctors can’t just take your word for it, they for by lmp. I ovulated a week later than I usually would, so made baby look too small. I also ended up in EPU a couple of times for pain and bleeding, which in hindsight wasn’t as bad as I thought at the time, but I was convinced I was losing the baby again because it’s the only experience I had, and early pregnant symptoms turn out to be no different to a mmc symptoms.

I’m not sure I’d have felt much better waiting until I’d had that first period, but it would have taken an element of anxiety away from it at least. I was very lucky my oh is near on perfect, & supported me through all of it

@acupofteamakeseverythingbetter sorry for your loss. I had a mmc in 2019. I had a scan and baby had died, having already seen the heartbeat at another scan. DH and I were on annual leave that week, so we did what all sane () people would do and booked an international flight for the next day and left the country for a week. Seriously. That's how we coped with it in the initial days.

I wanted to ttc immediately after but I should have waited for my first period really as I put myself through a world of stress. I was so so scared that I wouldn't be pregnant by the due date of that baby, which stressed me even more. As it turns out, I didn't fall pregnant by that due date. It was awful and totally sucked but once the day was over, I was able to put it to bed. After that, I convinced myself I'd never fall pregnant again even though I'd (unnecessarily) paid for private fertility tests a month before, showing that we were both perfectly fertile. I then fell pregnant again a month later and the baby is now my dd, nearly 6 months old, who's asleep in bed with me as I type this. It's the biggest cliche off all, but I relaxed, didn't even think about a baby in the tww and it happened.

Looking back, it was never going to happen in all those months. I was so stressed and depressed, there was no way my body would have focused on conceiving in that time.

I lost my beloved pet just a couple of months after my mmc and I was in true despair for months. He was my little baby and had offered such comfort to me in the initial time after my mmc. I was signed off work and he sat with me all day, every day.

So sorry for you loss, it's an awful thing to go through.

I had a MMC at 9 weeks back in October. Everyone deals with it differently but for me the only thing that I could think to do was take control and focus on getting pregnant again.

Fortunately I got a BFP in December and I'm now 13 weeks.

Good luck for the future!

Ive done a lot of meditation and spiritual work around my miscarriage.
About a week after it, I went to some woods with a candle, a crystal, a few other little gifts / offerings and did a goodbye ceremony to the little being, this really helped the same way a funeral does. I said prayers and a good bye etc.

Then when I’ve been meditating, I ask the goddess Mother of all creation to take the being back into her arms, so she can be born again.
I’ve been told that some souls come to experience pregnancy first before they decide to be born.
So bloody hard when it’s your baby though 😢 sending you love

I'm so sorry you've experienced this, it's horrible.

I had a miscarriage last year and coped very badly. Honestly, the only thing that truly helped me "get over it" was getting pregnant again. I'm 20 weeks now but this pregnancy has been very hard and fraught with anxiety because of what happened last time. It gets easier but I'm coming up to the due date of my first baby and I think that will be hard.

On a practical level, there were a few things I did that helped:

• I had acupuncture from a couple of weeks after the miscarriage until I was 12 weeks pregnant and it was amazing. I would recommend giving it a go if you have the means. It helped me feel like I was doing something positive and setting my body up well for my next pregnancy.
• I also eventually wrote a letter to my lost baby and found that to be painful but very cathartic.
• Finally by far the best thing I did was talk about it. Talking to others who have been through the same and sharing our experiences made me feel much better. I joined a couple of pregnancy loss Facebook groups (there are loads) and talked to people on Mumsnet too. I ended up sharing about my miscarriage on my social media and it felt very freeing to hear from friends who had been through the same thing (obviously this is a deeply personal choice and if you want to keep it private that's fine too!)

I promise it will get easier eventually. Sending you so much love

@SlovenlyUnwedMother I agree with the letter. I wrote our baby a letter, & put it in a box with all the positive tests. It’s right at the back of my wardrobe. I cried a lot writing it, and I’m not sure I could bring myself to read it now, but It absolutely helped me say good bye

You never get over it. You simply get on with living.
I've had 5 mc and the memories of them are burnt in to my memory but I have 5 live children and a new pregnancy which is doing well. I am more thankful for what I have because of what I have lost.

@Sansa87 I wrote my baby a letter too and buried it with it ❤️

I also kept a memory box with all the tests, a scan picture and all the correspondence from the hospital like appointments and my file. A friend also sent me a picture which I’ve kept in there too xx

I'm so sorry you lost your baby. It's the worst news. I had a MC at 7wks followed closely by a MC at 9 wks after seeing their heartbeat at 8. I struggled with the first loss but told myself it was just one of those things and had started to feel more confident in my second pregnancy when we found out our baby had died. The second loss was particularly difficult and has had a big impact on me. The immediate grief and emotion did pass - it's partly hormonal which really doesn't help. I had a lot of self doubt having also struggled to conceive before our losses which counselling helped with. I'm now 35 wks in my third pregnancy and still have severe anxiety that I will lose my baby even though we're so much further along. I wasn't really able to wait between losses having had problems conceiving and also being 37 already and I know I am lucky to have this pregnancy but all of my pregnancies get mixed up in my mind and it's a bit sad that I haven't enjoyed being pregnant at all because every day I wake up afraid something happened in the night when I wasn't able to be vigilant on movements etc. I think I spent too much time researching and reading about loss and got caught up in it early on. I did it to protect myself and try to heal but it's now an established thought pattern I can't get rid of and I wish I'd spent a bit more time getting out and seeing people and doing other stuff - lockdown didn't help in fairness! I really hope you get your baby and once you feel a bit stronger if you are able to focus on the future and allow yourself to feel hopeful it can be a positive experience for you.

It doesn't feel like it will, but time heals. Allow yourself time to rest and recover for now though, and grieve.

I am sorry for your loss
I had a mmc with surgical intervention at 12 weeks over 16 years ago. I now have 2 lovely dc and a good life but I dint think I am “over it”, I just got around it.
I actually got pg 1 week after my Mc and I wouldn’t recommend it, no issues physically but emotionally it was very very hard

I don't think you can really get over it and move on until you get pregnant again, at least that's how I felt. Until I knew my body was carrying another baby I didn't really feel right.

I wasn't really mourning the loss of a baby I was panicking that my body wasn't working. (My circumstances were slightly different in that I had a blighted ovum - so no baby just a sack by the time of my 12 week scan).

I never think of my miscarriage now and consider my nearly 2 year old my first child - not my miscarriage.

I know it sends lots of women into a depression and they need signing off work to deal with the loss, but I couldn't relate to that I was back at work two days after the surgical procedure to remove the pregnancy. Getting on with normal life helped me move on.

Sorry for your loss. It is so shockingly common and I never realised until it happened to me.

Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences with me. It has made me feel less alone but I’m so sorry that so many of us have experienced miscarriage but I hope that in time we will all find peace in one way or another ❤️ Xx