57, is that to old to be a parent?

[smileygirl1995]

So I'm curious is 57 to old to be able to father a child....?
might any child have health risks....or as the male is otherwise fit and healthy and has a good sperm rate etc any child would be absolutely fine....? Have tried to google some answers but didn't come up with much info so thought it was worth an ask on here :)

My now ex partner is 7 years older than and now in his forties. His energy levels are really low and he struggles to look after both children for more than a hour. Whilst I’m sure it works out for some people I wouldn’t risk my children’s happiness. My friends had their daughter when she was in her mid 40 end he was late 50’s. She is now a preteen who gets irritated that they have health problems and can’t keep up with her.

My DH was mid- late 40s when our DC were born. (50 was our cut off point but I wasnt ready to have any more at that stage, although he would def had a 3rd if I agreed) I am much younger.
Now he is nearly 60 and they are teen/tweens.i noticed on holiday last year he was getting up early and going for a walk and then getting frustrated at teen who prefers to lie in til 10 or 11. Then hes tired and falling asleep at 5 when they want to go out. Also if I suggest going out somewhere as a family he would suggest a farmers market or garden centre which obviously is not on a teens or my radar for fun places to go!
I dont regret it but I think the age gap is showing more now

My uncle is in his eighties (hasn’t recently fathered a child!) but he absolutely adores children. He plays with his grandchildren for hours on end and has endless energy. Doesn’t nap in the day, wakes up early and goes to bed extremely late. Is in good health, has never drunk alcohol. I suspect this may be a rarity!

I think it really depends on how ‘hands on’ he’s going to be. There are much younger dads without half the patience or kindness that my uncle has.

30 year age gap! 😮😮 wow. Can’t imagine a nearly 60 year old even being on my radar at 27 actually am mid 40s and that age. would seem upper limit to me even now!

Men die before women so better to get one younger than you to actually settle down and start a family with

The two parents that sort of age are all second relationships, much younger second wife, who is very much the “little wifey” with a pin money job, doing al the childcare, while the man has his big important job (and in their 50s they do actually have senior jobs).

As a PP said, it leads to a very checked out father, and a SAHM who does everything. The first marriages were not like that, much more marriages of equals.

How much of that is an “old fathers” thing, how much is an age-gap relationship thing, and how much is a second-marriage thing, I have no idea.

@Snookie00

Far too old in my opinion but I’d consider over 40 is too old for either parent and I’m sure many on here would disagree.

Why do you say that? I had children in my 30s and 40s and I'm the same parent to them what happens at age 40 that makes you not suitable to be a parent?

What I don't understand is younger parents being exhausted in their 30s.

@AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair some people don't keep themselves as fit , as active and as healthy as they could as they get older.

It’s also a bit of a MN cliche I think all. Whenever this comes up on here people talk about their wonderfully fit 50-something DHs who are very hands-on, mistaken for 35 and do nothing but play football with toddlers all day.

I’m not sure how realistic that is. I know two older dads. Both are knackered as fuck and there is a lot of bitchy “Er, and that’s Jack’s, er... dad, is it?” at the school gates.

Loads of people do, it's personal choice. My husband's dad was a youngish dad but he died when my DH was 13 so being a 57 year old dad wouldn't be an issue for me, he could be around for the next 40 years which is far longer than my husband had with his father.

Oh and who cares about bitchy comments in the playground from other parents! I think that says a lot more about them, still thinking and acting as if they are at still school themselves is pathetic.

@EssentialHummus
DH is late 40’s and DD’s teacher referred to him as ‘grandad’ 🤣 made my day 🤣 lol ... we have a 25 year old and a 4 year old.

I think it depends, a lot of my friends are younger than me but some are very unfit and lead unhealthy lifestyles in terms of diet. They want to go out more, so have babysitters but they still have to deal with a hangover with the children the day after. I have way more energy and patience than most of them. Some are also a little older than me and they do get tired quicker depending what they’re doing and how many children they have. Parenting is more than just being active with your child, it’s the willingness (or ability to fake it!) to enjoy doing activities and spending time with your children. Having a child after fifty means you are possibly less likely to be around when that child is 20/30 years old.
My own parents were late 40’s when they had me, my dad passed away when I was 30, my mum is still alive and young at heart. Growing up a lot of our family were in there 40’s and 50’s plus and they’ve since died, only three family members remain and they’re all 80+. It does sadden me at times, but I’m thankful for the family I have and the memories I have.

@AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair. I did say in my opinion. It might be influenced by having parented for the last 15 years and the thought of doing it for another 18 years starting in my forties fills me with dread. Each to their own but I can think of few things worse than hanging around soft plays/ primary school gates etc in my mid forties and dealing with teenagers in my late fifties.

Tbh the OP has other issues to consider including why she is considering having kids with someone double her age and old enough to be her father. Now that is seriously eewww.

There’s increasing evidence to suggest certain genetic conditions aren’t cause by ageing eggs but ageing sperm. Many IVF clinics wouldn’t entertain sperm donations from men over 40, and mine doesn’t let men use their own sperm over 45.

Brief reply as on way home from work, without going into to much details said 57 yr old in question although would in all technical ways be the "dad" it's a very off hand route that I'm going down (he would be a donor) I have a choice to make I either go with the older man (I don't need to worry about him getting tired running round after the kids, this will not be his responsibility) or I go with someone younger but risk not knowing then as well, the older guy I've known for a long time and trust to help me, where as the younger guy I've only known recently.
I was just trying to build a picture and work health wise was etc just needed some different views of the age as couldn't find any answer I was looking for :)

Surely you can do better than that.

Why aren't you going for a sperm bank? If I weren't madly in love with him there is no way I would consider a 57 year old's sperm. I would be looking at someone between 25-30.

Informal sperm donation arrangements are frequently a very bad idea.

Do it properly and go to a clinic, OP. There are no reputable clinics who would take your 57-year-old’s sperm and there are good reasons for this.

If l you want is the sperm, you should be prioritizing the quality of the sperm. A 57 year old man will have inferior sperm quality to a 27 year old man. So from that point of view alone, it's a bad idea.

The bigger issue is that at only 27 you are looking to conceive a child in this way. Why on earth do you think this is a good idea? For you or for the child you will create?

My Dad was 57 when he had me and I had a wonderful childhood. He's still alive so despite my worries when I was younger, I've had lots of time with him

Now you have explained the situation, definitely do not go for the older sperm. Not only it is likely to take longer or be harder to conceive, but there are more chromosomal disorders associated with older fathers than with older mothers. If this guy was your husband and you were desperate to have a child together, that might be one thing...but as a donor, no way.

I hope you don’t think at 27 you’ll never find a partner and are going for children because of it.

If you just want quality sperm then a sperm bank would be the best way. They run tests on the men to check for hereditary issues etc and they’ll also have an age limit on the men.

If you’re considering him as a donor then just Google older dad sperm quality for loads of reasons why it’s a really bad idea to go with an old donor.

Apart from that, at 27 you should be seriously considering your plans. Why are you so keen to go ahead at your age with a donor pregnancy? Have you got health problems which are driving this?

I know someone who fathered a child in his early 50's. He's fit and healthy so no problems on that front. But he's going to be supporting that child financially until he's in his 70 and possibly beyond - that wouldn't be for me!

I'm biased. My Dad was a fit healthy 57 yr old when I was born; 60 when my sister was born, became ill at 65 and died at 67.

Sorry just read your update. You said it won't be his responsibility but also that you trust him to help you? So how involved is he going to be?

I completely agree that if all you're after is a donor - don't use aged semen!