Anyone else not care at all about the sex?

[0xalis]

All I want is a healthy baby, boy or girl I'll be glad to have either!! I always found gender disappointment a little silly. Gender is not the entire determining factor of the kid's personality after all. We chose a unisex name for any baby we have that's born alive (already one miscarriage under our belt, very glad we chose to just nickname the fetuses and save the name!) I don't want to get too attached to any expectations of my child, including their gender, since I know they're going to be their own person with their own ideas about stuff. If we had room for a nursery I'd go with a pastel yellow one! We won't be having a gender reveal of any kind either, I'll just tell people as they ask once we know. I'm not trying to judge those who do care about this, but I personally don't and want to know if anyone else here feels the same way!

With my first I wanted a boy as that's what we thought we would get. We got a girl. Second time I wanted a boy but I already had clothes / toys etc in pink so I wasn't bothered either way.

We have two girls that aren't in the slightest bit "girly"

I totally agree with you.
With my first I had no preference, and we didn’t find out the sex. We picked a girl and boy name we loved, bought neutral clothes and decorated the nursery in yellow and grey. We ended up having a girl, and I was delighted, but would have been equally happy with a boy.
I’m now pregnant with my second (due tomorrow!) and we don’t know what we are having. I’m perfectly happy with another girl or a boy, but the amount of people that say I must be ‘hoping for a boy’ is crazy! Nope, happy either way!

@happymummy12345
I get that you couldn't help your strong preference to having a girl up to giving birth.
But this!
I still sometimes wonder why we didn't have a girl and feel a bit sad about it. I wonder if we ever will.

Really? Why is a girl so much better?

A slightly different perspective. Some people say they don't mind as long as it's healthy. I felt the same about my first, as it turned out he wasn't healthy, he was very very poorly for quite a long time and has life-long health issues. The trauma resulted in me suffering with PTSD. We are hoping to have another and I do hope it's a girl. I feel like going through another pregnancy and birth knowing I'm having a boy would make me feel so much more anxious than I will already be worrying about the baby being poorly again. I feel like I need the next one to be different because of this. It's not because I want a daughter more than another son though. I would love either. I think there are lots of reasons why people might lean more towards one or the other. I don't think I would ever tell anyone this IRL because I know I'll be judged and if it is a boy then people will think I'm not happy with that.

I had a preference growing up, lost it when my nephews were born although might have enjoyed one of each. Totally stopped giving a fuck at all after 6 losses (early and late). Very happy that I became a mother at the age of 41 to a healthy baby after years of ivf who will stay an only. She happens to be a girl which is everyones preference but I'm just happy that sh is here and healthy.

I had my 3rd 3 years ago. First two I found out the sex and have one of each. Baby 3 we decided to not find out and it was so lovely to find out when he was born. My partner told me the sex. We didn't mind either way and I think it made me bond better

Most don't care

I think a lot of people do care. Barring medical or other issues as pp said I find preferences nearly always based in social gender expectation- they see shared activities like shopping or sport, or buy into one of the girls are easier/boys are like puppies ideas.

I never understand when people say “but I wouldn’t know what to do with a boy/girl!”. You feed it, clean it and love it. You get to know them and learn their likes and dislikes, and find shared interests. Genitalia doesn’t make it somehow alien...

Didn't find out the first time, didn't mind. This time we already knew because we had the harmony test done, but he flashed us at 20 week scan so we know for definite.

Quite pleased to have two boys that can share a room, I was starting to have nightmares about needing an extension, since it looks like DSD is staying here for university now, and will be much less amenable to swapping into the small room!

YABU if only because you can't open your mind to the experiences of others.

Sure, plenty of people go through pregnancy without having a preference for either sex, and probably the same amount of people have a preference for either sex.

I've had both experiences, not being at all bothered with one pregnancy, having a preference in my second pregnancy.

Having a preference is often not a rational thought process.
I would have loved to have a daughter for the experience of raising a daughter, and was sad when I realized that I wouldn't have that. I am allowed to say that I mourned for a few days over the preconceived picture in my head of a daughter that I wouldn't have, but that did not, in any way affect the complete and utter adoration for the baby boy I knew I was going to have.

It is not for you to determine that someone is silly because they don't feel the same way as you. I didn't chose to feel that way, and I was perfectly happy going into my 2nd pregnancy with an "either/or" outcome.

And frankly everyone goes into pregnancy hoping for a successful outcome no matter the genitalia, the sex of the baby is entirely wrapped up with pre-conceived social notions that we can't avoid through life.

I have no preference and we haven't found out the gender - had our 20 week scan on Wednesday. It would make shopping a bit more fun to know, as I can't buy any adorable summer dresses or boy rompers yet, but I can deal with that. The only preference I have is that I'd rather not have all boys, so if my first was a girl, that would solve that problem... but having had 2 miscarriages I'm just happy I'm having a baby at all.

Of course you don't care with your first if you are planning more !🙄🤷‍♀️

Not pregnant yet but won't mind. We will probably find out, but only out of curiosity and so we can choose clothes etc.

@huuuuunnnndderrricks

Of course you don't care with your first if you are planning more !🙄🤷‍♀️

I wouldn't care if I was just having one.

Having your first baby is a completely different matter to subsequent children. But even then having a preference doesn’t make you a monster, it’s just human. The important thing to remember is that you don’t get to choose and if you want a particular relationship out of having children (like a mother daughter best mates type thing, or say a son who is interested in sports and the outdoors) there is never any guarantee of that. I am pregnant with my third and I don’t mind admitting I would like this to be a girl, but if it’s a boy, it’s a boy 🤷🏻‍♀️ I wouldn’t have gone in to this if it was only for a specific outcome. Also remember that in terms of people saying as long as it’s “healthy” your baby may be born with health issues or disabilities that you don’t know about yet, so you are also expressing a preference there that isn’t ever a given. With parenthood you have to take what comes, in every respect!

@Jchina

Having your first baby is a completely different matter to subsequent children. But even then having a preference doesn’t make you a monster, it’s just human. The important thing to remember is that you don’t get to choose and if you want a particular relationship out of having children (like a mother daughter best mates type thing, or say a son who is interested in sports and the outdoors) there is never any guarantee of that. I am pregnant with my third and I don’t mind admitting I would like this to be a girl, but if it’s a boy, it’s a boy 🤷🏻‍♀️ I wouldn’t have gone in to this if it was only for a specific outcome. Also remember that in terms of people saying as long as it’s “healthy” your baby may be born with health issues or disabilities that you don’t know about yet, so you are also expressing a preference there that isn’t ever a given. With parenthood you have to take what comes, in every respect!

I always assume with the 'healthy' aspect people just mean, the child is happy and won't live a shortened life because of it. Not in a selfish way, or that they would love the child any less.

There’s a difference between having a preference for a certain sex and wanting to know the sex. I didn’t have a preference either way but I wanted to know, there’s not much to ‘know’ about an unborn baby so it’s just interesting. Lots of people have 3d/4d scans because they want to see their baby’s face - I don’t think they are doing this in case it’s an uggo and they need to prepare but more to ‘know’ their baby better.

I didn’t find out with any of my four. I like surprises!

Not at all. Health of my baby's is so much more than the sex of them. I've been fortunate to have a boy and girl so far. I'm now expecting my 3rd and this time we've decided to not find out because we genuinely don't care what he/she is, just as long as they're healthy.

I didn't care either way, and didn't find out until she was born but strongly suspected she was a girl. However, once she was born I started to worry a lot about my own experiences as a girl, mainly street harrassment and being raped, and how difficult I had found it to navigate the world as a teenage girl. I became really aware of how women and girls are often portrayed in a really sexualised way and I worried myself sick over the fact I had brought a girl into the world and that she would suffer. I started to wish she was a boy, but not because I particularly wanted a boy. I have calmed down a lot since then though, and of course I love my dd just as she is. I'm sure I'd find something else to worry about if I had had a boy.

I'm due my 3rd, I have 2 boys, I want a baby who sleeps well...that is the most important thing on my mind! The boys haven't been bad at all but DS2 is much easier than DS1 so I don't want to go back to that or worse! I understand that some folk have feelings about what they want but I don't mind, as you say they each have their own personality! I do remember thinking when DS 2 was born, oh he looks exactly like like DS1 but after a few days he changed!

Who are you to judge? Lots of people who feel dissapointed often also feel guilty because they know they should be happy either way, but cannot help how they feel. How about less judging others and patting yourself on the back, and more being supportive?

Ive got two DDs, pregnant with my 3rd. Haven’t had a preference at all but that’s just me

I blame society, not the individual.

Elsewhere in the world, they kill baby girls for not being boys. Societies and culture is weird and sad.

Yanbu. I’ve got one of each and they are both equally perfect to me regardless of their sex.

I didnt care as long as baby was healthy.
I had a boy, would have been nice if the second was also a boy as I could reuse absolutely everything but it’s a girl.
I’m equally as unbothered as long as she’s healthy.

@happymummy12345

OP I think your comments are rude, hurtful, disrespectful and quite frankly extremely judgemental. What gives you the right to say it's 'a little silly'? That's your opinion fair enough, but you make anyone who feels the opposite seem like they're wrong for their opinion, because it's the opposite to yours.

Gender disappointment is very real and very hard, and unless you've experienced it it's very difficult to understand it. I experienced it, It was my first baby.
I'd never find out the sex until the birth as I think it's far nicer to find out when your baby is right there not just on a screen.
I wanted a girl but we had a boy. The first thing I felt was disappointment. I wondered why I didn't have a girl. Yes I was upset about it. I felt like the worst mum in the world for not feeling that instant love for my son. Yes obviously I loved him straight away, but the first time I looked at him I thought ‘why aren’t you the daughter I always wanted?’ I felt so guilty and I have to carry that guilt for the rest of my life, which is a lot harder than other people will ever know. We also knew two other people who were both expecting girls as well which made it harder. My mums hurtful comments about the fact she got the sex she wanted all 3 times and I didn't didn't help either. (She had a preference every time and she got what she wanted all 3 times).
My husband struggled to understand why I felt the way I did. I still sometimes wonder why we didn't have a girl and feel a bit sad about it. I wonder if we ever will.

There will always be people who don't understand. I know that. But I'll say to you what I've said to many other people. Do not judge what you don't understand!

There’s an element of entitlement surely because you only have 2 genders so the choice is pretty limited. It’s out of your control so why fixate on something. If you go in with an open mind and focus on a healthy baby and that fact that your are able to conceive unlike some women who would too find your post offensive as well.