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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

First baby and mil

29 replies

Stars92 · 24/02/2021 10:29

I'm maybe going fo sound petty. I'm pregnant with first child, due in a few months. I met up with mil and she said how she couldn't wait to push the pram and that there will be a queue of people wanting to push the pram. At the time I said nothing but now it keeps going round and I wish I had said something. I'm hoping me and my partner will push pram the first while and I don't want a load of people pushing my baby, especially because of covid. She is usually overbearing. Can I bring this up now or just wait and see how it goes? How do people manage grandparents expectations?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Chelyanne · 24/02/2021 10:33

My baby, grandparent get as much contact as I allow. MIL learned that the hard way. My mother referred to our 1st as her baby once, my brother told her off lol and she didn't do it again.

Whatwouldido · 24/02/2021 10:34

I’d wait but if I’m being honest, my MIL came round twice in the first 4 wks, outstayed her welcome and was a complete pain in the backside so I just refused to see her again without my DH being home from work. She came round once after that, he saw for himself how annoying she was being then we minimised contact for a while. I like mine more the less I actually see her lol

Aethelthryth · 24/02/2021 10:36

You are being petty.

You will be doing most of the pushing- you'll have the baby with you the whole time. What harm is going to come form someone else pushing for a bit?

I'd understand if you didn't want your MiL taking the baby out without you; but that's not what you seem to be saying. if that is your concern, it's very simple: you say "sorry, I'm not ready for other people to take him/her out yet". If you let her fuss over him/her while you are all together she will be less likely to demand the baby to herself

GemmeFatale · 24/02/2021 10:36

Buy a sling.

Original poster

Stars92 · 24/02/2021 10:39

So do I, so I'm hoping not to see her for a few weeks so it might be pointless to bring it up in a few weeks lol

I just wish I could stand up for myself! I think il be tired and emotionally after birth and she will spend the time visiting getting at us about something 😓 I only want to meet family and mine and my partners close friends in due course outside when baby here but know she will expect her friends to see baby. Just hoping if I say they need to wait a while she backs off!

OP posts:

3rdNamechange · 24/02/2021 10:39

Really ? I think you're being a bit PFB before the baby is even here.

CrispyLeaves · 24/02/2021 10:40

I would prepare yourself mentally for a tough few months when the baby arrives setting boundaries with MIL. I went through the same. She decorated her house like a nursery and bought a newborn cot and cried to DH that she hadn't had the baby overnight when the baby was less than a month. It was very stressful and put a big strain on me. However after sticking to my guns about various things (her acting like my baby was her own and she had equal say and input into all decisions) the boundaries were established and she has to accept that.

She has a close relationship with her DGC which we encourage but she is not the parent. I think she thought it would just be like her having a baby of her own but then again she is very overbearing too.

WithLoveFromMyselfToYourself · 24/02/2021 10:40

I’d just wait and see.
Make sure your DH knows your preferences for visits in hospital and in the first month after the birth.
Everybody is different, but a very quick meet the baby for grandparents very soon after the birth, followed by a couple of weeks no visitors, worked well.
My mum came for a week once my DH went back to work but she was brilliant, basically took over running the house so I could focus on the baby.
Thereafter we saw in-laws every fortnight and my parents less frequently due to distance.

CrispyLeaves · 24/02/2021 10:41

She also forced lots of visits on me of her friends - looking back I don't know how I tolerated it but it's hard to speak up against your MIL. I hope you have your partner on side as that's the hardest bit, when they're not.

DaisyandIvy · 24/02/2021 10:43

I think that’s more an expression of excitement about her forthcoming grandchild. I don’t think it means that’s she going to demand to be the first person to take the baby out in the pram.

If she’s generally overbearing and you fear that she’s going to start interfering, take that as it comes and learn to be quietly assertive.

Mummyof2Terrors · 24/02/2021 10:43

Set your boundaries. You don't have to have visitors. If you do have them, you are in your rights to set time limits, not make refreshments and take your baby back at any time.

Newpuppymummy · 24/02/2021 10:43

How sad. Of course you will push the pram most of the time. It’s your baby. Would it hurt to her to let her have a push of the pram every now and then? I think it’s lovely that she is excited about her coming grandchild. It’s natural surely.
I’d be thrilled to have someone so excited about the birth of my baby.

Chelyanne · 24/02/2021 10:44

MIL will expect to show baby off to her friends? Do you even know these friends of hers well? If not, tell her to sod off!!! In the nicest possible way, your partner should tell her whats what anyway so you don't need to.

Original poster

Stars92 · 24/02/2021 10:44

Aethelthryth yes I understand what your saying..just think she needs to wait a couple of months, surely visiting and holding the baby will be enough?! But maybe if I arrange a walk at the start that would keep her happy. Just get worried she will just try and completely take over!

OP posts:

Snowymcsnowsony · 24/02/2021 10:45

My mil and fil had both pairs of hands on my pram. Drove me nuts. Whenever ds cried I carried him. Left them pushing an empty pram!!

Mummyof2Terrors · 24/02/2021 10:45

@Stars92

You have zero obligation to keep her happy. This is a baby, not a toy. Do what you are happy with and if your gut feeling is no, stick to it.

Alexandernevermind · 24/02/2021 10:46

She is excited to take the baby for a walk. How is this overbearing?

CrispyLeaves · 24/02/2021 10:47

If you feel she is trying to take over just say the hormones mean you want to push the pram and she can have a hold in a bit. Don't worry about this too much now just have some stock phrases ready to prepare yourself for if she does try and push you.

Chelyanne · 24/02/2021 10:48

I was presuming "push the pram" means to be in control.
Babys parents are in control, grandparents had their chance with their own children and need to know their place in the pecking order.

WithLoveFromMyselfToYourself · 24/02/2021 10:50

MIL can show her friends photos, like a normal person. They don’t need to meet the oblivious baby. That’s not her decision and not a reasonable expectation.

OverTheRainbow88 · 24/02/2021 10:55

Gosh threads like this blow my mind. Baby isn’t even born yet, you’re going to have bigger concerns than who is going to push the pram.

Chill out, what a silly thing to be worrying about.

Give it a few weeks and you’ll probably be begging them to take baby out for a walk so you can rest

OneForTheJourney · 24/02/2021 10:58

Honestly. I was so one knackered and recovered from birth, I really wanted someone else to push the buggy 😂

Crazycrazylady · 24/02/2021 11:04

Honestly chill out a little. Your mil is excited about the new arrival and like many proud grandparents would like an opportunity to show him off.. if this doesn't suit you just say it at the time that you're keeping him close for now although you may be glad of an hours kip If she offers to take the baby for a stroll. You have a long road ahead of you if you're stressed about that comment . 🙄

Booboospud · 24/02/2021 11:06

I had this with mil and my own mum and I’ll
Be honest it did grind on me at first and I felt possessive of my baby and I’d waited so long to push a baby round and have that mummy feeling but once baby was here I saw my mums face when she finally beat me to the push chair one day and honestly she was so happy and proud, I couldn’t take that moment from her. And it made me happy to see how happy her grandchild made her. So I allowed my mum and mil to take control of the buggy on some trips out (not all) as I felt that I get to push baby all the time and that little bit of pram time gave them so much joy

Mummyof2Terrors · 24/02/2021 11:14

@OverTheRainbow88

Gosh threads like this blow my mind. Baby isn’t even born yet, you’re going to have bigger concerns than who is going to push the pram.

Chill out, what a silly thing to be worrying about.

Give it a few weeks and you’ll probably be begging them to take baby out for a walk so you can rest

Or you won't, and that's completely normal too. The first weeks are overwhelming with people visiting, offering 'helpful' advice and generally just being present. Some people really don't enjoy that.

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