Hi guys
I’ve spent the past 3 days since I learned I was pregnant reading and reading through these forums and thought it was time to ask for advice myself.
I had a positive result on 5 home tests on Monday. It was a complete shock- I’ve been having unprotected sex (the pill has never, ever mixed well with me and we monitored my cycle carefully) with my partner for the duration of our 2 year relationship and have never gotten pregnant before. We had resided ourselves to the fact that we weren’t compatible and that we would need some assistance in the future when we were ready to start a family.
Something told me to take a test, I’m not due my period for another 3 days, so I was sure that the symptoms I’ve been experiencing were PMT but that weird little voice in the back of my head made me do one and here I am, 5 positives down and pretty shocked and confused.
For context, I am 23 and I live with my partner who is 25. I am self employed (pandemic!) and he is in a Band 5 NHS job. I’m studying to complete my degree through the Open University and am yet to start the career path that I want to end up on. We live in a private rental and don’t struggle financially- but could be more secure. Dating suggests I am 3 weeks + 5 days pregnant.
Straight away I was told to get an abortion. No discussion, no conversation but lots of shouting and crying from both ends. He told me that I am ‘baby-trapping him’ (bold statement from a man who has knowingly had unprotected sex for 2 years) and that it would ruin his life to have a baby. He says that if I keep our baby I’m not allowed to continue my work (I make a very good wage through a non-explicit adult website), during or after my pregnancy- leaving me without an income. I gave him space for a day and he is more open to talking now, but still holds firm on his opinions. He seems to be unwilling to see any positives- just that having a baby with somebody he loves is the end of the world.
My mind changes every minute. I am surrounded by the most supportive family that you could ask for, and am absolutely certain I could do it on my own. But I don’t WANT to do it on my own. Like most women, I’ve thought about my first pregnancy for most of my adult life and imagined all the highs and lows with somebody that I love by my side.
In my eyes I only have 3 options:
-Get an abortion to make him happy but it’s not what I want to do. Ultimately I know our relationship wouldn’t survive this anyway due to the feelings of resentment I’d have towards him.
-Keep my baby, stop working by his request and struggle financially with him reluctantly by my side (with the hope that he will eventually come round).
-Keep my baby, tell him where to go and manage on my own. I could continue work, I would have the support of my family but I wouldn’t have the moments of joy to share with the baby’s father.
In an ideal world, during the next few weeks I will be able to come to terms with an abortion myself. If I were to go down that route, I would have to do it for ME. Not for him. That’s the only way I would be able to live with myself. But right now- I can’t see that happening.
I don’t want to lose my partner and I don’t want to make him feel like he’s trapped, but I personally feel that I’m ready to be a mum. Life hasn’t dealt me the kindest of hands, and having the opportunity to pour all my love into a little human seems to be the calling I’ve been waiting for for such a long time.
I’m not really sure what I’m asking of you lovely people. I think I just needed to get it all out and get some outside opinions. Thanks all.