Boyfriend and I not living together - Advice please

[Foreverhope]

I am 16 weeks pregnant! I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for nearly a year...we only see each other at the weekends as we live an hour away from each other and initially it was great fun and not too heavy. Now I’m pregnant and the heavy talks come along.
Obviously it’s been a shock getting pregnant, he is also 5 years younger than me, I’m 32 and he is 27, he lives at home still. I own my own house, have a good career, surrounded my supportive family and friends.
Living together is a sticky subject for us both for several reasons, the distance, jobs, family and friends, he also smokes weed daily that I don’t agree with, he also doesn’t drive. Sounds like I’m painting a bad picture, he is lovely, respectful, caring, we get on really well.
I’m just struggling to think about what happens in the future or see how it’s going to work?
Has anyone else been in a similar situation

I'm sorry but why are you having a child with a pot head who will rock up on weekends but only if he manages to pass his driving test????

You'd be better on your own!

What has happened to you that makes you so nervous about standing up for yourself? Who cares if he gets upset? He's a grown up, sometimes things are upsetting - if he can't deal with them then he's a child in a man suit.

Keep your surname, don't put him on the birth certificate. It's not actually that difficult for him to apply to the courts to get out on that birth certificate, what it WILL require is for him to give enough of a damn about it to make the effort to actually do it. If he does, all well and good, he might make a a half decent father. If he doesn't, then you have made life a hell of a lot easier for yourself by not allowing the drug smoking twit the ability to easily control you.

I think that when you're in a relationship, you need to accept the person as they are. If you can't, then you shouldn't be with them.

I'm not in favour of smoking weed...I'm against it. Always have been. When I was 18/19 I started seeing a guy and found out he smoked it... I told him I didn't like it and he stopped.

He could have continued, but I wouldn't be in a relationship with him if he did.

You met him as a 27 year old still living at home, 5 years younger and smoking weed. I absolutely understand why you don't want weed around your baby.

Prepare to be single mum.
Definitely give the baby your surname

Work out a plan that he's there on the weekends and times in the week to look after the baby and give you a break. How does he feel about being a dad?

As OP and the father are not married, it will only be possible for him to be named on the birth certificate if he can be bothered to attend the registration appointment.

It is really very straightforward for a father to put himself on a birth certificate if he wishes, but it takes a bit of thinking and a bit of time. If a father isn't prepared to put this in then it is a pretty good indicator of what he will be like as a parent.

The birth certificate I am really going to have to think about after some serious discussions.

I am not the type of person to give ultimatums or to change someone. I just don’t think I can try to play happy families until he is ready to make a go of it.

He didn’t want me to keep the baby initially but still says he wants to be with me and loves me and does want to be part of its life. I wouldn’t go as far to say he is excited now but he is trying to be supportive.

OP - you are making excuses for him.

He sounds like mum and dad have mollycoddled him and it looks like you are doing the same.
I know guys like him and he will never grow up, not whilst mum, dad and you pander to him.

He is going to be a father, he is 27 not 17, if he doesn’t want to stand and be a man now he ever will.

End things with him and get on with your life.

Please do give the birth certificate some serious thought and get some legal advice.

As PP have said, if he is there to sign the cert he will automatically have shared parental responsibility, and without wanting to sound harsh he does not sound like a responsible parent. Not having him on the cert doesn't mean you can't recognise him as the father or have him in the child's life. I really believe that parenthood is a privilege not a right and it sounds like he has some work to do to earn that privilege

I hope that as your pregnancy progresses he steps up, but be prepared this may not be the case. (My own experience on this, whilst not same circumstances, is that sadly they fail to make the necessary changes). Either way, it sounds like your head is screwed on and you are going to be an awesome mum, and do whatever is best for your baby.

best of luck. xx

Not sure why you decided to have a baby with him. You will be a single parent. He isn’t interested and will just stop seeing you once the pressure is on I’m afraid.

How old are you?

An hour away is nothing, I literally drove over an hour each way for work. When I was a uni student I caught the bus 1.5 hours each way to uni.

If he was serious about you or the baby he'd stop the weed and make living with you a priority.

Definitely not any kind of relationship with him.

It sounds more friends with benefits.

Seeing the baby during the week...I'm shocked that you're accepting these behaviours and excuses.