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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Would it be unreasonale?

48 replies

ILoveMarmiteOnToast · 04/02/2021 14:07

Not that I have done it or am planning on doing it (well, maybe not!), but would it be unreasonable to ask your other half to also avoid alcohol, certain cheeses, certain meats etc, etc, whilst you are pregnant? In other words, do the sacrifices you have to make?

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AnneLovesGilbert · 04/02/2021 14:08

Yes it would be unreasonable.

Moominmiss · 04/02/2021 14:17

I think it would be unreasonable. I mean you could ask, but I certainly wouldn’t entertain the idea.

I don’t think a partner has any reason at all to give up the same things. I wouldn’t personally feel like they were showing any less support just because they continue to drink or eat soft cheese and raw steak etc.

jellybe · 04/02/2021 14:19

I don't think you'd be unreasonable to ask that maybe they didn't eat these things in front of you.

MsHedgehog · 04/02/2021 14:24

Agreed, it would be very unreasonable.

SunnySideUp2020 · 04/02/2021 14:25

Yes it would be...

Rosieposy89 · 04/02/2021 14:25

I think it's unreasonable. Why would they need to do that? There are better ways to show support than giving up things for the sake of it. My husband won't be drinking in third trimester though in case we need to get to the hospital

Happygogoat · 04/02/2021 14:27

Why would they/should they? Our bodies are not the same and I wouldn't punish a partner just because I'm carrying the child and they aren't. It's nice if they help out more in other ways - which they inevitably will around the house, looking after other kids etc etc. My DH was absolutely crucial when I had morning sickness! It can be a team effort without boiling down to soft cheese and wine.

Spottybluepyjamas · 04/02/2021 14:28

Absolutely unreasonable, yes

ShyTown · 04/02/2021 14:31

Yes it would be unreasonable. And utterly pointless. Pregnancy is tough and there’s no way that your OH would even come close to making the sacrifices you have to make by declining the cheese board and a large glass of merlot.

However, if you find the smell of certain foods set off sickness then it would not be unreasonable to ask them not eat these around you. And if the plan is for them to drive you to the hospital when in labour then staying sober when your due date is approaching would also be sensible.

snowy0wl · 04/02/2021 14:32

Interesting responses. I’m of the opposite opinion and think it is not unreasonable to ask. My DH actually volunteered (I didn’t ask) and I found it to be a great support during my pregnancy. I guess it depends on the type of partner and relationship you have. 🤷‍♀️

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/02/2021 14:33

I’m sure it does. I felt incredibly supported by DH who ate and drank whatever he wanted.

Heyha · 04/02/2021 14:36

I think it happened naturally in our house because wee weren't buying all the beautiful "naughty" cheeses just for DP. We normally like a beer in the garden so I had alcohol free if I wasn't having fizzy pop but DP had his usual.

I can't think of anything else that we eat that you're not allowed (I mean by NHS guidance, not Dr Google), I hate pate anyway so DP just gets that for himself.

It wouldn't be unreasonable to mention it and hope for a reduction if, say, drinking is a big thing in your house but I wouldn't be expecting a complete exact dietary match tbh.

Heyha · 04/02/2021 14:38

I did have the stinkiest ripest blue cheese and a strong coffee as my two first 'welcome home' treats though. And then a lovely cold beer in the garden. DP shopped especially for them and we shared them happily!

Ninetyfive21 · 04/02/2021 14:42

I think it’s unreasonable to straight up say “don’t eat/drink these things”. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask them to maybe cut down a little bit or to not eat/drink them in front of you

mouldyhouse101 · 04/02/2021 14:48

Absolutely unreasonable.

Imagine if a man asked this... oh the slaughter

yikesanotherbooboo · 04/02/2021 14:58

Why deprive your partner of pleasures just because you can't have them?

FluffMagnet · 04/02/2021 15:02

I don't think its unreasonable at all. You're giving up a lot in pregnancy, including health and comfort, so it seems a pretty small concession that your partner gives up a small number of consumables to support you.

HungryHippo20 · 04/02/2021 15:07

My husband has just naturally drank a lot less since I've been pregnant (I think that suggests I'm the one who encourages us both to drink more 🤣) but I've never asked him to.

Sailor2009 · 04/02/2021 15:11

@HungryHippo20

My husband has just naturally drank a lot less since I've been pregnant (I think that suggests I'm the one who encourages us both to drink more 🤣) but I've never asked him to.

Same. I've had to face that when it comes to wine consumption in my house I'm definitely the bad influence

MsHedgehog · 04/02/2021 15:15

There’s a massive difference between support (ie doing more around the house, cooking more, etc because you’re pregnant) and insisting that because you can’t have something, he can’t either.

The latter just sounds petty and childish. As PP said, pregnancy is more than food. Do you expect him to get a fake bump too so he can experience the back and hip pain? Or give himself heartburn so he can experience it too? Where do you draw the line?

SunnySideUp2020 · 04/02/2021 15:16

@snowy0wl

I guess if he volunteered it's different.
Perhaps he wanted to also feel the frustration of not being able to eat or drink what he wants.

Mine kept not going skiing/ ice-skating because i couldn't join (for obvious reasons). Until i told him to stop being daft and to go enjoy all the activities. I couldn't see any benefit to him limiting himself for "solidarity".
Just made no sense to me.

So yeah it does depend on the relationship.

NinaMimi · 04/02/2021 15:22

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask. I think if you’ve been big drinkers then it’s good to cut it out as it could be awkward if one is drinking and the other isn’t. Also with food. It’s good to not have food you can’t have in the fridge so you don’t eat it without thinking.

SkyBlue20 · 04/02/2021 15:22

I don't think I'd have wanted to ask DH to give up all of the nice things I couldn't have - why should we both suffer? - but I found that he just naturally ate less of the foods I can't as he won't bother buying them just for him (although at Xmas we still had the cheeseboard with all the nice cheeses and pâté and I just avoided the things I couldn't have). He's also naturally drinking less as I guess it's not as much fun drinking alone.
The only time I've actively mentioned that maybe he should stop drinking is now that I'm almost 35 weeks and we need to start thinking about the fact that he'll need to drive us to the hospital when I go in to labour.

Superscientist · 04/02/2021 15:26

We went down the middle line. We mostly only bought food we could both eat purely for convenience as it didn't mean we had to separate meals.

I'm now breastfeeding an allergy baby and for the most part we are both following the same diet. Again partly for convenience but also for solidarity we have both been following with same diet in the house but my partner doesn't necessarily follow it out of the house

luxxlisbon · 04/02/2021 16:34

I just don't know why you would expect that. If your partner suddenly became lactose intolerant or had some sort of allergy would you want them to expect you never had that again?

Obviously there is a balance, if there is something you absolutely loved and couldn't eat it during pregnancy then your partner would be a bit of a dick for constantly having it around all the time.

I don't expect my husband to totally give up everything I had to, but I wouldn't expect it the other way around either.

Also other than alcohol there really aren't that many things you have to avoid during pregnancy so not only is it generally unnecessary for you, but then even more so for him.

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