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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Would it be unreasonale?

48 replies

ILoveMarmiteOnToast · 04/02/2021 14:07

Not that I have done it or am planning on doing it (well, maybe not!), but would it be unreasonable to ask your other half to also avoid alcohol, certain cheeses, certain meats etc, etc, whilst you are pregnant? In other words, do the sacrifices you have to make?

OP posts:

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TheFoz · 04/02/2021 16:40

Massively unreasonable.

Avoid alcohol in the last few weeks in case you went into labour early sure. But for the whole pregnancy? Absolutely not.

Is this something you are doing OP or is it someone you know?

RunnerDuck2020 · 04/02/2021 17:00

I don’t think that’s unreasonable at all, there’s not actually that many things you have to give up and it’s a pretty small sacrifice to show a bit of support!

I haven’t specifically asked my DH to do this but like some others it has happened naturally because I tend to order the food shopping he is also less likely to drink alcohol on his own at home!

Teakind · 04/02/2021 17:02

I'd never ask that of my DH and think it would be a really 'high maintance' thing to ask. What's the point? There's only a few foods you can't eat and giving up alcohol for a while isn't a hardship.

I've got SPD and walking is painful. Should I expect my DH to hurt his back or just sit next to me in solidarity?

BlueberryPancake21 · 04/02/2021 17:06

@Rosieposy89 that's a really good point! Hadn't even thought of getting to the hospital. This is a conversation I need to have...

DH gave up alcohol for 3 of the 4 yrs in total we were TTC (as did I) so has done his bit and shown he's supportive and committed when it counts!

I do think it would be unreasonable to ask when there isn't a "reason" though. Not that that stops me being jealous when he has a nice glass of wine... or saint agur cheese on sourdough... or bends over to put his shoes on with no effort at all.

Reinventinganna · 04/02/2021 17:16

Why would you want to do that to him?

Are you going to squeeze his balls when you go into labour so that he feels pain too?

Meredithgrey1 · 04/02/2021 17:17

To me it seems a bit pointless, bordering on “if I can’t have it no one can”. Pregnancy isn’t easier just because you’re other half also isn’t eating soft cheese.
I’d expect a level of tact though, ie if my favourite meal was one I couldn’t eat and he ate it in front of me while talking about how delicious it was, I wouldn’t be happy. Or if he got a bottle of champagne for a special occasions but didn’t think to buy me a nice alternative.

coffeeandjuice · 04/02/2021 17:26

My OH offered to give up alcohol when I got pregnant the first time. I couldn't see the point in it at all...

Do agree with previous poster though, and have requested, now the due date is approaching, that he only drinks up to the legal driving limit.

Chelyanne · 04/02/2021 17:43

My husband eats what I give him when he's home lol
We've both been teetotal for years

Original poster

ILoveMarmiteOnToast · 04/02/2021 21:53

Wow, lots of responses and opinions!
Reading your posts, I keep swaying between unreasonable and then reasonable... but as I said in my op, I didn't do it in my first pregnancy and not planning on doing it in my current pregnancy, I just wanted to know your thoughts!
However, if my dh feasted on foods and drinks which I love but can't have in front of me, then that would be completely out of order!

OP posts:

ButtonMoonPie · 04/02/2021 22:44

I don't see the point and wouldn't feel any more supported if he gave up drinking.

I remember one of the couples in my NCT class (who were generally very OTT touchy feely) proudly announcing the husband had stopped drinking throughout in solidarity. All the other men looked sheepishly at each other and I just stifled a giggle and told my husband to crack open a beer when we got home.

PFin · 05/02/2021 00:41

Personally I think this is an unreasonable request. A husband can be very suppotive while enjoying the things we cant have. Its what comes along with pregnancy unfortunately and hubby doesnt need to suffer with me. He just needs to make sure he makes it upto you after baby, every food and beverage you like and craved but havnt been able to have on hand whenever you ask 😂

SleepingStandingUp · 05/02/2021 00:52

Why would you?
Did you have kids the kind of man who would purposely try to make you feel bad because you can't eat and drink stuff to help protect his child?

Andthenanothercupoftea · 05/02/2021 07:35

My husband offered. I told him not to be so silly, so he still drinks a little, but we never drank that much anyway. And he doesn't like a lot of the foods on the "banned" list like blue cheese etc.

I can definitely see myself feeling a bit jealous when we're allowed to go to the pub and he sits down with a pint on a nice sunny day...

THNG5 · 05/02/2021 07:41

Why would you? Does he have to eat like you then? Any strange cravings are forced on him as well?
It feels a bit like you're trying to punish him for something that he can't help!

Amichelle84 · 05/02/2021 07:42

unreasonable

ScandiCrimeFan · 05/02/2021 07:57

Unreasonable, unless he’s the type of man who says “we’re pregnant” when he’s free to do/eat/drink whatever he likes.

Original poster

ILoveMarmiteOnToast · 05/02/2021 08:52

Would never force and would never punish... and I have never requested this of my dh previously, nor currently.
Just wanted to put the question out there... they do say now that "we" are pregnant, rather than "she" is pregnant! 🤔

OP posts:

anniebu · 05/02/2021 08:58

When one partner on their own accord makes sacrifices and endures hardships for the other, it is a sign of selfless love (and/or masochistic tendencies) . When one partner requests the other to endure hardships and make sacrifices, it is a sign of controlling behavior. If my partner broke his leg and requested I keep to the house for a few weeks too I would see it as either childish, or, were he dead serious, a big red flag.

Pregnancy is no broken leg however, it's a child of two people that one is carrying. In a healthy relationship, each partner makes unique sacrifices. The husband typically takes up more and more chores about the house, supports/provides for the family financially, works more, is understanding and supportive should wife be dealing with any emotions and hormones etc. Maybe you are feeling your husband is falling short in his sacrifices, so you want him to share yours? If he's not falling short, it wouldn't it be unfair to encumber him with more than his share.

PinkPlantCase · 05/02/2021 08:58

I think it depends. I really like Brie. If we had Brie in the house I would just eat it. Things like that we just aren’t buying at all. Because DH would also prefer me to not eat it.

Same goes for things like lamb, we like it a bit pink in the middle and would normally cook a joint. We just aren’t having lamb at the minute.

Other things have been fine, I haven’t felt particularly affronted by DH drinking or eating anything else. That said though we didn’t really drink that much anyway. DH will only have a glass or wine or a Gin if we’re having a date night.

PinkPlantCase · 05/02/2021 08:59

I do think though that a blanket you can’t have it because I can’t have it is unreasonable.

anniebu · 05/02/2021 09:00

Meant to say "wouldn't it be unfair".

Chelyanne · 05/02/2021 09:01

See I thought what would be lovely is a nice slab of pink steak.... it's on the avoid list I'll still do hubby a rare and have well done myself. I will be rather sad doing it though.

MsHedgehog · 05/02/2021 09:37

@Chelyanne Same! We still make steaks and I cook my one well done and make his medium. I do feel a bit “humph” as I eat it but don’t begrudge him for having a medium with red wine! We just haven’t bought any really cuts since I’ve been pregnant because that would be too unfair on me, which we would usually buy every now and then.

We did get married in September, and that was the only time I feel like I was missing out - when my wedding meal consisted of a well done steak, when all the guests were talking about how great their steaks were! No one knew I was pregnant at that point...

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