Scared of pregnancy and childbirth!

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Currently TTC, but I'm pretty scared about being pregnant and giving birth

I've had anxiety and depression in the past, generally related to physical symptoms of anxiety. Which in turn spiral and I become more anxious. Generally under control though, no symptoms for the last 3 years or so. I'm worried my anxiety will come back with the storm of pregnancy hormones, and I'll find it difficult to cope.

I guess I'm scared of what it will feel like to be pregnant. Your stomach growing and growing, feeling a baby moving around etc. And not being able to escape the sensations, many of which I'm sure are unpleasant.

I have emetophobic too, so I'm terrified of morning sickness and of course hyperemesis.

I'm scared of the pain and being ripped open during birth, all the blood and gore. And having to recover from all that whilst also looking after a brand new baby.

I really want a child. I'm just massively freaked out by pregnancy! What does it feel like?! I can just imagine feeling a baby moving around inside and it feeling horrible!

You literally not going to know what it feels like until you are pregnant because pregnancy is different for everyone.

My first pregnancy I literally didn’t feel any different at all, in fact it took me ages to actually believe I was pregnant, no sore boobs, no sickness and I didn’t even really have a bump until I was almost 7 months.

Feeling the baby move and kick was lovely actually and it’s also very reassuring feeling them move about. It started like little butterfly wings fluttering and then got stronger a felt more noticeable like little prods and eventually kicks.

You can't let fear stop you from becoming a parent.
Yes pregnancy has many risks and weird symptoms but they are worth every second and you are not destined to have all the worst ones.
I hate being sick too. Managed to keep it in all but once in this pregnancy, even with our twins I only had a couple of times where I couldn't stop the sick. It passes and you can then enjoy it. Feeling baby move is weird at 1st but so wonderful.
As for births, I've had 3 vaginal and 1 cesarean and it hasn't put me off having another. I've also suffered miscarriages which are horrid and heartbreaking but getting to holding a beautiful new born eventually makes it worth enduring.

I think you need to think of all the best things that the journey can bring rather than scaring yourself with all the worst.

I definitely wouldn’t say I was as worried about it as you sound but before being pregnant I really hated the idea. I also had a huge blood test phobia to the point where I wouldn’t go to the doc if something was wrong in case I had to have one. I had hypnotherapy for it which I didn’t think worked.
I just put it to the back of my mind and got pregnant and figured I would deal with it when it happened. Now 30 weeks so I can’t say anything about birth but the whole experience has been way better than expected. Of course there has been sickness and discomfort but I have generally enjoyed it and love feeling the baby move and kick. I’ve successfully had 3 blood tests without freaking out and put it down to just having to get on with it for the sake of my baby.
I would definitely recommend the positive birth company and their hypnobirthing course. It takes you through exactly what your body is doing and how you can help yourself to give birth, reduce pain, make it a positive experience etc. I’m now actively looking forward to birth!
Most people don’t feel bad throughout pregnancy - it’s pretty bad luck to be sick the whole time. I could easily hide my pregnancy for the first 6 months, you don’t get big till quite late when it’s your first. Maybe try reading/watching some positive birth stories. What you see on one born every minute or general tv usually isn’t the norm. Of course things can go wrong but most births are about being sliced open/gore.

Just to say, not doing it is also a completely justified route.

Being childfree, looking into adoption etc are all options.

Good luck whichever way you go!

Afraid I can't comment on diagnosed anxiety and how you can manage the feelings of being pregnant.
However 'being ripped open and all the blood and gore' is absolutely not what birth is or needs to be. Just what we have been conditioned to think because of the drama portrayed in films and documentaries. A long, straightforward birth would be boring to watch....It's a natural physiological process that our bodies were designed for. Just like you trust that when you eat you won't choke, and your food will be digested without you even thinking about it. Your body is perfectly capable of growing and birthing a baby without drama.
I cannot recommend The Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill highly enough as a starting point.

I would really recommend looking into hypnobirthing and specific hypnotherapy to help you address your fears. This could really help you reframe some of the thoughts you are having. We grow up surrounded by negative stories of pregnancy and birth so it is no wonder that we focus on these. Hypnobirthing can help you to reframe this and feel more positive about the whole experience. Sounds a bit hippyish to some but it really works if you let yourself go with it

@P3rsephone

I've watched one born every minute and it frightens me to dead. Still can't stop watching it. I won't go into my relationship but I'm the youngest. 25 next year. Timing conception for when Rona out of way and can finish PhD. She's had six miscarriages. I'm petite, I make Lady Gaga look tall. Any ladies on here know of problems or is it cesarian? Second thing. You know downstairs. Does it all go back to normal. Thanks in advance.

OBEM does my head in sometimes, there are some right drama queens on that show.

Does it all go back to normal downstairs? Well the hubby has no complaints... I do my heavy barbell squats to make sure of that lol.
I also managed to repair diastasis recti (ab separation) after our huge twins with training in the gym.

@P3rsephone

I've watched one born every minute and it frightens me to dead. Still can't stop watching it. I won't go into my relationship but I'm the youngest. 25 next year. Timing conception for when Rona out of way and can finish PhD. She's had six miscarriages. I'm petite, I make Lady Gaga look tall. Any ladies on here know of problems or is it cesarian? Second thing. You know downstairs. Does it all go back to normal. Thanks in advance.

Does it all go back to normal downstairs? Completely depends. I did, my best friend absolutely didnt.

My friend was induced because she's very petite and baby was measuring big. I'm sure the same will be done for you, monitored and induced if necessary to avoid baby becoming too big for mum to cope. I had a 3rd degree tear and I can honestly say my vagina is is exactly as it was. Maybe the labias are a bit larger but the vagina is, if anything, smaller and I wasn't religious with my pelvic floor exercises at first, although I am now.

OP I was the same. Pregnant bellies freaked me out, especially seeing/feeling baby move. I absolutely loved feeling and seeing my baby move. I was petrified of giving birth and even more so at the thought of a c section. What helped me was my friend, a Dr on the maternity ward, who has obviously seen it all but saod that she wouldn't hesitate to have a baby herself. We had a really serious scare during my pregnancy and it honestly changed my way of thinking RE the birth. Things were really put into perspective for me, I didn't care how it went or what happened so long as at the end of it we were both healthy.

It's amazing what our bodies can do. Like I said I had a 3rd degree tear and whilst it was painful, it didn't stop me from doing anything. Thinking about it too much whilst it was still healing made me queasy but I just didn't look and kept it clean. You probably won't see any blood and gore, I know I didn't.

I'm also scared of being sick, I cry at the thought of it. I had no sickness. I had nausea but no actual sickness which was good enough for me. My only symptom I had was sore boobs.

@P3rsephone

Now your freaking me out. I like my sniz the way it is. We can afford private/cesarean. That doesn't look nice either.

...did no one ever tell you where babies come from?

Hello!

I had next to no symptoms of pregnancy all the way through, and when it came to birth, I just kept telling my midwife I didn't want to know and I put it all off every conversation about it. I didn't even make a birthing plan as I was so petrified of pain, honestly I was the biggest wimp you'd ever seen😂

When I actually went into Labour, I was so thankful I didn't waste time panicking about it. I was in Labour and hospital for 4 days and it was uncomfortable but I just breathed through it, it wasn't excruciating or unbearable! Don't get me wrong, when it came to pushing it hurt like a b*tch but once my girl came out I completely forgot about the pain, and it didn't even hurt that much afterwards.

I did have a complication through birth where I got an infection and they thought I might need a C-Section but the midwifes and doctors knew exactly what was happening and reassured me every step! It was a scary but equally amazing experience ill never ever forget.

Every birth is different but it is so so worth it🥰

Also, I had gas and air for a while, which is amazing, I had no care with what was going on😂

Then at 8.5cm, I got the all clear for a epidural as my body (after 4days of being in labour) started to struggle a little bit, and baby had been stuck for a while... she still didn't make her appearance for a while after that but these both made for a calmer relaxing experience for me so might be something to consider 💐

I was terrified too. I was scared of it since I was about 12. I dreaded it.

I wont lie, I hated many aspects of being pregnant. Morning sickness is horrible. I barely slept from week 20. I was so sore I could barely walk, especially on DD2. My labours were intense, but I I with no pain relief for some reason. But I loved feeling them move inside me. It was an amazing bond, to know it was just me and them, even at 2am, and being pregnant was a small space of time compared to a lifetime of loving them and hearing them laugh. It's sort of a hardship to be endured before a lifetime of happiness. Also, you may be a lucky person who cruises through. You just take it day by day. It's not as bad as it is in your head, I promise

For those worrying about their downstairs, I am 5 foot nothing, my babies were just under 8lbs so not tiny, and my downstairs is the same as its always been, even with one episiotomy and one tear (and I may not have been the best at my pelvic floor exercises). The only thing that gets me now, 12 weeks post partum, is Joe Wicks' jumping jacks 😆

An epidural works really well against the pain of contractions (can't tell you about the rest, I ended up with an emergency section, which was fine as well). My epidural actually dodn't work well on one side but even then it made the pain less than menstruation. Although contractions hurt it wasn't as bad as I thought. It wasn't the screaming and panic like you see on tv. Because they gradually build up to a point and then wind down again it is much easier to keep calm and breathe through them. Also, you don't have them continuously and in between you feel totally fine. They don't show that on tv.

The baby moving felt like wind going around in my intestines at first. Later it becomes more like little taps from inside. It was kind of cute.

Morning sickness, yeah can't help you much there, that is a bitch but I mostly felt nausea and only vomited twice or so. I found that being overtired made it worse so going to bed early might help. Also keep eating carbs throughout the day, start with a cracker or banana before you get out of bed. For most people it only lasts a few weeks. I read on here that there are several medication options that could help you if you suffer from it.

You get used to pregnancy as it goes along, so the first kicks are small and you can barely feel them and they gradually increase to the thumping great kicks of a full term baby.
I was only sick once during 2 pregnancies, for me it was more a feeling queasy.
The thought of labour for me both times was utterly terrifying and then it started and I got into the zone and was amazingly calm. First one ended in a CS and second two hours of pushing but it was fine. If you’re not keen on pain ask for an epidural early on. I left it too late (almost out) the second time. I had one first time when I was on the drip and I went to sleep because I was knackered.

I'm emetaphobic too. I'm on my 2nd pregnancy (due April).

Both pregnancies I've had terrible nausea in the first trimester but it never progressed to actual sickness. This time I took medication to reduce the nausea. The first trimester was horrible but it's not for long.
The rest of my pregnancies so far have had discomfort but it's not been too bad. Movements don't hurt. My last birth didn't go how I planned (I wanted an un-medicated water birth) but my assisted birth with an epidural was pain free. Before the epidural the contractions were like strong period cramps and gas and air was very good. I had an episiotomy but I didn't feel it due to the epidural and it healed well. I'm not worried about the birth this time. To deal with my emetaphobia at the birth I refused pethidine and had a break from the gas and air any time I started to feel "drunk" on it (the effects wear off as soon as you stop breathing it).

@P3rsephone

Did you give a large amount of thought at my age. Perhaps you did. The mechanics you can read about. The experiences you cannot which is why I asks. Very sorry for whatever I've done to offend you.

At 25? Yes, i was aware that babies are ideally born vaginally, and that pregnancy changes your body.

@P3rsephone - I decided on Hattie🙂 It is completely surreal having a baby but totally worth it! I wasn't expecting to fall pregnant and was on contraception the whole time so she was 1000% meant to be at this time😂

I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. I loved being pregnant! Birth not so much but again you can't actually remember the pain after, like you said I watched one born after having the baby, and I definitely did not scream like some of those did. I do remember as a midwife was telling me to push and I said I'm f*cking trying then burst into tears and kept apologising incase I was rude and upset her 😂 but she said she had heard a lot worse and she forgives me, especiallysince it was such a long Labour, it's no wonder I was getting frustrated 😂😂