How hard is it going from one child too two?

[Magik01]

Hello! I have a DS who is 2 years 3 months and an currently pregnant! He will be around 2 years 10 months (hopefully!) when other baby arrives.

How easy/hard did you find adjusting from one child too two? Any tips as I’m quite scared!

@CityDweller
sorry meant to tag you in my last post!

[quote Fizbosshoes]@BessMarvin
I think the worst part from 1-2 was the first 6-10 months.
After that it was fairly ok. Mine are 11 and 14 now and they don't really get on but the first year with 2 was definitely the hardest part so far.[/quote]
Thank you. I'm 15 months in and struggling but to be honest I don't know how much of it is pandemic and probably my depression
coming back as a result of it.

I can finally post on one of these threads! I found 0-1 awful, going from 1-2 was a breeze... My DS will be 3 in a few weeks and my second is 3 months. DS1 is at nursery 3 days, that definitely helps in the end early days so you get a bit of time to chill. But generally speaking you are a better parent second time round and the new baby fits into your routine. I’m enjoying it so much more this time.

“ To two” - sorry I’m not the grammar police but this really gets to me!

I found it easier than going from 0-1 to be honest. And I had exactly the same age gap as you.

I think the first baby is such a shock to the system. By the second one you're already sleep deprived at least 😂

The newborn stage wasn't so bad. The trickiest time I found was when the youngest was between 1-18 months when they both need a lot of attention but it's difficult to entertain them both in the same way.

It's a lovely age gap though and being a big sister has been the making of my eldest. Seeing them play together is gorgeous.

0 to 1 really easy but going 1 to 2 very very hard (3 years 3 months age gap) but you eventually get used to it and it gets better and don't regret having 2. I do think an only child is a lonely child

I found it easy. The real challenge was going from 2 to 3

Gap with mine was 6 years which made it harder for me. I felt happy with my life and suddenly had to drop the extras that I loved so much - like studying, yoga classes, socialising at night (that was the worst one to drop). But friends with a gap like yours seemed to sail through it, so perhaps it helps if you're still in that pre school kind of zone

I should've said: depends how your first baby was and how the second is too? My first was really easy and my second cried a lot more. Great now at nearly 4!

Some friends had it the other way and the baby seemed to just slot into the family

I found 0 to 1 very difficult 1 to 2, pretty easy!

I found it easier. I think second babies just have to sort of fit in.

One think I did think though was the my first maternity leave I did activities with my eldest - baby massage, baby yoga etc. Then on my second mat leave I still did things with my eldest (mother & toddlers, little kickers) just this time with a baby in tow too.

I have a four month old, my eldest was 2y4m when he was born. I think for me going from 1-2 has been hardest, the guilt of changing my eldests life, not being able to spend all my time focused on him, had an emcs so couldn’t pick him up when he asked etc.

I’m still not settled with two, don’t know what I’m doing most of the time. Can’t get the baby to sleep when the eldest is making noise so he ends up watching loads of tv (and I mean Hours a day when he didn’t watch any at all until a few months ago!). Tired and irritable.

Funny how when I had my eldest I thought having a break was having time alone, and now I have two I think having a break is just having the baby to look after! I wonder what on earth I ever moaned about when eldest was a baby .

But..... having my second has been beautiful and wonderful in so many ways. I have loved watching my eldest be a big brother and how much he loves playing and singing to the baby. I love all the newborn snuggles so much more because I appreciate how quickly that part is over. So it’s been hard, but it’s been worth it.

@BessMarvin I feel like I’m hitting the sweet spot at almost 6 and 8. They play games together that they both understand, they get on pretty well. But they aren’t hormonal tweens or teens yet so it’s nice right now!
Also eldest does a lot of things the youngest can’t manage himself like making breakfast, and he actually WANTS to do it. So I can be a lot lazier now

I found 0-1 really easy but 1-2 has been so hard! But, we’re in the middle of a pandemic and I’ve had no support and no distraction from the relentlessness of it all!

@bessmarvin I find my eldest is mostly pretty straightforward now at age 4.5. So I'm trying not to wish the time away, but also kind of looking forward to my youngest reaching that stage. Just 3 years to go...

I found it much harder than I thought I would. It changes the dynamic to another level and you are in deeper parenthood than you are with one.

I found it much less of a shock then 0-1. As you are already living a family orientated self sacrificing lifestyle.

You have to have a sense of humour and embrace the odd carnage when everyone is crying and also how slow you are leaving the house. No 2 does just have to slot in whether they are a delight or a grump.

As a wise lady (my mum) told me. With no 2 the highs are admittedly not quite as high but the lows are nowhere near as low.

It will be fine! You got this.

The first 3 months were about survival. Once ds started to have a proper afternoon nap I timed his to coincide with his sisters and that meant I had an hour and a half, to cook, clean or more often just sleep. It got me through. In some ways having a small age gap (16 month gap) is a blessing because ds slotted into dd's routine which was a godsend. I am now going from 2 to 3 and am scared that this is going to be harder.

Similar age gap - DD2 is only 10 weeks but it's been pretty easy so far, much easier than going 0-1. I think being in a pandemic has helped me as DH is WFH so I'm not juggling the two all day long - he barely made it home for bedtime most nights pre Covid so it's been one bonus in this difficult time. I do miss napping though.

0-1 was much harder IMO.
1-2 was difficult in the first few weeks but easier overall.

[quote Mol1628]@BessMarvin I feel like I’m hitting the sweet spot at almost 6 and 8. They play games together that they both understand, they get on pretty well. But they aren’t hormonal tweens or teens yet so it’s nice right now!
Also eldest does a lot of things the youngest can’t manage himself like making breakfast, and he actually WANTS to do it. So I can be a lot lazier now [/quote]
Thank you, that does sound good

[quote sunlightbuttons]@bessmarvin I find my eldest is mostly pretty straightforward now at age 4.5. So I'm trying not to wish the time away, but also kind of looking forward to my youngest reaching that stage. Just 3 years to go... [/quote]
Thanks sounds very similar to mine!

My boys are 2.8 yrs apart, apart from the first year of having 2, I reckon 2 is easier than one

Second babies are often easier (as parents are more experienced )

Easier than from 0-1
That was a shock!

We had exact same age gap as op between 1&2

2nd has slotted in and I’m a lot more confident this time around