Not finding out the sex of the baby

[WolfMother326]

Hi all,

My DH and I are considering not finding out the sex of the baby, we kind of want it to be a surprise. Has anyone else done this? Was it tricky with scans to not see anything you shouldn't? How did friends and family react? Did it make planning baby clothes etc really difficult? We're thinking we'll just go for neutral nursery colours and clothes, like yellows and greens.

Thanks!

I didn't find out for 1st, did for 2nd but told nobody, only bought one pack of pink baby grows as we had so much neutral stuff from dc1!

Really not at all important to find out before, made no difference at all to us, and it's one of nature's last good surprises so why not wait until dc is born?

We didn't find out on either of ours, which was my choice - but DH was really glad about in the end.
Re the scan, let the sonographer know so they don't say, but I think unless your a professional you'd be hard pressed to spot anything. I was sure I'd seen a Willy with DD... turns out it was a bit of the cord.

Something else to consider which I wish we'd done is to tell the midwife that you/DH want to see the sex for yourselves - not to be told by them - up to you Obvs!

We did this, only time it came up in conversation was at 20 week scan, they asked if we were going to find out and said definitely not so the sonographer told us when to look away. Most people thought it was nice but wouldn't have made any difference if they didn't....even the midwives joined in the guessing game, think they enjoyed the surprise too.

Lots of lovely neutral baby clothes and a small child isn't going to mind as long as their clothes fit and are clean. I think it stopped the avalanch of clothes gifts a bit tbh but people got her 'girly' stuff after she arrived which tbh we had no intention of buying so worked out quite well. I've kept most of it for a future second child and there's not much I wouldn't feel comfortable putting on a future DS if we had one, just a few very frilly gifts that will be passed on instead.
I recommend the surprise anyway!

Re clothes, I like new bones babies in white, cream, grey and brown anyway, and also would be quite happy to put a girl in blue and a boy in purples. No one gets pink in this house!

born not bones!

I'm 36 weeks and haven't found out, not seen anything on scans as yet. We didn't feel the need to, and wouldn't have done everything in pink or blue anyway even if we did know. In terms of clothes and nursery decor, like you say we've gone for all the other lovely colours and a lot of animal themed bits which I love anyway. Can't wait to find out in the next few weeks when he/she arrives :)

I’m almost 38 weeks and we haven’t found out. I have no idea which sex our baby is, and I’ve had lots of extra growth scans for various reasons and haven’t seen anything one way or the other on any scans. At the fetal anomaly scan we were asked if we wanted to know the sex at the start then told to look away at a certain point, presumably before they checked the genitals for any issues. Personally I don’t really believe in boy/girl colours so we have some clothes in a variety of colours that we’ll use either way that have been passed on to us from friends. Our nursery is grey but that was decided upon more so because it ties in with the colour theme of our house. Some of our friends have, jokingly, complained about us not finding out the sex but no-one has had genuinely negative things to say, and frankly it’s none of their business! 😊

Ps. Congratulations! X

I didnt find out and wont next time if I concieve again. It didnt cause any issues planning, the only thing I wouldnt do next time is buy as many neutral clothes because once Id had him I wanted "boys" stuff. Luckily id left the tags on and took most of it back. It was amazing finding out at the birth what id had!

We didn't find out in advance with either child.

Don't forget that that used to be the norm!

You say like not finding out is a new thing, or unusual!

I didn’t find out with mine.

Was it tricky with scans to not see anything you shouldn't?

No, scans are fuzzy blobs anyway. It’s fairly difficult to sex by accident. The sonographer should ask at the start and make sure.

How did friends and family react?

There’s nothing to react to? Your baby, your choice, and none of their business. If they do say something ask them why they need to know so much- i’d bet money it’s stereotyping bullshit like knowing what colour or toys to buy.

Did it make planning baby clothes etc really difficult?

In some ways yes, in some no. It meant I escaped some of the absolute sea of bloody pink- every gift we got post birth was pink. Nothing against
pink, but there are other colours I prefer and I don’t see why everything my baby comes into contact with has to “match” its genitals.

But I found newborn and baby stuff in anything other than pink or blue quite hard to come by. It took a fair bit of shopping around, even cream/yellow/green stuff had some gender marker like flowers or dinosaurs.

We're thinking we'll just go for neutral nursery colours and clothes, like yellows and greens

Go with what you like. Purple, red, orange, white, darker blues, there are lots of colours that aren’t pink and blue.

We didn’t find out with DD2 and probably won’t for this pregnancy either. It wasn’t a problem at scans as we had no idea what we were looking at really (obviously a baby in there, but not beyond that!) - even DH who is a GP. The sonographers were very good, asked if we were finding out, and when we said no just didn’t mention anything about that area of anatomy although I assume they checked it all.

We painted the nursery grey and bought some mildly girly curtains later- she didn’t sleep in there for months anyway and the cot was mainly used to dump clean clothes in!

We bought a few packs of newborn vests and sleep suits in neutral colours (white, turquoise, grey, yellow) which did us for the first few weeks, and then as a PP mentioned we were bought quite a bit of pink stuff as gifts after she arrived. I’ve tried to continue making sure at least some of her clothes aren’t super girly so they could be used again if number 2 is a boy.

John Lewis were good for neutral clothes with things like elephants and zebras on rather than flowers and dinosaurs. M&S do some too I think. No need for anything more fancy than a sleep suit for a newborn IMHO.

I didn't find out. It was an option but uncommon. I didn't see why it might matter, I don't like the pink for a girl blue for a boy mentality. It might have helped with names, but since dd was not called anything from the prepared list, even that was a pointless exercise ! ( she was her name within hours of being b born )

We didn't find out with DC1 and it made no difference whatsoever.

Made it all the more exciting for me honestly. Painted the nursery in a lemon colour, had a list of names for either sex and cracked on.

Nobody questioned it. Folk have been finding out at the birth for a far longer time than they've been finding out at a scan!

Thanks everyone. All of the reasons listed above are why we decided not to find out too. Good to know we're not the only ones!

We didn't want to find out, but my Obstetrician forgot and let it slip at my 20 week scan 😂

I'd never find out the sex until the birth as I think it's far nicer to find out when your baby is right there in the room not just on a screen or a picture. It wasn't tricky. We said we didn't want to know and they made sure they stayed away from that area while we were looking at the screen. But even while the checks were being done and the screen was not turned towards us I still purposely looked the other way just in case because not knowing meant a lot to me.

We only got the bare minimum of what we needed. I'm superstitious so wouldn't buy anything except what we needed before the baby was born. All we had before was crib and bedding, car seat, pram and clothes and essentials for hospital. Everything else (bouncy chair, playmat, swing, bath, changing mat and box, toys, clothes and so on) we got after when we knew if we were buying for a boy or a girl. So it wasn't hard to buy anything as I knew I'd only buy white clothes to take to hospital as I think newborns look best in white. We got everything else after.

Family had to accept our decision. Some people we know were surprised but mostly they just said okay. What else could they say? My mum never found out so she knew why I didn't want to. My dad was the same. And my husbands parents just asked if we were going to find out and we said no we want to wait until the birth. They said okay and that it was nice. Other family the same

We didn't find out either. I had a feeling O was going to have a boy; I was wrong and had a girl.
I was given a few things from work friends that were fairly neutral. One pack of babygros in particular (from Next) were lovely: they were white background; one had fine colourful stripes and the other two had zoo/safari animals on. Passed them on to SIL whose two girls wore them too!

It's dead easy. We did it with baby 1 and had zero issues. You get tonnes of clothes bought for you or given second hand when people find out sex. The surprise was lovely. We've found out this time and it's made no difference planning wise.

We didn't find out with my eldest and honestly it was just so much more exciting to wait until the end. There we no issues with clothes or planning things - I bought some basics in neutral colours and when he was born enjoyed choosing more things. You will need to say at any scans you have after 20 weeks or so that you don't want to know, otherwise it's very possible to see something you shouldn't.

We found out with my second and it was quite nice knowing but felt a little bit like opening presents before christmas! I'm pregnant again and not planning to find out.

So glad we didnt find out. No frilly dresses, 'little man' tshirts, annoying gender sterotyping comments. I felt like I stereotyped less too. It was purely a baby. You can only see if they are looking in that exact area (we had loads of extra scans) and tbh if you think you've seen, that's all part of the fun guesswork as you can't know for sure.
Dont get me wrong, I was tempted to ask so many times, but it was so much fun to find out at birth. And announce it! Would wait again.

I didn't find out with my first and am planning on finding out with my second. Honestly, it was an anti climax. It's either a girl or a boy and we weren't bothered either way. It's only ever going to be one of two things, so not that much or a surprise! I did however have a very long labour so maybe I just didn't care at that point hahah!

Also far less chance of gender disappointment if you wait.

Has anyone else done this?

Almost everyone.

I think it's really common to not find out.
At both my 20 week scans I've been asked whether I wanted to know or not.

Doesn't really make much difference to planning as you can get so many lovely neutral baby clothes and a baby boy wearing a pink vest will be oblivious anyway so just buy what you like.

I've found out second time but that was more so I could sort out the older toddler clothes and see what we can re-use. The baby stuff is all fine to re-use whatever the colour.