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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Not finding out the sex of the baby

57 replies

WolfMother326 · 21/01/2021 11:46

Hi all,

My DH and I are considering not finding out the sex of the baby, we kind of want it to be a surprise. Has anyone else done this? Was it tricky with scans to not see anything you shouldn't? How did friends and family react? Did it make planning baby clothes etc really difficult? We're thinking we'll just go for neutral nursery colours and clothes, like yellows and greens.

Thanks!

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steppemum · 21/01/2021 12:55

DC 1didn't find out as I genuinely didn't mind either way and wanted the surprise.

DC2 I was ill, and had a load of last minute scans, Dh and I found out the sex on Friday, baby born Monday

DC3 wasn't going to find out, but baby ill, and so we found out, and named her, but didn't tell anyone else.

I like it, either as a secret between me and dh or as a surprise. I had bags and bags of hand me downs and I just wahsed a set of neutral with a couple of 'boys' and a couple of 'girls' things.
But then, unlike other people, I found that I wnated to get out of the house and a little trip to one shop to buy something for the baby once they ahd arrived was actually nice.

Katela18 · 21/01/2021 13:05

We didn't find out, and it was the best decision! There is very little in life now that's a genuine surprise.

It was no issue with scans, remember the 20 week scan which everyone thinks of as a sex scan is not, it's an anatomy scan to check the health of the baby, it just so happens sonographers can often tell the sex of the baby by then. At mine, I was asked if i wanted to know, they then told me to look away when they were checking that area. I had a complicated pregnancy and had soooo many growth scans and at no point could I guess!

Family and friends thought i was boring for not finding out but I think they are boring for finding out! . Clothes were no issue, tonnes of neutral clothes around and we did a white, yellow and grey nursery :)

I have to say the best part was my partner being able to tell me the sex of our baby after so long waiting to meet her and seeing his genuine happiness :) It's a moment like no other.

Enjoy!

Pinkglittery · 21/01/2021 13:13

I'm 37 weeks and don't know. Dp was very set on not wanting to find out. I have DC from previous marriage so knew with them and actually it's been lovely to not know. I have bought a few baby grows etc in neutral colours though DP did suggest we went shopping and bought a bag of girls stuff and one of boys and kept them in the bags. Then we could just return one set after baby arrives which I thought was a good idea.

Toddlerandtwinstobe · 21/01/2021 13:19

I am really unsure whether to find out (having twins). We did with DD as I felt like I needed to know and it was lovely as I always felt like I knew her. It made everything less unknown I suppose.

I’m leaning towards finding out! I also have this weird thing that if it’s a boy or two boys I feel like I need to prepare myself. Not that I’ll be disappointed but I have 5 nieces and a DD so maybe I just need to get my head around a boy joining the family! Even though I know every child is different!

Names also take me ages so it will give me a while to refer to them as their names and get used to the idea. Also to prepare DD for the arrival! Maybe if I was having one baby I’d wait but I have terrible anxiety about having two so I think the more prepared I am the better.

Chelyanne · 21/01/2021 13:26

If you don't want to know make sure you tell the sonographer before they show you as they will try to avoid that area.
I thought about it with our 3rd but as they were scanning they showed between the legs and as we already had 1 of each I could tell it was another girl. DH always wants to know anyway. With our twins, again I could see both girls but I let them tell DH as he was hoping for another boy so much, we have 4 girls and 1 boy. I'm just hoping this one is successful atm, 9+5wk and had 2 mc's since our twins. If we get to gender scan stage it would be lovely to get a boy, I feel sorry for our son being totally surrounded by girls lol.

allieop · 21/01/2021 13:28

I didn't find out with my first and it was lovely. Whenever we told anyone we were having a surprise they thought it was wonderful, especially the midwife that was with me delivering the baby she said she loves it when it's a surprise as it's so uncommon these days.

I love neutral colours anyway so I didn't find buying things difficult and also loved the extra excitement after baby was born of going to get a few blue things, also ended up getting a lot more gifts too once people knew it was a boy.

WalkingMeAway · 21/01/2021 13:34

Yes just make sure at the 20w scan when they’re checking the genitalia not to look at the screen. Sometimes it can be very obvious !

I could tell my 3rd was a boy on my scan at 13+6 and was confirmed by my NIPT blood results.

Arrierttyclock · 21/01/2021 13:34

We're almost TTC and we've always said that we don't want to find out. I think it makes it more exciting to not know

Arrierttyclock · 21/01/2021 13:35

I also love neutral/ pastel colours so don't want the pink and blue stuff anyway

bluebluezoo · 21/01/2021 13:38

But then, unlike other people, I found that I wnated to get out of the house and a little trip to one shop to buy something for the baby once they ahd arrived was actually nice

Yes! I didn’t buy much before the birth. Those little trips out to the shop for things as and when I needed them kept me sane.

BlueberryPancake21 · 21/01/2021 13:45

I did find out but have still bought all neutral stuff - there's loads available and honestly I prefer it anyway! We've got things from JL and M&S in white/yellow/grey and lots of stuff with animals that isn't very gender specific. I'm actually dreading when we have to start using "boy" stuff and it frustrates me that we start to differentiate so young but I'm not about to start dressing my little boy in florals to make a point.

Something I read in a book stuck with me - a midwife said she'd seen plenty of people disappointed with the sex at 20wk scan but no-one was disappointed when holding their new baby.

peachypetite · 21/01/2021 14:03

You can get such lovely neutral designs these days and newborns look beautiful in plain white. No point going mad with clothes before the baby is here anyway when you don’t know the weight, shape, length etc. And I agree with others, I got a lot of pink as presents so it has been nice having neutrals mixed in.

Sunsetsaddict80 · 21/01/2021 14:04

I did this and can honestly say it was the best feeling. I loved the anticipation and build up. Honestly the most two most special moments of my life, well worth the wait.

MimiDaisy11 · 21/01/2021 14:05

I recently had the 20-week scan and we were asked if we wanted to know the sex but said no though it is tempting lol. For that scan, it's hard to make out anything (at least for us) as it's mostly at strange angles on the baby to check organs etc. We didn't see anything that would give it away for us.

I find not knowing is quite good for clothes etc as there are limited choices (but nice ones) so it stops me buying more. I see nice dresses and tops - I might have been tempted if I knew it the sex etc. You can get all the clothes you need in neutral colours.

Family and friends haven't made any comment when I told them we're waiting. It'd be a bit weird to get pushy on that issue.

Allyy · 21/01/2021 14:19

I found out the gender of mine at the scan, however it is quite tricky to accidentally see for yourself the gender because unless you are trained you don't know what you are looking at, I definitely couldn't tell.
Despite knowing the gender, most the newborn outfits I bought and were given were unisex anyway, mostly white, so doesn't make much difference and can always buy more outfits for their gender in the future.
I also painted the room pastel green and grey before finding out what gender he was so can always stick to gender neutral colours like white, grey, yellow, like you mentioned xx

Sceptre86 · 21/01/2021 14:19

First pregnancy, didn't find out and had a dd. I suspected she was a girl as I always imagined having a dd first and it was quite clear to me on the scan pic. With ds I thought the scan pic looked like a boy I wanted to know to prepare myself and we had a gender scan. I am now pregnant with our 3rd and probably last and will not find out. I prefer the surprise. We have one of each already anyway so plenty of clothes and I like a newborn in neutral stuff anyway.

Allyy · 21/01/2021 14:21

Also most people are understanding and won't judge you if you find out the sex or not, it is your choice anyway so don't let that sway your decision xx

Sls668 · 21/01/2021 14:25

My LO is 10 weeks old and we found out with her at 20 weeks, I bought all ‘girls stuff’, she was home a week and I decided I preferred her in white so bought all white babygrows and she barely wore any of the ‘girls’ things I initially bought!
I think it’s made me think I’d like a surprise next time and for my partner to tell me the sex when baby is born

BareFacedLila · 21/01/2021 14:27

We did this! I'm really pleased we did. I found it stopped us "assigning" a personality onto the baby in the womb. The not knowing was great. It kept us open minded.

As for clothes and relatives it made zero difference as we wanted unisex clothes anyway. We had a name for a boy and a girl lined up and that was that. On the day I was convinced I was having a boy in my heart, I just knew it. But it was a girl! So it was a genuine surprise and meant we started afresh getting to know our baby.

One tip - do make it very clear to NHS staff that you don't wish to know the sex. A nurse did accidentally blurt it out to us at a scan but then covered it up. We wondered about it at the time but let it go as we didn't know for sure if she had said it. Looking back she definitely spoke out of turn. So if it bothers you then do ask them not to tell you!

Good luck!

Catty1720 · 21/01/2021 14:35

We found out but as they said it was a girl we didn’t go mad with girlie stuff as a girl I worked with was told she was having a girl and it came out a boy. We didn’t tell anyone

Tubs11 · 21/01/2021 14:35

we didn't find out and it was a lovely surprise...though our daughter was nearly a minute old before we thought to check the sex, we were that in love we didn't care!

PlantingGreen · 21/01/2021 15:10

We didn't find out when i was expecting DS. I did get the feeling that i was having a boy but still didn't find out and we were not bothered whether we were having a boy or girl. We told the sonographer at the 20 week scan that we didn't want to find out and she made sure she kept away from the genital area. Friends and family were excited to know but respected our decision. Just made it fun having their own guesses. We didn't buy any newborn clothes as my SIL had a massive bag of newborn and 0-3 clothes, most of which were neutral. There was the odd 'boy' clothes but we were not bothered about putting them on a girl. We did buy a couple of 0-3 clothes but kept them neutral as well. Our DS nursery is magnolia with a green feature wall. We also preferred having a neutral nursery.

Wannabegreenfingers · 21/01/2021 15:17

Didn't find out with either. Wasn't difficult at scan's just let them know you don't want to know and they will do the their bit without giving anything away. My first was a difficult pregnancy with multiple scans. Not once did we see anything we didn't want to and it was a boy.

I didn't find it difficult in relation to buying clothes etc either and didn't get any grief from friends or relatives, not sure why I would.

For me it was the best thing not finding out. I was the first person to see my daughter (2nd child) and I told the room that she was girl. Its something I will treasure for ever.

Markies · 21/01/2021 15:20

Every single person who asked if we were finding out was glad when we said we weren’t. Nobody in our families wanted to know beforehand. Saw absolutely nothing in scans that gave it away. Lots of nice neutral clothes to get started too. It wasn’t hard to get organised not knowing.

WineInTheWillows · 21/01/2021 15:21

I did both. Found out with the first, didn't with the second. Went for neutral clothing etc both times regardless.

If I had another, I'd find out at the scan. I felt less connected with the second pregnancy, which I attribute to referring to him using 'it' the entire time, didn't get to see people's reactions to the sex because they found out over the phone when the baby arrived and didn't enjoy the news at all because I was high on gas an air, exhausted and in pain after the birth when I found out. I know some people find it magical, but I was not one of them!

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