First baby during covid, experience of NHS?

[CaptainSweatpants89]

Hi all,

Just wondering, of those of you who are expecting your first child during this pandemic (I'm due in May), what your experiences of the NHS have been? I feel that there has been a serious lack of guidance or support from the medical profession, obviously no antenatal groups (made worse by the fact I'm not on any social media to improve my mental health so can't join those groups either). I was just wondering what other first time pandemic mums have experienced?

For context
I also have an anterior placenta and have had to pay for 2 private scans so that I know baby is OK as I feel limited movement (it's actually only because of the first private scan that I know about my placenta, it wasn't picked up in my NHS scan, but was confirmed at my 21 week scan because I asked about it).

I've been to all my appointments (a midwife phone call, bloods at my GP and 2 scans, im 23 weeks) but feel like I'm half way through this pregnancy and I'm no more clued up on anything other than the wonderful advice I've received from family and friends (which has been helpful but such a variety of experiences) and the books I've read (which I know never really prepares you).

Through this entire process my husband has not been allowed to attend ANY appointments by the NHS, despite how anxious I am and how much I need his support. It was still a flat refusal from the midwifery team. This breaks my heart as its our first baby and he wants to be so involved and I desperately want him involved.

I also haven't met my own midwife yet and we've had no contact whatsoever. I know her name. That is all.

I think experiences vary massively depending on your trust. I’ve been very fortunate to have a named midwife from the start and all my appointments have been in person. DH has been able to attend scans (albeit only the last 5 minutes when they turn the screen towards you). He’s also able to come to other midwife appointments, he came to my 16 week appointment as we heard the heartbeat for the first time. He probably won’t come to any other ones though as nothing else really happens. I’m also due in May and this is my first baby so I’ve got no experience of how things are pre-covid. I’ve also got an anterior placenta but thankfully I seem to be able to feel baby move quite a lot so far! They do only take note of your placenta position at the anomaly scan so this wouldn’t have been mentioned at the dating scan.
I feel I’m very fortunate compared to some ladies who have had very different experiences. It would have broken my heart not to have DH at the scan. If that were the case we would have certainly booked a private one.

I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. Apart from your DH not being able to visit, everything you have described sounds fairly typical for a non pandemic pregnancy as well.

Placenta location is usually recorded on the notes of your 20 week scan. Unfortunately there is a huge difference between private scans and NHS ones. It should have been explained to you though that regardless of where your placenta is that at this gestation, especially in a first pregnancy, it’s fairly typical to have limited movement. From 28 weeks your hospital will see you and do monitoring to check on your baby so don’t feel put off about asking.

Actually no, many hospitals at a push will see you from 24 weeks but they often have a policy that they won’t use the CTG machine before 28 weeks. Do phone to go in and be checked over if you are worried though.

@Nat4392 thank you for your response and congrats on your baby too! Glad you've had what seems to be a more well rounded experience but that you share my sentiment regarding DH attending appointments.

@SnowFields it's quite sad that even a non-pandemic pregnancy has limited contact. You're growing a human for goodness sake! (Common sense will prevail one day).

I've actually only got 1 more appointment booked in, and that's with my midwife (or a midwife, probably not my own again) at my GP surgery but nothing more.

Thanks for your thoughts so far!

Tbf even pre covid I didn't have extra scans for an anterior placenta, there are no local antenatal groups due to funding and dh never came to midwife appointments.

I gave birth in the height of the 1st lockdown and the staff were amazing. I soon completely forgot they had masks on.

I have found the health visitor care afterwards absolutely dire though!

I don't think this is particularly down to covid. I'm 16w and have had a midwife appointment, 12 week scan and my next thing is the 20w scan. Other than partners not being able to attend scans, which luckily has been updated in most trusts now, but your experience sounds like it is just how antenatal care goes, not specifically a covid thing.

[quote CaptainSweatpants89]@Nat4392 thank you for your response and congrats on your baby too! Glad you've had what seems to be a more well rounded experience but that you share my sentiment regarding DH attending appointments.

@SnowFields it's quite sad that even a non-pandemic pregnancy has limited contact. You're growing a human for goodness sake! (Common sense will prevail one day).

I've actually only got 1 more appointment booked in, and that's with my midwife (or a midwife, probably not my own again) at my GP surgery but nothing more.

Thanks for your thoughts so far![/quote]
What other appointments are you expecting? It’s normal to only have one midwife appointment in advance at any one time. Sometimes women also have a consultant appointment as well but that’s only if under their care. Unfortunately it’s also quite normal to see a different midwife each time as well.

There is a reason why the U.K. has such a high stillbirth rate! Antenatal care is shocking - ironically unless you have a stillbirth or neonatal death and then the hospitals go all out, although it’s a pregnancy too late by then!

Your expert other than attendance at scans is normal pandemic or not. I think a lot of new mums have an expectation of hand holding through the 9 months, dedicated midwife, all the information give

I think a dedicated midwife is rare. And I’ve never felt much movement ahead of 23 weeks. Also you only usually get one appointment booked at a time.

Two private scans by 23 weeks because you need reassurance does sound like you are very anxious, even by first pregnancy standards. Is there a particular reason you are worried?

@SnowFields I didnt know what to expect to be honest! I wasn't expecting hand holding or being baby sat (lol pardon the pun) but I did expect a little more of "here's somewhere to find advice/support, here's what to expect from us etc". Also, at none of my appointments have I been asked how I am or how I'm coping, its all been very functional - urine, bloods, height, weight, check baby, thank you bye.i know obviously pregnancy is about my baby but surely my health is just as important? May be I am expecting too much.

Everyone I've spoken to about my trust sings their praises during labour, and some had difficult pregnancies so they've received amazing care, I guess I just thought that was the normal level of care.

@JabbyMcJabface I'm generally quite anxious anyway and have had a few mental health concerns, but I've also been stressed and grieving a huge loss so yes, anxious and want to make sure baby is OK.

Reassuring to know that the movements I'm feeling are normal, the more people I ask the more I'm understanding that's the general consensus.

Hello congrats on your pregnancy
Can I recommend a course with www.blossomantenatal.com they are brilliant and covered all worries

I'm 30 weeks and I've had 4 midwife appointments, 1 by phone and 3 face to face. I went to both scans alone as OH was at work but he was allowed there if I wanted. One other appointment for flu and whooping cough jabs. I have another scan at 32 and 36 weeks because I'm 40, OH is allowed to attend. Both will be followed by consultants appointments. And I will see my midwife every 3 weeks from now until I give birth.

[quote CaptainSweatpants89]@SnowFields I didnt know what to expect to be honest! I wasn't expecting hand holding or being baby sat (lol pardon the pun) but I did expect a little more of "here's somewhere to find advice/support, here's what to expect from us etc". Also, at none of my appointments have I been asked how I am or how I'm coping, its all been very functional - urine, bloods, height, weight, check baby, thank you bye.i know obviously pregnancy is about my baby but surely my health is just as important? May be I am expecting too much.

Everyone I've spoken to about my trust sings their praises during labour, and some had difficult pregnancies so they've received amazing care, I guess I just thought that was the normal level of care.[/quote]
Unfortunately I think the general experience is like you describe. All the focus is on your physical body in relation to the baby. In my first trimester I told the midwife how awful I was feeling and she didn't really care because my bloods came back fine. It feels as if they only care about the baby and not about you as a person.

Next time you have a midwife appt just ask any questions you have. Mine always asked how I was feeling, but didn't really talk about anything else- kept it clinical. So I just asked questions about birth plans/ any other queries I had as she was writing in my notes. I think midwives are a bit more attentive further along. I'm 34 weeks and I've found they go into more details than when I was in my 2nd trimester.
I did find it funny I wasn't even recommended an antenatal class in my area though, I had to google it. Maybe they assume everyone just looks online so don't bother mentioning it?

@CaptainSweatpants89 are you getting any support or help with your MH concerns and recent loss? It really may help with your pregnancy anxieties too. It may also help to keep a log of questions as you think of them. There was always things I wanted to ask the midwife but in the appointment itself I would completely forget!

Plus there’s always MN for questions!

This is my first so nothing to compare to but I'm at Queen Charlotte's in London. Now 32 weeks.

DH not allowed to any appointments.

Anterior confirmed at 20 weeks. Don't think they can pick it up at 12?

Minimal face to face contact but from 28 weeks onwards everything is face to face.

I know it's harsh because it's so big to us but they have so many ladies until your in the mid 30 weeks as long as you are okay they just don't have much to say!

My trust are doing antenatal classes online not just social media.

I know what you mean but I don't think your experience is unusual (sadly).

@HappierTimesAhead I totally agree! I voiced my worries about labour and ongoing health problems and I felt totally brushed off; they just focused on baby safety in delivery- which is good, but if I end up so damaged I'm in chronic pain band can't pick my own baby up is that not also a priority?!!

Hi @CaptainSweatpants89 this is something I keep saying, I think I’m expecting too much.

I’m not even 12 weeks yet so it’s early days and ftm so no idea what to expect. But I found myself pretty clueless and not sure what should be happening next and when. I asked the midwife at my booking appointment if I’d likely see her again and she said I probably wouldn’t see the same one twice. I was surprised at my booking appointment it was a tick box exercise, like you I thought I might be pointed to some resources of what to expect or even asked how I was getting on. She did tell me because of COVID id have 2 less appointments than usual, they amalgamate some now and most will be on the phone. Like you I’m not expecting a handhold but a quick this is what to expect would have been helpful.

I mean it’s fine and sounds kinda normal for pre pandemic too, but I think I expected a bit more guidance but have learnt that’s not the case. My blood test results came back last week and the app reports that I have 2 readings that are out of range, I dont know if that’s bad. Do they call me? Do I call them? Who do I contact? Or do I assume it’s okay unless someone tells me otherwise? It’s things like that! I get theyre overstretched though and I need to get over it! I’ve been thankful for these forums because I feel I’ve learnt a lot... I try to avoid too much google!

I haven’t noticed any difference in this pregnancy to my first, 8 years ago.

Midwife appointments are unnecessary for partners to attend as it’s usually urine/BP and a quick chat and hand over leaflets.. scans partner has been allowed to attend but NHS are there for medical reasons.. for the happy lovely look at the baby experience you’re better booking a private scan anyway. I’m 34 weeks and still only had 3 appointments and 2 scans throughout my pregnancy.

Had both scans but nothing else face to face until 28 weeks. Anterior placenta not identified until 20 week scan too, it doesn't really matter though- can take ages to feel movement as FTM but I get that you feel in limbo until you do.

However I've felt very supported, been in for reduced movement with no issues, local midwife responsive to calls with queries. My hospitals maternity services FB page is great for updates about covid changes, virtual antenatal courses etc. Can you create a FB profile just for baby related things, no personal stuff?

Not having partners to scans is awful but I wouldn't inflict standard midwife appointments on DH, its all about my pee and blood. Plus its nice not to have overflowing waiting rooms.

Don't worry about not knowing 'your' midwife. If it's anything like my experience in late 2019, you don't see the same midwife, they have nothing to do with the delivery team and you are seen by whoever is on duty in the community afterwards - and to be honest, it makes no difference to the continuity of care. Everything is in your notes.

(I'm 17 weeks pregnant now and the experience largely the same tbh. Didnt bother with antenatal either - no freebies by me, not keen on NCT and loads of great internet resources).

I haven't noticed any difference really to my DS, 8 years ago now. The only difference being DH wasn't able to my 12 wk scan this time - he was sad about it but accepted it as 'needs must'.
He's not been allowed to any of my antenatal appointments - but actually didn't come to them with my DS - I don't actually know anyone who took partners to all their antenatal appointments -

Oh, one difference I have noticed this time is that I have a mobile number for my named midwife and can text her with any questions and she'll get back to me - not used it loads but I guess it's peace of mind knowing it's there for me.

Have a look for what someone like your local NCT is offering throughout COVID, they're better placed for some kindly hand holding and helping you though it if you're feeling anxious about it all.

I had a baby in June, first lockdown, dh only allowed in for active labour. He missed my first scan as I thought he had noro and told him he could not come, but did come for the second scan. But no other appointments. I wasn't impressed with my care during labour, but when I needed to be seen prior to that it wasn't an issue.

My midwife changed five times in the nine months, I wouldn't worry then. I did have the anethitist (I can't spell) try and insist that I wore a mask while he gave me an epidural but the midwife put him in his place.

There were no antenatal courses running at my trust until two weeks before my due date, so I ended up finding about Suffolk babies charity and they were amazing