First baby during covid, experience of NHS?

[CaptainSweatpants89]

Hi all,

Just wondering, of those of you who are expecting your first child during this pandemic (I'm due in May), what your experiences of the NHS have been? I feel that there has been a serious lack of guidance or support from the medical profession, obviously no antenatal groups (made worse by the fact I'm not on any social media to improve my mental health so can't join those groups either). I was just wondering what other first time pandemic mums have experienced?

For context
I also have an anterior placenta and have had to pay for 2 private scans so that I know baby is OK as I feel limited movement (it's actually only because of the first private scan that I know about my placenta, it wasn't picked up in my NHS scan, but was confirmed at my 21 week scan because I asked about it).

I've been to all my appointments (a midwife phone call, bloods at my GP and 2 scans, im 23 weeks) but feel like I'm half way through this pregnancy and I'm no more clued up on anything other than the wonderful advice I've received from family and friends (which has been helpful but such a variety of experiences) and the books I've read (which I know never really prepares you).

Through this entire process my husband has not been allowed to attend ANY appointments by the NHS, despite how anxious I am and how much I need his support. It was still a flat refusal from the midwifery team. This breaks my heart as its our first baby and he wants to be so involved and I desperately want him involved.

I also haven't met my own midwife yet and we've had no contact whatsoever. I know her name. That is all.

[quote CaptainSweatpants89]@SnowFields I didnt know what to expect to be honest! I wasn't expecting hand holding or being baby sat (lol pardon the pun) but I did expect a little more of "here's somewhere to find advice/support, here's what to expect from us etc". Also, at none of my appointments have I been asked how I am or how I'm coping, its all been very functional - urine, bloods, height, weight, check baby, thank you bye.i know obviously pregnancy is about my baby but surely my health is just as important? May be I am expecting too much.

Everyone I've spoken to about my trust sings their praises during labour, and some had difficult pregnancies so they've received amazing care, I guess I just thought that was the normal level of care.[/quote]
I agree your health is just as important but your experience sounds sadly normal. It’s not acceptable though.

In my experience, you have much better care if you have a difficult pregnancy. Otherwise you are just left to flounder your way through. Have you joined the pregnancy group with your month due date on here? I would imagine you will get more support and information from them than from your hospital or midwife.

I’m on my third child now and due in 5 weeks, to be honest there isn’t really much difference in the level of contact or care. The only difference really is that my husband couldn’t attend the scans and I filled the booking notes out over the phone rather than face to face, I still went in to have blood taken, bp, urine sample and weight it just meant I was only in the room 10 min rather than an hour. I didn’t take my husband along to any other appointments with my other children apart from the 2 scans. I think he’d have been pretty bored sat watching someone take my bp at the antenatal appointments. So as for your husband wanting to be involved I’m not sure going along to appointments would really make any difference, not a lot happens!

I never had 1 midwife too, in fact this time around has been the most consistent yet, with my first 2 children I never saw the same midwife, literally! I’ve seen the same one the last 2 appointments which is a first. I think women often anticipate there’s a lot more involvement and contact with midwives than there actually is, if you have a healthy pregnancy you have very few appointments.

I've just felt everything has been very rushed, whereas last time I felt like the midwife was more focused on what I was saying rather than just getting the appointment finished. Might be down to being with a different midwife base though. With regards your health, my husband was horrified at how little he felt my physical health was considered after my last birth. I was too focused on the baby to care but in hindsight I think he has a point and the number of women with poorly treated birth injuries is shocking.

Ask mumsnet you guys never fail!

You've really provided some reassurance that what I'm experiencing is normal, and that I need to use my voice if I want something addressed.

I have got a "baby book" which is a custom note pad of everything I read, learn, ask advice on or questions I have. I'll be sure to take this/share those key priority questions in my next appointment! Definitely need to be more assertive rather than expect them to just share info.

@JabbyMcJabface I appreciate your support there for my MH. Yes I'm receiving support and despite covid preventing physical contact with family and friends, I know they're all at the end of the phone.

My OH has been so incredible throughout it all, and my point originally was regardless of how dull we perceive those appointments, your OH should be encouraged to be involved - after all it's their baby too! I didnt know what to expect from antenatal care, and I was still disappointed.

Either way, its my pregnancy and I'll continue to make sure I do everything I can to understand everything. And if in doubt - I'll give mumsnet a shout

@Thisisbananas3 it's like I'm talking to myself! We have a shared disappointment in the care but continue to do our best in spite of it all!
Hope your pregnancy is going well!

I understand why you're concerned when it's your first, but to reassure you (hopefully) it sounds like completely normal and standard maternity care. I'm 36wks pregnant with my second and it's no different to 3yrs ago with my first.
Your Midwife appointments are to check your health, I don't know anyone who's taken a partner to one. And honestly you're still so early on there's not really much to discuss. If you have any questions just ask them, I'm sure they'd be happy to help.

@CaptainSweatpants89 thank you! I hope as your pregnancy continues you get more support and get the answers to your questions! 😊

My dh is like yours wanted to be involved as much as possible and he was. In my first two pregnancies he went to every appointment. He would ask questions I forgot to and I found he was more understanding of what I was going through because he was there when I was getting poked and prodded. We were lucky in that he had paid time off for my appointments, if his work were not as good he wouldn't have been able to attend so many.

I think if more partners did attend they wouldn't be detached from their partner's pregnancy and would actually provide more support.

I had a relatively straightforward pregnancy first time round until 34 weeks when it all went wrong. I was put under consultant care from then on. My second pregnancy was consultant led from the get go and I think this one will be too.

My trust is very good at providing written info about how many midwife appointments you would normally have, the tests and what they are for and at how many weeks you would have them. In our area you should see one community midwife throughout the whole pregnancy but that is not always the case.

Re treating you as a person, I wholeheartedly understand. At the end of my first pregnancy I felt my health and wellbeing was secondary to the baby and my longterm health was not a concern.

Maternity services are overstretched in this country and it really is a postcode lottery interms of the care you receive. The standards of care need to be raised throughout and that will only happen when women speak up and complain. Too many of us accepte sub standard care as the norm.