4th child fear!

[gemme]

Parents of 4 children please come at me!

Recently discovered that I'm pregnant with baby number 4, which was a surprise to say the least. We had a very tough time conceiving our third baby, with many losses beforehand and years of trying, so I'm feeling guilty for not being thrilled about this pregnancy yet.

I can't help but feel a 4th child is SUCH a big jump from 1, 2 or 3. Going to need a 7 seater car, thankfully we have enough room in the house for another but will still need to work out logistics of who would need to share etc. I still have everything from our youngest so we're pretty sorted and it's not as bad as it could be but all I can think is FOUR!! I feel completely outnumbered with 3 at times, especially at the minute with homeschooling and having them all home 24/7.

How did you find number 4 fit in? I did find the jump from 2-3 the easiest admittedly, as I had the attitude that baby number 3 just had to slot in with our already busy lifestyle, and it worked just fine. I'm also bracing myself for the comments when people find out. Because at 4 (even at 3) you enter that territory of sarcastic comments like "don't you know what's causing it yet" etc!

It's only early days yet and history has made me almost expect a miscarriage, but any tips and own experiences are all greatly appreciated. Thankyou!

@gemme going to join you as I’m also newly expecting number 4 and have the same worries! The new car we’re going to need is a big expense for starters!
Holidays are already a pain as a family of 5 as they’re geared towards families of 4, so god knows how it works with a family of 6 🙈

Would be interested to hear what people say.

Hello mum of four here! (plus two step kids)
I think quite a lot depends if age gaps mine were close and the first year was hard but do able....
I would say
Sat yes help when offered (don't try and me supermum)
If you can get a cleaner
Lower your standards
Accept for a while it's just going to be all about the kids
Depending on how you feed get dh to do a night solo so you can sleep.

Mine are 6,7,10 and 15 and it's ace! If a little full on and noisy!

If anyone says "do you not have a tv?" Say "yes we watch lots of porn"

The jumps after 1 - 2 are a breeze.
After our 3rd I got a copper coil, was surprised to find out I was pregnant before going to donate blood (always test just in case). Was sent for an early scan and told it was twins!! and no sign of coil. Pregnancy was tough because they were huge and hubby broke his leg when I was 26wks (cast off day after birth). Yes we had to upgrade to a 7 seater, I love that car!! Have to be picky with parking spots though. Our house, we own a 3 bed semi. We can't afford a bigger house yet but it's big enough and why stretch finances if you can manage with what you have. Family life wise... they just slot in around routines that were already in place. Yes I was exhausted and not in good physical shape after being so stretched out but gym sessions have got me back to a good fitness level now. We're expecting another (about 9wk), we lost one at 9wk in July so still have that in the back of my mind. If this one is successful it WILL be our last time.

You will be fine, good luck.

Hey op, we are expecting dc 6

4 was fine for us, how old are the 3 you already have?

Another mum of 4 here. Honestly, I found going from 3 to 4 was easy, apart from the need for a bigger car. We already had a good routine established, so day to day we just carried on as normal, but obviously needed a bit more time for the logistics of getting ready for school in the morning, going out for the day etc. The house is rarely quiet, the laundry pile never ending and I’m sick of seeing so many pairs of shoes up the hall, but I iron less and am more relaxed about untidiness.
Holidays can be difficult and expensive as most family rooms are for 4 or 5, so you have to get 2 adjoining or connecting rooms with an adult and two children in each. Mostly we do self-catering and Eurocamp type holidays- that said, I would do anything to be on holiday right now!
I should probably add that I changed from full time to part time work to fit around the children. When they’re all little it’s very full on, but as they get older it’s much easier. You’ll be fine.

Love all of these stories!! I’m expecting DC4 in 6 weeks and had a little panic this morning. It’s so lovely to read about people’s big beautiful families.

4 is fine it’s not too much different from 3 really I felt 2 to 3 was harder.

My youngest was only 13 months when ds4 came along so it was busy and I I didn’t need to buy much clothes wise but did need bigger car, another car seat cot and double buggy which I did sell on.

It’s a fun busy house, youngest 2 play together, share a room get on ok mostly youngest also a surprise.
Congrats op

My 4th was also a surprise. I was devastated at the time as it set my career plans back a bit, but she’s now 6 and an absolute joy. I read somewhere that people with 4 kids are much more laidback, as they’ve given up on the idea of perfection

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP! I've enjoyed snooping here because we are trying to decide on TTC a 4th.

All I can think is...how will we have normal holidays?!! Any tips anyone?

Congratulations OP on your pregnancy. I’m a mum of 4 and my fourth was the easiest and I quite enjoyed being pregnant and when he was born nothing much changed we had enough space and we had 7 seater car before he come along because our 3 daughters needed a space when traveling. Even though I have 5 years between my 3rd & 4th they play really nice together and he is loved by his sisters. The only key is to organise yourself and rather than that not much different from 3-4.

@jollyunicorn83

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP! I've enjoyed snooping here because we are trying to decide on TTC a 4th.

All I can think is...how will we have normal holidays?!! Any tips anyone?

No much difference on the holiday and the only difference will be having another extra person and extra stuff to pack. Lol

@Mumof3girlsandaboy I being told I will never again be able to book a hotel room without stress!

Thankyou all for your lovely positive stories! It's definitely calmed my nerves a bit.

My three are 10, 8 and 2. So it'll be nice that the youngest will have a sibling closer in age like the older two are. Although my older two fight like there's no tomorrow, which I've always put down to the closer age gap and is one of the reasons I've enjoyed my 3rd so much having a bigger gap.

We have a 4 bed house, so currently they all have their own rooms - I'm hoping if all is well, this one will be the same sex as my youngest as logistically that's going to work easiest when it comes to sharing a room, but if not, we will make it work!

Congrats to those of you also expecting number 4 too!

Oh I nearly forgot the most important part - holidays are definitely worrying me lol! As if they weren't expensive enough already! Although for the foreseeable they're only in our dreams

I’ve got four too. It’s exhausting and noisy but I wouldn’t change it for the world. We bought a multimac so we could keep our car. They always have someone to play with which is wonderful in Covid times. People are overwhelmingly positive apart from a horrid man on the bus who asked if I’d heard of contraception.

@gemme

Oh I nearly forgot the most important part - holidays are definitely worrying me lol! As if they weren't expensive enough already! Although for the foreseeable they're only in our dreams

Glad it's not just me with holiday priorities hehe

Congrats! We’ve got four, spanning older teen down to five. The two youngest are hard work, and I feel mum guilt that the older two get left to it more than I’d like, ie our days out are not aimed at teens, more at primary kids, but they all get along mostly. I’m older, and I think it’s just quite hard work, but also a joy.
Holidays...we go to European centreparks, either France or Holland. We also rent villas with pools, and drive to them. We live near a ferry port so this works for us. Best one was a villa with a cook and housekeeper, could only afford it at end of season, but it was heaven. We rent cottages in uk too, prefer ones with other cottages on site so kids can make friends and we can relax a bit too. We also have been skiing twice with them, which almost broke the bank but was lovely. Self catering chalet, organised passes and lessons on resort.
We have two cars, one seven seats, but don’t use it that often as not all going to the same places much. I do feel like a taxi driver.
This past year is the first time I’ve properly struggled....four all being in our not huge house and trying to homeschool is a trial, but this lockdown is a bit easier than last so I guess we are getting in some sort of routine.
I did find the baby stage progressively easier and more enjoyable, helped by number four sleeping through from early on. She also had to be bottle fed, so I could wriggle out and hand her to dad, which was a revelation. I also know I’m done now...which I wasn’t sure I would, but my family is definitely complete.

@jollyunicorn83

We don't bother with holidays... just do lots of day trips instead. Kids are happy to play or watch a movie on their tablets in the car.

[quote jollyunicorn83]@Mumof3girlsandaboy I being told I will never again be able to book a hotel room without stress! [/quote]
We have no problem booking the hotels. Our few holidays abroad was fine. We booked the family rooms that joined in together and every time we mention family of 6 and the children’s ages and we get the accommodations/ rooms that’s suits us.

@gemme

Thankyou all for your lovely positive stories! It's definitely calmed my nerves a bit.

My three are 10, 8 and 2. So it'll be nice that the youngest will have a sibling closer in age like the older two are. Although my older two fight like there's no tomorrow, which I've always put down to the closer age gap and is one of the reasons I've enjoyed my 3rd so much having a bigger gap.

We have a 4 bed house, so currently they all have their own rooms - I'm hoping if all is well, this one will be the same sex as my youngest as logistically that's going to work easiest when it comes to sharing a room, but if not, we will make it work!

Congrats to those of you also expecting number 4 too!

I have 3 girls and 1 boy and my first 2 are constantly arguing and then my 3 & 4 are good together. We live in a 4 bedroom house too and my first has her own room, second and third share the room because they like to be together and then my son has his own room.

I agree @NotThatKindOfDoctor it’s so lovely to hear of positive stories.

Deep down I know it will be fine, it’s just at times it’s a bit daunting that there will be a whole other human to look after!

@gunpowder I'd never heard if multimac before, what a great idea. Thanks for posting about them.

We'll be looking at those to avoid needing a minibus.

I have 4 dc aged 6,5,3 & 20 months. 2 girls, 2boys.
Dc4 was a very big surprise as DH had, had a vasectomy when pregnant with dc3 . That was a shock.
It’s very busy, chaotic at times. and at the moment they squabble more. But there is also lots of fun, giggles and play. Holidays are more expensive and logistically difficult as at times. Cars are tricky but all doable. We have a 3 bed but scope to extend which we are going to have to do.

Most of the time they get on well, play and are all having a sleepover tonight in the eldest dc’s bedroom. (Even the youngest ). I personally found going from 2 to 3 much harder than 3 to 4.
Organisation is crucial for us and DH and I do very much equal stuff with kids and home and gets us where everyone needs to be ( pre Covid anyway). Broad shoulders for any comments or digs and I have had a few, including ‘have you not heard of TV’.
It took me until my 20 week scan to accept my 4th pregnancy, and I look back and think why was I so worried it all worked out great.
Congratulations op and I hope all goes well.

Haha, exactly that @PowPurry!

Life is very straightforward (kid wise) at the moment, especially as mine are 12, 10 and 6, and I had a little wobble about introducing the chaos of a baby into the mix. I know in reality it’s going to be great (and tiring) and I won’t be able to imagine my life without him once he’s here.

This has probably been my favourite thread on Mumsnet, so nice to hear so much positivity, so thanks OP for starting it (and congratulations!!) and everyone else for taking the time to comment.

My 4th child is 19 and away from home now studying. He is a joy. Very mature and helpful.

There are obviously practical issues. We always self catered if away from home and children shared rooms when away. Need a bigger car and everyone wore hand me downs.

But the flip side is that siblings always have company. Now that they are older we always have one visiting home which is lovely.