Fear of early miscarrying

[Jayjay1993]

Hi all!

I’ve started this thread to get some advice and hopefully help lots of ladies out.

I am sooooo scared of having a MC. I had an early MC last month and am now here pregnant again at 5w1d. I am testing daily to track how dark the lines are, I’m symptom checking every hour and I’m rushing to the toilet every hour to check for blood. I’m also spending all hours on the internet! My symptoms (sore boobs) was bad last week but now seems to have nearly gone.

How do we make it better? How do we stop worrying? At what point can we begin to feel happy about our pregnancy without worrying so much?

Anyone else got any tips or in the same boat?

Just wanted to offer you some sympathy. I lost one extremely early between my first and second so in my pregnancy with DC2 I was doing exactly the things you are. It's a horrible feeling. I had an early scan at 8 weeks (private) to give myself some respite because the miscarriage risk after that decreases quite significantly. It helped to break the pregnancy up in to manageable chunks. I also found doing guided relaxation/breathing exercises on YouTube helped me. Other than that it's trying to distract yourself but I think that's easier said than done. Anyway, just wanted you to know that you are not alone. Sending hugs.

There really isn’t much you can do to stop the worrying. I’ve been there, and I’m 19 weeks now and still worrying. But I worry a lot less than I did in those first few weeks. After 12 weeks, I managed to calm down and enjoy it a little more. At the end of the day, I kept telling myself that there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop anything bad from happening, so worrying wouldn’t make a difference. Odds are in your favour that everything will be absolutely fine though, and I found that a little reassuring - the majority of pregnancies are successful. All the best x

I don't think you ever stop worrying.
I had a mc at 9wk in July. I always felt uneasy in that pregnancy even after seeing the heartbeat on a private scan, a week after the scan I held it in my hand. It was our 5th mc so not a new thing. This time I feel more positive about the pregnancy, symptoms are much stronger which is reassuring. I do check discharge at every loo trip too. I think after the 1st trimester and dating scan I'll relax a bit, once I feel movement I'll relax a bit more. I don't think I will be completely content until I get a newborn in my arms though.

I literally am going through the same thing OP xx

Wow! Thank you @Jellington for your sympathy. I really appreciate it! I think if all goes well we will pay for a scan at 8weeks. I am on the list for the EPU at our hospital but with covid they’re not doing early reassurance unless there’s a problem!

@swiftt you’re right, I need to just focus on the odds being in my favour and try my best not to worry.

@Chelyanne I think my symptoms are a lot stronger too. Compared to my MC. It definitely does feel different this time.

Thank you all so much for sharing x

It’s horrible isn’t it! @Limegreentangerine ♥️♥️

Sympathies OP! I could have written this myself. I’m pregnant again after losing at 7 weeks in August and after the initial rush of happiness at the BFP I’ve been so anxious ever since. Had really sore boobs and generally feeling lots of twinges and aches and cramps which are driving me nuts with worry but I keep reading it’s normal and it’s everything stretching around. I’m trying to be positive because I do feel a bit different this time round. I have resolved myself to the fact that the worry won’t go away but I just consider every day ticked off another day moving forward. I’ll pay for a scan at 8 weeks. Fingers and toes firmly crossed for us x

Fingers Crossed for everyone ❤️❤️❤️

@SmidgenofaPigeon ahhhh! How far along are you now do you think? Xx

@Jayjay1993 so early still! Just past five weeks today I think. It’s going to be a long nine months I less I can stop worrying a bit 😅

@Jayjay1993 I turn five weeks today and feel like I’m walking on the edge of a cliff! I’m trying to tell myself all the people I know who had babies who obviously made it past this stage so it’s possible.

Did you find you got to a certain point and the tests don’t seem to be able to get darker? I think I’m hitting that point now and wondering if it’s because my hormone is stopping or the tests just don’t have the ability to necessarily get darker now..

I feel exactly the same. Iv had two early losses last year before getting this BFP end of November. Currently just over 10 weeks and I have a private scan tomorrow. Really wish I had booked an earlier one as I’m terrified there is going to be something wrong abs it has been such a long wait. I’m still checking for bleeding and panicking all these weeks later so I’m sorry but it just doesn’t get any easier for us. Guess we just have to try to stay positive and what will be will be.

So sorry for your loss @Jayjay1993 . To reiterate what others have said, I'm not sure there is a way to stop worrying, just take each day as it comes. I honestly thought that I'd relax once my dd was in my arms... I was wrong! Then comes a whole other ball game of worry!

The worry never leaves you unfortunately. But it helps to try and use relaxation techniques to ease the anxiety. I'm expecting my 4th baby but I've also had 3 miscarriages at 9, 11 & 10 weeks. The anxiety of a loss never goes away. But as the weeks pass it diminishes more and more. Pregnancy milestones help, scan dates, etc, and then of course when you can feel movement it is very reassuring. I hate the first trimester so so much. I look forward to never going through it again! Best of luck in this pregnancy.

Your creating anxiety by testing so much, pregnancy hormones will still show even if you are gaving a loss. The worry doesn't go when you get to a certain point as sadly losses can happen at any point.

Try to relax, distract yourself, learn a new skill.. anything! You can arrange more scans if this will help but again having loads doesn't change anything.

It's a really difficult time with your past experience

Agree with PP, tests have remained positive for me long after the foetus has left my body. They don't mean much. Save your money and step away from the sticks!

Morning ladies . I feel like this right now ..im scared of a chemical pregnancy even though I dont know if I have ever had one as I dont normally test before AF shows ... but this cycle I decided to ... I'm 13dpo and got this BFP this morning ... I cant believe it .
I have been TTC since august 2019, got pregnant dec 2019 and had a MMC march 2020 and have been TTC since ... this was our 11 th cycle ... I think I recognise some names here from when I was in MC threads last year. I started to think it would never happen. I tested this morning with a CB early detection . Please see the pictures attached . Is this a good line for 13dpo ? I have no idea .. as i have nothing to compare to as with my first pregnancy i tested when AF was like 4 days late. AF is due Sunday and I just feel terrified it will come ... I thought when I finally get my BFP I'll be so relieved and excited and happy and I dont feel that at all.
My body feels like the same symptoms as though AF was due in a couple days , like a slight achey dull crampy pully feeling.... is this normal ?:/ xxx

Wow so many new comments and people sharing their stories!

@Renna I think that looks very strong! ❤️

@Chica1990 I have noticed that today, my line hasn’t got any darker in the past six days. It’s not lighter, but not noticeably darker... so we’ve decided to do no more line ones. A digital next week to check again but nothing until then! I’ll be 6 weeks by that point.

Just a word about the digital- they can sometimes course a bit of anxiety by not coming up with the 4+ when they’re expected to

@SmidgenofaPigeon You might be right! I just don't know what to do for the best - I really don't want to be testing anymore but I don't know if I am strong enough.

I think reading everyone's lovely comments. Maybe I just do a digital tomorrow morning (all have been in morning). Then leave it? I only have one digital left i've thrown my other cheapies away to stop me comparing them all. Then once they're gone - they're all gone!? What do you think?

I think I might be going through denial but still not ready to accept it... I am so scared of being hurt if I CP/MC next week... but I guess there needs to come point where I cannot worry any more and have got to enjoy it - I'm going to be upset if that happens regardless - so may aswell go with the flow?

I'm praying for all of us

So sorry for yout loss OP. I had a MC at 8 wks (only measuring 5) and at 9 wks after seeing heartbeat at 8 wks after 3 yrs TTC. It messes with your head! I'm now 28 weeks and still worry. A lot more positive when he's kicking but when he has a quiet day I get scared really easily. I still check for blood every time I go to the loo - I think it's just a habit now! Having said that what you describe sounds really encouraging. With this PG I had much stronger positive tests at the beginning - although like you describe there is a limit to how dark they go (did one at 11 wks and it was the same as 5 wks). I also had much worse sickness which the MW and Drs have all said is a good sign. That's not to scare anyone who doesn't have these - plenty of success stories from people with no symptoms and faint lines, just that if you do have them it is usually a good thing. Having said that I also had some "not normal" symptoms with all 3 - loose stool (nice), hair loss and no boob growth and very little soreness in any of them including this one (disappointing - apparently they will only grow after baby is born now!) so you probably shouldn't read too much into symptoms.

Good luck!

I 100% relate to this. I'm 9+1 and feeling slightly better some days, but the past 6ish weeks have been full of almost constant anxiety. I'm a bit older and this is my first time pregnant, but it took ages to conceive and I have some health problems that make it difficult to get and stay pregnant. I have a private scan scheduled in about 1 week (next Sunday) and on one hand I can't wait to hopefully hear a heartbeat, on the other I am terrified that I'll find out I've had a mmc or that something else is wrong. Talking to friends and family hasn't been very useful, as no one seems to understand how constant the fear is.

One thing that has really helped me to be in the moment and not future trip has been affirmations. I know that sounds a little cheesy, but when I'm having anxiety I sit quietly and deeply breathe and say them out loud to myself, or take a minute in the shower in the morning to repeat them and really think about what they mean. I'll share in case anyone finds them helpful:

My body was designed to do this.

My baby is healthy and growing until someone tells me otherwise.

I'm pregnant today and I love my baby.

Hope you feel calmer soon and have a healthy pregnancy @Jayjay1993

I'm sorry for you loss and understand your anxiety.

This is my first pregnancy, I'm 5+4 and I'm worried as I'm over weight and bit older.

However I've decided the worry and anxiety won't change anything and may make it worse for me. So I'm looking after myself the best I can, cautiously excited and telling myself if everything goes to plan I won't ever have this time again so try and enjoy it.

Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy

I agree with PP that you're creating more anxiety by testing, and as someone else mentioned they can stay positive for weeks after a mc.

While you're too early for a scan, could you ask your gp for a blood test to check your HCG is doubling? This is what I did for my current pregnancy and the last one (which ended in November). They'll need to do two tests, 48 hours apart to check your HCG is doubling. For my last pregnancy, they were not doubling, but for my current one they were, and it kept me going until I was far enough along to have a scan. I would recommend waiting until 7 weeks if you can for a scan, because before then it's uncertain whether they'll be a heartbeat or not, and again it could just create more anxiety for you.

You have my sympathy, it really is a shit position to be in, and the waiting is horrible

(((Hugs))) OP. It's such an anxious time, those early weeks. I was really nervous when I was pg with DD.