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Original poster

Do you take your partner to midwife appointments?

51 replies

Birchtree4 · 03/01/2021 19:19

Hi everyone

I have my first midwife appointment in a few weeks just before the 8 week mark.
Is this generally a "milestone" that you would take your partner to, or will it mainly be questions about me and getting blood taken?
He will happily come along with me but not sure if it is the done thing.

Also, at this stage do you discuss rough plans around birth, or does that come later?
Thanks!

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JustLikeStitch · 03/01/2021 19:21

It’s completely up to you, if he can get the time off work and if your midwife is allowing partners to attend appointments then I think it’s a lovely thing for fathers to be involved in. They learn a lot from midwife appointments too! Majority of women’s partners accompanied them when I was pregnant with all 3 of mine

busybee87 · 03/01/2021 19:21

Sadly you probably won't be allowed to at the moment anyway. Regardless, I went by myself to the booking in appointment with my first. DH has only been allowed to the 20 week scan in the whole of my current pregnancy.

RandomMess · 03/01/2021 19:23

Nope I never took him to any with all 4 pregnancies apart from the 12week and 20 week scans just in case things weren't ok.

JustLikeStitch · 03/01/2021 19:23

With regards to the appointment the questions will be mainly around you but they’ll need your partners health history and his families too (e.g. any hereditary conditions etc). I’ve never had bloods done at my first appointment, usually around the 12 week mark. But you’re able to ask any questions you want and so is your partner!

Discussions around birth usually come past the 24 week mark, but with 2 of mine I had to bring that conversation up with my midwife as I was never asked what my plans for labour/birth were

kittenpeak · 03/01/2021 19:27

I very much doubt you’ll be allowed to bring your partner to your booking appointment. They will ask a lot about family medical history, so incase he can’t go, I would get as much info from him
Now. I’d also not have birth discussions now - there’s a lot of other stuff to get through and you don’t want to overload your head. I didn’t start talking about that until 25 weeks at least

Original poster
Birchtree4 · 03/01/2021 19:27

Thank you all for getting back so quickly. Sounds like either option is reasonable.
I will wait for my appointment letter to come through perhaps it will indicate whether I can bring someone

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 03/01/2021 19:28

I didn't take him to my first appointment in my first pregnancy. It was at 12 weeks, I didn't know I'd be having a scan and was a bit disappointed that he missed it. He went to the anomaly scan and to all 12 and 20 week scans for later pregnancies but not routine appointments.

Nat4392 · 03/01/2021 19:59

DH didn’t come to my booking appointment but came to 12 week scan, 16 week check (we heard the heartbeat for the first time so we wanted to share this moment) and he’s coming to the 20 week scan this week. After that I probably won’t drag him along to other appointments unless there’s reason to believe there’s something wrong and I need support etc.

Joeylucy · 03/01/2021 20:00

I took him for my first pregnancy for support mainly cos I don’t like needles, but at the moment I don’t think it’s needed or even allowed in a lot of areas. They’ll talk to you about birth plan a lot later I think last time it was 30 odd weeks!! Xx

wigglerose · 03/01/2021 20:02

Covid kiboshed my husband coming to any of mine. However I'm overdue and I really wish he could havve come to the 38 and 40 week midwife appointments so that he could hear the information first hand and ask any questions he has.

OkyDoke · 03/01/2021 20:02

I still haven't spoken to anyone about birth and im 33 weeks. It will come out some how!

Spottybluepyjamas · 03/01/2021 20:07

I didn't take my husband - they're fairly boring appointments, just urine test and blood pressure mostly. I'd save the time he'd need to take off work for the scans!

pringlebells · 03/01/2021 20:09

I did with my first pregnancy but after the third one we realised it's just over quickly, not worth him taking a day off (his job don't let him take time off for the appt, has to be the whole shift)

It really wasn't necessary tbh. He came to my scans though

Babybaby432 · 03/01/2021 20:23

I didn’t have my DH at any midwife appts first time round. They’re quite boring for partners I think. My booking was over the phone then I just went in for bloods & urine sample due to COVID.

LolaSmiles · 03/01/2021 20:24

I didn't take DH to any midwife appointments. He came to the main scans though.

shouldistop · 03/01/2021 20:28

My dh only came to scans (and with newborn ds not even those due to Covid).

purplejungle · 03/01/2021 20:28

Yes before covid but had to stop when that set in. Doubt you're allowed currently, but if you are the midwife will want to see you alone at least once so that they can ask you about domestic abuse.

3rdtimelucky2019 · 03/01/2021 20:28

No, they're stupidly boring.

sunshinecitrus1 · 03/01/2021 20:36

I took my OH to the booking appointment. Being pregnant with my first baby and not knowing completely what to expect, it made me feel better him being there. They also ask about your partners history and it gave him the opportunity to ask any questions he may have had as well and to hear first hand what the midwife was saying to me. I am lucky to be in an area where they are still allowing partners to attend the appointments at my GP and hospital (subject to change of course!) so it’s probably worth double checking whether your partner is even allowed. I didn’t discuss birth options at my booking appointment but have a telephone appointment around my 16 week mark to discuss pregnancy care and birth options. xo

Sceptre86 · 03/01/2021 20:44

Mu dh came to my first booking in appointment. It gave him an insight into how many midwife visits I would gave and sn overview of the process. Obviously due to covid this now might not be possible. I would make sure you are well versed in his family history health wise at least in relation to immediate family.

My dh is allowed paid time off for my maternity appointments so he actually came to quite a few and would then wfh the rest of the day but his work are a big employer and generous.

Sceptre86 · 03/01/2021 20:45

*would have

Original poster
Birchtree4 · 03/01/2021 20:45

Thank you everyone, good to get a bit of insight and idea about what the appointment will involve!

OP posts:
Stef92 · 03/01/2021 20:52

I've only been able to take my husband to my 20 week scan and I arranged that outside of work time as he would have to go unpaid for antenatal appointments, take that into account if you are allowed to take him to your appointments as we get them paid but it's down to your husbands employer if he's paid or not for time off. All my appointments have been just me due to Covid but I don't think he'd have found the appointments anything but boring. They also haven't been on time because of having to do deep cleans between appointments so that might not go down well with your husbands employers

MsHedgehog · 03/01/2021 20:59

DH has not been to any of my midwife appointments because he’s not been allowed but tbh I wouldn’t bring him if I could. It’s not really an appointment about the baby but more about you - how are you feeling, blood pressure, blood test, urine, etc. He doesn’t need to be there for appointments like that.

The ones that matter are the scans.

jessstan1 · 03/01/2021 21:02

Never. I didn't actually have 'midwife appointments', I went to the antenatal clinic at the hospital where I worked so I just left my work station and went downstairs to my appointments. It wouldn't have occurred to me to ask my husband to take time off work to accompany me, whatever for?