Do you take your partner to midwife appointments?

[Birchtree4]

Hi everyone

I have my first midwife appointment in a few weeks just before the 8 week mark.
Is this generally a "milestone" that you would take your partner to, or will it mainly be questions about me and getting blood taken?
He will happily come along with me but not sure if it is the done thing.

Also, at this stage do you discuss rough plans around birth, or does that come later?
Thanks!

I don't take my partner to midwife appointments, I didn't really see the point in it as its mostly about you. Plus they have to ask you questions about domestic violence etc which I think they would prefer you to be alone when they ask. I don't judge any partner who wants to join though, just I don't personally see a need for them. X

I had a telephone appointment and we booked a face to face appointment for bloods etc in a couple of weeks. The midwife indicated that my partner isn't allowed (Wales) and I'm fine with that as is he.

DH only came to my scans. He'd have been bored out of his mind at the other appointments

Obviously scans are important for DH to come to, but the other appointments are really boring... I really wouldn’t bother.

It’s just height/weight/ blood pressure/ bloods/ urine dipstick etc.

My husband wasn't allowed to any of my appts this time. Last time I took him to one of the later ones so he could hear the heartbeat but certainly not the bookingbappt - it's long and they also want to ask qs to check you're safe at home/no abuse etc

@Birchtree4

Firstly congratulations on your pregnancy! ❤️ Is your appointment in person or on the phone? I’d be surprised if it’s in person as all my midwife appointments have been over the phone because of covid. I’ve only just had my first in person appointment with the midwife at just over 28 weeks and that was to administer anti d injections and do a fasting glucose blood test to check for gestational diabetes. I was under the impression that all appointments were over the phone until the third trimester but perhaps that’s just where I live.

I’ve been fortunate that my husband was able to attend my 12 and 20 week scans but he won’t be able to attend my 32 week scan as that’s an extra scan to monitor some possible complications rather than being a standard scan that all women have. They are being pretty strict on what partners can and can’t come to.

The booking appointment isn’t really a big thing, it’s just going over yours and your partner’s medical histories and stuff like that so don’t be upset if your partner can’t come as they won’t be missing anything.

@RandomMess

Nope I never took him to any with all 4 pregnancies apart from the 12week and 20 week scans just in case things weren't ok.

Ditto.

With my first lovely dp diligently attended every single appointment with me. Then for the next 2 we realised that if all is well the routine appointments are literaly just pee in a cup, check blood pressure and off you go, so once we had older dc then definitely not worth attending.

He had always attended the scans and everything else though.

As many people have said, he probably won't be allowed to go unfortunately, but I would recommend getting a quick summary from him of any health issues in his immediate family (eg heart problems, diabetes etc).

If you haven't already been asked by midwife about these things (for my current pregnancy this was done by phone due to Covid), you will probably be asked about them at this appointment. Only for him and his parents and siblings. Particularly anything hereditary

Unfortunately my husband hasn't been allowed to join me at any appointments or scans this time, just to prepare you for what you might also experience.

Best of luck with it all

@Stef92

I've only been able to take my husband to my 20 week scan and I arranged that outside of work time as he would have to go unpaid for antenatal appointments, take that into account if you are allowed to take him to your appointments as we get them paid but it's down to your husbands employer if he's paid or not for time off. All my appointments have been just me due to Covid but I don't think he'd have found the appointments anything but boring. They also haven't been on time because of having to do deep cleans between appointments so that might not go down well with your husbands employers

That's not true regarding fathers employers deciding if they are paid for appointment times, fathers are entitled to 2 paid appointments, obviously most would rather use this for the 12/20 week scans though

www.gov.uk/government/news/new-right-for-fathers-and-partners-to-attend-antenatal-appointments

@Stef92

I've only been able to take my husband to my 20 week scan and I arranged that outside of work time as he would have to go unpaid for antenatal appointments, take that into account if you are allowed to take him to your appointments as we get them paid but it's down to your husbands employer if he's paid or not for time off. All my appointments have been just me due to Covid but I don't think he'd have found the appointments anything but boring. They also haven't been on time because of having to do deep cleans between appointments so that might not go down well with your husbands employers

Sorry @Stef92 I've reread the link and you are right, it's the right to time but not to be paid for it 🤦🏼‍♀️

I have never known a single person take their partner to a standard Midwife appointment. They usually just check urine, weight and blood pressure. Not sure why my husband needs to be present for that.
Obviously scans are completely different, and most people take someone with them for that.
I'm 34wks pregnant with my 2nd and no birth discussion yet. That will be done at 36wks.

I imagine in the current pandemic even if you did want your partner to attend you have zero chance. But honestly don't worry about it, it's really not necessary.

I would have taken mine but he wasn’t allowed because of Covid.

I took mine to the later ones so he could hear the heartbeat, but he was also a student so wasnt taking time off or anything. Currently the midwife is saying that partners can attend at their discretion, but I'm not bothering to drag him to my next appt which will just be bloods, urine etc.

My husband couldn't attend my midwife appointments due to covid but I would have loved him to be there.

Anything medical triggers my anxiety and I struggle to take in what I've been told so the support would have been useful (and of course it would have been nice for him to hear the heartbeat etc).

If you'd like your partner there, speak to your midwife. I've just finished my NCT course and the lead said that the guidance for antenatal appointments is changing so that women can have someone with them during every appointment if they wish.

Most of mine were at home after work so it wasn't a problem for my OH to be there too

Thanks everyone. My appointment is in person, it is at my GP surgery they have a midwife clinic.
I definitely won't bother taking him then, even if allowed! I will take him to the scans though for sure, if allowed.

A couple of people have said about hearing the heartbeat- does that happen at the midwife appointment?

@Birchtree4

Thanks everyone. My appointment is in person, it is at my GP surgery they have a midwife clinic. I definitely won't bother taking him then, even if allowed! I will take him to the scans though for sure, if allowed.

A couple of people have said about hearing the heartbeat- does that happen at the midwife appointment?

Sorry what a daft question, just realised you all meant later appointments!!

@Birchtree4 you will hear the heartbeat at the 16 week midwife appointment and not the initial booking appointment. X

@Birchtree4, the NHS do a template birth plan which, although it didn't get looked at once, was helpful to consider the options. But they don't really talk about it til 36ish weeks.

www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/labour-and-birth/preparing-for-the-birth/how-to-make-a-birth-plan/

Right now they'll just book you in with a hospital.

Partners can't attend appointments where I am but my husband did drive me to my first one and wait outside as he wanted to be involved.

Posted too early. I also have a real issue with blood tests so usually my partner would come with me to any injections or blood tests so it has definitely added to my anxiety that I had to do these alone. I faint every time and I would rather my husband scooped me up off the floor than a random midwife or nurse!

Just to add about listening to heartbeats at 16 week appointments - this is not always offered.

Where I am, they don’t do this at 16 weeks - midwife said it’s because they can’t always reliably find it at 16 weeks because the baby is so small, and understandably it causes a lot of anxiety if they can’t find it.

A couple of people have said about hearing the heartbeat- does that happen at the midwife appointment?

I had my 16-week appointment over the phone but she said at the next appointment they would do that. It won't happen at the first.

I'm not allowed to take a partner to anything but the scans but even outside covid I don't think I'd take him. I'd find it awkward in his position as my first appointment I had to go to the toilet to give urine sample, then into a different room for weight and height. Then just a bunch of personal medical questions.

I meant to add that the first time I had confirmed heart beat - and think this goes for most people is at the first scan.