Anyone else fed up of being told ‘count yourself lucky’ ?

[Vogue1992]

I can’t help but get annoyed by the continuous ‘count yourself lucky you don’t have any symptoms’ comment, how is it lucky when people with minimal or lack of symptoms think the worst and over analyse anything / everything. Especially when there has been previous loss/losses before.

Please bare this in mind before commenting, just as I would bare in mind how awful it just be to be diagnosed with extreme morning sickness etc.

I know what you mean. I’ve never wished to be sick in my life as much as I have the past three weeks. Just to have a symptom and still feel like I’m pregnant. It’s beyond anxiety inducing to no longer have symptoms at all 😢

So sorry to hear this @Illy605, how far gone are you?

It really is such a nerve racking experience, I’ve been fairly lucky up until now with very minimal symptoms. Slight nausea but only now and again, extreme tiredness / bloating and bigger boobs. Other than that, nothing.

Today marks 11 weeks for me I’m definitely a lot less bloated and just have bigger boobs. I have read that the placenta takes over about now so I’m really hoping all is OK.

I did have a scan at 9 weeks and there was a strong and healthy heartbeat, but after suffering a MMC last July and it taking so long to conceive again I can’t help but worry x x

I’m 12 weeks. I have my scan tomorrow morning so hopefully my mind will be put at ease.
I’ve been ever so fortunate to not have been sick once throughout (extremely irrational fear of being sick) but I’ve had nausea, food aversions, sore boobs and extreme fatigue from positive to about 9 weeks. Lost 11 pounds due to the food aversions/nausea. Last three weeks my boobs have pretty much gone back to normal, I have more energy than ever and the nausea is all but gone, though I do still turn my nose up at a lot of food and continue to lose weight.

I had a scan at 8+5 and also had a strong heartbeat.
Do you have your scan next week?! I’ll be thinking of you 💕

Not too long to wait then, I’m sure everything will be absolutely fine. Please keep me updated 🙂

I have a scan a week tomorrow so not too long to wait for me either xx

I completely understand what your saying but regardless of symptoms or not, it’s stressful and worrying for everyone. I know people who had symptoms and no symptoms and still miscarried.

I would take your slight nausea any day over being sick 15-20 times a day and being hospitalised / the doctors saying you are so dehydrated it can harm your baby. If you think that phrase is annoying you should try hearing have you tried a ginger biscuit when you can’t even keep a sip of water down.

I had hyperemesis. On the rare rare occasions I wasn't nauseous I would panic and think I was going to loose my baby. I also had a lot of watery discharge in early pregnancy that constantly felt like blood loss, every time I wiped I expected to see blood.

I think if you're a worrier you will find a way to worry regardless of symptoms or no symptoms.

You are definitely lucky not to be suffering from hyperemesis, I felt like i'd been poisoned for 8 months!

I totally agree with you, it is stressful either way. I feel for each of you suffering so badly. I really do hope it eases for you very soon. My point is I would not say ‘count yourself lucky to have such severe symptoms’ so I don’t understand why lack of symptoms should be something to count yourself lucky for especially when it has meant a MMC in the past. I wasn’t so lucky then, was I? @Ilovesugar @Cyw2018

Totally get why you mean. I was told all this stuff every time I had lack of symptoms - and turned out I had a MMC. Lack of symptoms when you have a history of MMC is not “lucky”
I would rather be hospitalised with sickness.

I would take your slight nausea any day over being sick 15-20 times a day and being hospitalised / the doctors saying you are so dehydrated it can harm your baby. If you think that phrase is annoying you should try hearing have you tried a ginger biscuit when you can’t even keep a sip of water down

This is so patronising. It’s not a competition. It doesn’t take much just to be mindful about what you are saying. Shit happens to everyone.

I agree, I had no symptoms was diagnosed with a blighted ovum at 10 weeks, was terribly sick in my next pregnancy and suffered a loss at 22 weeks due to an infection in the uterus. I had a lot of comments at 20 weeks like omg! You have no bump at all! Then with my next pregnancy again had no symptoms and I was incredibly anxious due to this and what had happened previously. Then from 32 weeks I had horrendous pelvic girdle pain that I still suffer with now. I dread pregnancy again even though I have a very healthy baby now! Getting pregnant again is not a decision I take lightly and others comments really don't help like 'well you've got a baby now so next time will be fine' people forget what you've been through and I've learnt that people say really stupid things

Yup, I know what you mean. In my first pregnancy, I had zero symptoms and an underlying feeling of something not being right. I was constantly told I was one of the lucky ones. I had a blighted ovum.

@Vogue1992 you would have had a mmc regardless of your symptoms though. Symptoms have no link to miscarriage. I think everyone worries and I’m sorry you went though that.

No I’m sorry I still stand by that your lucky not to have those symptoms. I wouldn’t wish HG on my worst enemy. Honestly it’s like having an awful stomach bug for 9 months that you end up hating the child you are growing and pre/postnatal depression is common. The constant throwing up, peeing yourself from being so sick, being stuck with needles, Throwing up in public is also so much fun. It’s the worst thing I have been through (I have also had a miscarriage).

I’m not saying you can’t be nervous or anxious like all pregnant ladies but honestly I would count your chickens you aren’t ill. The same illness that years ago use to kill women due to how Severe it is.

If this annoys you now just wait for the comments on your bump, look how big / small / low / high etc. It’s never ending and then once baby is here its comments on how you parent. Think you might have to harden up a bit...sorry!

I know exactly what you mean, I’m 7+3 (only by my own calculations). Have had some headaches and very mild cramping however it’s not all the time. No nausea at all, sensitive nipples but boobs themselves don’t hurt. Only consistent symptom is needing the loo a lot, I’m getting a bit more tired but not in an extreme way. Symptoms being mild and on/off does make me worry. It’s possible I could be wrong with my dates though, going for early scan next week (private) so hopefully will know more then x

[quote Ilovesugar]@Vogue1992 you would have had a mmc regardless of your symptoms though. Symptoms have no link to miscarriage. I think everyone worries and I’m sorry you went though that.

No I’m sorry I still stand by that your lucky not to have those symptoms. I wouldn’t wish HG on my worst enemy. Honestly it’s like having an awful stomach bug for 9 months that you end up hating the child you are growing and pre/postnatal depression is common. The constant throwing up, peeing yourself from being so sick, being stuck with needles, Throwing up in public is also so much fun. It’s the worst thing I have been through (I have also had a miscarriage).

I’m not saying you can’t be nervous or anxious like all pregnant ladies but honestly I would count your chickens you aren’t ill. The same illness that years ago use to kill women due to how Severe it is.

If this annoys you now just wait for the comments on your bump, look how big / small / low / high etc. It’s never ending and then once baby is here its comments on how you parent. Think you might have to harden up a bit...sorry![/quote]
The OP started a thread to say how much these type of comments are impacting her mental health, especially following losses, and asks people to be more mindful.
You have come along to do the exact thing she says causes her distress

@Turtleturtle81 then don’t antagonise people saying you would rather be hospitalised 😘

[quote Ilovesugar]@Turtleturtle81 then don’t antagonise people saying you would rather be hospitalised 😘[/quote]
I have been hospitalised in pregnancy with sickness before.
There is no medal for who suffers the most in pregnancy. I’m not going to act like I have it worse than anyone else though. We all have our own battles to fight in pregnancy. Like I said before, it doesn’t take much to just be mindful of how you talk to people if someone says the thing you are saying is distressing for them 😘

@Turtleturtle81 never said I had it worse. Also said I completed understood where they were coming from. How about you get off your high horse?

[quote Ilovesugar]@Turtleturtle81 never said I had it worse. Also said I completed understood where they were coming from. How about you get off your high horse?[/quote]
No high horses here. Just asking people to be more mindful about how they talk to pregnant people. It’s quite easy to do.
If you understand where the op is coming from, how about just leaving it at that?

Oh OP, I remember how anxious I was at the start of my pregnancy. It's horrible. I think even if you had symptoms you would still feel just as anxious, you question why you weren't sick today, but you were yesterday, if your boobs are still as sore, are you needing to wee less etc! You can still over analyse and worry about everything but you also get to throw up whilst doing it. Look after yourself and try and find strategies to combat the over analysing if you can.

[quote Ilovesugar]@Vogue1992 you would have had a mmc regardless of your symptoms though. Symptoms have no link to miscarriage. I think everyone worries and I’m sorry you went though that.

No I’m sorry I still stand by that your lucky not to have those symptoms. I wouldn’t wish HG on my worst enemy. Honestly it’s like having an awful stomach bug for 9 months that you end up hating the child you are growing and pre/postnatal depression is common. The constant throwing up, peeing yourself from being so sick, being stuck with needles, Throwing up in public is also so much fun. It’s the worst thing I have been through (I have also had a miscarriage).

I’m not saying you can’t be nervous or anxious like all pregnant ladies but honestly I would count your chickens you aren’t ill. The same illness that years ago use to kill women due to how Severe it is.

If this annoys you now just wait for the comments on your bump, look how big / small / low / high etc. It’s never ending and then once baby is here its comments on how you parent. Think you might have to harden up a bit...sorry![/quote]
What is wrong with you that you would respond to this thread with this?

Pregnancy after miscarriage is so nerve-wracking and the first trimester goes so slowly! I know what you mean about looking for symptoms to try and have some reassurance.

I had no sickness with my first two children but I’m pregnant with my third and have had bad sickness this time. I do count myself as lucky that I didn’t feel like this with the others but that’s hindsight.

Ignore the negativity, ppl always want to tell you how to feel. We've been ttc 2nd for nearly 2yrs.... my heart breaks every month. Mil said at the beginning "count yourself lucky" we have a son, and I wanted to scream at her. Instead, I discreetly went into the garage and burst into tears.

@Ilovesugar @Cyw2018 I agree with you both. I was never poorly but I had bad heartburn at times and that was enough to make me grateful.

It’s not a competition but obviously been poorly whilst pregnant trumps things by far.

I think the point here is that EVERYONE in early (and later as well) pregnancy has worries, histories and things that makes them anxious. And that sometimes the 'count yourself lucky you have no symptoms' comments just doesn't help. Just because someone doesn't have terrible sickness and nausea during their pregnancy doesn't mean they aren't going through anything else, whether physical or mental or both.

Agree with Luckyelephant1 - we're all going through it. Some of us are at the end of our tether puking everyday, some riddled with anxiety, many with past losses.

When you're pregnant people seem to suddenly have more opinions and be more forthright with them.
"oh, you're showing early"
"oh, that's your birth plan? Well I think..."
"oh, you're finding out? We held out."
"oh,you're so lucky you don't feel sick"

The healthiest thing I've done so far this pregnancy is promise myself that whatever anyone says, ever, about anything pregnancy related, birth related, I'm to let it slide like water off a duck's back. I mentally repeat "what's right for me is right for me. No one is me, so I can't expect them to understand me" and just let it go. If I can manage to not rise or feel agitated by it, I count it as a little win. Suddenly I feel like I have a protective coating around myself.