When did you tell family?

[Aw326]

Did you stick to the 12 week rule? Or did you tell anyone before (especially your own mum?)

Between 6 weeks (my mum) and 11 weeks (my sisters), we told all of my immediate family and all of my husband's immediate family + gran + aunt/uncle/cousins (who he's all very close with). We also told some close friends and my manager (because I was really sick and this was impacting my work).

We both wanted support from our family and people to talk to because it's our first pregnancy. I also didn't want to wait until my scan because that was too close to the 6 month anniversary of my sister losing a baby.

The 12 week "rule" is not a rule. It's what some people choose, but many many people choose otherwise. Do whatever feels best for you. I like the guideline of telling the people who you would want support from if you had an early miscarriage. For some people that means telling nobody, for others (including me) it means telling quite a few people.

Thanks @kingfisher657, that's really helpful. Sounds like you handled it very well, esp being sensitive to your sister's loss.

I am only 4 weeks, but I would really like to talk to my mum about it as we're very close. I thought I would wait once I found out, but I do think I'd rather she knew if something went wrong.

As soon as the stick said pregnant both times. Parents, siblings, best friends, work.

All of whom I'd have wanted to know and support me if the pregnancy didn't progress, and understand that I puking every 30 seconds (in works case).

There is no rule, only personal preference OP.

Told my mum and best friend the minute I got a line on a stick. Told a couple of other friends and my boss in the first few weeks. We had an early private scan at 10 weeks (so DH could come, height of lockdown, plus Id had a previous MC and it helped to calm me) and told other family after that. Statistically the likelihood of MC after 10 weeks is the same as 12 weeks. Didn’t announce more publicly until after 20 week scan.

Do whatever works for you, there are no rules. The 12 week thing just serves to isolate and shame
women who have miscarriages.

I was 4 weeks on Monday and I've already told my mum and some of my friends. This is my 4th pregnancy (no children) and for all of them I told the same people early on. I figured if something went wrong I'd probably tell them anyway so if that's the case, why not say now?

I really hate the waiting until 12 weeks thing. I have never made it to 12 weeks, and if you don't then you particularly need your friends/family support.

Anyway, sorry for negativity, there is obviously something wrong our end as it's not normal to have so many losses.

Congratulations!

I told my mum almost immediately, took a test at 10pm at night and told her the next day. She asked if I was telling my dad and brother (who live in the house) and I said yeah. I was under 4 weeks at this point.

We told PILs and BIL (who also lives at home) at 7 weeks as we moved in with them while our house was being finished and it was getting too hard to hide between not having wine and quite bad morning sickness.

Personally I never could have waited until 12 weeks, my husband and I didn't want to experience this alone.

Agree with above comments. Told close friends and family as soon as we found out. Just because it's a special time and also an anxiety inducing one. Why go through potential loss alone?! I don't get it.

I personally am waiting until 12 weeks as I don't think I could cope with first giving family hope and have them constantly asking me how I am and getting all excited, only to then dash those hopes if something were to go wrong. It has been tough to keep the secret at times though!

Just to add if I did suffer a loss (touch wood this doesn't happen) of course I would tell my close family then as I would need the support of my mum in particular.

13 weeks, didn’t want to get their hopes up. They have no grandchildren and I was 41 and not planning any. It would have been horrible to get them excited and snatch it away

My own mum passed away last year, and if she was here she would have been the first to know.
My dad spends most of his time abroad and I wanted to tell him in person, as he had planned to be back in England the week of my scan but that coincided with November lockdown so told him over the phone after the scan instead and emailed him the photo, but he was still over the moon!

I have 2 brothers with disabilities who I help to care for, and an older sister. I told her immediately - having her support and for her to be able to help more with my brothers when I was feeling terrible was helpful. We told my brothers after the 12 week scan.

My husband (and his family too it turns out!) is terrible at secrets, so he decided to tell his gran and granddad when we found out and asked them to keep it quiet. They lasted 2 days before they said they couldn’t keep it quiet from his parents 🤦‍♀️ So my husband’s parents and sister knew at 5 weeks.

I would have preferred if only one or two people knew at the beginning, as having multiple people aware made my anxiety worse and I didn’t want to upset them all if something bad happened, and at times the fuss was a bit frustrating when I was feeling rubbish haha!

It’s your news so share it when you feel ready to with who you feel you want to know :)

Told my mum the day I found out (she is my mum after all, and she guessed I was pregnant when I saw her the day before - no idea how, she just looked at me and said "you're pregnant", which prompted me to do a test the next morning!).

Siblings within a couple of weeks of finding out.

Best friends, around 10-11 weeks.

Everyone else, around 18 weeks onwards, and even then, I haven't publicised it.

My view was who would I tell if something went wrong, which was my mum, siblings and best friends. So I saw no harm in telling them when I wanted to.

Thank you everyone - this is so helpful. Good to hear a range of experiences.

@Daffodil21 I'm sorry you've been through so much. I am sending you positive thoughts for this time around x

@Edelweiss2020 so glad you have your sister in your mum's absence, and the excitement of the whole family - even if its quite a lot to deal with! x

I told parents straight away and siblings and close friends soon after. Basically, right from the start I told any one who I would have wanted support from if I had had a miscarriage.

I'm trying to wait until 12 weeks. I'm quite a private person and really can't deal with the constant questions and checking up on me that will come after the announcement. I also don't want to have to tell people if I miscarry. I'm awful at sharing bad news.

I was 15 weeks when I told my parents. However this was only because we had been in lockdown and I really wanted to tell them face to face rather over the phone. There is no right or wrong whatever feels best for you.

We told family after a 7 week scan showed a heartbeat. DPs family is large and very close so about 8 people to tell (3 on my side) and now it's spread a bit (to a few family friends) so almost regret telling them all. Fingers crossed everything is ok at our dating scan next week.

Sent my mum a picture of the test as soon as it was positive which was 5am as I worked shifts and started at 6😂 told my best friend same day and my siblings a few weeks later. Told work around 6 weeks because I suffer with pregnancy related migraines and you get paid for pregnancy related absences. Didn't pay much mind to 'the 12 week rule' just told who I'd want to be there to support me if the worst did happen

I'm 14 weeks and haven't told people yet. I had the "12 week scan" a week ago and wanted to wait to hear if there was anything wrong from the blood tests etc. Just getting ready to tell everyone this weekend.

We started telling them from 16 weeks.

I told my mum at 5 weeks , I had a little bleed and thought it was ending so I phoned her for some comfort.

I told my dad once we heard a heart beat at 8 and a half weeks,

other family member will be told after the 8 week scan .

Always told family and team at work at 7 weeks as I was so sick!

Dc1 I told my family in Christmas when we were 9 weeks.

Second pregnancy, told them at 6 weeks as had horrendous sickness and was making me anxious trying to hide it. Miscarried two days later

Will be telling all the family on Christmas Eve and I will be 13 weeks. It’s my first pregnancy and we didn’t want to tell everyone until we knew everything was perfect with baby.

I’m so beyond excited to tell everyone now. It’s been the longest 7 weeks since finding out!!

I told family at Christmas with one pregnancy, was 5 weeks and very excited. Miscarried 4 weeks later and regret ever telling anybody. Currently 11+3 and not a soul knows.