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Original poster

Really sad & anxious - partners for 12 W scans?

33 replies

rosieb060 · 08/12/2020 09:49

I'm waiting for my 12W scan appointment.

I'm really sad and anxious at the idea that my husband might not be able to come.

Does anyone know if this restriction is being lifted anywhere?

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DontFadeAway · 08/12/2020 09:55

Hi lovely, I think it depends on where you live and your local trust. I'm in the South East and OH can come to all scans but not midwife app. Might be worth a phone call to your local trust to ask, just to ease your anxiety xx

Mackie2020 · 08/12/2020 09:57

It depends on your NHS Trust, but many have relaxed it now. My husband can attend my dating and anomaly scans. Check your hospital's website or give the antenatal clinic a call in case you're worrying unnecessarily. I've seen many go for private scans so partners can attend, in places where Trusts aren't allowing it.

Original poster
rosieb060 · 08/12/2020 10:07

Thanks so much @DontFadeAway @Mackie2020, that's really helpful. I'll give them a call.

I just keep thinking what if there's anything tricky - or what if it's twins!

I also just really want both of us to 'meet' the baby together.

OP posts:
swiftt · 08/12/2020 10:17

I’m in Scotland and I’m allowed one person to attend all scans and appointments with me.

Oneandabean · 08/12/2020 10:22

Mine couldn’t come to the 12 week but could at the 20 week. We paid for a private scan before the 12 week one so we could go in together

Worriedandabitscared · 08/12/2020 10:26

Without sounding horrible a lot of people have had to go to scans alone throughout the pandemic, even giving birth alone - I still need to wait until I'm in active labour to have a birth partner with me. if you have to it's just one of those things - my husband hasn't been able to go to any of my hospital scans, we've had to pay for private scans which is an option. I'd check with the hospital prior to attending and take it from there

SnarkWeek · 08/12/2020 10:31

My trust is allowing partners to all scans and consultant appointments, but not to midwife appointments. Give your hospital a ring and ask what the current rules are

Original poster
rosieb060 · 08/12/2020 11:14

We aren't allowed anyone at all for the scan. I guess it's better to know, but it feels rubbish.

Xx

OP posts:
swiftt · 08/12/2020 11:18

@rosieb060 that sucks. Could you afford a private scan? I found them so much better than the NHS ones, you get so many photos and even little videos too so it was a lovely experience. I’ve booked a sexing one to break up the wait for my 20 week scan x

jupeBex · 08/12/2020 11:32

I paid for a private scan just before, it cost me £40 but it was totally worth it so my partner could see!

AnxiousAnnie86 · 08/12/2020 11:33

@rosieb060 can you check on local hospital information, I'm at mid Yorkshire hospitals and they are allowed in x

DollyParton2 · 08/12/2020 11:33

If you’re truly that bothered just pay private. It’s a no brainier really.

frolicmum · 08/12/2020 11:34

I am in SE London and husband is allowed to attend all appointments

collol99 · 08/12/2020 11:41

At my 12 week scan I could bring my partner to the facility but he had to wait in the waiting room... if something isn't right ,which happened with mine (MMC) they bring them in to support you.

Original poster
rosieb060 · 08/12/2020 14:28

Thanks everyone a over for your kind words and suggestions.

@Worriedandabitscared - it sounds like it's not just one of those things if you opted to pay and had an extra appointment and scan for your partner to be there. It's a difficult and challenging situation, and I'm pleased you found a solution.

@DollyParton2 this comment really upset me. It's a 'no brainer' to pay and have a private scan, only if you're in a position to pay and have a private scan. Not everyone is in that position.

OP posts:
Lollol86 · 08/12/2020 14:33

@DollyParton2

If you’re truly that bothered just pay private. It’s a no brainier really.
Wow no need to be so rude!!!

I had to have my 12 week scan alone and was literally shaking with fear, we did pay for a private scan too so if you can afford it I would definitely recommend it xx

MaverickDanger · 08/12/2020 14:34

DH couldn’t attend any of my scans, and no private scan places were open for the first 25 weeks of my pregnancy.

If it is not great news, your DH will be allowed to come in to be with you.

It’s just one of those things that COVID has impacted that you can’t really do anything about. By all means, be sad but to be truly honest, that isn’t going to change anything.

frolicmum · 08/12/2020 14:54

@rosieb060 where are you based?

Worriedandabitscared · 08/12/2020 14:57

Well yeah, it is just one of those things covid has impacted unfortunately and many people have been affected. I would have had the extra scans anyway as they were gender scans and 4D scans so even if DH came to the hospital ones I still would have had them, I was suggesting it as an option for you and your partner so he can "meet" the baby.

Original poster
rosieb060 · 08/12/2020 16:00

@MaverickDanger

DH couldn’t attend any of my scans, and no private scan places were open for the first 25 weeks of my pregnancy.

If it is not great news, your DH will be allowed to come in to be with you.

It’s just one of those things that COVID has impacted that you can’t really do anything about. By all means, be sad but to be truly honest, that isn’t going to change anything.

I'm really sorry to hear your husband couldn't come to your scan. That must have been really difficult.

Your comment really upset me - by all means be sad but it won't change anything. Do my feelings have to change anything? It's a horrible and unusual situation, which you'll know if you experienced it yourself.

OP posts:
Original poster
rosieb060 · 08/12/2020 16:00

[quote frolicmum]@rosieb060 where are you based? [/quote]
About an hour north of London Smile

OP posts:
theotherfossilsister · 08/12/2020 16:06

@collol99 that's awful, I'm sorry you went through that.

swiftt · 08/12/2020 16:10

@rosieb060 you have a right to feel sad and anxious about attending a scan alone, but I don’t think you should take any comments on here personally. I think, although it might seem awful right now, that some people have had to go through much worse alone during the height of the pandemic. Private scans are still an option, and at the end of the day as long as you are able to attend your scan then that’s the main thing. As much as it would be nice to have a partner there, you can get a private scan if you are worried. You could even go for one before your 12 week scan which would then hopefully ease your anxiety for going to your 12 week scan alone. I think some posters just mean that it’s not the end of the world, and you do have options.

MaverickDanger · 08/12/2020 16:25

I’m sorry you’re upset.

He might not be able to attend - you haven’t had that confirmed yet.

Personally I feel that continuing to be sad and anxious about something that is completely out of your control is a waste of energy & emotion - hence the comment about it not changing anything.

Best of luck with your scan and pregnancy. I hope you have no more disruption.

DublinGirl93 · 08/12/2020 16:32

I do feel you need to stop the whole pity me I cant have my husband with me..

there has been people who had to experience a lot worse than just a 12 week scan.

Some have went through child birth alone and me personally I had to go through a miscarraige in the hospital on my own as my husband wasn't allowed in with me. I completely understand why with the whole COVID situation and I think you should just be grateful you have come this far and not currently experiencing heartbreak.

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