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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Going crazy from my husband!!

30 replies

Cupcakejamlover · 04/12/2020 23:27

Im currently 21 weeks pregnant. Im going crazy because of my husband, if he could lock me in at home he would! We were in lockdown for the past month and even before that i hadn’t seen my friends for over a month. My friends birthday is coming up next week and a couple of my friends (5 girls and me) have decided to go to a restaurant to surprise her, but my husband went crazy when i told him about the idea and said he would never accept me going to a public restaurant during this situation with covid with me being pregnant and vulnerable. (I have to admit i did have a few pregnancy scares this pregnancy) I understand his point and concern but i dont see this much of a risk to go out with a small group to a restaurant, especially when the frequency is so little and its the first time in months for me meeting with everyone! Im just so sad and whenever i mention that i need girl time he says meet them in a park which is ridiculous in this weather!! I dont know if its my hormones but im honestly very sad and just want to see if other people agree with me or think he’s right and i should be more responsible??

OP posts:
LividLoves · 04/12/2020 23:29

I wouldn’t go inside a restaurant.

Why would you risk it, pregnant or not?

But I’m v cautious, not going in supermarkets or anywhere indoors and half of MN will be along to tell you it’s fine.

TwigTheWonderKid · 04/12/2020 23:33

I'm assuming that you are not in England?

Original poster
Cupcakejamlover · 04/12/2020 23:33

I also need to add that i have been off work since march because of the situation as well, so me staying at home is just driving me insane! He is at home all the time too but he works from home which i guess keeps him busy unlike me!

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 04/12/2020 23:34

He is right because Covid doesn’t care if it’s the first time you’ve been in there or the one hundredth.. also the more people from different households you meet ? ( you say it’s a group) then the more risk there is of catching it but if you are still intent on going it’s your decision , you are an adult and should be allowed to make your own decisions. If however he is incredibly controlling and you don’t think his advice comes from a place of love, then go anyway.

Original poster
Cupcakejamlover · 04/12/2020 23:34

@TwigTheWonderKid im in london, lockdown just got lifted 2 days ago and outings for groups up to 6 people are allowed now.

OP posts:
copperoliver · 04/12/2020 23:36

I agree with him, you can meet your friends on their birthdays after you have had the baby. X

ThirdTimeLuckyIHope · 04/12/2020 23:37

I'd go out to a restaurant what's the point of tiers if you can't go out might as well still be in lockdown

I've been stuck in doors for ages and finally going out tomorrow to the salon to get my hair done and I can't wait

Glendaruel · 04/12/2020 23:43

Itvs natural for a partner to be concerned and discuss the risks, but there is a line being crossed when you can't make decisions for yourself. Every area is different, even restaurants are different. I was happy to go to one or two places while pregnant but I wouldn't have gone to others. I'm sure you are considering the risks, not only to covid but your emotional and mental wellbeing. Being pregnant during this pandemic has been tough, but what I'm learning about motherhood is whilst you can read up plenty a lot of it is following your instincts

Original poster
Cupcakejamlover · 04/12/2020 23:43

@copperoliver im not having my baby until april, and besides who knows if covid will be gone by then? Am i supposed to stay locked inside for a few years i dont understand. Also from what i hear after having a baby you dont even have time to have a shower, let alone see friends so im just kind of confused where all this ends...

OP posts:
IsurvivedbutdidI · 04/12/2020 23:46

I can't understand why you think because lockdown is lifted that going to a restaurant is ok right now in England. Sorry I am with your husband. Put your baby first. You will survive missing out on your girly catch up but you or your baby may not survive Covid.

Original poster
Cupcakejamlover · 04/12/2020 23:47

@Glendaruel he believes that since its about his child’s wellbeing as well (if not mainly) , not just mine, he gets to have a say in how cautious i am during the pandemic ... i understand that and don’t blame him for being cautious, but then again he’s not the one unemployed doing nothing all the time and meeting with no one.

OP posts:
TwigTheWonderKid · 04/12/2020 23:48

@Cupcakejamlover I'm also in London and Tier 2 restrictions do not allow people from different households to meet anywhere except outdoors. You can only go to a restaurant with members of your own household. So that solves your dilemma.

Nancydrawn · 04/12/2020 23:51

I think you're mad to think about going to the restaurant in the midst of a pandemic surge when you're pregnant with a pregnancy that's had several complications.

If you want to meet with your friends, do so outdoors. You don't need to stay trapped indoors, but restaurants are a perfect place for covid spread.

Miip · 05/12/2020 00:06

You can't meet indoors and outdoors is too cold. I'm in London too. Patio heaters don't work for long, it's artic.

EllieJai44 · 05/12/2020 06:13

I'm nearly 34 weeks pregnant and even i would go to a restaurant and I've still been seeing friends and family this year has been awful, we all followed the rules with the first lockdown and for what?! A virus that has a very high survival rate 🤷‍♀️ they keep saying this vaccine will be the game changer but in reality it probably won't, way too many unknowns plus over half the population can't even have it for various reasons

If I want to see my nan who lives in a care home then I have to take her to a restaurant (she's in a wheelchair and can't get into my house), she chooses this so she can see family and not sit at home alone and depressed- mental health is just as important right now, its been a long year!

Nesski · 05/12/2020 06:34

@Cupcakejamlover life has been on hold for a year now, if you follow government advice and being careful then there is no problem, their advice leans towards massively to the side of caution and your mental health and wellbeing probably surpasses the risk of catching covid by a long shot. Maybe he can go aswell and sit on another table lol

Cafeaulait27 · 05/12/2020 07:11

I’m sure you’re not allowed to meet anyone indoors that you don’t live with in tier two apart from over Christmas when you must choose one group only.

Moo678 · 05/12/2020 07:27

I’m 13 wks pregnant and have been going to work in a busy hospital every day. I go to the canteen there for my lunch too. I think risk is something you have to judge personally. There is no increased risk in 1st and 2nd trimester and like you, for my mental health I need to do things and see people. I still go out for lunch with a friend or my husband too. As long as you are following guidelines I think it’s fine to socialise. And you’re right - once baby comes restaurant experiences will be very different and considerably less relaxing.

I also think your husband sounds controlling and I think you need to nip this behaviour in the bud. You are not just a vessel for his child but also a person with needs and feelings.

I’m not in England so would check the guidelines carefully but if it was within guidelines I would 100% go.

ukgift2016 · 05/12/2020 07:31

Your not allowed to meet up with different households inside :/

So I agree with your partner, not about the risk to the baby but about the risk of getting a fine!

ArtemisBean · 05/12/2020 07:35

Since you're only allowed to meet people outside, I don't see why he's so worried. It will be freezing but there will be plenty of fresh air.

Nat4392 · 05/12/2020 07:37

Just go, you need it for your mental health. Some girly catch up time does wonders. It’s not like you’re going around licking all of your friends faces. If I weren’t in tier 3 I’d absolutely be organising a girls meet up and I am also pregnant. If it is deemed safe for me to go to work (healthcare literally touching strangers) then it’s fine going to a restaurant. I’m not staying locked away in my house until baby arrives.

Disappointedkoala · 05/12/2020 07:38

I got pregnant right at the start at the pandemic and still went out in line with whatever rules where in place at the time including out for dinner with friends and taking my toddler to soft play. My newborn has already been to a couple of cafes.

It's all about your risk assessment - I think it's relatively low risk if you follow all the guidelines whereas the risk to my mental health (and the health of my older child) of never going out would be higher. Id be more concerned about your husband turning into a controlling arse tbh.

PurBal · 05/12/2020 07:49

I'm pregnant. I agree with your DH. There's no way I am putting our baby at risk. We have already had a threatened miscarriage. We choose to make decisions about our child together but every one is different. Until they're born it's your body, your choice and your DH can't stop you going out if that what you want to do.

PotteringAlong · 05/12/2020 08:07

London is in tier 2; how on earth can you think that you are allowed to go out for dinner with 5 different friends?!

MaverickDanger · 05/12/2020 08:15

I’d be more concerned about sitting outside in December, as that’s the only way you can meet up with 5 others, as PP have said.

I’ve not enjoyed pregnancy as I’ve not enjoyed being told what to do & having a set of rules to follow. It’s no ones fault, just one of those things you have to suck up and do.

It sounds like you are bored. What do you typically fill your time with, pandemic or non pandemic?

You can still have time with your friends, whether it’s a walk, meeting outside for a coffee or video calls. That’s how I’ve spent most of my pregnancy this year.

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