Honest advice please

[CMAYF11]

Hello. I'm really struggling to get a non bias view of bottle feeding vs breast feeding.
This isn't about the rights and wrongs of either. What I'm interested in is speaking to a mum who has breastfed a child and maybe bottle fed another.

Was the experience/relationship different with the baby?
Now they are older are there any noticeable health differences?

Happy for ppl to message me privately if they don't what an open discussion.

I'm the sort of person that needs to see both sides of the perspective before making a decision and I'm struggling to find this anywhere.

I breastfed until 9 months - well Combi fed. We now 100% bottle feed.

You'll get very polarised views. I didn't see it as a 'journey' or anything magical, rather a means to feed my child cheaply!

I don't feel like our bond is any different now I'm no longer boobing.

I was upfront from the beginning though that if bf hadn't worked for me, I wasn't prepared to upset myself over it.

Youd be better looking at the science, anecdotes aren't data and two children will vary wildly no matter how they're fed.

Both methods are totally valid and you must do what works for you. Try breast feeding if you want but be ready with bottles if it doesn't work for you

I'm only 14 weeks and I'm worrying about what ppl will think if I choose not to breastfeed. The thought makes me feel quite uncomfortable. I wouldn't be comfortable breastfeeding in public.
But if the health/bonding benefits were huge I would force myself.

@CMAYF11

I'm only 14 weeks and I'm worrying about what ppl will think if I choose not to breastfeed. The thought makes me feel quite uncomfortable. I wouldn't be comfortable breastfeeding in public. But if the health/bonding benefits were huge I would force myself.

Is this your first baby? Top tip - stop worrying about what other people think.

@3rdtimelucky2019 yes my first. I just want to do my best

No differences at all in relationship. I believe that that is due to personality.

However, my near 15 year olds jaw didn't grow enough and it was out down to bottle feeding from 3 weeks old (I didn't know she was having a growth spurt!!). She has two teeth up high in her gum, that haven't formed properly and there isn't room for them to come out. She needs surgery next year to get them out

www.nhs.uk/start4life/baby/breastfeeding/your-questions-answered/

Click that and scroll down to, 'What are the benefits of breastfeeding?'

One person's experience doesn't mean anything. For example, if I had two grandparents who smoked and two who didn't and the ones who didn't died younger but the ones who did smoke each lived to 100, that wouldn't mean smoking wasn't bad for you. Don't base any decision on anecdata.

Bf DD1 till 6 months. Double mastectomy then bottle fed from birth DD2.
Zero difference in the child’s attachments.
DD2 has some dry skin issues but I doubt that is anything to do with BF. Both similar pretty good immune systems etc.

I’d say BF if you can, cheaper, no sterilising / bottle making. But bottle feeding - no issue if that’s what you do!

As someone who is still BFing my 11mo, I love how little faff there is. Baby hungry /upset/ fussy/ whatever = boob ! No need to sterilise bottles, buy formula, heat the water etc. etc. This is especially lovely at 4 a.m.
That's the main draw for me.
Negatives are that he prefers me to settle him over everyone else and it's way less flexible.
Due to lockdown, we haven't had to feed in public much at all.

Hi @CMAYF11 I breastfed DS until he was nearly three, now expecting DC2 by ELCS in March and honestly will not be upset if I can't breastfeed this time round.
It was really handy not having to make bottles and was very inexpensive but my best friends DS who is a similar age was never breastfed and honestly there is no real difference between them in terms of health or anything.
The downside for me was that I found it quite draining and found it difficult to wean him off so ended up breastfeeding for longer than I intended to.
I definitely have never judged anyone for not breastfeeding, it's a very personal choice and I hope you are supported in whatever decision you make.

Breastfeeding is better. You know this.

BUT not breastfeeding is better than being an utterly stressed unhappy mum trying to bf when you really, really don't want to.

I bf mine, so will be upfront about that, I'm obviously biased!

It was very hard at times at first, then it was so noticeably easier than the alternative that I was very glad I perservered. One thing I'd never thought of but was so thankful for was the fact that when they're ill, they will bf for comfort and you'll be able to keep them hydrated, when no way on earth would you get them to eat/drink for its own sake.

Thank you. I just want to do what's best for me and my baby. I'm just so body conscious and I don't think I'd even feel comfortable feeding in front of family etc.

I know there are so many benefits. However I know a few people who have bottle fed and have had no issues.

My biggest concern is that my decision now will affect my child's health/development in the future. But I do wonder how much of the info about breast feeding is anecdotal. Eg. Breastfed babies are less prone to obesity in later life. Surely this is purely down to calories in vs calories out or am I missing something.

I breastfed for the health benefits as DH had both eczema and asthma as a child and wanted to lessen the chances of those (DC have neither)

It was an absolute ball ache to start with. Painful. Stressful.

But once it's established I was so glad that was my choice. Especially so when out and about even though for the first few trips out I would hide away in a feeding room.

Here's why:

My best baby mum NCT friend bottle fed.

Our DC grew equally. Hers slept better. Both are healthy kids.

But

But by the time I'd got a boob out and fed my baby and my baby was asleep/content and I could carry one.

My friend had only got to the step on bottle out, powder out, powder tapped into bottle, bottle shaken, bib on.

My baby was finished before hers had started. (Newborn stage not counting as we all know cluster feeding is a bitch)

Also I think with bottles it's too easy to obsess over volume drank. I was grateful that breast feeding meant I just paid attention to the baby.

@OneLinePlease that's really helpful. Thank you.

Thank you everyone for being so honest.

I think it’s natural to worry about if/how you’ll take to breastfeeding. My overwhelming view on it pre-children was that it just seemed... “weird”. (Very mature, I know!). Decided to give it a shot having read about the benefits, and I’ve now breastfed 2 kids and loved it. Not everyone’s experience, I know, but I think there’s a lot to be said to reserving judgement until you’ve tried it for a few weeks.

About your comment that obesity in later life is purely due calories in /out - don't forget that breastmilk is incredibly complex and has oligosaccharides in there too advanced for us to use... Aka breastmilk doesn't just feed the baby but also the bacterial flora in the baby's stomach - which we're still learning lots about and are realising what a great impact it has on health and even mental health.

I'd echo what others said and trust the data, not anecdotes.

Right, my advice is really really look at what you want to do. Ignore what anyone else will think.

I "wanted" to breastfeed DS. He was born and initially it looked to be going well. Then they started weighing him. He dropped so much weight. We were taken back into the hospital for a feeding plan so he could gain it back. I was having to pump and it wasn't the experience I had imagined at all. When we were let home I tried to continue pumping but I was exhausted. I was however so concerned with what was best for DS I would allow myself to even consider stopping. I had myself convinced that the HV, my mum and my husband all thought that breastfeeding was so important.

I broke down in front of my mum eventually, I was exhausted from pumping and feeding and cleaning etc. Turns out nobody gave a hoot how he was fed. I also read a book with great information it's called "guilt free bottle feeding". Yes there are health benefits to breastfeeding, nobody is denying that but they are not as significant as I thought they were.

We switched to formula feeding fairly early and I'm glad I did. DS is happy and thriving. He'll be 1 this week. I suspect that we had some issues with reflux and a possible tongue tie that wasn't found that made things difficult but I was so caught up in doing what was "best" I was making myself and my son miserable.

So to summarise do what's best for YOU. Not what you think you should do because you have to cope with your decision, whatever it is. It is nobody else's business. If you WANT to try breastfeeding then go for it but don't do it just because you think you should.

I'm still breastfeeding my 20 month old and tbh, as much as I enjoyed the journey and the bonding, I would bf my second baby if I ever have one until 8/9 months only. I'm still currently bf and I've tried weaning dc but have failed on many occasions. I'm like a milk bar right now catering him whenever he feels like a couple of sips in between his little adventures. I like bf as it's convenient and you have milk ready at right temp 24/7 and no preparation needed and it's useful especially if you have a high needs baby like I did. The downside, you don't get a break or sleep longer hours in the night as the baby gets hungry quicker compared to ff babies. Also, you don't get a break in general and you have to plan your life around having access to the baby at all times especially if the baby doesn't take expressed milk from the bottle.

I dont want to come across as rude but please dont think like this
Dont "force" yourself to do anything.
Breast milk is better for baby but formula is not evil.
Maybe breastfeed at home, bottle feed out n about.
If you force yourself to do it, it wont be enjoyable - no bond will come out of that.
I bfed my babies but it's mainly because i am "lazy" and cant be doing with washing extra stuff and sterilising.... not for me.
Just do what is right for you.
Also, please please dont worry about what people are going to think. Everyone has an opinion and somehow when you have a baby everybody starts sharing their opinions freely. What other people think of you is none of your business.
Sorry, this was really a big rambling mess of a message.

I'm just so body conscious and I don't think I'd even feel comfortable feeding in front of family etc

Yeah, I was worried about putting baby on the breast in front of the midwives etc. Turned out that any semblance of body-consciousness had flown the coop during labour. By the time it returned I'd already been breastfeeding for several weeks.

Of course, you can also do it discreetly if that matters to you. Eventually I was so far gone I'd just whack the whole boob out in the middle of ASDA as necessary.

I am now on no.5 - though 25 years between first and last 🙂I BF the first 3 then had surgery & wasn’t sure how it would go with No.4, but gave it a try and following surgery I just didn’t make enough milk and after him losing weight and trying pumping etc I had to switch to combined. It wasn’t a pleasant experience with cluster feeding from 5pm (never even heard of this with the first 3) and turns out he was lactose intolerant too (not down to bottle just luck of the draw) - the exorcist had nothing on him.

So this time I’ve decided to go for giving the colostrum and also introducing a bottle from the start. This way DH can do night feeds and it’s not all on me 😂 There is no difference in the first 3 who were BF and no4. Who is now a healthy happy 4 year old & after working through the milk ladder is ok with dairy -though still can’t do yogurt, but then neither I 😆
If it helps I BF under a scarf - looked pretty - hid a multitude of sins from sick to my still saggy bits and my leaky boobs when I didn’t get things quite right too.

Hi OP I'm expecting my first so have no advice yet but I thought I'd share my feelings. Now I'm one of those people who cares far too much about what people think of me. But in terms of how I feed my baby I won't give two shits what people think because all I care about is ensuring my baby gets enough nutrition.

My preference is to breastfeed, like others have said breast milk is incredibly beneficial in building up immunity etc. It's also much cheaper and less faffy than bottle feeding with all the sterilisation etc. Also IMO we are mammals and it's just a natural thing (not that I'm condemning those that don't do it at all, everyone has their reasons). I probably will be pretty discreet and try to keep things covered in coffee shops etc, not because of being 'ashamed' but I'm a pretty discreet person anyway, eg. I would never walk around a changing room with boobs etc out.

However if for whatever reason I can't breastfeed or it's too difficult then no bother, I will make sure my baby is fed however they can be, and I won't feel the need to explain myself. Tbh I don't think many people will ask anyway, I wouldn't dream of asking someone why they aren't breastfeeding??? To me it's just as cruel as asking why someone hasn't had a baby yet.

Put it this way, when you look at any baby or child or adult, can you tell apart those who were breastfed vs those that weren't? Is not being breastfed considered a risk factor for obesity in adult life the way being sedentary and consuming calorific foods is? Nope!

I think do what you feel comfortable with and what is best for you and baby x

Gosh,my journeys with my 4 kids were all really diffrent.
I always wanted breastfeeding but it wasn't an easy journey however as all womenin my family breastfed it seems the right thing to do.
1st child after birth was whisked to nursery as born a bit poorly late in the evening,midwife brought gim 3 hours after birth but he wasn't keen so they kept him there overnight (I gave birth abroad and it was a norm,I was quite young so just complied).We spend 7 days in hospital due to jaundice and only on day 5 he latched on properly(using nipple shileds) and that how we continued(If only I knew better it will be probably diffrent story).I came to conclusion years later that they must given him bottle during 1st night in the nursery hence the initial problems with latching.At 3 months I had to go back to uni (3 days a week) and could't express anything so he was receiving formula at those days and breast when I was at home and it worked really well until he was 8 months when he has chosen bottle.
2nd DS no problems at all,apart from being really hungry in the first few weeks and breastfed until 2.5.
3rd DS similar although probably because we had a lengthy gap (almost 11 yers) it was initially painful and had slight problems with cracked nipples it was OK,I did panic a few times about low supply and offered bottles(can't remember if he took them) but we continued until he was 2.8 months as I was pregnant and my milk disappeared (and thanks God as my nips and breasts were really sore.
My 4th had initial problems after birth where she had to have IV fluids at SCBU for first 5 days plus frequent feeds but breast milk was enough.
I did give her few bottles as a top up in first weeks as was paranoid that she doesn't get enough fluids but afterwards it was just breast until too long to mention

I mix fed my children so both breast and bottle. I found it the best of both worlds.

I was petrified at the thought of trying to feed my LO in front of anyone let alone in public. But for me I was so determined to BF because I believe it's the best thing. And it's free and I'm cheap.
I struggled for the first 2 weeks then fed LO until 8 months when I returned to work. I can honestly say I loved feeding and I didnt cover myself once. It's very discreet if you pull one top up and one down. Nobody wants to look either. I amazed myself with how much I changed after becoming a mum, and if I get the chance to do it again I absolutely will bf again.

That's just my experience. There was something so wonderful about feeding your baby and them staring up at you. Such lovely bonding.

Bottom line fed is best. You could try and see how you feel. If it's not for you that's fine, you will be no less of a mum. Good luck