Honest advice please

[CMAYF11]

Hello. I'm really struggling to get a non bias view of bottle feeding vs breast feeding.
This isn't about the rights and wrongs of either. What I'm interested in is speaking to a mum who has breastfed a child and maybe bottle fed another.

Was the experience/relationship different with the baby?
Now they are older are there any noticeable health differences?

Happy for ppl to message me privately if they don't what an open discussion.

I'm the sort of person that needs to see both sides of the perspective before making a decision and I'm struggling to find this anywhere.

I only have one child and I breastfed him until he was 16 months. I will say that I never found it the magical bonding experience so many talk about. It was hard at first but I persevered because I was assured that in the long run it’s more convenient (no sterilising, warming bottles etc.) and cheaper, which is true.

That being said, I am now pregnant with second and already considering combi feeding from birth as I don’t know how I could put in the long weeks of early BF before it gets easier when I have a toddler to consider too. Good luck whatever you choose x

Also, for as long as I BF my little boy catches every cold under the sun!

I was adamant I was bfing my first and was quite frankly an arsehole about the whole thing! I refused to buy bottles or formula as wouldn’t entertain having them in the house. I was a judgemental cow about women who didn’t breastfeed, and happily shared anything pro breastfeeding without even looking at the source (I’m really quite ashamed of how I behaved now)

Well baby was born and had very different ideas about how he was being fed. He was an atrocious latch, would only sporadically latch when using nipple shields, and the feeding team and lactation consultants were all scratching their heads as there was no tongue tie etc. 2 weeks in I got mastitis which ended up as sepsis. It killed my supply but I “fed through it” as you’re meant to. I KNEW in my gut he needed a bottle but refused to entertain it because “breastfed babies always get just the right amount” (the amount of screaming from him said otherwise). He ended up in hospital at week 3 having gone from 7lb to 5lb in 6 days.

We had absolutely no choice but to give him a bottle, and he was a different baby feeding - I never was able to get him to latch again despite all the support in the world.

This experience left me with PTSD and severe post natal anxiety. It prevented me bonding (from day one as it was so stressful trying to get him to latch) and it really overshadowed my first year with him. I also needed extensive therapy.

I’m 19 weeks pregnant with DS 2 now and knew immediately I was absolutely not direct nursing. I read the book “guilt free bottle feeding”. - if you want an unbiased, insightful and reassuring view of both types of feeding, then I cannot recommend this book highly enough.

From reading guilt free bottle feeding I have decided pumping is our preferred method of feeding this baby as I’d like them to have breastmilk but want the benefits of bottle feeding. That said, I will have zero guilt if we move onto formula.

From my own observations, I can’t say my sons bf friends are any better off than him. Although that’s not really meaning of anything, as that’s a small circle of kids.

Do what you are comfortable with and sod everything else. Breastfeeding is great, but so is bottle feeding and we’re very lucky to live in a country where we can safely bottle feed.

What is best for your baby is undoubtedly human milk. There is no way cows milk can magically be transformed into human milk in a factory. It is much the same as whether you intend to feed your child healthy natural food or processed food.
When your baby is hungry you can give them the perfect food with no faffing around so baby's need is met instantly and your body will return to pre pregnancy condition much faster when you breast feed.

@CMAYF11

I'm only 14 weeks and I'm worrying about what ppl will think if I choose not to breastfeed. The thought makes me feel quite uncomfortable. I wouldn't be comfortable breastfeeding in public. But if the health/bonding benefits were huge I would force myself.

If you’re not comfortable then that’s a massive factor in it. I forced myself to, it was painful (tongue tie), I have massive boobs too. I thankfully decided to combi feed after speaking with my sister who EBF, she suggested it and I’m so glad she did. I did it for 5.5 months and then fully bottle. It was so liberating not having to worry about getting my boobs out in public, I loved all the bottle washing and sterilizing, the measuring out of the formula. For me it was freedom and I probably won’t BF at all next time. I don’t feel like I bonded with my baby better BF or bottle, in fact I think bottle worked better for us both as I was happy.

Mantra ‘happy mum, happy baby’ is SO true.

@Esspee

What is best for your baby is undoubtedly human milk. There is no way cows milk can magically be transformed into human milk in a factory. It is much the same as whether you intend to feed your child healthy natural food or processed food. When your baby is hungry you can give them the perfect food with no faffing around so baby's need is met instantly and your body will return to pre pregnancy condition much faster when you breast feed.

Yeh ignore this poster with their ‘healthy natural food vs processed food’ comment. FFS. Troll.

Formula is literally life saving, if it didn’t exist thousands of babies would still die as they did before formula was invented.

I desperately wanted to breastfeed. Had absolutely no intention of bottlefeeding however my son was a big baby almost 10lbs. And had low blood sugar when he was born so had to be formula fed for first 48hrs and midwives said I would always need to top him up with formula as he was so big. But it just played havoc with my milk supply and threw in the towel at 16 weeks as he was virtually formula fed, my milk just never caught up and I tried everything. I was devastated when I couldn't exclusively breastfeed, but a fed baby is best no matter how you feed which is all the midwives kept telling me when they saw how upset I was about breastfeeding.

I’ve done a free getting ready to breastfeed course (two classes) run by la leche league and feel a lot more confident about breastfeeding when the baby is here.
www.laleche.org.uk/antenatal-courses/

You'll find so die hard breastfeeders and the same for bottle feeding.

Breast is best. Vs formula fed babies sleep better etc.

My personal experience. I breastfed DD who is 16 months till she was 13 months. She barely had a sniffle before I stopped. Since I've stopped she's a virus & a cough (not COVID).

I'm pregnant with baby no.2. I'll be breastfeeding again. If baby gets the hang of it.

I'm not a die hard breast is best person. If DD would of taken a bottle I probably wouldn't have continued to feed her as long as I did. Though I'm now very happy with the way I fed her. And pleased we stuck it out.

Breastfeeding is hard work. It can be draining. I see it as a very individual choice.

I can't take about long term yet. But I have a very loving and close relationship with my daughter. She's very affectionate. Can be a bit clingy at times.

@CMAYF11 fed is best, stop worrying about what others would think. I bottle fed both my girls, no one questioned why. It's personal preference. Also some babies won't latch so have to be bottle fed.

Don't worry what others think! I fed until 6 months last time and plan to breastfeed until 6 months if I can - good for baby in health terms, very portable whilst chasing a toddler around and was good for me in terms of losing the baby weight (though I know that doesn't apply to everyone).

However, I plan to give a bottle at bedtime from birth (ideally breastmilk - will pump afterwards) and I plan to stop at 6 months. I don't love breastfeeding - it is a means to an end for me. I found that my daughter loves to snuggle and suck her thumb and play with my hair more than she ever loved breastfeeding, which she was very unbothered about, especially once she could have a good look around. I don't think it has affected our bond at all - my daughter has been seriously ill once and required hospitalisation and I found myself perfectly capable of soothing her, cuddling her, keeping her calm without magic breasts. You can still be super close - physically and emotionally.

Despite being very body conscious, I didn't feel particularly self conscious once I had done the birth, but I found that family members, especially male, gave me a wide birth whilst I fed. To be honest, I was quite happy with that - it is actually quite a nice excuse to have some quiet snuggle time away from others in the early days when you can feel a bit under siege from visitors - just say the baby needs a bit of quiet to feed and take yourself off 😁. I love that!!

Sorry should have said I stopped at 6 months last time and I didn't feel that this affected our bond at all.

I've only bf for 4 months so I can't comment on differences when older. But the relationship definitely isn't different. Equally obsessed with both. My bf baby likes to cuddle more but I think that's just their personality. I would say bf is easier though and there hasn't been any tears waiting for milk. Honestly would recommend giving bf a go if you can manage it. If it doesn't work out then no big deal, my ff son is awesome (3 years old) healthy, smart, caring.

I'm not that comfortable bf in front of people either. There's not been many times I've had to. Just feed before leaving and upon return. When I've had to I just use a cover. Just do what feels right. You can always wait till baby is on your chest to decide.

Breastfeeding is strongly linked to better health throughout the child's life. You will hear people say 'I bottle fed my baby and he's a healthy child' and I'm sure that's true. But by breastfeeding, you will be giving your child short term and long term health benefits.

Every mother feels self conscious about the idea of breastfeeding in public. I was so worried, but quickly got used to it. You can ask your family to leave the room, and/or use a breastfeeding cover.

I combo fed from 2 weeks with both my DSs as I had shorter mat leave and wanted the flexibility of them taking either breast or bottle.

Introduced formula around 6 months when my ridiculously large storage of frozen breast milk had run out.

If I'd had my time again, I would have said to hell with the pumping, and just introduced formula earlier rather than spending ages pumping and freezing.

Nursed them both until 9 months and then they preferred the ease of a bottle and weaned themselves.

The one thing I didn't do is put pressure on myself to do one or the other. If nursing worked, it worked, but I flat out refused to let mental health suffer if I was struggling.

There’s no dispute of any kind that breastfeeding is better for the baby. But that can’t come at the expense of mental health and well-being. If it is a source of too much stress and anxiety, it’s going to cause more problems than it solves.

I bottle fed and will do again this time, only as I know it's 100 percent right for me! No one ever mentioned it to me and I never felt an ounce of guilt. My DD is a nightmare but I don't know if that's because she wasn't BF

Our DC grew equally. Hers slept better

Just so you know, bottled babies often are said to sleep 'better' because formula is harder to digest and so they have to sleep it off more.

@Silverstripe agree with this 1 million %

Breastfeeding gave me ptsd and severe PNA. They say breastfeeding is free, but the price I paid with my mental health wasn’t worth it for the 6 weeks milk DS got!

Can I just add that bottle feeding is in no way a guarantee of good sleeping 😭 if you pace feed and feed on demand (so not over stuffing them to make them go hours between feeds) then they’re just as shit at sleeping as a bf baby 🙈

My DS didn’t sleep through until he was 2 😭

I bottle fed, had no doubts that I just didn't want to breast feed. I would have been embarrassed to feed in front of family and friends and especially in public. I gave the first colostrum feed in hospital by breast which the midwife helped me do, it was in my birth plan to do the first breastfeed then move to formula and I'll do the same with this baby. Not 1% of guilt for formula feeding here , my body my baby my choice 🙂

I breastfed my DD. I'm glad I did it, no regrets, but I didn't feel like breastfeeding helped us to bond at all. I bonded with her in all sorts of ways, it was wonderful, but breastfeeding her felt absolutely no different to just giving her a cuddle.

When I decided to stop, just after her first birthday, I remember thinking "thank God this is the last time we're doing this, I can finally get my body back!" I didn't feel sad at all, or like it was the end of an era.

I am currently pregnant and am planning to breastfeed this one, no doubt, but I'm doing it purely because of the benefits for me and the baby, and because it is free.

I was half expecting rainbows and unicorns to come out my tits, and to be crying bitter sweet tears when the "journey" came to an end, from the way that some people carry on about it... in reality it felt very much like a means to an end. For me it was always just feeding my baby. Nothing particularly special about it.

Oh bless you.
My experience is that I fed my son until he was 18 months and he is super healthy and smart. He never took a bottle though and it was hard.
I chose to introduce bottle with my daughter and combi fed her which was wonderful. It worked itself out that I fed her at night and bottle in the day which was GREAT as avoided awkward boobness in front of anyone and kept me feeling like I was giving her some goodness.
She slept through though and preferred bottle in the end. I feel a bit guilty but it was 100% right for me which is all that matters!!!
Please just do what you feel comfortable with. By the time baby arrives you might feel differently about your body and like feeding when you're at home but using the bottle too.
All the best x

Hi. I have 2 children.
First was fully bottle fed.. lots of reasons.
Second fully breast fed until about 3 months, then mixed.

No difference whatsoever. Both grown up healthy, no difference in bonding with either parent (dad v hands on).

Yes breast milk is perfect. Breast feeding isn't always though.

Don't stress about it. Do what's right for both of you. Baby will be fine.