Is the baby mine?

[New93]

Recently I found out I’m going to be a dad the only problem is the dates don’t match up... on 3rd November she had her first scan and was told she was 6 weeks. Problem is the last time we had sex was 12th September which would leave a 2 week gap... and to make things worse anytime I bring it up she gets mad and try’s to avoid answering any questions to do with it simply saying it is 100% mine and I don’t have to worry. She doesn’t want me at the scan either which makes it even more strange... my question is am I right on thinking these dates don’t add up as I’m now concerned she has been unfaithful and the child’s not mine because of the 2 week gap. yes once the baby is born the first thing I will do is get a dna test but till then is she correct that I’m worrying over nothing or am I right to worry because of the dates ?

OP, your girlfriend is most certainly lying to you if she is saying she is 6 weeks pregnant with your child. She is either not pregnant at all or you had nothing to do with her pregnancy.
Also it is possible to do DNA test before tge baby is born, the procedure associated with a small risk of miscarriage though so she might decline this option anyway.
You really don't need to wait for 8 months. She doesn't want you at the scan, she doesn't explain the dates discrepancies. Even if she was initially offended by your doubts it wouldn't explain her unwillingness to reassure you.

I don’t think you can blame the way she’s acting when you’re accusing the baby of not being yours? No wonder

@Thefaceofboe

I don’t think you can blame the way she’s acting when you’re accusing the baby of not being yours? No wonder

He has good reason, Jesus Christ! With the dates she gave him there is no way he is the father. She would need to be over 9 weeks pregnant!

She wouldn’t of even got pregnant in the same month they last had sex in!

Might be a silly question but what type of contraception were you using?
The dates seem a little off but it's hard to tell.
You should ask her if it's 6w or 6w+ 4days.

A six week scan cannot give accurate information about dates.
I am surprised a sonographer would try a dating scan at 6 weeks. An embryo is only half a cm long.
Most dating scans are done at 12 weeks because the snographer can accurately measure long bones- the femur in particular and give far more accurate dates.
Was it a private scan?
I don't think dates at this stange are accurate or meaningful.
However I think you have other issues at play if you think your wife may be pregnant by anoher man.

Where did she go for a 6 week scan? Are you in the UK?

The only time I had a scan at 6 weeks and a few days was when I was bleeding and they suspected an ectopic pregnancy. I was scanned vaginally at a hospital. I was scanned again at 7 weeks and about 3 days as I had bled heavily for a long period of time and they wanted to see why. That was a belly scan but I was warned it may be an internal vaginal scan again.

In the UK your first scan is a 12 week dating scan unlike the US where they seem to scan very early.

If you had sex on 12th September
Theoretically she ovulated on 29th August
A scan on 3rd November would put her at 9 weeks and 3 days

Either the baby has stopped growing to be dated at 6 weeks or the baby is not yours. If you are telling her there will be a dna test I cannot see her prolonging the ruse if the baby is not yours. I am sorry.

@OnTheBenchOfDoom

Where did she go for a 6 week scan? Are you in the UK?

The only time I had a scan at 6 weeks and a few days was when I was bleeding and they suspected an ectopic pregnancy. I was scanned vaginally at a hospital. I was scanned again at 7 weeks and about 3 days as I had bled heavily for a long period of time and they wanted to see why. That was a belly scan but I was warned it may be an internal vaginal scan again.

In the UK your first scan is a 12 week dating scan unlike the US where they seem to scan very early.

If you had sex on 12th September
Theoretically she ovulated on 29th August
A scan on 3rd November would put her at 9 weeks and 3 days

Either the baby has stopped growing to be dated at 6 weeks or the baby is not yours. If you are telling her there will be a dna test I cannot see her prolonging the ruse if the baby is not yours. I am sorry.

A private scan?

When doctors say a woman is six weeks pregnant, it typically means the embryo started developing about four weeks ago.

Either the baby has stopped growing to be dated at 6 weeks or the baby is not yours.

I agree completely with this.

Even if we say sperm can live for 7 days and she conceived on the 19th of September. That still would have made her 6+3 weeks post-conception at the scan, and therefore you need to add 2 weeks on which would have made her 8+3 weeks pregnant. Realistically though she should have been anywhere from 8+3 to 9+3 weeks pregnant though.

Growth scans aren't perfectly accurate at 6 weeks but a trained sonographer is unlikely to be 2 weeks out. A 6+3 pregnancy and an 8+3 pregnancy look very different even to someone untrained.

I have sadly had many situations of going for an early scan thinking I was 8-9 weeks and the embryo only measuring 6 weeks, the sonographer would only say what they could see, ie a 6week old embryo, they may comment it’s small for dates, but in my experience this is not usual, if no heartbeat is seen they would ask her to come back in 1-2 weeks to see progression . This situation has always meant for me a missed miscarriage, the 6/9 weeks is relevant, as foetuses grow in specific stages, and any problems can stop it growing at these points .
I’m not saying this is the case, I’m just saying that this could be an explanation.

Very early scans can sometimes be quite inaccurate so I wouldn't say anymore until 12 week scan to see if her due date changes.

If the date is accurate then it seems very unlikely that the baby is yours but piling pressure on her about it just now won't do any good and won't make you look very good. It could also be that there's a problem with the baby and it's not growing in which case she will be feeling quite vulnerable so he kind.

Due date would be around 38 weeks after conception but give it about a week either side to make room for sperm surviving in body / slow or fast implantation etc.

Could she be acting weird due to being pregnant? Pregnancy hormones?

Concerning the scan, not all hospitals are allowing partners in due to Covid restrictions so there could be a valid reason. Maybe offer to drive her to the hospital.

Regarding the dates, I have no idea!

I would suggest asking to attend the scan, if she refuses (and the hospital is allowing it, some aren't) then it would be more concerning as it's as if she is hiding something eg they will more accurately date at the 12 week scan.

However remember there is no routine 6 week scan, she would only be offered one if there was specific concerns.

Scans are not always accurate, when I had my first and 2nd scan with dd2 they told me I wasn’t as far gone as I was, they gave me a due date that was almost 2 weeks different than the date I worked out. I knew when she was conceived as she was planned and I knew when I was ovulating. Anyway, dd2 was born on my due date (exact day), not the hospitals due date.

I can see why you are worried but there’s not much you can do until the baby is born. It sounds like you will not be in a relationship with the babies mother anyway, you obviously don’t trust her and she’s obviously upset (or she has cheated on you), I know it’s a long time to wait and it must be a very anxious time for both of you.

My dates never added up in the same direction as the OP. According to my scan dates I would have conceived whilst abroad on a work trip but I know it was sex the week before that resulted in conception. Now I think if it DS is very tall and blonde and I was in Sweden 🤔.

I don’t think a paternity test is unreasonable but it isn’t cut and dry and it will damage your relationship so lots to weigh up.

12 weeks scan provide a more accurate week of pregnancy as they measure the baby... I wouldn't rush to an argument incase like others mentioned there is a missed miscarraige situation and the baby has stopped growing, maybe explaining why she won't let you come scan... indenial of loss maybe? Id say hold of see whats what at the 12 week scan but I would definitely insist on attending the scan. If this is supposed to be your child to its not unreasonable to want to be there at the scan. Good luck.

You should wait until the 12 week scan to make a more firm assumption. I'v had a few early scans and been put a week behind, by 12 week scan I'v caught up.
As the situation stands I'd be cautious if I was you though.

@CloudyVanilla

Surely it's understandable why the OP would be anxious, he might be a father!! I don't get MN sometimes.

You can be empathetic to the allegedly pregant woman without dismissing the OPs feelings.

Yes but his starting point IS that he’s a father. He’s now thinking he isn’t which is about the relationship more than becoming a dad. If he is the dad which he’s been told he is, requires some change. Or not. He doesn’t live with her or even near her. Surely more stressful if he is. Either way he has the option to do nothing more than contribute financially which will apply in either case.

Counting back it sounds possible - she may have ovulated early/late and the baby could be growing a bit fast/slow. Also sperm can live a few days.
FWIW I had my dates put back by 8 days at my scans! The date they start from now is definitely not when we conceived!

Basically we can't answer this question - it's not clear either way. The only way to really know is a DNA test. She might be unwilling to do this on the foetus as there are risks involved, but once the baby's born I think it's just a cheek swab.

update she went for her 12 week scan today (14/12/2020) and is 12 weeks and 3 days as of today

In that case she conceived roughly 2-3 weeks after you last slept together.

Sorry to hear that OP. What's she saying about it?

We were trying for years and in full crazy TTC mode i was charting everything and knew the exact dates and the scans put me about 10 days out which I knew couldn't be possible because I knew 100% dates of conception, periods..etc so there's definitely room for error due to early/late ovulation, sizing, sperm life..etc