Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Talk to me about four year gaps

29 replies

abitfunny · 10/11/2020 10:56

Currently 16 weeks pregnant with our second son. Our first will be approaching four as little one arrives. Had a couple of comments re the age gap, which we never saw as an issue? If anything I'm thinking (hoping) it will be slightly easier. Our son is so excited and often talks about what he will get up to with his little brother.

Would love to hear about some of your experiences x

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

toptreeroots1 · 10/11/2020 10:58

No experience but I am 9.5 weeks pregnant and my little one will be 5 in February so she'll be 5 years 4 Months if all goes well

I think it will be strange to go back to the baby years now but she is more independent etc and in school so things might be a bit easier ?

Honestly a larger age gap is just as fine as a smaller one :)

Lazypuppy · 10/11/2020 11:03

This is the age gap we are heading for! I didn't want to be on maternity with 2 at home so waiting till year before dd will start school. Means i can enjoy my maternity leave while DD is at school.

We are doing potty training now and it would have been so much harder if we also had a baby/another child.

I like the baby/toddler stage and would have felt like i missed stuff as i couldn't have been focused on DD as would have had another baby to deal with. I love this age, but i know some people don't so want to get it over and done with.

Only 1 set of nursery fees at a time

Original poster

abitfunny · 10/11/2020 11:09

Completely agree with you both @toptreeroots1 @Lazypuppy - I found the newborn stage really difficult with my eldest so always knew I wouldn't be going again so soon! I have friends with two year age gaps and they've struggled in the early days, although I can imagine it's nice as they grow up to be close in age.

OP posts:

EmilySpinach · 10/11/2020 11:12

I have a 4y10m gap between my two children and it is wonderful. My eldest was able to be genuinely involved in helping to care for the baby (fetching and carrying etc) and understood my need to recover, so no worries about lifting a needy toddler when recovering from a c-section. I particularly valued the time at home with the baby while she was at school.

It is worth remembering that it is a very common gap between DC1 and DC3 in three-child families, and no-one ever seems to wonder if that will be a problem.

EmilySpinach · 10/11/2020 11:13

Also - small age gaps don’t guarantee that your children will be close and can engender more competition.

SpectralPlot · 10/11/2020 11:14

Don't listen to them OP, nobody knows if siblings will get on even if there is only a year between them!

DD is 6 years older than DS and they are so so close they make me feel left out sometimes.

My advice is don't overthink it.

Amidone · 10/11/2020 11:15

I have 3.75 years between my two sons and it works great. I was terrified about two under 2 so never even tried for that. 3 years was my 'ideal' but fertility issues and miscarriages dictated otherwise.

Figgygal · 10/11/2020 11:15

Same as @EmilySpinach we have a 4yr 10 month gap and found it perfect especially since the eldest started school whilst I was on Mat leave and so could help with his transition to school

Lazypuppy · 10/11/2020 11:15

I have plenty of friends with kids same age as my DD, if her and next baby don't get on great as kids it doesn't bother me.

My DP is really close qith his brother who is 9 years older, much better to be closer as adults than as kids IMO, once they get to teens they'll have their own friends anyway and spend less time together anyway

faithfulbird20 · 10/11/2020 11:16

We really wanted a 3 year age gap but I had a miscarriage and now it will be a 4 year one. Just goes to show you can't always plan these things. I didn't know till I experienced it myself. Age gaps don't matter.

Lazypuppy · 10/11/2020 11:16

@Amidone 2 under 2 fills me with absolute dread!

How anyone when their baby is 1 thinks 'oh this is easy lets add another to the mix' 😂

Original poster

abitfunny · 10/11/2020 11:18

Thanks all. The part I look forward to the most is being on mat leave once my eldest starts school! Def think I will appreciate it more this time.

OP posts:

3JsMa · 10/11/2020 11:19

There is no perefct age gap formula.
I have first 2 DSs with 22 months gap,then we had 3rd DS with almost 11-year gap between him and 2nd DS and 3 years 3 months between 3rd and 4th DC.
Tbh,the only gap I was truly struggling with was the 11 year one as their needs were completely different and I think I missed a bit about my eldest boys being teenagers when I was preoccupied with newborn.
Other than that it was great.

MummyOfZog · 10/11/2020 11:25

DS is at school and is 4. #2 is due in June when DS will be almost 5. This is the age gap we wanted and aimed for. I wasn't ready to bring a baby into the mix when DS was a toddler but now he's at school I feel ready that as a family we can cope with it. DS still has the odd tantrum
And can push my buttons but he is so so so much more independent these days. I also couldn't face the prospect of having a baby at home with a toddler day in day out. I'm looking forward to quality time with baby when DS is at school in the week.

happyascarrie · 10/11/2020 11:33

DSons are 5, 3 and 10 months and we got all sort of comments about how we'd make a mistake having such gaps between them. DS5 loves helping with the baby and DS3 and 5 play together so nicely, both at an age where they can be slightly independent and understand that the baby often gets more time with me one on one. No issues with jealousy or sharing, even though DS5's reception teacher sat us down and told us how difficult life would be and how badly he'd react to baby...

ScatteredMama82 · 10/11/2020 11:38

I have 5 years between my sons. For me it was an ideal gap. DS1 started school when I was on maternity so I got to have days at home with DS2 having lots of cuddles, not feeling guilty about ignoring DS1. When he came home from school, it was 'his time' and DS2 would lay in his play mat or swing and actually was fascinated watching DS1 doing his thing.

They are now 6 and 11 and get on really well. DS1 is a great help with DS2. We also only had one awake in the night, not 2 at once as some people have with kids close together!

BeMorePacific · 10/11/2020 11:39

I have 4 years exactly between my 2 boys. We have only just had the 2nd baby 2 weeks ago.
I had a c ace so was in hospital the 1st 48 hrs. Once we got home, my husband took our 4 year old out for the day. I think that was a mistake as he was really upset, asking why I wasn’t there etc. I wish we’d have all just stayed in cuddled up watching films.
We had a few emotional days with my 4year old, but he is all sorted now ♥️X

Aiguablava · 10/11/2020 11:49

Theres 4 years between me and my sister. I always felt it was too much of a gap. I never really played with her, I showed her things and taught her but she wasn't really a playmate for me because she was so much younger we weren't interested in the same toys and games. She was quite irritating for me, I always felt I had to look after her and couldn't do the things I wanted because of her. I would have definitely prefered a smaller age gap.

pumpkinpie01 · 10/11/2020 11:50

I have 4 year gaps between my oldest 3 and it worked brilliantly, no jealousy, no double buggy , only one in nappies at a time.

EThreepwood · 10/11/2020 11:51

I have 2 DDs 4.5 years apart. They argue, wind each other up but they are like best friends too. They always want to do things together on the weekends and I can see them being great friends still as adults.

I'm having DS now and there's going to be a 10.5 and 6 year age gap... Now that's going to be interesting

EmilySpinach · 10/11/2020 11:52

Did you see the part where OP said that she is already pregnant, @Aiguablava?

There is a four year gap between my sister and me. We are very close, and always have been. There are 22 months between DH and his sibling and they aren’t close at all.

Lazypuppy · 10/11/2020 11:52

@Aiguablava i wouldn't really expect siblings with a 4 year age gap to be playmates though, not until they were much older.

My DD has loads of friends her own age, and same will be true for next baby.

If they do play together great, but i'm certainly not expecting them too really

Trinpy · 10/11/2020 12:17

I have just under 2 years age gap between my first 2 dcs and the will be a 5 year age gap between my youngest and dc3. Having experienced struggling with a baby and a toddler at the same time I would never do it again! The idea of being able to have 6.5 hours alone everyday with the baby while the older dcs are at school sounds like total bliss and will make for a much more enjoyable mat leave!

I suppose as with any sibling relationship you can encourage their friendship to some extent but if they don't get on they don't get on. Anecdotally though, I have a brother who is 5 years older than me and we have been best friends since childhood.

Ignore any comments from other people - everyone seems to have an opinion on everything when you're having a baby!

Scbchl · 10/11/2020 12:23

I have four years and ten months and it was honestly so easy. Eldest was at school so we had time to ourselves and she was great at grabbing anything I needed when I was sat breastfeeding and liked to help out with the baby. I also then have 3 years 3 months between 2 and 3 and it was as equally fine. They use to play loads when younger. Now they are 11 and 7 and fight like cat and dog because my daughter (11) is a complete horror to be honest.

FlowerTink · 10/11/2020 12:23

I have two DD's with a 4.5 year age gap. My baby is nearly a year and they have bonded right from the start. My eldest DD was so excited to be able to genuinely help out with looking after the baby (bringing you things, selecting a babygro for the baby) , loves showing her baby toys and singing her songs and is so delighted to show her off to people (pre-covid anyways!). They have baths and the bedtime routine together too which is lovely. I'm also able to drop the eldest at school and have the day with the baby too.

Flip

1 2