How to avoid assisted birth? Can i just say no?

[SunnySideUp2020]

So i am only in second trimester but started thinking about birth.
It's my first.
My pain threshold is good I'd say. But i am just terrified of being butchered down there with assisted birth (forceps vaccum). It's not so much the pain it's more the recovery and after.

I have anterior placenta which i read increases chances of needing tools.

So my question is how can i avoid it?
Is there something i can do? Not do? To reduce chances of needing it
During labour can i really decline it?

Any opinions or experiences welcome !

Thank you

[quote SunnySideUp2020]@Fruitloops34
I know but that's why i wonder if instead we can just go straight to emergency c section.[/quote]
I did this. They don't like it but we requested it. They had to agree. Best choice ever as in my situation it wouldn't have worked anyway and would've had an emergency section instead. For a lot of people assisted birth is preferred though :)

Have you done hypnobirthing? Gives you good toolkit to be confident and get the best out of your birth. Having epidural makes it more likely.

I was told that whilst you cannot prevent everything, the best thing you can do is to not have pain relief especially epidurals as they can cause you to not be as active in the birth. I had no pain relief and no stitches, hardly a representative sample but my experience. If you need assistance though, you need to realise they only intervene because it's needed, don't refuse.

[quote SunnySideUp2020]@sunflowershine
Sorry to hear about your experience, it sounds like you both have been through a lot. Unfortunately this is what i had heard before and what made me really look into my options and really start to educate myself on the subject (hence this thread).Instead of just going with the flow on the day. Thanks for sharing.

@CoalCraft
From the people i know c section recovery has been longer in terms of being able to resume daily activities and being able to care for your baby by yourself. Or sometimes caused haemorrhage. But rarely resulted in long term issues or trauma like some assisted birth have. Again, that's just based on people around me.[/quote]
I completely agree. Read up on everything so you know why things might happen and when so you know what you want to do. Then at the time you can go with your gut (but have logic attached). It is your birth and dont feel ashamed either way.

Sorry, excuse my ignorance, but wouldn't recovery from a c section be worse than from an assisted delivery? A c section is a pretty major surgery, no?

They tried forceps to get dc1 out as he was on the lower side of mid pelvis, that failed and he was delivered by emcs. The bruising (no cuts or tears) from the forceps hurt more than my section wound. I was walking by myself the length of the hospital within 24 hours to get to nicu and had no pain relief beyond theatre.

I consented to the forceps because they weren't sure how easy he'd be to get via section. Apparently I have a suboptimal pelvis and he had a giant head (as do all dh's family).

I only dilated to 4-5cm even with the drip, and had an epidural. Ds was becoming a bit fed up and kept dipping his heart rate with contractions and got to the stage where he needed to come pretty soon. The registrar wanted me to consider an instrumental delivery but I refused and opted for an emcs. No pressure beyond being asked to consider instruments but I was clear - for me I wanted baby to come out, not anything to go in! Dh was also aware of my wishes and trusted that I was able to make decisions regarding my own body so could advocate as well. Obviously if for any reason a c section wasn't a safe option or it was too late I would have accepted whatever was necessary to keep ds safe.

Fwiw I had a brilliant c section recovery and was walking round town on day 5.

[quote SunnySideUp2020]@Fruitloops34
I know but that's why i wonder if instead we can just go straight to emergency c section.[/quote]
Sometimes they need to get baby out quickly. An emergency section isn't that quick, they'd need to place a spinal block (or give you a general anaesthetic) prep you, scrub up etc.

@SunnySideUp2020 stop listening to other people's horror stories. If anyone tries to tell you theirs just say "I don't want to hear this at the moment" or similar. Also, I have watched some natural births on youtube and the contrast to all the screaming and shouting and drama on one born every minute is amazing. It doesn't have to be like that.

I signed up for the positive birth company online course (£39) and this really helped revise my concept of labour. It is based around hypnobirthing but goes over how to make any birth situation more positive and how you can make informed decisions. It also give you access to their Facebook group were women post their positive birth stories up, and there is an array of them from natural births to c sections. I found these really uplifting to read. People are so fast to tell their negative stories that the good ones do get lost.

I've just read Give Birth Like A Feminist and it is an eye-opener with regard to how accepting we all are that the woman's preferences and experience are the least important thing in the whole process.

Most of us probably would agree that we would do anything to ensure a healthy baby. But having an informed choice in the matter and being treated like an actual person is very different to having all your concerns dismissed with eye-rolling and being told "A healthy baby is all that matters".

It's incredibly traumatising for some people to have felt that things are being done to them against their wishes and at possibly the most vulnerable time in their lives. I see the aftermath of that in my job all the time, as well as how women who have been affected are often reluctant to seek help because everyone around them is still pushing the "well, the baby's all right and that the main thing" narrative.

There is nothing wrong with making your preferences known and saying no to things you are sure you don't want. That doesn't make you a precious snowflake and it doesn't make you selfish. The best thing you can do is go in informed about your options, have plenty of conversations about it and have a sense of what you would do in a Plan B, C D etc situation!

I don't think it's about not listening to horror stories. The OP didn't come here and ask for people's positive experiences of assisted births - she asked for how to avoid and has expressed a wish to educate herself on her options.

What currently happens in antenatal care is woman are not furnished with all of the information, the pros and cons of all types of births. Women are bombarded with risk information of c sections but not provided with the risk of vaginal births, assisted births included.

We don't need to coddle mothers to be in kid gloves. If they choose to seek out the positive stories because they feel anxious then fine and it is inherently unkind to start telling 'horror stories' to women who express a preference not to hear it. But someone who is looking for information, a balanced view shouldn't be told 'there there dear, you don't need to hear that'. It's deeply patronising. Burying your head in the sand about what can and does happen during birth doesn't help women. Women absolutely need to have all information freely available to them in order to make informed choices about their bodies. They are not the babies here!

@RubaiyatOfAnyone

My first (vaginal) birth was a cluster fuck with pre-eclampsia, induction, ventouse, episiotomy, pph, retained placenta, secondary pph, blood poisoning and all my veins shutting down ending up needing a central line and 2 additional weeks in hospital. BUT... One positive i remember is how respectful the surgical team were of my wishes. When the induction didn’t progress, they said the next steps were ventouse, then forceps. I said i wasn’t happy with forceps and if no progress after 3 ventouse attempts please could we go straight to csection and they said absolutely and wrote it down in my birth notes. That did a lot to reassure me that i was being listened to and still had agency despite all the crap.

I think your post is a perfect example of things don’t always go to plan and that it’s important to keep an open mind and go with the flow of what you’re advised by your medical team. I’m glad you were listened to, which is crucial.

@sunflowershine

I don't think it's about not listening to horror stories. The OP didn't come here and ask for people's positive experiences of assisted births - she asked for how to avoid and has expressed a wish to educate herself on her options.

What currently happens in antenatal care is woman are not furnished with all of the information, the pros and cons of all types of births. Women are bombarded with risk information of c sections but not provided with the risk of vaginal births, assisted births included.

We don't need to coddle mothers to be in kid gloves. If they choose to seek out the positive stories because they feel anxious then fine and it is inherently unkind to start telling 'horror stories' to women who express a preference not to hear it. But someone who is looking for information, a balanced view shouldn't be told 'there there dear, you don't need to hear that'. It's deeply patronising. Burying your head in the sand about what can and does happen during birth doesn't help women. Women absolutely need to have all information freely available to them in order to make informed choices about their bodies. They are not the babies here!

I agree. I think women need to hear all the risks and hear a variety of stories.

I was induced used prostaglandin gel, a process I was led to believe would likely take days. This was not the case, my contractions came fast and hard and I panicked and didn't know how to cope so ended up screaming the place down.
Had I known it could have gone this quick I would have prepared and maybe reacted a little different.

I had anterior placenta.

Look up pregnancy perineal massage. I didn't need any intervention. Did this for a month before birth.

I put off kids for a long time due to fear and generally being grossed out by the concept of birth (immature I know) I had sweats at the thought of episiotomies and forceps so of course needed both with ds1 delivery as he was in distress and I caught an infection - when it came down to it they told me what needed done and I let them without thought

Likewise ds2 ended up emcs and when it was advised off we went to theatre (and found the recovery easier tbh)

I became very matter of fact and functional both times which was a surprise to me I think it might be quite common

@CoalCraft

Sorry, excuse my ignorance, but wouldn't recovery from a c section be worse than from an assisted delivery? A c section is a pretty major surgery, no?

I had a planned section as my baby was breach. It was absolutely fine. I discharged myself after two nights and was walking around town by the end of the week. I’ve nothing to compare it with though as I never managed to get pregnant again.

Recovering from a hysterectomy through the same scar was a whole other story.

[quote SunnySideUp2020]@Fruitloops34
I know but that's why i wonder if instead we can just go straight to emergency c section.[/quote]
You can of course avoid intervention unless absolutely necessary. Having had an emcs 8 weeks ago, I'd far rather have had forceps as I almost died during my procedure. An emcs can have very serious consequences. For reference, I pushed, had attempted ventouse and then it progressed to emcs.