How to avoid assisted birth? Can i just say no?

[SunnySideUp2020]

So i am only in second trimester but started thinking about birth.
It's my first.
My pain threshold is good I'd say. But i am just terrified of being butchered down there with assisted birth (forceps vaccum). It's not so much the pain it's more the recovery and after.

I have anterior placenta which i read increases chances of needing tools.

So my question is how can i avoid it?
Is there something i can do? Not do? To reduce chances of needing it
During labour can i really decline it?

Any opinions or experiences welcome !

Thank you

I'll be doing the same OP. I feel exactly as you do.

Do women who say they would rather tear naturally know what a 3rd degree tear can actually mean? I had one and would not reccommend it!

Agreed @Anoisagusaris. I also flinch slightly when people say the only thing that matters is that the baby is delivered safely. Completely negates the woman’s experience.

Thank you so much everyone for sharing!
It is so helpful to read all this.
I don't have anything against medical intervention but i think the post partum horror stories i heard due to assisted delivery really made me concerned. My birth plan initially was just to get my baby girl out safely.
I would go for episiotomy instead of natural tearing but somehow i am very scared of tools being shoved in there and pulling down baby and damaging.
Obviously if there is an immediate danger to either of us i would not refuse, but i will definitely talk to my MW about this. Even if it means no epidural to push more efficiently.
Will also look up perineum massage as a poster suggested.

I’m 37 weeks and doing the positive birth company hypnobirthing to try and help me overcome my fears of birth. I really don’t like the term “birth plan”, I’ve thought of mine as more like preferences. I’m definitely going to be open minded.

@Anoisagusaris

Do women who say they would rather tear naturally know what a 3rd degree tear can actually mean? I had one and would not reccommend it!

I dont think they do. I had a 2nd degree tear ( no intervention at delivery) and it was very very painful. 4 different people had to put a finger up my bum to determine how I'd torn (consultant said it would be a 2.5 degree if such a thing existed ). Took ages to heal and 4 years later I need to be very turned on for sex not to feel uncomfortable, things are obviously different down there, dread to think what a third degree is like when I consider how mine felt.

@ivftake1
A homebirth is not dangerous. It is just as safe as birth in a hospital. But with fewer interventions because they are not used unless absolutely necessary. In which case you’d transfer to a hospital.
Go read the research.

Sorry I haven't read the replies to your thread but wanted to add my two cents..

The thing is, you can refuse to consent to medical treatment, and there are lots of reasons to objectively not want an assisted birth.

However, the circumstances in which they suggest assistance will not be without good reason to do so, generally speaking.

At the same time, some doctors and especially consultants are quite trigger happy as their priority is safe healthy baby, always. With my second child I was nearly rushed off for a c section. It was completely unnecessary, but they did not want to leave it up to chance at all. Baby turned out to he born about 15 minutes later and everything was absolutely fine.

So I would really push for informed consent, but again in the apex of labour it can be very difficult to weigh up your options logically. I was nearly given assistance to deliver my first, as I was at the end of my strength, and despite also being very very against assisted births I would have done anything at that point to have it over with.

There are just so many factors at play when it comes to birth. Your body, your baby, how you labour, yot midwife, your doctors, every combination can result in different scenarios playing out.

I'd say the best way to try and manage the situation is to make your preferences known, discuss them with you midwife on multiple occasions, discuss them in early labour if possible, and most of all, do everything in your power you can to avoid an assisted birth. So follow all the advice like active labour, date eating, staying hydrated, everything you can.

Hopefully you will not need an assisted birth, but I wouldn't let it become the focus of your pregnancy and labour. Best of luck :)

@Anoisagusaris

Do women who say they would rather tear naturally know what a 3rd degree tear can actually mean? I had one and would not reccommend it!

I had a third degree tear with my first baby. I didn't tear at all with my second - felt just the same. Both me and midwife were surprised when there was no tear second time around (she delivered my first and stitched me up after)

Recovery from no tear was easier for sure but I was one of the lucky ones. My tear has left no lasting damage.

I've had two labours with intervention, both inductions, one forceps, traumatic because I am hypersensitive to the induction drugs which end up causing top-end contractions every 20 seconds for hours with no result but do put baby in distress. I can honestly say the most important thing is communication with the team who are caring for you..with my first I had awful communication, they didn't even talk to me. Second time around I made DH stay at home so they all actually spoke to me, it was painful but so much better! So the intervention stuff is kind of a red herring, it's.not that that makes it traumatic, it's communication and feeling like you're informed and in control

I'm 12w and really wish I hadn't read this thread. I'll be crossing my legs and pretending it's not happening.

If your sex life is better than mundane and really important to you OP and you know it would make you feel awful when your husband goes south if you were a mess afterwards then ask about the section! The idea of never looking down there ...It can really impact on self esteem to have damaged bits and water works. Find out the risks of all options.

There's lots of things you can do in terms of getting the baby in a good position, staying active and upright in labour, not having an epidural that can reduce you needing intervention.

However, if you need assistance you need it - try not to worry too much about it. I've had two episiotomies (no pain, healed fine) and a forceps birth (also fine!) and don't feel like I was butchered.

You have a right to refuse but please accept the seriousness of any decision. No woman wants forceps or any other intervention but often it will be to save you or your baby's life. I had a brutal forceps delivery with my first and ventous with my second. It does do you damage but I can assure you, you get over it. Your body heals and you recover. Best of luck.

If your sex life is better than mundane and really important to you OP and you know it would make you feel awful when your husband goes south if you were a mess afterwards then ask about the section!

I haven't had a natural birth so can't comment on that side of things but following both sections I couldn't have sex for about 6 months and it wasn't completely normal until 9 months or so. It was just too tight and painful. I genuinely didn't know it was a 'thing' to have painful sex after a C section but luckily there was a thread on here after my daughter was born with others having the same experience.

I had forceps without epidural and I think it made a difference with pushing 100%.

My only issue was they used the legal maximum of local on me and large parts of me had to be stitched without anesthetic. Looking back, only thing I would've changed was being more forceful and making them give me a spinal for stitches. Longest two hours of my life.

I had a difficult delivery that ended up with forceps - my other option was a section but they would have needed to push DD back up to get her out so my vagina was being ruined either way! I think I've been particularly unlucky in terms of recovery and pain afterwards but I'm largely fine and DD is absolutely fine. I absolutely did not want forceps but when you're there in the moment its incredibly tough to know what to do. Despite a lengthy recovery overall I was back driving in a couple of weeks and could get round with the pram fairly swiftly - due my second by planned section soon and I'm really starting to dread the idea of not being able to drive for weeks and having to be careful lifting etc which is hard with a toddler.

Despite the many varied and different births of all my friends, the vast majority healed pretty quickly. The problem with giving birth is you just can't know how it'll go, you can only do your research and make sure you can either advocate for yourself or have a good birth partner to support and advocate for you.

Hi OP

I have just had my first baby and felt the same way as you do. My advice would be to write a birth plan so you have a clear idea of what you would like but be prepared that it may change. Go for a midwife led unit if you can because they're less likely to intervene. I had a very small tear I didn't notice and gave birth unassisted except for gas and air and pethidine. Best of luck - and don't stress too much. Your body WILL know what to do and when it comes to it.

Also - perineal massage. It works.

Depending on who/how many people you ask you will get good and bad stories from everyone. Even if you had had one baby the next birth could be totally different.
The best thing you can do is to read as much as you can to be prepared and aware so that you know what is happening at the time.
But honestly when it comes to it you just want a healthy baby. There can be problems caused by doing and not doing each option.
My issue with one was, new midwife, baby was back to back but not told to me. She didn't help me at all, was present but kind of left me to it. When it came to pushing I kept saying I could not push baby out but she wouldn't listen. Baby just wasn't moving. She either didn't notice or did tell me the shoulders we stuck and she didn't notice the cord round the neck. A doctor kept hovering by popping her head through the door and ended up stepping in and mayhem happened. I wasn't told what was happening, (didn't know about shoulder or cord) put flat on my back, told I was being cut and there was no waiting about the doctor physically (with her hands!) pulled the baby out. There was no asking. Luckily baby and I was ok but I was so scared as nothing was told to me till afterwards when baby was breathing

I was the same op - really really didn’t want assisted delivery (well nobody wants it, but you know what I mean!) but ended up with forceps.

In the moment you will only care that your baby arrives safely and whilst it wasn’t great it also wasn’t as bad and I’ve healed well afterwards - it took time but it’s ok.

We only knew I needed forceps when it would have been too late for emcs without having to try and pull baby back up - a friend who experienced this made me glad we managed it without needing this.

It’s hard to believe til you’re in it but you will be ok if it comes to assisted delivery.
Good luck x

Honestly OP, by the time you get to the point of needing intervention you won't care. You'll do anything to get that baby out. If the midwife had said the local farmer was coming with his tractor and a rope I would have agreed to it. With an epidural you won't feel a thing. I heeled wonderfully after the episiotomy - out and about within days (albeit short walks!).

Weird that you are using the term “butchered” for a tool being used to assist baby coming out when, in fact, a c-section is literally cutting you open and more deserving of the word.

Very many women give birth with the assistance of forceps. They have their place. Likening it to being assaulted is not kind or tactful - especially if you are a first-time mother and have no clue what your own birth situation will be like. You may be very glad of forceps when they save your baby’s life.

Equally your thread risks putting fear into pregnant women who will now write on their birth plans “no forceps” because they read on Mumsnet how “damaging” they are.

I hate this “as long as the baby’s safe, that’s all that matters.” No, it bloody isn’t, and it’s so dismissive of what many women go through.

"I know but that's why i wonder if instead we can just go straight to emergency c section"

There are plenty of scenarios when, by the time it's realised that an assisted delivery is needed, it's too late for a c-section.

Try not to worry, many births are straightforward and technology / medical imo these days is amazing. I had a positive birth experience. I have friends who needed an assisted delivery and it was honestly essential to get the baby out safely.