Giving birth in lockdown

[bleachblondemom]

How does everyone else feel about potentially giving birth in lockdown? I’m due 2nd Dec when lockdown ‘supposedly’ ends so is a chance I could have it by then. My biggest worry has always been about spending a big chunk of labour in hospital on my own until my OH is allowed in (which is a completely stupid bullshit rule that makes zero sense but I won’t go off on that now).
But everyone else around me is just going on and on about visitations and how it affects them. I get that it’s upsetting for grandparents to not be able to see their new grandchild for a couple of weeks or a few weeks but it’s really getting on my nerves. Yesterday we were at my in-laws (in the garden, following the rules) and my MIL just kept going on and on about how nothing was going to stop her from seeing the baby. I said, if I have it in the next 4 weeks, we cannot have visitors, in the house or the garden. That’s the rules for 4 weeks, I can’t do anything about it. But she wouldn’t listen. Just kept thinking of ways to try and get round it. Sorry but no I don’t want to come and fucking meet you in a car park when I’ve just given birth, I want to stay at home.
And then I’ve had my mom on the phone this morning crying because she might not be able to see the baby. Again, I get that it’s not ideal, but a few weeks isn’t going to make any difference in the long term. I feel like I’m having to be a bitch and keep saying there’s no point in worrying about it now as we don’t know what the situation will be when I actually have the baby, and there’s nothing we can do about it. If I’m not allowed visitors, then that’s that. It fucking sucks but I’m not stressing myself out bending the rules to make other people happy, it’s about time we all took this seriously instead of thinking we’re invincible.
A part of my secretly thinks it’d be quite nice to be left alone for a couple of weeks without constant visitors! But then I’ll just get people constantly ringing me and video calling me every damn day. I can’t win basically, and I feel like no ones listening to me.

Honestly, this is crap you shouldn't be dealing with. I'd be getting my oh to field and deflect shit like this. He needs to step up and step in. You don't need this aggro or this stress right now.

Too many damn 'what ifs'. At this moment in time, their worries are their problems. You need to be a bit more selfish and self-preserving right now.

Well I know someone who's about to have hers anytime now and she has already said she will sneak her mum in and her partners mum in so I guess people will be doing this anyway

I am due tomorrow. Currently bopping on a ball trying to bring on labour before thursday.

Honestly, there are too many what ifs. I spent yesterday crying too, but I resigned myself last night that things will be the way they are. If I have to do labour on my own, I will do it. I will have to do it. If I have to be alone after DD is born, I am ok with that. I actually sent DH home after DD1 was born and was perfectly happy on the ward with my newborn until DH came to bring us home. With parents, we will be sneaking my inlaws in to meet the baby, and my parents might fly over from ireland to meet her before December. My mom is pretty determined to come. My dad wfh, and my mom gets coronavirus tests every 2 weeks for her job, so they will be in the clear virus wise.

We can cry, and be upset, and that's completely ok. But we also have to be tough and just keep in mind that this is a blip of time compared to a lifetime with our kid. Our job is to make sure baby is ok, and once that happens, everything else is secondary. We will get through it. All we can do is try our best to keep a level head (although easier said than done).

If other people want to break the rules that’s their decision but I really don’t feel comfortable with it. You aren’t allowed visitors. As soon as people turn up outside your house and proceed to enter, it’s pretty obvious to everyone else that you’re having visitors. Can’t pretend to be meeting in the garden either as that’s not allowed.
Anyway, I’m not even guaranteed to have the baby in the next 4 weeks. It’s annoying me how everyone’s jumping straight to that conclusion and projecting their feelings on to me. Sorry you’re upset, stop making me feel like I have any control over it. My mom keeps saying ‘I don’t care about anyone else I care about you’ but then not actually listening to me about how I feel.
I basically just want everyone to stop going on about it and wait until the baby is actually born, then me and my OH will make the decision!
Btw please don’t assume my OH is just sitting back and letting me deal with this on my own, that’s not fair, he is saying exactly the same thing as me and promised me last night that he will deal with overbearing relatives and stand up for me (which he does anyway of course).

Sorry for being in a foul mood I just needed to rant.

@SqidgeBum good luck, hope the plan works!!! :D

I gave birth in August and was in a localised lockdown.

My mum and dad are fairly local but the opposite side of the county line so weren't under lockdown. I had lots of "jokes" from my mum of her turning up to stare at the baby through the living room window. I told her that under no circumstances was I turning my daughter into a zoo animal. We let them come and drop of some presents, they left them by the front door and then stood back and we opened the front door so they could see my daughter from a distance. She was warned it was a one time offer.

My little one is now 12 weeks and has seen one set of grandparents for 4 days when they were able to visit during a brief repreive in restrictions and my family half a dozen times.

I have had to be really firm with my mum it's the only way.

@Superscientist yeah I’m gonna have to be as well 😔 she’s just so over dramatic it does my head in sometimes

Gave birth a couple of weeks ago and DH could only come in when I was moved to my labour room.

Even in a normal situation I would tell you to control the influx of visitors and how long they stay. Make your DH your conspirator and have a secret signal to let him know to push people out of the door

I'm due 17th nov and in a way secretly glad if the lock down as with my first I found everyone just piled round to my house and just sat in my sofa and stared at me, no one offered to make their own cups of tea or clean etc just wanted a photo of the baby and then they'd leave. So this time round I'm quite glad people
Won't be able to do this for at least a few weeks and give me sone time to rest up. Partners are allowed in once in labour so I'm personally not too worried xx

@sarahc336 I know exactly where you’re coming from. I quite like the idea of not having an audience for those first couple of weeks whilst I’m still learning what to do with a newborn. We’re gonna have to just be really firm with people, It would just be a lot less stressful if people would actually listen to me and understand instead of just ignoring me and saying no I’m definitely coming over

@grey12 it’s such a stupid rule, i don’t get it at all. We are in the same household so what difference does it make. It’s not like he’s gonna go wandering around breathing on everyone, he’ll be stuck to my side like glue. I’m just really hoping the baby isn’t so early/late that they want me to go in and stay to be monitored, or induced. I want to stay at home for as long as possible.

I know what you mean. I'll very very likely give birth in next four weeks, and it might need to be alone. Either way we won't be able to have any visitors until at least Dec 3rd which I realise is very hard for relatives.

I actually feel fine about it all and so does DH, but it would be so lovely if one of those relatives stopped for a minute and asked how I was finding it all, was I worried about it and was I ok etc instead of only saying how sad it will be for them. Likewise DH will be back at work straight after so I'll be looking after a toddler and baby every day until after their bedtime without support and again I feel prepared and ok, but I'd secretly love it if someone said something kind and encouraging about it or at least showed they cared!

@bleachblondemom I think just stick to your guns and say no, I can't think of anything worse than deadline with a new born with covid 😟😟 just for the sake of the mil wanting a photo when in reality I'm sure they can wait a couple of weeks for safety reasons. They wouldn't be the ones caring for an I'll need born would they, that's kind of my stance on it plus the added bonus of not having to deal with as you said the audience that you tend to get when you first have a baby. Xx

I’m due 8th Dec and likely to have baby by then as they want to induce early. I won’t be stopping grandparents from seeing baby. My mum works in a supermarket but she will help with older kids and get any shopping etc we might need so I wouldn’t say she cannot come to house to see and hold baby. And because we will allow my mum I could then stop partners mum and step dad from coming. Partners grandparents also live close by and are fed up of pandemic but excited about having another great grandchild so not gonna take that away from them and will take baby round to visit. Life is just too short and will keep as sensible as possible but will not ban anyone from meeting their grandchild.

If leave them to it personally. They can voice whatever intentions they have to whoever they want but ultimately you don't have to answer the door or the phone. Sometimes it's just easier to let it go than keep fighting the battle of them insisting they're coming to visit - but you'll still know that they can show up but you're in control of who enters your house and if the door is locked, what are they gonna do??!!

I am almost certainly going to have our baby during this lockdown. I don’t think my PIL know when the baby is due (our first was born at 43+1 and we got so fed up of people asking us if we’d had a baby that we have never disclosed the due dates of our other DC). I have planned a home birth so my only concern is that a nosey neighbour will see that one day we clearly have a number of ‘visitors’ (that’ll be the midwives...I might make a sign for the door).
My parents used to live overseas so are used to not seeing the baby the second it’s born. Last time they flew home, had a quick baby snuggle and took the bigger DC’s out for a meal. After filling our fridge with delicious food they stayed with my brother 90 mins away for the rest of the week. They won’t bat an eyelid if they can’t see the new one until Christmas.
I’ll leave DH to deal with my PIL. They are divorced so it’s MIL (who doesn’t drive) and FIL and his wife. They don’t live particularly nearby so shouldn’t turn up unannounced. I expect they’ll have to be content with a FaceTime or Zoom (of just DH, DC’s and baby. I plan on staying in bed for a few weeks being my usual grumpy self).
It’s a sucky time to have a baby, particularly a first. Just think how excited you’ll be to show off the baby to the supermarket delivery person!

Same here I get a bit nervous of breaking the rules, (I like to stick to them) however i feel that the grandparents think that their right to see the baby trumps the rules and will be visiting any way or blackmail us in to meeting when I dont want to break the rules. I'm due in 11 days and I cant see my baby making an appearance before Thursday. I dont want to be sat outside in the cold when I'm recovering, I equally dont want to be exposed to the virus because everyone cant wait a few weeks to meet the baby. I know its crap but those are the rules, were lucky enough to have video calling and can share pictures.

From the labour perspective I didn't find it too bad. My waters went before I went into labour, I attended triage twice on my own. The first time to check my waters had gone and to book an induction for the next day (infection risk) and a second time to check if I was in active labour once contractions were 60 seconds long and 3 in 10 minutes. I was only 2 cm so sent home.
The third time I went in, I went straight to the midwife unit my partner was allowed in with me regardless but I was 10 cm so if we were on the Dr unit he would have been let in anyway

Wow your family sound selfish and unreasonable and shouldn’t be making this all about them! Your OH needs to handle his side, glad to hear he will not be able to stand up for them. Definitely don’t tell any of them when you’re in labour.

No public servant will stop my parents or my partners parents from seeing their grandchild.

My baby is coming out tomorrow by c section. I’m the opposite, lockdown has made me pretty down. Sometimes you can imagine it all bliss, but those first few weeks with a newborn are really hard. MIL and mum were amazing last time with coming to help, making sure we’ve all got hot fresh food and helping around the house. Seeing my friends for moral support as baby had loads of feeding issues first time round and it was really emotional. This time all of it be on DH.

@peachypetite that’s a bit harsh, they don’t mean to be selfish. They’re just emotionally invested in their unborn grandchild. I just wish they’d calm down a little bit.

@Pesimistic exactly the rules are there for a reason and we need to start taking them seriously if we want to stop having bloody lockdowns! I said to my mom earlier, I’m not the only woman having a baby in lockdown. Thousands of others are in the same position. You aren’t the only grandparents that’ll be delayed meeting their grandchild. We’ll all get over it.

I am due in March, but I have already talked to my hubby about it. I'm pretty sure COVID will still be around and I am confident that I just want my husband and I in that delivery room, and I will be making it very clear that we will be wanting some privacy afterwards. I understand they want to see the baby and all, but it is me and my husband's baby.. not their's and they will have to wait their turn until WE say it is okay. There have been too many articles out with babies contracting COVID after they are born, and I know people who have died from it.. so yes, they will not be happy about it, but they will not be crowding me or our little family.